Some Questions

[Purple-Haze]

No, if we break up he caused it because he is acting like a childish prick!

Exactly. His action (silence and not talking about something that is clearly bothering him) over a period of time, over and over again =s a very unhappy partner.

 

[ketostix]

Do you care to elaborate?

I already did in your original thread. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

 

[Purple-Haze]

Stop trying to get people on your side. Just because you want to put your female interpretation on the DBJ doesn't make it correct.

I don't care to get anyone on my side. That was never my aim.

You keep posting in this thread, trying to drive home a point that I don't agree with. I've conceded on some points, but not on others. You think by repeating the same stuff in different words, that I'll somehow agree with you.

I am not putting my interpretation on anything. I choose to look at some of the stronger posters to give me a true sense of what this whole DJ thing is all about. I won't name names b/c you'll accuse me of kissing a$$... They tell you to be a whole man - to think for yourself and be your own man (embracing your mental health and physical health).

What kind of REAL man sits on his a$$ and behaves passively when his gf asks him what's wrong? Lishy is trying to get him to talk to her and he refuses to. He is not a baby. He can speak up and tell her what the hell is on his mind.

So you're telling me that this is a DJ? That you and other posters on here would agree that this is DESIRABLE behaviour? That this sort of thing will attract a worthy mate?

 

[Purple-Haze]

I wish I was complaining about my bf being too mature and me being a bit testy, at least I could do something about it

I would be so upset if we split over this stupidness but that is where it is headed!

He is communicating COVERTLY. He is doing the very thing that men here admonish - he is being a little priss and not telling you what is really on his mind.

But don't let the SS stuff sway you either way Lish. Sit down and think about what you want - how you want to live and with whom.

 

[Purple-Haze]

Damn sorry PH I have taken over your thread!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry

No Lish, it's OK. I got enough feedback to give me things to think about.

You can do as you please.

I think this is important - this point about men communicating covertly as a way of getting some kind of result. I wonder if the guys will address this or not.

 

[Luthor Rex]

What kind of REAL man sits on his a$$ and behaves passively when his gf asks him what's wrong? Lishy is trying to get him to talk to her and he refuses to. He is not a baby. He can speak up and tell her what the hell is on his mind.

Maybe he's not ready to yet because he finds it hard to put into words. Maybe he won't because, whatever the issue, he knows he can't talk about it without getting angry. Maybe he won't say anything because he knows how Lishy will react and he's not sure what to do about that part yet.

No woman has the right to the contents of our minds. We will tell you what we want to tell you when we want to tell you and not a moment before. You choose to let it drive you crazy and that's just not our problem.

 

[ketostix]

Maybe he's not ready to yet because he finds it hard to put into words. Maybe he won't because, whatever the issue, he knows he can't talk about it without getting angry. Maybe he won't say anything because he knows how Lishy will react and he's not sure what to do about that part yet.

No woman has the right to the contents of our minds. We will tell you what we want to tell you when we want to tell you and not a moment before. You choose to let it drive you crazy and that's just not our problem.

Exactly and also maybe as I already explained to these two silly girls Lishy and Purple that he knows expressing that he doesn't want her to go out and saying why he doesn't want her to go out is futile and counterproductive. Just like it's futile and couterproductive for me to explain that in elementary concepts to them and they still don't get it.

 

[Purple-Haze]

Maybe he's not ready to yet because he finds it hard to put into words. Maybe he won't because, whatever the issue, he knows he can't talk about it without getting angry. Maybe he won't say anything because he knows how Lishy will react and he's not sure what to do about that part yet.

No woman has the right to the contents of our minds. We will tell you what we want to tell you when we want to tell you and not a moment before. You choose to let it drive you crazy and that's just not our problem.

Let's keep the discussion to Lishy's particular example. So you are saying it's is OK for a man or woman to refrain from sharing pertinent information to the detriment of the relationship?

In this case, she has asked him many times and has been met with silence or the "nothing's the matter" facade.

Tell me, if a woman were to act like this, how would you advise a fellow brother?

 

[Purple-Haze]

Exactly and also maybe as I already explained to these two silly girls Lishy and Purple that he knows expressing that he doesn't want her to go out and saying why he doesn't want her to go out is futile and counterproductive. Just like it's futile and couterproductive for me to explain that in elementary concepts to them and they still don't get it.

Stop being silly or I'll tell on you (I'll pull your hair and push your face into the sandbox too). Tehe.

I already told you keto, that I agree with SOME but not all. So he's not a real man then because he is afraid of her reaction - so she has the power. He is giving her control of his actions.

Would you agree on that?

 

[ketostix]

Stop being silly or I'll tell on you (I'll pull your hair and push your face into the sandbox).

I already told you keto, that I agree with SOME but not all. So he's not a real man then because he is afraid of her reaction - so she has the power. He is giving her control of his actions.

Would you agree on that?

No I would not agree. He would give her the power by giving her what she wants and is not getting, a bunch of talking about the issue. Instead he's giving her a short sentence of solitary confinement. It's awesome .

 

[Purple-Haze]

No I would not agree. He would give her the power by giving her what she wants and is not getting, a bunch of talking about the issue. Instead he's giving her a short sentence of solitary confinement. It's awesome .

But he's risking losing her.

I didn't know you guys were proponents of being passive. Hmm.

 

[ketostix]

But he's risking losing her.

I didn't know you guys were proponents of being passive. Hmm.

Well if she rather go to the bar than stop so be it . Maybe he wants to lose her.

 

[Purple-Haze]

Well if she rather go to the bar than stop so be it . Maybe he wants to lose her.

OK keto, you've made your point. You think he's right in going silent (b/c he doesn't like her going out with her friends), you think this is perfectly acceptable behaviour (him remaining silent despite attempts on her part to talk to him about it). You think this makes him a man.

Fine. Let's agree to disagree. Unless someone else makes a post here, I shall lay down my sword and crown you victor by default.

Toodles.

 

[jophil28]

No, if we break up he caused it because he is acting like a childish prick!

I read most of this thread, Purple H, and you have used it to created a huge amount of attention for yourself from the guys here - 10 pages so far. In fact you real motivation in posting was.. *drum roll *.. ATTENTION !

You are failing in your adolescent games with your B/f who is cool enough to rise above your stupid pranks.,,and you came here to feed your addiction to drama and attention instead ,and it worked - 10 pages, with most of the guys here getting sucked in.

Perhaps you might like to drop in to LoveShack soon and start this "debate" over. There are numerous silly women over there who will feed your huge infantile ego needs.

 

[ketostix]

OK keto, you've made your point. You think he's right in going silent (b/c he doesn't like her going out with her friends), you think this is perfectly acceptable behaviour (him remaining silent despite attempts on her part to talk to him about it). You think this makes him a man.

Fine. Let's agree to disagree. Unless someone else makes a post here, I shall lay down my sword and crown you victor by default.

Toodles.

That's not what I said. I said if he doesn't want her going to bars alone with her girls, then there's no other way he can reasonable he could respond to her doing it other than just accepting it. I never said the reason he was going silent was a vailed reason to or not. I just said it's a valid way to go if you are unwilling to accept the behavior you object to. There's nothing to talk about, Lishy can either tell him she's not going to do it anymore or if not wait it out.

 

[ketostix]

I read most of this thread, Purple H, and you have used it to created a huge amount of attention for yourself from the guys here - 10 pages so far. In fact you real motivation in posting was.. *drum roll *.. ATTENTION !

You are failing in your adolescent games with your B/f who is cool enough to rise above your stupid pranks.,,and you came here to feed your addiction to drama and attention instead ,and it worked - 10 pages, with most of the guys here getting sucked in.

Perhaps you might like to drop in to LoveShack soon and start this "debate" over. There are numerous silly women over there who will feed your huge infantile ego needs.

I knew she was doing that Jophil but when I first clicked on this thread it was already up to 6 pages so I thought I might as well have fun with it. Can't really say it was all that fun though .

 

[Luthor Rex]

Let's keep the discussion to Lishy's particular example. So you are saying it's is OK for a man or woman to refrain from sharing pertinent information to the detriment of the relationship?

In this case, she has asked him many times and has been met with silence or the "nothing's the matter" facade.

Tell me, if a woman were to act like this, how would you advise a fellow brother?

Well to keep with Lishy's particular example...

He knows it bothers him and he also knows that saying anything about it won't change anything. I guess he values the relationship enough for it to not be a deal-breaker, but it still p!sses him off. So really, what's the point of bringing it up? It's not like there is some mystery here, she knows he doesn't like it (for whatever reason), but at the same time doesn't b!tch about it. Sounds like she's the one that needs to get over it.

With one of my ex's, a girl's night out would have bothered me because some of her friends were Grade-A Tramp Stamped s!uts in the city. She even told me she wouldn't let me meet one of them until 'our relationship was more secure' because the girl was "s!utty enough to steal her friend's boyfriends". I don't know in what world that it makes sense to have friends like that, but oh well. Should have never dated the girl to start with like I first thought.

Anyhow, what it really comes down to is trust. I know other women who have girls nights, but all of the men in relationships with them are ok with it because of the good company they keep. I suspect Lishy may not keep the best company.

 

[Luthor Rex]

OK keto, you've made your point. You think he's right in going silent (b/c he doesn't like her going out with her friends), you think this is perfectly acceptable behaviour (him remaining silent despite attempts on her part to talk to him about it). You think this makes him a man.

I guess another way to put it is this: What would change if they talked about it? Either nothing would change or they would break up, I really don't see her saying "you're right dear, I do have trashy friends".

Another way to look at it is this: I don't believe in gender-separation like a lot of people seem to. The last time I was out with some old friends, one of them brought his wife along. You know what? She fit in just fine. We're not in the 3rd grade anymore, boys and girls don't need to play in separate sand boxes. Doesn't mean it won't happen where it's just 'the guys', but we don't care if a girl tags along too.

 

[Truebrit]

Oh, no, I've got no doubt about that. I'm 100% sure you'd pass a polygraph test as to whether you premeditated a sh!t test for the BF. It's a common mistake to think that women rationally plan to test their Men. In fact have AFCs regularly challenge me about my observations with the thinking that women have some grand, forethought, conspiracy to test their Men, but that's never been my assertion. Women test autonomously, and most often without ever knowing they're doing so. The ones who do so are the "game players" that guys like to run up the flagpole, but the confusion comes in discerning whether a test is a deliberate provocation or simply a subconscious mechanism that women naturally employ because of their overwhelming desire for security. I'd argue that you fall into the latter case.

Women will test when they don't know they are. This is the result of an evolutionary psychology that puts security in primary importance for women. Given women's natural proficiency in covert communications it's not surprising that it comes autonomously for them. There's such an emotional need for security, a woman's subconscious must periodically test the guy she's with to reassure herself that he's a good, solid choice for any potential parental investment on his part. And this testing will even manifest after pairing.

In light of this, I don't think LISHY telling you that you're playing a "dangerous game" is entirely accurate. You may not have recognized your own testing of the BF when you did, and even now you maintain that this wasn't your intent. Consciously, now, this is true, but subconsciously you did test while you had the conversation. And this is why here:



You wanted it to bother him, that's the test.




As I said, it fails the test. You would've accepted it, but which response keeps him in the confident position and makes you qualify to him? Which one do you respect more? Which response makes you think that he has other options available to him or makes him a guy women will compete for?




Yes, and this is how you want it. This is how you respect him. You're acting as every woman I've ever known would do so in a situation like this. You WANT him to be a guy that other women want. You want to be the girl he chooses to be with at the expense of others. Why? You answer it yourself:



And this is also why the Ex is out and the BF is in.



Because you wanted a guy who has other women or could get other women. Your BF's options make him valuable. He is the PRIZE and you LOVE the association. You appreciate his measured attention far and away more so than the Ex's could ever be appreciated.



The answer to this is to ask yourself, why do I want him to be territorial?

This response from Rollo is BANG on the money. You are a LEGEND my friend. THIS is how you differentiate yourself from the herd and it is this kind of reponse that is far, FAR more powerfull than looks, money or status.

I would further his reponse by saying ( and I speak from personal experience) you are justifying any male primeaval need for fresh pu55y that a guy like this will have with. And trust me, this guy WILL have other options. Remember, a DJ will ACT on opportunity if, on balance, the response is warranted - you re justifying this to him with your actions. You are ruining any kind of loyalty that you both have built up since you have been going out.
Just remember, a guy will f*ck an (attention) ***** when the mood takes him, but date one? That is a differant matter entirely.

 

[Latinoman]

Curiously enough, you yourself did not respond with anything constructive in that thread. You merely pointed to my thread and lamented the fact that my thread was getting more hits and responses than his.

I needed more information in order to reply with something constructive. I asked several questions first. And waited for his reply.