Augustus_McCrae
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2012
- Messages
- 911
- Reaction score
- 1,004
An all too familiar scenario for myself and many of my friends:
Married young: I was 24 years old. In retrospect, I was way too young and too inexperienced to even make the decision to marry.
She seemed sweet initially: She was cute, had a nice shape and seemed very loving. In the early years of our marriage,She used to make me breakfast in the morning and would prepare a nice lunch to take to work. She would kiss me when I left for work and hand me my lunch on the way out the door. When I came home from work, she would greet me with another kiss and have dinner ready to be served.
The years passed and we had two children...
For the bulk of our marriage, she was a stay at home Mom. We both felt that was the best thing for the kids. When the girls were small, she actually seemed to be a decent Mother. I always worked hard and improved myself career wise. But unseen and unrealized by me, over the years she developed a sense of entitlement, she grew spoiled and became used to a certain lifestyle.
She entered her late 30's and things drastically changed... She became irritable, angry, and irrational. We argued almost every day. I began to dread coming home from work. I would roll up into the driveway wondering what private hell I would be facing when I walked in the door. She was obviously suffering from depression and anxiety, but refused to seek help. She never accepted the responsibility for the decisions she made and things she had done. She was always the "victim".
I took my marriage vows seriously and couldn't begin to fathom the breakup of the family unit. My parents had their share of problems but they stayed together. Her's on the other hand, divorced when she was young (When I first met her I was too young to realize that children of divorced parents are more likely to wind up divorced themselves).
She grew worse and worse, more angry and bitter as time went on. I actually thought about leaving. But I realized that, at best, we would get joint custody. Which meant that my children would be subjected to her anger, depression and emotional abuse fifty percent of the time without me around to act as a buffer between them and their Mother.
So I made a pact with myself to stick it out until the youngest entered college.
Fast forward to today: I'm in the middle of an incredibly nasty divorce, racking up thousands of dollars in legal fees, attempting to protect myself from my evil Ex.
She's trying to get permanent, lifetime alimony and she stands a chance of getting it because our marriage held together for so many years.
I'm the one who still partially supports our older child and totally supports the child who is in college. However, support of adult children is not considered when it comes to determining standard of living and alimony. So, while I am morally doing the right thing by helping my children, the law considers my ex wife's wants and needs to be more important than my children.
Many of my friends (ages 40 to 50's) have similar stories to tell. Some stayed for the sake of the kids, some of them didn't even get to make that decision. Their wives divorced them (good old no fault divorce) and they walked away with the kids, cash, prizes and child support. Those who were able to stick it out are faced with the dread alimony issue that I'm facing.
And so many of them say that it all started when the women entered their late 30's. She hit 36 or 37, lost her mind and eventually became unrecognizable from the young girl they fell in love with and married...
So, to all of you men out there considering marriage, let this be a cautionary tale to you: Make sure you totally understand the massive risk you are assuming to your life and your finances by entering into a marriage contract between you, a woman, and the state...
Married young: I was 24 years old. In retrospect, I was way too young and too inexperienced to even make the decision to marry.
She seemed sweet initially: She was cute, had a nice shape and seemed very loving. In the early years of our marriage,She used to make me breakfast in the morning and would prepare a nice lunch to take to work. She would kiss me when I left for work and hand me my lunch on the way out the door. When I came home from work, she would greet me with another kiss and have dinner ready to be served.
The years passed and we had two children...
For the bulk of our marriage, she was a stay at home Mom. We both felt that was the best thing for the kids. When the girls were small, she actually seemed to be a decent Mother. I always worked hard and improved myself career wise. But unseen and unrealized by me, over the years she developed a sense of entitlement, she grew spoiled and became used to a certain lifestyle.
She entered her late 30's and things drastically changed... She became irritable, angry, and irrational. We argued almost every day. I began to dread coming home from work. I would roll up into the driveway wondering what private hell I would be facing when I walked in the door. She was obviously suffering from depression and anxiety, but refused to seek help. She never accepted the responsibility for the decisions she made and things she had done. She was always the "victim".
I took my marriage vows seriously and couldn't begin to fathom the breakup of the family unit. My parents had their share of problems but they stayed together. Her's on the other hand, divorced when she was young (When I first met her I was too young to realize that children of divorced parents are more likely to wind up divorced themselves).
She grew worse and worse, more angry and bitter as time went on. I actually thought about leaving. But I realized that, at best, we would get joint custody. Which meant that my children would be subjected to her anger, depression and emotional abuse fifty percent of the time without me around to act as a buffer between them and their Mother.
So I made a pact with myself to stick it out until the youngest entered college.
Fast forward to today: I'm in the middle of an incredibly nasty divorce, racking up thousands of dollars in legal fees, attempting to protect myself from my evil Ex.
She's trying to get permanent, lifetime alimony and she stands a chance of getting it because our marriage held together for so many years.
I'm the one who still partially supports our older child and totally supports the child who is in college. However, support of adult children is not considered when it comes to determining standard of living and alimony. So, while I am morally doing the right thing by helping my children, the law considers my ex wife's wants and needs to be more important than my children.
Many of my friends (ages 40 to 50's) have similar stories to tell. Some stayed for the sake of the kids, some of them didn't even get to make that decision. Their wives divorced them (good old no fault divorce) and they walked away with the kids, cash, prizes and child support. Those who were able to stick it out are faced with the dread alimony issue that I'm facing.
And so many of them say that it all started when the women entered their late 30's. She hit 36 or 37, lost her mind and eventually became unrecognizable from the young girl they fell in love with and married...
So, to all of you men out there considering marriage, let this be a cautionary tale to you: Make sure you totally understand the massive risk you are assuming to your life and your finances by entering into a marriage contract between you, a woman, and the state...