mental lack-of-erection issues

[-HPNOTIQ-]

When did people forget that having sex is a workout?

Hey bro...I feel your struggle.

But do me this favor...I want you to assess these points in your life:

*How is your diet?
*Are you overweight?
*Do you have a desk job?
*Are you confident in your body image?
*Do you perform any steady rate (30 minutes or more) cardio weekly?
*Do you stretch?

Sex is a workout..plain and simple. I approach sex like running a 10k (6.2 mile) race. You wouldn't run a 6.2 mile race 30lbs overweight, without stretching, after you've scarffed down 3 slices of pizza and two heinekins would you?

Simple Anatomy 101 tells us that the penis is just an organ with tissue, that expands when blood flows to it - thus causing our erection. So, how do you expect the blood to flow to your member if you're not working out, there's inadequate blood flow to your body, and your arteries are clogged with greasy french fries.

My advice to you and to all the guys reading this reply is to get your body in shape, enough where you can do 30 minutes of heart pumping cardio with ease (get advice from your MD first though). Do things around your life that would prepare you for the physical demands that having sex implies. Also, the mere change of dropping weigh will not only make you physically better, but, your self confidence will improve as well...also, working out is the best way to relieve that work stress that is giving you that high blood pressure and constricting the blood flow to your tool.

Also, before your next sexual encounter..I recommend doing some thigh, quad, and hamstring stretches before going on that date. There are many you can find online, make it a good 10-15 minute routine. Remember, sitting at a desk 40 hours/week during work lessens the blood flow to many parts of your body..including the penis. Just the simple art of stretching will loosen up that blood flow and hopefully loosen up that libido..

 

[realsmoothie]

OK, so it happened again. Another girl, one who's a little more experienced. Very hot, and quite agressive.

It was really late at night (again... geez) before the pants came off, and she started stroking me, and I'd get semi-hard and that's it. She tried her darndest, though. What a trooper.

I'm realizing that it's clearly a result of not have had any actual intercourse for years and years. If I'm at home watching any kind of porn, or just lying in bed, I can get it up no probs.

Anyhow... the reason I'm back at this thread is because I'm wondering if I should try some kind of pill to at least get me back in the swing of things and hope it re-frames my mind a little. This current girl is pretty hot and totally all over me (nice that she is willing to put up with this... thank god I am foreplay king), but she's not LTR material so a quick bang or two would be perfect. There are other girls' numbers I have, ones I really see potential in, but I don't want to get involved with them until I get laid with this one.

Anyone have experience with using the drugs in a temporary timeframe?

 

[nonchalant]

you should try a penis pump or viagra

 

[englishman]

I have these issues at times as well.

What I find has helped me out quite a bit is taking this daily and if possible, again, 30min before sex:

900mg Yohimbine
900mg Horny Goat Weed
1500mg L-Arginine
800mg Ginko Biloba

It gets the blood flowing and libido going...

so does v**gra and cia*is ( i dont think we can mention brand names on here?) if your gonna take all that just get the pill, its magic, when your used to the girl and chilled out you proly wont need it, but f*ck pride when it comes to getting it up, dont go to a gun fight with a knife! V

 

[Mind_Body_Soul]

realsmoothie,

Reading over your history here was like reading my own. I've never had issues and then a few months ago, I was with this girl, who I admittedly didn't like that much, but nevertheless, I couldn't get it up. Same thing, blow jobs, etc. was horny, as soon as sex came around, lost it.

I'm only 26! So I thought I was like fvcked for life or something crazy like that. I tried again with same girl - no good. I passed it off as just that girl. The next girl, first time we had sex, I got it up but I could tell I was losing it midway. I came, but pretty much had to "hurry up"

But then one time, I was really drunk, and I couldn't get it up. The girl freaked out, told me I didn't like her, that I wasn't attracted to her, that I was gay...I was like "this isn't helping."

Anyways... I started to obsess about it and that clearly didn't help. I stopped masturbating to porn and guess what? It got a LOT better. I noticed that once I mentioned it and my partner knew I was having an issue, it took a lot of the stress off. She was more supportive, etc.

 

[realsmoothie]

Yeah, MBS... getting rid of the porn sounds like a good idea.

I'm supposed to go over to this girl's place again tonight. When I started with her I thought I'd be able to just will myself into f*cking her but after last time I realize it's going to take some help from her end. I'm going to have to have a serious talk with her about my past, yipes... problem is that I don't really want to "date" her and if we have one of these serious talks it's going to get her all attached, I know it.

And I hope she doesn't get the feeling that she's being used, even though she (sorta) is.

 

[STR8UP]

Alcohol really fukks me up in the stiffy department nowadays.

Unless I drank a LOT I never had a problem with it when I was in my 20's, bt I guess that's what happens when you get older. Too bad I love to drink

 

[blueguy]

I think I'm just going to try again tomorrow and hopefully not take until six in the mornign to get things going this time. I've already asked her to hang out and (big surprise) she didn't seem all that enthusiastic. Damn it!

Haven't had this problem. But if it happens again, I would have played it like it was her who was the problem since you weren't that attracted to her at the moment, something she did turned you off, or any number of other (recoverable) reasons. Then she may be (if she was into you) more willing to try it again or wait awhile and then call you back after she fixes herself up or fixes whatever else could have been the problem... Thus making her desire you even more.

But basically the way you played it admitted to her that it's your problem (by calling her back and asking to hang out again), and so she automatically derives from that that you are inexperienced, nervous, this happens a lot, or any number of things. And thus she doesn't really desire you or desire to fix the problem (since the problem is with you).

 

[bigjohnson]

You might consider getting a complete physical exam. I'm a lot older than you and I screw and jack off like a nymphomaniacal sex-robot and *I* have no problems. Also as was mentioned, have an honest look into:

• Diet
• Exercise
• Adequate rest

Also I hear being drunk inhibits performance.

 

[Meleth]

hey realsmoothie, I have the exact same problems. And I pretty convinced it is just mentally. If it was something else, you probably wouldn't get it up in the first place and the erection wouldn't just dissapear in a sec right with a medical problem. For the record I'm 32, my bmi is 23 and i work out 3 times a week. As someone else said, the problem (for me) just keeps getting bigger and bigger as I get more and more nervous for each failure. Its no problem when im alone, with porn etc.

The feeling you get when you realize that your going limp in the middle of the act again, is the worst feeling ever, pretty much stopping me from getting into onenightstands alltogether. Its just not worth it. I've tried the pill a couple of times and that fixes it, but they makes me really sick the day after so I try not to use them to often.

I find it really interesting what someone suggested about stopping watching porn. Maybe watching to much porn makes your expectations to high or something (or wrong ) I will try to cut it out alltogether to see if that will help it.

The major problem here is how to stop the downward spiral. Unless i am heavily drugged (which i wont do) I can't see a way for me not to be afraid for failure after past experiences and hence most certainly experience a new failure. Pills boost my confidence and i pretty certain I would manage as good with the real deal as with placebo. If there only was a way of using placebo without me knowing

 

[realsmoothie]

Haven't had this problem. But if it happens again, I would have played it like it was her who was the problem since you weren't that attracted to her at the moment, something she did turned you off, or any number of other (recoverable) reasons. Then she may be (if she was into you) more willing to try it again or wait awhile and then call you back after she fixes herself up or fixes whatever else could have been the problem... Thus making her desire you even more.

But basically the way you played it admitted to her that it's your problem (by calling her back and asking to hang out again), and so she automatically derives from that that you are inexperienced, nervous, this happens a lot, or any number of things. And thus she doesn't really desire you or desire to fix the problem (since the problem is with you).

WTF, man. I never said anything about her having a lack of desire for me. This girl (along with the last two where this happened) have been DYING for it. This one keeps calling ME back. And it's certainly not a lack of desire on MY part, I chewed these girls up for like two hours first each time.

And geez... blaming HER for it? Real classy. You sound like a winner.

Funnily enough... I was at her place again last night. We didn't have sex but there was a lot of foreplay again and I was actually getting pretty hard during this. I said a couple of things about being sorry about this taking so long, she was VERY OK with this (geez, she really wants it). I can tell that by opening up to her I am taking a lot of pressure off myself. Whew.

Hopefully getting it over with will release a lot MORE of this pressure.

 

[realsmoothie]

I find it really interesting what someone suggested about stopping watching porn. Maybe watching to much porn makes your expectations to high or something (or wrong ) I will try to cut it out alltogether to see if that will help it.

I've talked about this on other threads. At one point I cut out the porn but not the masturbating... just out of a desire to give myself a better perspective on girls altogether. How can you feel full desire for a real girl, warts and all (OK, maybe not warts), when you're spending hours at a time watching some stupidly hot porn chick get nailed?

I'll have to try it again. I THINK it worked a bit last time.

 

[blueguy]

Never blame a girl for anything. Don't say you're sorry either. Be a challenge. She must really want you because if it was more borderline, it'd be over by now.

I think the "I'm tired" excuse probably would have worked well.

 

[Aztec]

I have to agree to most of the response. I had to re-read your story again and realized that you "got started" at 5 am. You must have been tired at that time.

I agree that you have to take a nap before going out like this.

I have explained this to my now ex-gf that it is not that I am not attracted to her but I am just physically tired. Especially if we do it in the dark; it gets me more tired. I suggested to her to leave the light on so at least the light would be an added stimulus to my brain.

When you think, "I have to do it, and do it good," it puts pressure on to yourself because you don't want to disappoint her. That's the mental part.

Dietary supplements wise, I agree with Mikeman!. I just want to add L-Glutamine. Some doctors would suggest glutamine than arginine if patient is having GI problems. Not sure about the dosage though.

Definitely, cut down or refrain from porn and masturbation. It worked for me; came like Peter North once.

Good luck, brother!


P.S. Hi 5 on the 20-year old cutie!

 

[hithard]

It’s more likely a mental block.Could be a deep seated confidence thing.I was having the same problem with a lot of one night stands.Some girls I could go all night, and others as soon as it turned sexual I went limp, or got it semi-up to shoot in a few strokes.

Maybe use the blue pill to get past that block and then try it again without it.
Keep the forum updated ,its a common problem

 

[realsmoothie]

Update: still a problem.

Still with the same girl... was at her place the other night and we both end up fully naked. She's got a phenomenal little body, I'm all over every part of it, and she goes down on me... which takes pretty big girl-balls to do when your guy is having boner issues.

She's damned good at it, too... I get "long" but not "hard" and actually kind of close to cumming... but even after about ten minutes of this it still doesn't get hard and I pull her off. Sad.

I feel sh*tty because she's obviously SO into me and SO damned hot. I'm sure it will happen eventually as I get more and more relaxed... but now I'm realizing that I don't really "like" this girl and we're getting close to what will be an LTR-type situation.

Confusing situation. I am scared that if I finally do f*ck her it's going to be fantastic for both of us and it will make it even harder to break up with her because she'll be REALLY into me. On the other hand, I have put serious time into this and I don't get this kind of action with a hot girl that will do anything for me that often.

Heavily considering going to the doctor tomorrow and getting a prescription.

It's so definitely mental... I've been staying as far away from masturbating as possible... went five days without doing it, had a relapse the other night and was harder than hell and came buckets. Was hard again within an hour... so I know it's not physical.

 

[speed dawg]

It's a confidence issue, plain and simple. When you're beatin' off, you're comfortable with yourself and your surroundings. When you're with a real female, you're not comfortable with yourself and the surroundings. If you had the utmost confidence in yourself, you'd be comfortable in any situation.

I have erection problems in 1 of 2 areas. When I'm not comfortable (hadn't had a shower, tired, sometimes with new girls, etc.) or when the girl doesn't turn me on (or her puzzy stinks).

Imagine yourself having the biggest d1ck in the world. Girls should be lucky to even get to touch it. Imagine burying it deep down into the b1tch's cvnt. And of course the stuff the other guys mentioned. But I'd be willing to bet you're just not confident enough in your sexual ability.

 

[wayword]

You need some "new age" energy healing that can unblock your energy channels.

Viagra is not really going to fix the problem (just serve as a crutch) and neither is simply mentally relaxing.

 

[realsmoothie]

UPDATE:

I can't believe it's been so long since I last posted on this thread... but a few nights ago I finally actually got in her. We'd been out to the club and I'd had a few drinks and I was horny as all hell... got back to her place and practically tore her clothes off. She started blowing me (thanks, baby), I got kinda hard and she climbs on.

Good God, this girl is a machine, but not a lot of "touch" with the riding I'll admit. After a minute or so I feel myself softening WAY up, so I push her over on her back and do it with maximum attention to myself (i.e. less grind and more pump)... start getting pretty hard and my mind is racing about the first time I'll be fully f*cking a girl in years when suddenly I realize that I'm pushing her practically off the bed... DOH! She's about to fall when I pull her back up and we laugh our butts off.

But by then she is EXHAUSTED (she's athsmatic) and I'm needing to take a whiz. So it doesn't happen that night, but I'm super excited that I got that far. The fact that she really gives her all when f*cking and seems to REALLY get off on it is a major plus.

Anyhow, I'm going over for Easter Dinner with her and a couple of friends, after which I'm assuming there will be some post-game activities. YES! I will be a pseudo-virgin no more. Wish me luck, boys! :woo:

 

[blueguy]

Good luck. I'd get your hormone levels checked at the doctor. I don't know, it just doesn't sound right getting soft with a naked girl you're attracted to on top of you. I was on these pills for awhile that had a sexual side effect due to increased testosterone, and i could tell. If you're low on testosterone or sex hormone, I'd look to boost that. Only other things would be nervousness or you're not attracted, but judging by your posts it doesn't seem to be the case.