I Watched My 65 Year Old BP Father Fail a Sh*t Test...

[SW15]

If his dad is this old just take her out on the weekends and then on the side during the week take out the side piece.

A lot of men with overweight wives don't have side pieces.

 

[Money & Muscle]

Why didn't your dad lay down the law about your mom's weight? Shouldn't he have left on the basis of her being no longer sexually attractive? He could have set a boundary about her weight loss in a given time frame.

Lol This dude doesn't know fak about women or boundaries. If he knew how to handle these things, I wouldn't have had to self-redpill in my late 20s.

 

[BeExcellent]

No need to apologize.

I spoke to my dad on the phone. Not about anything specific, just life and catching up (we live a few thousand miles away). Apparently my mom was listening to the conversation - not that anything was being said which she should not hear.

My dad asked how our daughter was doing and what her diet is like as she's a competing gymnast. I gave him the basics, then talked about how I was trying to teach her the right things about food; that it's neither her enemy (bulimia/anorexia concern) nor her escape (disordered eating>fat concern). Apparently even discussing The topic of eating in an unhealthy manner was too much for my 75lb overweight mom to handle. It was not even about her, it was about me and my daughter only.

So apparently my mom goes cold and gives my dad a whole bunch of sh*t about doing martial arts like a decade ago, complaining that she never had the opportunity to do this. Mind you, she **never** would have done this regardless, nor is exercise the thing she needs to stop being fat. She just eats like sh*t (both of my parents do, they're both fat and i had to break the mold).

My dad texts me the next day asking me to not even discuss the topic of eating healthy if my mom is present. It sounded like she got outright disrespectful and he instead is asking me to tiptoe around her sensitive topics... so *anything* related to eating properly or exercising, apparently.

Got it. Sorry to hear that. Drunks don't want to hear about alcoholics, crazy people don't want to hear they are crazy, lazy people don't want to hear about successful or industrious people, fat people don't want to hear about healthy lifestyles or fitness. Why? Because it reminds them painfully that they are in fact responsible for their state of existance and they'd rather ignore that 800 lb gorilla in the corner.

My older daughter was over eating a lot when she was 13-15 years old. She is 5'10" but gained up to something like 175 lbs, which I was NOT Ok with. There was not a delicate way to approach the topic because she knew she was eating her way toward obesity and she was super sensitive about it. I brought it up anyway. And of course I'm 50 and 5'6" and 115 lbs after 3 kids so I thought it was unhealthy, and bad for her self esteem to gain all this weight...so I was very direct with her about it and all the bad outcomes associated with it.

My ex husband was also over weight and drank too much; my daughter's therapist (because of COURSE we had to get a therapist) was fat, so guess what the narrative from her fat father and obese therapist became????

"Mom is shallow and overly concerned with what you look like and only loves you if you conform to her standard. Mom should accept you as you are."

Stop tape. What. The. F*UK!?! Oh HELL No!

Um. Mom has weighed in (pun intended) on this BECAUSE I love you and don't want to see you suffer from negative outcomes, socially or health wise.

I knew right then a change in venue and a change in therapist and a change in peer group was required. So I moved the girls in with me several states away. I live in the southwest US. People are active, fit and healthy generally speaking. Midwestern fat cows do not fare well here so there is constant social pressure toward healthy lifestyle and active living. The high school girls are active, pretty and thin.

A year after the move my daughter weighed 125-130 and had a nice boyfriend who is a tall skinny guy at 6'5" 165 lbs. Without me saying a word, although I do buy the groceries. She and her BF now live together 3 years hence and are very close with his nuclear family. Perfect.

The bull crap in the Midwest was a complete projection onto me at the cost of serious damage to my relationship with my daughter because both my ex husband and that therapist were promoting fat acceptance rather than healthy living because it was a direct reflection on their lack of self discipline, their self indulgence in pleasure through food (Biblically known as gluttony) and they felt excoriated by me sacrificing their sacred cow.

My relationship with my daughter has never entirely recovered, but perhaps that will occur over time. If it doesn't I still spoke up & did the right thing and the negative outcomes for my daughter have been avoided.

So I moved out here, married a man who is taller, hotter, younger, more fit, more intelligent, more athletic, more masculine and more successful. My current husband is the embodiment of everything my ex husband failed to manifest. Ouch to the ex husband. And I was noticed by my current husband precisely based on my appearance, and that appearance is a direct result of a disciplined and healthy lifestyle over many years.

In your case @Money & Muscle you are the embodiment of things where your dad has fallen down as a man. I feel empathy for my ex husband just as you feel empathy for your dad.

But he's done this to himself over many years of slowly not caring about himself as a man. It's tough but it is NOT your burden to carry. He's unlikely to suddenly unplug. You've got to love him where he's at.

Your responsibility is to lead your family; your wife & your daughter. Your dad respects how you conduct your life from afar. Keep growing and maturing and leading.

There's a thread around here somewhere about raising daughters. I know I spoke about some of this stuff on there several years ago.

 

[Money & Muscle]

In your case @Money & Muscle you are the embodiment of things where your dad has fallen down as a man.

This means more to me than you know. Thank you.

 

[Dr.Suave]

@BeExcellent is fat-phobic. But I mean that as a good thing.

 

[BeExcellent]

@BeExcellent is fat-phobic. But I mean that as a good thing.

Its true. Lol.

I have expensive clothes for a size 0-4, xxs, xs or s size. I'm going to wear them dammit. That and save $ on food by eating modestly, even if at times expensively .

 

[ThisIsSparta]

I'm a never married, childless guy who hasn't lived with any girlfriends. When my relationships end, the endings are not messy at all.

Thats the biggest problem on SoSuave.

Guys with no experience but a lot of oppinion on women and LTRs.

You are amongst the smarter ones though while a lot are just talking out of their azz.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

... and it was blatantly apparent why I had such a hard time with women until I unplugged. It wasn't even really a sh*t test, it was just outright disrespect and he apologized to her for it.

This man, who lovingly raised me, led me so far astray with women that I was a coin toss away from being a 30 year old kissless virgin. I have to admit, I still hold a bit of anger towards him for leading me down this path of inceldom, but it's a little reassuring to know that it wasn't for any lack of caring - it was just his outright ignorance. It was a little relieving to find that my lack of success with women wasn't entirely my fault; that I was handicapped from the start; that I wasn't just some defective 20-something.

Apologies for the small rant.


Dads, do your part and teach your sons the ways of women.
Teach them how to recognize - and pass sh*t tests.
Teach them to talk and flirt with girls regularly, even just for skills maintenance; have them watch you do it.
Teach your sons to lift, and how to eat right.
How to set, chase, and achieve goals.

Don't let your sons grow up and see you as a fat, misguided incel whose married to a post-wall overweight harpy. It's not fun to pity the man you once wanted to be.

My father teached me nothing about women. He was only with 3 women in total and lucky enough to find a decent woman, which were more common back in the day. He would get butchered by todays women.


I got my early education about women from fvcking Hollywood, which set me up for disaster until i was 25 and started to see my value on the sexual market.

In retrospect i should have sticked to my grandpas advice, but back then i just thought what would that old man know about modern/young women.

My boy will not be going unarmed into the gunfight that represents modern dating. I'll make sure of that.

 

[SW15]

My father teached me nothing about women. He was only with 3 women in total and lucky enough to find a decent woman, which were more common back in the day. He would get butchered by todays women.

You are a late Gen X'er. Your father was likely a late Silent Generation (1940-1945) birth or early Baby Boomer (1946-early 1950s). Late Silents/earlier Boomers did have a different sexual marketplace than a late Gen X'er/early Millennial would have had. When the late Silents/early Boomers were young adults, decent women did appreciate the classic beta male provider traits. A man needed some masculinity and couldn't be a wimp, but a basic provider male was ok. "Nice guys" could even have a decent chance then with decent women.

I have an early Boomer uncle who has had a long marriage. A guy with his traits today with a Millennial birth year would be a likely incel or borderline incel.

In retrospect i should have sticked to my grandpas advice, but back then i just thought what would that old man know about modern/young women.

It's common to think that way. Your grandpa sounds like he was a good man.

I got my early education about women from fvcking Hollywood, which set me up for disaster until i was 25 and started to see my value on the sexual market.

This is generally not good. Hollywood portrayals of dating/relationships in the 1980s/1990s (what you grew up on) probably wouldn't have helped. In 2022, Andrew Tate posted a harsh critique of "Friends" (aired 1994-2004) below. On "Seinfeld" (1989-1998), George Costanza and his successes with women were unrealistic and not applicable in real life. Teen movies of the 1980s/1990s weren't all that realistic either. In "10 Things I Hate About You" (released 1999), there's no way that the basic "nice guy" (Joseph Gordon Levitt's character) gets the above average looking, "girl next door" Larisa Oleynik character. In "Sixteen Candles" (released 1984), the dweebish freshman type guy (Anthony Michael Hall) wouldn't get with one of the most attractive female in that high school. Also, the male heartthrob with the new-ish red Porsche 944 isn't going to waste his time on a mid looking female like Molly Ringwald's character (see below).

 

[The Diver]

I found RP and this site after my separation from my Ex.
My son, at the time, was a young teenager.
I tried to instill in him some of the wisdom I got out of this site and RP in general, but with three feminist sisters and a feminist ex, I didn't have a chance.
I remember on the way to school ( driving him on my way to work), I would try to talk to him about girls and relationships, and he would lash at me and ask me to stop.
Then, a few months ago ( now he's 23), he told me he dated some girl but cut it off. I asked him why? and he said he didn't want a serious relationship with her and didn't want to lead her on. I told him he should say it to the girl, and maybe she would be ok with that as well and would be happy with just a casual connection. He looked at me in surprise, processing what I had just said, and said, "I didn't think about that option."
Well, it looks like he has started understanding what I tried to teach him all along.
I encouraged him to come to me if he has any issues with girls, and I'll try to help him. I hope he'll do it.
I hope it's not too late, considering the brainwashing he got from his feminist sisters.

 

[BeExcellent]

I found RP and this site after my separation from my Ex.
My son, at the time, was a young teenager.
I tried to instill in him some of the wisdom I got out of this site and RP in general, but with three feminist sisters and a feminist ex, I didn't have a chance.
I remember on the way to school ( driving him on my way to work), I would try to talk to him about girls and relationships, and he would lash at me and ask me to stop.
Then, a few months ago ( now he's 23), he told me he dated some girl but cut it off. I asked him why? and he said he didn't want a serious relationship with her and didn't want to lead her on. I told him he should say it to the girl, and maybe she would be ok with that as well and would be happy with just a casual connection. He looked at me in surprise, processing what I had just said, and said, "I didn't think about that option."
Well, it looks like he has started understanding what I tried to teach him all along.
I encouraged him to come to me if he has any issues with girls, and I'll try to help him. I hope he'll do it.
I hope it's not too late, considering the brainwashing he got from his feminist sisters.

Reality will teach him. With the benefit of your experience you may be able to help him more now. If in fact he is starting to appreciate Dad's widsom he has the opportunity to fare much better than his peers.

 

[Money & Muscle]

I found RP and this site after my separation from my Ex.
My son, at the time, was a young teenager.
I tried to instill in him some of the wisdom I got out of this site and RP in general, but with three feminist sisters and a feminist ex, I didn't have a chance.
I remember on the way to school ( driving him on my way to work), I would try to talk to him about girls and relationships, and he would lash at me and ask me to stop.
Then, a few months ago ( now he's 23), he told me he dated some girl but cut it off. I asked him why? and he said he didn't want a serious relationship with her and didn't want to lead her on. I told him he should say it to the girl, and maybe she would be ok with that as well and would be happy with just a casual connection. He looked at me in surprise, processing what I had just said, and said, "I didn't think about that option."
Well, it looks like he has started understanding what I tried to teach him all along.
I encouraged him to come to me if he has any issues with girls, and I'll try to help him. I hope he'll do it.
I hope it's not too late, considering the brainwashing he got from his feminist sisters.

I think the only way to teach these things is by demonstrating them.

Teaching a kid what "frame" is, is stupid. People with frame don't talk about it or even know they have it. They're confused when you try to explain it.

I hope he learns to unplug as life goes on - the sooner he can do this, the better.


Pro tip: when you face cognitive dissonance (which is guaranteed to happen with bloops), the best way to address it isn't to confront it head-on. Question it. Lead them to the answer by asking them questions that directly expose the conflicting beliefs - it will help them sort it out.
I did a stupid thing and posted redpill stuff on a forum filled with bloops. I got dogpiled when speaking from the podium, and no one believed me. The next time I tried, I didn't proclaim anything, I simply made a small observation and questioned people's responses to it. It certainly didn't red pill the whole forum, but stubborn minds are now open and willing to accept information. That is the goal.

 

[mbc0029]

OP, your father reminds me of my father, except without the overweight part. My step mom led the household.

I love my dad, but I learned to stop idealizing him once I unplugged.