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Corey Wayne - When an ex reaches back out

Smartone84

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Thanks @MrWood

I'll admit I did contemplate simply viewing her profile afterwards (pretty innocent, no?) to see if that would possibly lead to her feeling more comfortable about reaching out(she probably thinks I despise her for all she put me through) which would ultimately give me even MORE validation and a huge self esteem boost I could use right now, but I just didn't want to take that gamble. If she truly ever wanted to reach out, she'd pick up her phone and pull up my number.
 
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The Diver

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I know this could just be chalked up to simple curiosity on her part, but I think there's a little more going on here, and am just curious myself of what your guys' take is on this particular thing.
My take on all of it is: that you're doing way too much overthinking , way too much. Just let it go and free space in your life (and your head ) to welcome other women. just move on mate , move on.
 

Smartone84

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My take on all of it is: that you're doing way too much overthinking , way too much. Just let it go and free space in your life (and your head ) to welcome other women. just move on mate , move on.
Fair point, and I am doing exactly that, just like I’ve been doing for the last 2+ months. Just wanted to see what some guys on here thought for the sake of curiosity.
 

oldmanofthesea

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I agree with The Diver, but don't beat yourself up over it. I've been over-thinking why my ex dumped me for the last four months, and we were only together for two! Seems so pathetic.
 

R.U.G.

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Yea, I remember reading this in the book. The prob. is, my mind is like an elephant. I forget nothing. There is no rewind button. Whether she broke it off with me or I did with her, I'd never go back. Too much built up resentment. For one reason or another, the relationship ended. Let's keep it like that. Once the trash is put outside, why would you want to bring it back in? In other words, if she dumped you, and she's contacting you to say hey. Why? Either a, she is looking for attention. B, she's has no other suitors. C, wants to see if you still have feelings for her. In any event, the only correct answer is pass. Unless you enjoy getting your heart stomped on.
 

Smartone84

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Yea, I remember reading this in the book. The prob. is, my mind is like an elephant. I forget nothing. There is no rewind button. Whether she broke it off with me or I did with her, I'd never go back. Too much built up resentment. For one reason or another, the relationship ended. Let's keep it like that. Once the trash is put outside, why would you want to bring it back in? In other words, if she dumped you, and she's contacting you to say hey. Why? Either a, she is looking for attention. B, she's has no other suitors. C, wants to see if you still have feelings for her. In any event, the only correct answer is pass. Unless you enjoy getting your heart stomped on.
So its interesting... With regards to what Corey Wayne says, if the relationship ended in a DRASTIC/awful way such violence being involved or especially cheating, then its over between the two parties and he always suggests never going back. He pushes his "walk away and never look back and if she changes her mind she'll give you a call one day thus possibly giving you a second chance you might want to take" usually in the instance when the guy went beta/too needy and turned the girl off. So he says that in the event she ever comes back, its almost as if YOU have your second chance to prove her wrong and show her you're different (i.e. more alpha).

So you're saying you forget nothing and there is no rewind button, but what if you really did act wrong in the relationship in a beta way or lets say you just did something stupid in general to push her away and turn her off? However as time goes on and she remembers more of the good times as us human being tend to do, and she decides to reach out and give you another shot and you're currently single. You're going to turn it down no matter what?

That all being said I will say this. The more and more I read here and other areas of the internet, not to mention based on what I've seen in general in life, I actually don't think I can recall ONE instance of reading/seeing a couple that broke up only to get back together down the road. When I say broke up of course I mean as in something bad caused the relationship to end and not something along the lines of someone moving to another state or another weird harmless circumstance. I knew a couple that split during college as the girl went to a school far away but then got back together after and are now married.

So I feel I can't go against Corey's teachings completely just yet on this bc I still feel that if you as the guy f-cked things up, then you shouldn't exactly be TOO pissed at her for being dumped and shouldn't necessarily instantly turn down a second chance with her if you one day get one. In my particular case being discussed, me and her only dated for a brief period of time before she went back to an ex she wasn't over. As nice as the 2 months were between us and as serious as things got in such a short span of time, I truly feel nothing I did in just those 2 months could have superseded feelings she had for this ex of 1.5 years that she JUST got dumped from prior to meeting me. It was a disaster waiting to happen and she is to blame. What happened was when she came back to me the next day and said she was "torn", I went kind of beta and pressured her into making a decision thus pushing her away IMO. It was really a tricky situation, but at the end of the day, I know I'm better off without someone that would put me through what she put me through.
 
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oldmanofthesea

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So he says that in the event she ever comes back, its almost as if YOU have your second chance to prove her wrong and show her you're different (i.e. more alpha).
I think this is telling.... because you are saying you have something to prove to her. You really want to save face and her rejection has really gotten under your skin. Been there brother. I'm focused on trying to remind myself that I have nothing to prove to her, that it's her loss, and that I know she will end up dating guys who have way less to offer than I do.

Also, hoping for the opportunity that you'll "get that chance to prove yourself to her" may prevent you from truly moving on on focusing on other women.
 

R.U.G.

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So its interesting... With regards to what Corey Wayne says, if the relationship ended in a DRASTIC/awful way such violence being involved or especially cheating, then its over between the two parties and he always suggests never going back. He pushes his "walk away and never look back and if she changes her mind she'll give you a call one day thus possibly giving you a second chance you might want to take" usually in the instance when the guy went beta/too needy and turned the girl off. So he says that in the event she ever comes back, its almost as if YOU have your second chance to prove her wrong and show her you're different (i.e. more alpha).

So you're saying you forget nothing and there is no rewind button, but what if YOU really did act wrong in the relationship in a beta way or lets say you just did something stupid in general to push her away and turn her off? However as time goes on and she remembers more of the good times as us human being tend to do, and she decides to reach out and give you another shot and you're currently single. You're going to turn it down no matter what?

That all being said I will say this. The more and more I read here and other areas of the internet, not to mention based on what I've seen in general in life, I actually don't think I can recall ONE instance of reading/seeing a couple that broke up only to get back together. When I say broke up of course I mean as in something bad caused the relationship to end and not something along the lines of someone moving to another state or another weird harmless circumstance. But I can't go against Corey's teachings completely just yet on this bc I still feel that if you as the guy f-cked things up, then you shouldn't exactly be pissed as being dumped and shouldn't necessarily instantly turn down a second chance with her

In my particular case being discussed, me and her only dated for a brief period of time before she went back to an ex she wasn't over. As nice as the 2 months were between us and as serious as things got in such a short span of time, I truly feel nothing I did in just those 2 months could have superseded feelings she had for this ex of 1.5 years that she JUST got dumped from prior to meeting me. It was a disaster waiting to happen and she is to blame. She then even came back to me and said she was "torn", but then I went kind of beta and pressured her into making a decision thus pushing her away IMO. It was really a tricky situation, but at the end of the day, I know I'm better off without someone that would put me through what she put me through.
Sorry, I never look back. Used too, but it's a lost cause (teens - 20's). One did hurt me bad, and the only "beta" thing I said was why and I really thought we'd be a good team. She then rescinded the breakup and just wanted to break for a week or two. I declined and walked away. Years ago when I was married, I was never beta. If anything, I was called distant and aloof. I learned a lot from those two in terms of relationships. TBH, my ex-wife didn't want the divorce, but I already made up my mind. I was getting nothing out of it. The other one I will admit, I fell hard, but still kept to once a week conversations, etc. Didn't help. She brought up exclusivity, and since I really was blinded, I agreed. Three weeks later, I found out she was dating other men. After that, no more giving women the benefit of the doubt. I do not hate them, but I do not trust anything they say.

I use them from what I need them for, and that is it. Never really had an issue with getting a woman, aside from the occasional slump. But since I cannot trust them, as soon as they cut off sex or communication, I just walk away. But just before, I do say, you will miss me when I am no longer in your life. From what I've been told by our mutual friends are some actually do. They tried to get through to me, but I have a zero tolerance of unfaithfulness, disloyalty, dishonesty and distrust. So, it's best, for me, and most men these days, to not form an emotional connection and just use them as a *** dumpster. After all, that is why they were created. Who am I to argue with the all mighty God. When it's all said and done, women are out of control. They've changed the rules, I just play them out.

In the end, they are all the same. The heavens only knows how many c0cks have been in them. They are also the cause of the ramped STD epidemic. In general, most are not forced to have sex. They are the gatekeepers, not men.

Much respect for CW, however, he's also been divorced twice. 99.9% of the stuff he states I agree. However, I just wouldn't be able to take a woman back. FYI, our marriage therapist even told her she was in the wrong and will be causing a potential divorce. She didn't agree, so we went to a few more and they all agreed. I do not blame her nor this other one. It's on me. I made the choice to enter into relations with them, so it is on me for poor choice selection. I have a thing for Italians with nice asses, a brain and big boobs. So, I just will not get attached. So, shoot me. Hehehe.

In your case, your b!tch is lying. She wants the attention not you. If you cannot see that, then we cannot help you. If you just want to use her for sex and form no attachment, then proceed at your own risk. However, the issues will come back 10 fold. If you can handle that rejection a second time and not go into a depression, roll the dice. However, it hurts when you've lost a woman you care about not once, but twice. It's very hard. Protect your heart.
 
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Smartone84

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After that, no more giving women the benefit of the doubt. I do not hate them, but I do not trust anything they say. I use them from what I need them for, and that is it. Never really had an issue with getting a woman, aside from the occasional slump. But since I cannot trust them, as soon as they cut off sex or communication, I just walk away. But just before, I do say, you will miss me when I am no longer in your life. From what I've been told by our mutual friends are some actually do. They tried to get through to me, but I have a zero tolerance of unfaithfulness, loyalty, honesty and trust. So, it's best, for me, and most men these days, to not form an emotional connection and just use them as a *** dumpster. After all, that is why they were created. Who am I to argue with the all mighty God. When it's all said and done, women are out of control. They've changed the rules, I just play them out.
I feel you man. Been through my fair share of hell, too. We are the ones who end up becoming some of the smartest but it comes with some emotional scars unfortunately. I had this girl taking me to her work Christmas party, posting pics of us on her social media, going back on birth control for me, commuting an hour to see me every weekend, buying and wearing new lingerie for me, buying me a Christmas gift, telling me she likes me a lot, telling me how much she likes that I care about her, telling me I could see her new apartment in a MONTH when it was furnished, ETC. Then suddenly she started growing distant for a few days and then out of nowhere on New Years Eve I'm on the phone getting blown off for an ex-boyfriend who came back and she wanted to see things through with. Yeah, wonder what those quickly posted social media pictures of me and her were about now. It's a horrible disgusting world of women out there, and the harsh reality is that often we need these brutal things to happen to us in order to learn and become razor sharp in the future.
 

R.U.G.

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Hey, I get you man. On my b-day, four of the *** dumpsters over the last year or so reached out and wished me a happy b-day. My reply? Who is this? It's Jenny? I then go Jenny B? Jenny M? I know a lot of Jennys. I know who it is, but it fvcks with their mind that you have been busy. I then say thanks and take care. Couldn't care less. Even the one I fell hard for a couple of years ago. I do not support infidelity. Also, never trust a b!tch on birth control. You have no idea what else she's on which can make it less effective. Always cover you Johnson.

Remember what the wise Monkey once said. She's not your girl, it's just your turn. Focus on your purpose instead.
 

Smartone84

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I'm focused on trying to remind myself that I have nothing to prove to her, that it's her loss, and that I know she will end up dating guys who have way less to offer than I do.
Very well said. Me too man. Me too. It's just ironic that just as I'm reaching my highest point of confidence and becoming 100% over everything, she has the nerve to view my online dating profile. It's almost as if she has a sixth sense knowing just when to f-ck with me to try and get me thinking of her again. A friend of mine (girl) said she thinks she viewed my profile to see if I would in return view hers in which case she would then message me. Bullsh-t. The b-tch has my number. If she ever wanted to reach out, throw an apology my way, talk, etc, she'd pick up her damn cell, and do it. Not play games on a dating site.
 

oldmanofthesea

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I swear women have a sixth sense about when to reach out.

My ex wife who I haven't talked to in 1.5 years has started reaching out to me via text. I can't tell what her motives are, but just a couple days ago, she sent me a note asking if she could "please" come see me and my dog. In the past few weeks, she tried doing it more covertly by offering to take care of my dog and then "accidentally" having a package shipped to my house but when I didn't take her up on the dog-sitting offer and just told her the package "was here" without inviting her over, she obviously decided it was time to be overt and just ask to come over. I'm feeling exactly like you are - pissed off that she has the nerve to put herself back on my radar after I've spent the last 1.5 years focused on moving on and feel that I have finally made progress and mostly forgotten about her.

I'm dealing with the same thing you are: Feeling like I have the "opportunity" to apply my new skills and knowledge to my interactions with her. Fortunately, all the books I've read in the last year have helped me see what a horrible person she is in a way I couldn't comprehend before, and I've been dating a lot and had a couple short relationships, but nothing I read is going to change the fact that she is HOT AS FVCK - she's an HB10 for my specific tastes; she knows that and I'm sure that's why she wants to get in front of me in-person. It would be a lot easier to not be affected by it if I was *consistently* getting girls at least as hot as she is but right now I'm only getting that on occasion so from a sexual standpoint, she is still high-value to me. Would love to sleep with her even if I'm not interested in anything beyond that. I am spinning other plates but nothing I'm really excited about.
 

Smartone84

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I swear women have a sixth sense about when to reach out.
It was really surreal to me. It was literally the week I began completely forgetting about her. Not that she "reached out", but it was just interesting.

So in your ex "situation", we're talking about an ex-WIFE, so I'm assuming you guys have a multitude of justified reasons for why you split and more than likely you know clearly if not deep down that you need to move on. Does that sound right?

The thing about my ex-plate that continues to creep into my head from time to time is that our (albeit short) time together was flawless (before her blowoff and subsequent drama of course) and it just makes me have this *feeling* that there should have been, or should be a real chance for us one day. Even though SHE technically ended it, it ended in a weird way in the midst of very bad timing and I sometimes think maybe I should somehow put myself out there just one time and see what happens. I did end the final conversation abruptly and deleted her from all social media at the end after all. Like you, I too would love to have the opportunity to use my new razor sharp skills on her, where I'd never in a million years be beta again.

HOWEVER, I know from all I've learned that me reaching out after being dumped is not the right thing to do and that if she truly felt we had something great and if she truly felt that I was this amazing guy that she told me I was, and if the sex was as surreal as she told me it was, she'd come back. She'd pick up her phone, swallow her pride, and message me. Me reaching out to her probably would actually lead to a nice convo and I bet you I could even get to see her again. But it just doesn't matter. It would give her ALL the power again and I just feel it would be a recipe for me being blown off again soon after. She would have to be the one to reach out.
 
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backbreaker

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. back in my younger days before my wife, i had met this girl when i first ame out here iw as head over heels for. even with spinning plates, i thought she was the one. smoke show, was into me, etc. turned out to be a narcissist/ i didn't know it at the time, but i quickly learned. nothing i did was good enough. nothing. would constantly put me down and praise dudes that didn't have **** and that treated her like ****. told me one day i wasn't really black becuase i am not from the streets.


one day she just stopped responding to me. i did nothing wrong. nothing. that was it. i was like you know, i'm better than this. snap out of it dude. women suck at long term thinking. even the good ones. i knew she'd eventually be back becuase well im ****ing awesome and depsite it all i knew she saw me as husband material, she just thought she had me on a tighter leesh than she did.


bout 2 weeks later here she comes trying to pretend nothing happened. once sh realized, i had legit moved on, she couldn't take it.


i would ahve married that girl if she would have not been so much drama and said thank you every once in a while.
 

derby1

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as i was a rookie at this i chased like the beta male i was acting it got me nowhere

then i followed CW's advice to walk away, and i did

then she started contacting me more regularly, so i used 2 oppurtinities as advised to ask to meet up

she changed the fcking convo when i asked to meet up cheeky *****

then I totally went Cold and she was literally blowing up my phone , i never asked to meet up nothing, the messages were getting more and more, the memories she was sending

however no one mentioned meeting up...this got worse she was texting all the time i thought FCK ME sosuave and CW are spot on

THEN ONE NIGHT SHE SENT ME A 20 SECOND VIDEO WITH HER HAIR DONE ****A FCKING VIDEO BRO'S!!!!!**** saying how much she missed me the lot

so i stupidly and caringly said "SO I SUPPOSE YOU WANT TO MEET UP"

her reply................" WAS JUST LETTING YOU KNOW I MISS YOU"

ATTENTION WHORING TO THE FFKCIING WEIRDO MAX........................i could have strangled her ....i fcked up and i had the frame so well
 

Smartone84

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Thanks for sharing the stories guys. It's true they do come back a lot of the time, but sadly most of the time it's just for the attention as described by you both. @derby1 you didn't "f-ck up" as long as you were able to realize that even after her rejection for meeting up that you're still better off with her anyway. Can't let her get to you. You're a catch and have other options, as CW always says.
 

derby1

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sorry bro didnt mean **** up in that sense i meant i was told you stick to only asking twice,............i did this and she went as far as sending me a 20 second video i should have remained indifferent and i didnt thats my point , i folded due to wanting to resolve the relationship

ie: me asking or hint dropping for that third time was my idea to meet up i should have left her to melt so it was her idea to meet up
 

Smartone84

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sorry bro didnt mean **** up in that sense i meant i was told you stick to only asking twice,............i did this and she went as far as sending me a 20 second video i should have remained indifferent and i didnt thats my point , i folded due to wanting to resolve the relationship
It is true that after two times you are never supposed to bring up hanging out again but my point is it doesn't really matter. You saw her true colors and saw her for the attention wh0re she was. Some nice validation for you if nothing else. Be glad you experienced this in your rookie years as opposed to me who went beta after a break up at 33 and only now learned it all and completely swallowed the red pill for good.
 

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To me, rejection doesn't matter and what a woman thinks of me doesn't matter. All I care about is a woman gets with my program. If she is on board with my program all is good. If she isn't, she gets dropped.

Its a very simple and clean way to deal with women that keeps your stress levels very low. No heavy thinking. No second guessing. High confidence. Alpha frame.

It takes some discipline when you lack abundance, but you'll find this approach to dating will give you more abundance.

So I don't care if a woman dumps me and tries to come back later. If when she comes back she gets with my program, its all good. I don't care about the past. And I'll drop her as soon as she deviates from my program just like every other woman.

This is why you never get married or move in with a woman. Takes away your choice to quickly drop a woman who won't behave.
 

backbreaker

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it's almost like Lebron James, when he signs these one year contracts on a year by year basis. it keeps pressure on the front office to cater to his demands or else he can walk.

By not committing fully you keep pressure on the woman to confirm
 
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