Bourne’s Life
Please give me any tips and feedback.
Name: Bourne
Age: 26
About: At age of 19, got laid for the first time and with this same girl ended up having 5 year relationship. Almost married to her, lived with her for 3.5 years until out of the blue she dumped me for “grass is greener and I want to experience life”. She used lines such as “You are the kind of guy I would marry.” And “I have to find myself”. I didn’t see any of this coming. This was at the end of 2004, October. Two months later, December 2004, at age of 25 I went to a party and made out with a girl who later turned out to be my new g/f. For a 1.3 years, I stuck with her through most of the fighting taking place over stupid meaningless crap at starting at 2nd month period. At first she adored me and had the most respect for me, but all that was lost. She was 21. I was 26. March of 2006 I broke up with her when she acquired a male friend interest she wasn’t willing to walk away from. This was the first time I ever broke up with someone. I started to really reflect back on my pathetic life that I had with women and realized, it was pretty much non-existent and I settled for what was there. I settled for mediocrity. While the rest of my life, school, career and health/fitness seemed to really take off. I choose to change my life and change my ways. This is going to be my journey. This is going to be difficult, hard road ahead. I may not be prepared to face what is coming ahead, but I will do whatever is necessary to NOT fall back into unhealthy pattern of behavior that I have led 8 years of my life.
If you care to read what happened in my last relationship:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=96079
Selected Goals:
Friday – March 24, 2006
I had my oil changed at 8 o’clock in the morning. I thought to myself, those places are usually perfect to chat up strangers. Turned my car in and went into a waiting room. Sat next to a woman, tried to comment what was on tv a few times to her, nothing. Oh well, back to studying. I hate how self-involved some people are. We are too busy to talk, too busy to make eye contact. While some people ***** about lack of communication and connection between individuals. After she left an older man sat right next to me, I chatted him up asking about his car and what was wrong with it, after that we just started to talk about random things around where we live. Shooting ****. I tried to push a conversation, not in any particular direction but using some things that he mentioned and going off of that.
I was supposed to go clubbing with bunch of friends later that night. At the last minute every one started to bail out. They either had homework to do or something else. Well that plan fell through. I ended up going to a friend’s dorm room and he was having friends over. They were hanging out, drinking beer. I had good time none the less. Met many new people. Few girls. Getting out of my little comfort zone has proved today very good thing to do. Even though I felt like I shouldn’t have gone out but saying **** it, I’m going out regardless. Today I widened my social circle a bit.
One thing I noticed I don’t do kino enough. Just saying hi and getting a hug, most people were doing that I was not. I am going to work on that.
Later on we all went to some house party. Everyone was in their own social circles and they just kind of stayed there. Don’t you hate that? Right before we left, I had to get into 1 cold approach. So I saw 3 girls having fun and taking picture of each other. I came over and commented on how much fun they are having taking pictures and that I had to take a picture of them and me, because I can’t pass that up. They agreed. One girl asked my name and we introduced each other. After that I left.
Stranger: 1
Cold Approach: 1 (1/100)
Saturday – March 25, 2006
Around 9 pm I went to Borders. Smiled and said hi to a very cute girl. She said hi back. Progress for me in that department. I usually don’t do that. Felt very good about it. I kept eye contact until she smiled, I smiled back and said hi, she did the same.
Sat down, had to study for a bit. I saw some guy who worked there chat up 2 girls, not good looking girls but whatever. He was pretty smooth about it. I don’t think he knew what to do but he opened with nice shoes compliment and it went from there. I was rather impressed. Guy was a bit dorky but wow he had the balls. He talked too much about himself. Overhearing their conversation the girl was from a college down the road from mine. I wanted to come up to them and chat them up, but I felt like another guy coming over after one is gone. I need to stop caring what, where, who did when. After the guy left, I grew a pair and said whatever happens, happens. I came up and asked her about the school. When their spring break was up and when the semester was over. I was nervous and stuttered. Damnit. Still I got up and went over to talk to them. I was nervous as hell.
Mistakes: I think I cared too much of what is she going to think of me, rather than concentrating on the interaction. I didn’t too well in that interaction.
Around 10 pm I decided to go to my college. They were holding a dance party. Those are usually very small. I knew the guy who was doing the music. As I walked up closer to the building I heard techno playing. Great. I started to feel nervous. I don’t know why. I shouldn’t have. I walked in. I knew more then half of those people. Everyone was dancing having a good time. I chatted a few people up, but I just stood there like a bump on a log and watched everyone dance. My instincts told me to go and dance. After a little while I said to myself, that if I don’t get over there and dance I would feel worse then if I make a fool out of myself. I got in there and started dancing. I’m not great dancer but pretty decent. This was one of the first times I danced without any alcohol. It felt refreshing to do it like that. As more I got into having fun, I started to dance with different people, pulling girls into out little circle. I was finally having fun. Towards the end of the night at last song my friend played some slow tune. I pulled in a girl to dance with me who I didn’t know who was sitting by her self. After it was done I introduced myself and we parted ways. It was a good night. I felt great.
Stranger: 0
Cold Approach: 2 (3/100)
Sunday – March 26, 2006
I went to visit an old friend of mine in the afternoon. The day outside was beautiful. Mid 60s, sunny, that fresh smell in the air. After I left his place I stopped off at wal-mart. Made few eye contacts and smiles with girls. That is becoming a bit easier and easier to do, the more I do it. Before I would avoid all eye contact. What a shame.
I live by the beach, maybe 15 minutes away. As I decided to go home, I reminded myself how rewarding it has been when I go to places I usually don’t go to. I turned around and headed for the beach. I had some homework to do so I grabbed some books and headed for a café on the beach. Live music. Great weather, 30 minutes away from the sunset. Sat there studying. Made a few eye contacts. I was going to approach good looking girl, but then I noticed she had 3 kids run up to her. Nope. None for me.
As I sat there studying I noticed a girl looking over my way. I looked at her and smiled. I was surprised how forward she was when she smiled back and came over to my table and introduced herself.
Guys follow when you feel like you rather go home and sit on your ass. Don’t do it. Get up and go somewhere new, even if it means by yourself. Just get out of your comfort circle. It has been very rewarding to me, and I’m sure it will to you.
Anyway we sat there talking about everything and anything for about half hour. Bad part is she was on her spring break and she was 17. OUCH. As we went our separate ways, I said nice meeting you and gave her a hug. 17, haha. OUCH. Call me when you turn 18.
Stranger: 0
Cold Approach: 1 (4/100)
Proved to be a rewarding weekend.
Please give me any tips and feedback.
Name: Bourne
Age: 26
About: At age of 19, got laid for the first time and with this same girl ended up having 5 year relationship. Almost married to her, lived with her for 3.5 years until out of the blue she dumped me for “grass is greener and I want to experience life”. She used lines such as “You are the kind of guy I would marry.” And “I have to find myself”. I didn’t see any of this coming. This was at the end of 2004, October. Two months later, December 2004, at age of 25 I went to a party and made out with a girl who later turned out to be my new g/f. For a 1.3 years, I stuck with her through most of the fighting taking place over stupid meaningless crap at starting at 2nd month period. At first she adored me and had the most respect for me, but all that was lost. She was 21. I was 26. March of 2006 I broke up with her when she acquired a male friend interest she wasn’t willing to walk away from. This was the first time I ever broke up with someone. I started to really reflect back on my pathetic life that I had with women and realized, it was pretty much non-existent and I settled for what was there. I settled for mediocrity. While the rest of my life, school, career and health/fitness seemed to really take off. I choose to change my life and change my ways. This is going to be my journey. This is going to be difficult, hard road ahead. I may not be prepared to face what is coming ahead, but I will do whatever is necessary to NOT fall back into unhealthy pattern of behavior that I have led 8 years of my life.
If you care to read what happened in my last relationship:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=96079
Selected Goals:
- Overcome my fear of rejection
- Finish college in top 10% of my class – Long Term (3 years to go)
- School is number 1, everything else comes second. Push myself in school twice as much
- Find out what I like and what I don't like in girls, dates, sex, etc
- Workout 3-4 times per week
- Become social and be able to talk to strangers freely
- Step out of my comfort zone everyday
- Cold approach at least one girl per day
- Talk to a random stranger, at least one per day
- Go out on dates. One per week.
- Constantly make eye contact and smile
- Study Italian over the summer
- Travel over the summer to places I haven’t been in
- Over the summer, kickbox/box/grapple in the ring again
- Parasail
- Every Friday and/or Saturday go out and socialize. Even if it means going out by myself. Sometimes pick places I haven’t been to yet.
- Get laid by 5 different girls this year.
- Push myself at drawing even further then before.
- Read 20-30 pages a day of any book of my choice
- Eat healthy. Stop eating **** food
- Date 2-3 women at the same time
- Stop being labeled as nice guy. Stop being a doormat. Self-Respect. Confidence. Respect of others.
- Treat everyone the same.
- Don’t put anyone on pedestal. No superior or inferior complexes.
- Get over caring what others think of me. Get over approval of others
- Focus on interaction and enjoy the process
- 100 Approaches (Inspired by Nishbuk and Deezy, obviously mine are not going to be as smooth and advanced as theirs but I will work my way up.
Friday – March 24, 2006
I had my oil changed at 8 o’clock in the morning. I thought to myself, those places are usually perfect to chat up strangers. Turned my car in and went into a waiting room. Sat next to a woman, tried to comment what was on tv a few times to her, nothing. Oh well, back to studying. I hate how self-involved some people are. We are too busy to talk, too busy to make eye contact. While some people ***** about lack of communication and connection between individuals. After she left an older man sat right next to me, I chatted him up asking about his car and what was wrong with it, after that we just started to talk about random things around where we live. Shooting ****. I tried to push a conversation, not in any particular direction but using some things that he mentioned and going off of that.
I was supposed to go clubbing with bunch of friends later that night. At the last minute every one started to bail out. They either had homework to do or something else. Well that plan fell through. I ended up going to a friend’s dorm room and he was having friends over. They were hanging out, drinking beer. I had good time none the less. Met many new people. Few girls. Getting out of my little comfort zone has proved today very good thing to do. Even though I felt like I shouldn’t have gone out but saying **** it, I’m going out regardless. Today I widened my social circle a bit.
One thing I noticed I don’t do kino enough. Just saying hi and getting a hug, most people were doing that I was not. I am going to work on that.
Later on we all went to some house party. Everyone was in their own social circles and they just kind of stayed there. Don’t you hate that? Right before we left, I had to get into 1 cold approach. So I saw 3 girls having fun and taking picture of each other. I came over and commented on how much fun they are having taking pictures and that I had to take a picture of them and me, because I can’t pass that up. They agreed. One girl asked my name and we introduced each other. After that I left.
Stranger: 1
Cold Approach: 1 (1/100)
Saturday – March 25, 2006
Around 9 pm I went to Borders. Smiled and said hi to a very cute girl. She said hi back. Progress for me in that department. I usually don’t do that. Felt very good about it. I kept eye contact until she smiled, I smiled back and said hi, she did the same.
Sat down, had to study for a bit. I saw some guy who worked there chat up 2 girls, not good looking girls but whatever. He was pretty smooth about it. I don’t think he knew what to do but he opened with nice shoes compliment and it went from there. I was rather impressed. Guy was a bit dorky but wow he had the balls. He talked too much about himself. Overhearing their conversation the girl was from a college down the road from mine. I wanted to come up to them and chat them up, but I felt like another guy coming over after one is gone. I need to stop caring what, where, who did when. After the guy left, I grew a pair and said whatever happens, happens. I came up and asked her about the school. When their spring break was up and when the semester was over. I was nervous and stuttered. Damnit. Still I got up and went over to talk to them. I was nervous as hell.
Mistakes: I think I cared too much of what is she going to think of me, rather than concentrating on the interaction. I didn’t too well in that interaction.
Around 10 pm I decided to go to my college. They were holding a dance party. Those are usually very small. I knew the guy who was doing the music. As I walked up closer to the building I heard techno playing. Great. I started to feel nervous. I don’t know why. I shouldn’t have. I walked in. I knew more then half of those people. Everyone was dancing having a good time. I chatted a few people up, but I just stood there like a bump on a log and watched everyone dance. My instincts told me to go and dance. After a little while I said to myself, that if I don’t get over there and dance I would feel worse then if I make a fool out of myself. I got in there and started dancing. I’m not great dancer but pretty decent. This was one of the first times I danced without any alcohol. It felt refreshing to do it like that. As more I got into having fun, I started to dance with different people, pulling girls into out little circle. I was finally having fun. Towards the end of the night at last song my friend played some slow tune. I pulled in a girl to dance with me who I didn’t know who was sitting by her self. After it was done I introduced myself and we parted ways. It was a good night. I felt great.
Stranger: 0
Cold Approach: 2 (3/100)
Sunday – March 26, 2006
I went to visit an old friend of mine in the afternoon. The day outside was beautiful. Mid 60s, sunny, that fresh smell in the air. After I left his place I stopped off at wal-mart. Made few eye contacts and smiles with girls. That is becoming a bit easier and easier to do, the more I do it. Before I would avoid all eye contact. What a shame.
I live by the beach, maybe 15 minutes away. As I decided to go home, I reminded myself how rewarding it has been when I go to places I usually don’t go to. I turned around and headed for the beach. I had some homework to do so I grabbed some books and headed for a café on the beach. Live music. Great weather, 30 minutes away from the sunset. Sat there studying. Made a few eye contacts. I was going to approach good looking girl, but then I noticed she had 3 kids run up to her. Nope. None for me.
As I sat there studying I noticed a girl looking over my way. I looked at her and smiled. I was surprised how forward she was when she smiled back and came over to my table and introduced herself.
Guys follow when you feel like you rather go home and sit on your ass. Don’t do it. Get up and go somewhere new, even if it means by yourself. Just get out of your comfort circle. It has been very rewarding to me, and I’m sure it will to you.
Anyway we sat there talking about everything and anything for about half hour. Bad part is she was on her spring break and she was 17. OUCH. As we went our separate ways, I said nice meeting you and gave her a hug. 17, haha. OUCH. Call me when you turn 18.
Stranger: 0
Cold Approach: 1 (4/100)
Proved to be a rewarding weekend.
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