No need to apologize.
I spoke to my dad on the phone. Not about anything specific, just life and catching up (we live a few thousand miles away). Apparently my mom was listening to the conversation - not that anything was being said which she should not hear.
My dad asked how our daughter was doing and what her diet is like as she's a competing gymnast. I gave him the basics, then talked about how I was trying to teach her the right things about food; that it's neither her enemy (bulimia/anorexia concern) nor her escape (disordered eating>fat concern). Apparently even discussing The topic of eating in an unhealthy manner was too much for my 75lb overweight mom to handle. It was not even about her, it was about me and my daughter only.
So apparently my mom goes cold and gives my dad a whole bunch of sh*t about doing martial arts like a decade ago, complaining that she never had the opportunity to do this. Mind you, she **never** would have done this regardless, nor is exercise the thing she needs to stop being fat. She just eats like sh*t (both of my parents do, they're both fat and i had to break the mold).
My dad texts me the next day asking me to not even discuss the topic of eating healthy if my mom is present. It sounded like she got outright disrespectful and he instead is asking me to tiptoe around her sensitive topics... so *anything* related to eating properly or exercising, apparently.
Got it. Sorry to hear that. Drunks don't want to hear about alcoholics, crazy people don't want to hear they are crazy, lazy people don't want to hear about successful or industrious people, fat people don't want to hear about healthy lifestyles or fitness. Why? Because it reminds them painfully that they are in fact responsible for their state of existance and they'd rather ignore that 800 lb gorilla in the corner.
My older daughter was over eating a lot when she was 13-15 years old. She is 5'10" but gained up to something like 175 lbs, which I was NOT Ok with. There was not a delicate way to approach the topic because she knew she was eating her way toward obesity and she was super sensitive about it. I brought it up anyway. And of course I'm 50 and 5'6" and 115 lbs after 3 kids so I thought it was unhealthy, and bad for her self esteem to gain all this weight...so I was very direct with her about it and all the bad outcomes associated with it.
My ex husband was also over weight and drank too much; my daughter's therapist (because of COURSE we had to get a therapist) was fat, so guess what the narrative from her fat father and obese therapist became????
"Mom is shallow and overly concerned with what you look like and only loves you if you conform to her standard. Mom should accept you as you are."
Stop tape. What. The. F*UK!?! Oh HELL No!
Um. Mom has weighed in (pun intended) on this BECAUSE I love you and don't want to see you suffer from negative outcomes, socially or health wise.
I knew right then a change in venue and a change in therapist and a change in peer group was required. So I moved the girls in with me several states away. I live in the southwest US. People are active, fit and healthy generally speaking. Midwestern fat cows do not fare well here so there is constant social pressure toward healthy lifestyle and active living. The high school girls are active, pretty and thin.
A year after the move my daughter weighed 125-130 and had a nice boyfriend who is a tall skinny guy at 6'5" 165 lbs. Without me saying a word, although I do buy the groceries. She and her BF now live together 3 years hence and are very close with his nuclear family. Perfect.
The bull crap in the Midwest was a complete projection onto me at the cost of serious damage to my relationship with my daughter because both my ex husband and that therapist were promoting fat acceptance rather than healthy living because it was a direct reflection on their lack of self discipline, their self indulgence in pleasure through food (Biblically known as gluttony) and they felt excoriated by me sacrificing their sacred cow.
My relationship with my daughter has never entirely recovered, but perhaps that will occur over time. If it doesn't I still spoke up & did the right thing and the negative outcomes for my daughter have been avoided.
So I moved out here, married a man who is taller, hotter, younger, more fit, more intelligent, more athletic, more masculine and more successful. My current husband is the embodiment of everything my ex husband failed to manifest. Ouch to the ex husband. And I was noticed by my current husband precisely based on my appearance, and that appearance is a direct result of a disciplined and healthy lifestyle over many years.
In your case
@Money & Muscle you are the embodiment of things where your dad has fallen down as a man. I feel empathy for my ex husband just as you feel empathy for your dad.
But he's done this to himself over many years of slowly not caring about himself as a man. It's tough but it is NOT your burden to carry. He's unlikely to suddenly unplug. You've got to love him where he's at.
Your responsibility is to lead your family; your wife & your daughter. Your dad respects how you conduct your life from afar. Keep growing and maturing and leading.
There's a thread around here somewhere about raising daughters. I know I spoke about some of this stuff on there several years ago.