This exactly - which my explains my pain with she told me she was with someone new.
Anyone with one those BPD/Cluster B type personalities has almost no empathy whatsoever. This explains her ability to move on so quickly and jump the next thing - while I took 4 months off and sat in my living room and tried just trying to recover from the past 5 years and rebuild myself.
I honestly did love her even through the divorce proceedings. I couldn’t look at her and say I didn’t care. But something told me, in the 3 months prior to us splitting, that I could no longer submit myself to what she was doing to me. Man, it killed me to tell her that it was over (because she, at the time, wanted to stay with it mainly for her pride) but I could not go on living with someone like that. She became this liability.
I do blame myself for a few things. When she started fighting with me a year into our marriage, I started to withdraw a little. I had never had a woman treat me like that, so I naturally sort of walked away and gave her some space which is exactly WRONG thing to do. I thought I was being mature, but in reality I wasn’t putting her into her place, which gave her freedom to beat me down month after month. I feel I couldn’t be supportive of someone who treated me this way, so I started shutting down, and the cycle repeated itself.
Her love was absolutely shallow and she was highly invested into material things. She grew up in a resort town and frequently dealt with the rich, waiting tables and working at boat launches. After securing a diamond ring, a lavish wedding in her hometown, a trip to the Bahamas, US Virgin Island vacation honeymoon, a new house in the suburbs, another upgrade to her diamond ring post honeymoon, and a new dog, she felt if as if she was rolling with the wealthy. It was all impulsive, high maintenance behavior and it had nothing to do with our actual “relationship”. I did all of these things for her because I simply loved her.
The reason she has attached to the new guy so fast is because of material gain, and BPD's can't stand to be alone. I believe he makes around 6-figures, which has increased her attraction to him. If this guy was making $35K per year, she would have absolutely nothing to do with him. I will say with 100% certainty that my looks blow his out of the water….so this is all about upping her status and securing the future she wanted.
In a talk with my counselor today, he basically said that her relationship with this guy has a 95% failure rate. There is only so long a BPD can keep the charade going before the real problems are uncovered, and no amount of money is going to keep her behavior from reaching the surface.
I'm moving on and can't go back. I have a new relationship I'm working on now and it's casual at best. We see each other twice per week, fvck, eat dinner, spend the night, and go to work the next day. She is not BPD, and the difference is really incredible. Am I completely happy? No. She's not as hot as my ex-wife, and I have a very low emotional attachment to her, but she thinks I really hot and seems to dig me. It's confidence like this that I need to repair myself.
It's been a slow painful process to detach, but like many posters have said, I will be better for it in the long run.