Well folks – it’s officially over.
I went to a birthday party last night at a bar to meet up with a few old friends and old co-workers. As I was about to leave, an old co-worker pulled me aside to ask what was going on in my life. After a few minutes, she asked me if I was divorced with a confused look on her face. After telling her yes, she said “oh my god, so much I need to tell you.”
I didn’t want to hear it, but I told myself I needed to hear all the details in order to hit rock bottom and put the final dagger in this relationship.
The old co-worker tells me that my ex-wife is seeing one our fellow old co-workers and they are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. So a mere two months after my divorce was finalized in November, my ex-wife had already secured a new man in her life by mid-February. Take note that I also worked with my ex-wife (that’s how we met), she clearly found the first available guy in the office to build a relationship with. She apparently loves the company ink.
The girl then began seeing photos of them pop up on Facebook during the past few months (she is Facebook friends with this guy)….and in fact, he did attend her brother’s wedding this past weekend and seems to have already met the family. Unbelievable…after a mere 3-4 months this guy is already involved in family functions. It took me about 6 months before I personally felt comfortable meeting her family. She is clearly on the fast track to another marriage and wants kids right away. It doesn’t even seem to matter with whom.
A few weeks ago, I logged into my LinkedIn account and saw that some random guy from my old job looked at my profile. To be honest, nobody looks at my profile so I found it sort of odd that this guy was checking me out. When I saw this, I naturally became suspicious. When the girl told me IT WAS him, it was a relief of sorts. The guy is a chubby dork. Expos is certainly beating him the looks department.
I must admit, I did go home with a huge lump in my throat, and it felt like I was too hurt to even cry. I ended up talking to a close friend for an hour or so to get me straight.
Later that night, I get an email from my ex-wife saying now that all of our financial stuff has been taken care of, she wishes not to hear from me anymore and states that I “should not reply to this email”. The tone of the email was *****y, like a principal scolding a second-grader. What a piece of work. Also, she says that I’m not allowed to see the dog and that the dog will be fine without me. I didn't write back – but I want to – and give her short sentence beat down and split.
It was restless night of sleep. So now…there is some closure. I no longer will fight the feelings for my wife. I can now trash them and officially start my life over. This morning I went through my closest and dug up our engagement/wedding photos, my engagement ring, and a few other items of hers that I kept. They are now sitting by my door and ready for the dumpster.
I am so glad I never revealed to her how much I wanted her back into my life. What a fool I’d look like after she just got back attending a destination wedding with this guy, and me trying to convince her to that we should be together. How pathetic would that look? This is how you keep it together folks, sometimes you’ve got to fight those AFC urges and hide until the pain subsides so you don’t make a fool out of yourself.
So yes, I’m completely disgusted by her ability to move on so quickly and become attached. Knowing about my wife slipping away is a painful realization, but this certainly just confirms how fvcked up my ex-wife really is. The pain of what a undiagnosed BPD does AFTER marriage seems to be far worse than what they did during marriage.
So best of luck to her and the new guy…he’s going to need all the luck he can get if he decides to wife her up, have kids with her, when she gets fat, and when she starts devaluing him.
Although it pains me to say it, I dodged a bullet, but came away with some very deep scars and some serious lessons learned.