Your relationship with your sister/mother

[darksprezzatura]

Essentially a lot many of us were brought up to stay thick with family no matter what. How do you deal with her drama ( sister's boyfriends, tantrums, identity crisis, depression, mother's emotional abusiveness, manipulativeness etc ) considering you can't mark them as red flags and walk out on them.

 

[Spaz]

All woman will nag, that's a given.

My own mother continuously nags at me to get married.

My sisters, often time drops by my house crying and starts complaining abt their kids and their husbands.

All I do is politely "appear" to be listening and at some point nodding my head but I'm actually in reality dismissing every single word from my head.

It's goes like this; screech...screechhhh...I nod and nod....screech...screech...again I nod....screech...screech..I give out a small sympathetic smile and nod.

After its all good and done, they'll seem happier, I'm not affected and everything goes back to normal.

 

[darksprezzatura]

All woman will nag, that's a given.

My own mother continuously nags at me to get married.

My sisters, often time drops by my house crying and starts complaining abt their kids and their husbands.

All I do is politely "appear" to be listening and at some point nodding my head but I'm actually in reality dismissing every single word from my head.

It's goes like this; screech...screechhhh...I nod and nod....screech...screech...again I nod....screech...screech..I give out a small sympathetic smile and nod.

After its all good and done, they'll seem happier, I'm not affected and everything goes back to normal.

Thanks man

 

[Serenity]

you can't mark them as red flags and walk out on them.

Really? Being a family member doesn't make it acceptable to be a sh!tty person. I told my mother to fvck off and not call me to bother me with her perpetual crises or her usual negative sh!t. Any hint a conversation is taking a bad turn I hang up or if in person physically walk away.

Granted you're rarely rid of them permanently, but this way they'll relatively quickly learn to behave if they even wish to have a place in your life, otherwise just block, ignore and carry on with your own life as usual.

She's extremely exhausting though, for less annoying people @Spaz advice is sufficient.

 

[Murk]

Women love a b1tch and a moan, all of them. They are also very quick to take offence/be insulted. Quick to play victim. Quick to write you off or backstab you even if verbally.

The difference with family is you can win them over easily, they know you. Other women just make you feel like punching them square in the face. Maybe it’s just me?

 

[Alvafe]

with sister is easy block and move, there is no obligation whatever, plus serious if you was really close or she would ahve trained you well or you would.

mothers are a little more troublesome since if she was there for you, you will some kinda of loyalty toward her, but even so, best you can do is train her, best of all is you can fight with her and say your mind without care, if she never talks with you again its a win for you, if not she will start to behave, what I do is simple, everytime she plays the victim card I dismiss it with yeah you have such a hard life, retired with the whole time in the world to do whatever, it is really hard,, or tease her with being slow, and don't care for what she does, one time she was doing something annoying to me, I told her to stop, she start the drama of she can't do anything. I just told her you can do whatever you want as long it don't piss me off, problem solved after.

understand this woman, will need guidance like a child don't matter how old she is or how much she have her sh!t together, also don't trust any woman says she doesn't, she is just lying to make herself feel better, you know the whole girl power thing

 

[Serenity]

mothers are a little more troublesome since if she was there for you, you will some kinda of loyalty toward her, but even so, best you can do is train her

Been over this one in my mind a few times. I concluded that it doesn't matter if she was there for me, it was her damn duty for having me. That doesn't give her a free card to abuse and guilt trip me, I owe her nothing because (trying) to raise me was the least she should do.

Training her is not my duty, she's a grown woman and should know better. She can behave or fvck off, I don't have time to play her daddy.

 

[Alvafe]

Been over this one in my mind a few times. I concluded that it doesn't matter if she was there for me, it was her damn duty for having me. That doesn't give her a free card to abuse and guilt trip me, I owe her nothing because (trying) to raise me was the least she should do.

Training her is not my duty, she's a grown woman and should know better. She can behave or fvck off, I don't have time to play her daddy.

is not question of duty or not, its you, if you are any decent men with some core value you will have some loyalty toward people who helped you, that is how men are, we are loyal, hence why woman abuse of that value. and her being a grown woman means nothing, woman will never stop acting like a child, and making her behave is training her, saying and acting in a way you won't waste time she don't behave is training her, she knows if she want to stay close to you she will have to behave, as long you really act like it she will behave.

 

[darksprezzatura]

This is a really fruitful discussion, thanks y'all

 

[Spaz]

There must be a modicum of respect shown to your own mother, when you were young, she took her time to protect and feed you.

And now despite her other flaws, you as a son should take the time to at least listen to her grouses.

You can always dismiss those topics from your mind if it's rubbish, it's relatively easy and shouldn't affect you in the least. Train yourself to mentally block hurtful words and what was once impossible will be possible.

But do listen, nod and smile, every man owes that to his mother no matter how bad she is.

 

[Serenity]

is not question of duty or not, its you, if you are any decent men with some core value you will have some loyalty toward people who helped you, that is how men are, we are loyal, hence why woman abuse of that value. and her being a grown woman means nothing, woman will never stop acting like a child, and making her behave is training her, saying and acting in a way you won't waste time she don't behave is training her, she knows if she want to stay close to you she will have to behave, as long you really act like it she will behave.

I absolutely disagree. Loyalty is a weakness. I only remain loyal to someone who treats me with respect and behave rationally, women have no excuse for acting like stuck up children. They are perfectly capable of being decent human beings, but because men like you exist who accept this type of sh!t they conveniently (for them) act like they want. They don't need to even make an excuse, because you already have.

You've been fooled by women, have fun dealing with them the hard way.

 

[Alvafe]

I absolutely disagree. Loyalty is a weakness. I only remain loyal to someone who treats me with respect and behave rationally, women have no excuse for acting like stuck up children. They are perfectly capable of being decent human beings, but because men like you exist who accept this type of sh!t they conveniently (for them) act like they want. They don't need to even make an excuse, because you already have.

You've been fooled by women, have fun dealing with them the hard way.

weakness is you not taking the meaning of what I said, I never said you shouldn't take action, and cut people who can't redeem thenselfs, you keep people who behave and show value, trash who also have no loyalty to you, you kick to the side and stop wasting time

 

[Serenity]

weakness is you not taking the meaning of what I said, I never said you shouldn't take action, and cut people who can't redeem thenselfs, you keep people who behave and show value, trash who also have no loyalty to you, you kick to the side and stop wasting time

Oh, I have misunderstood some parts then. Guess I just found it weird that you called it "training", because that takes effort.

Still disagree with women acting like children, just accepting it and expect to waste a lot of time on "training" them. If they're my age they should be held accountable because they should have enough life experience to already know how to behave. I don't mean behaving as in acting in the fear of consequences, but because they understand what's right and why. I expect no less than that of a woman.