Your AFC friend's female "friends"

[Max Power]

Need advice.

I have a male friend in my social circle, who I hang out with two or three times a month. I've only known the guy a couple of years, we have each other's contact info, but don't call each other to hang out. We have a mutual friend who we both hangout with.

This guy has lots of female friends who are attractive and have friendzoned him because even though he is very successful, he is a nice guy AFC.

So I ran into him this weekend with a hot new co-worker having drinks at a place where all of our friends go on Friday nights, so I wouldn't call it a "date" per se.

Now here's my question. I know for a fact that this chick will friendzone him sooner or later and he knows that in the back of his mind, too. So is it wrong to try to pick up your AFC friend's female friends? I mean it's like every other time I see him he's out with a hot girl who appears to have zero sexual interest in him.

There were times during the night when it was just me and her when my friend was preoccupied with other people at the bar and I was tempted to hit on her, but chose not to.

 

[Latinoman]

So is it wrong to try to pick up your AFC friend's female friends?

Yes, it is wrong and classless. And something that can come and bite you in the azz (as you might lose respect from other males/females and even professionals). It is not as you two found her in a bar and you both went for her. This is a woman that he brought up with him and is sharing time with him.


Perhaps, instead of trying to fish on the woman HE is managing to bring with him to bars...maybe you should bring your own.

 

[#41]

Perhaps, instead of trying to fish on the woman HE is managing to bring with him to bars...maybe you should bring your own.

It's all context and situation.

I used to know a guy when I was in law school who had a gigantic circle of friends from the various restaurant and bar type places that he'd worked at. He'd throw giant parties and invite tons of people to his place. There were girls HE was interested in, but anyone else he was eager to hook his friends up with.

Through him, I hooked up with several very attractive women (including one on halloween dressed just by asking him "so, what's the deal with x?" and having him fill me in and get the two of us talking.

If this guy is truly into every woman he brings around, that's one thing. If he's into a few and the rest are for the taking, sometimes all it can take is a conversation or two. Hell, you might even learn something useful for gaming the girl.

 

[MotownMack]

I'm typically of the mindset of Latino man, that there are way too many girls over there to step on the toes, of friends. But having been in your exact situation quite a few times, I also agree with #41 that it depends on the context situation.

Does he like the girl? Would he be upset if you made a move?

I am part of social circle that has a very nice guy, who is forever an AFC. Has a good job, he's educated, and a good sense of humor-but has zero game and never makes a move-meaning he pretty much FZ's himself.

Being single myself, when a new single girl is introduced to the network that he is talking to, this question always arises. I can get plenty of dates, so I don't consider myself as needy him, and always ponder backing off. I have always maintained to one of our mutual friends, that if he ever likes a girl that we are mutually targeting, I would back off. He needs it more than I do.

The flip side is, it gets pretty annoying-waiting around for him to crash and burn, or at least thinking about whether or not I should wait. Because like so many people we know caught in the matrix, the result isn't going to change until he makes it change. And some of the other people in the group act like every new single girl is a potential g/f for him, since he is looking for a nice girl, and I have the reputation as sort of a player. When the reality is, he has been single forever, actively looking forever, and it just isn't happening.

Anyway, my latest decision is until someone tells me that he actually likes a girl and that there is a realistic chance of it going somewhere, I am just going to do what I feel like doing. If I find out different, I will cross that bridge when I get to it.

 

[guru1000]

You need to ask yourself one question,

What kind of perspective are you working from, abundance or scarcity?

One with an abundance mentality, does not need to be HOOKED up or take someone else's LEFTOVERS.

With the Mulititude of woman to CHOOSE from, why engage in Grey Areas?

Grey Areas are for the Scarce.

The motivation it takes for a criminal to rob a bank is the same mindset you are operating out of; Scarce Resources.

Most importantly, for you to question the situation clearly shows you as well see it as a POSSIBLE breach of Respect.

I personally, do not ENGAGE in POSSIBLE's. Simply put, I do not need to.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Is there a ring on her finger? If not, then she's single.

 

[decades]

he's doing something right. :yes: we don't always know what goes on "behind closed doors".

 

[Latinoman]

Is there a ring on her finger? If not, then she's single.

She is single...but that should not make her available.

I have a code: I would NEVER try to take a woman from a friend, co-worker, peer, neighbor, or family. Those people are more important to me than a random woman that I just met. Especially if I met her via one of them.

The drama...potential headaches...are not worth the effort.

If she is in the same social group...that's fine. But if HE is bringing her into that social group or taking her out for drinks and introducing her into the social group...in my eyes, he found her. In my eyes...she is dating him. And in my eyes, the ball is in his court.

 

[Max Power]

The flip side is, it gets pretty annoying-waiting around for him to crash and burn, or at least thinking about whether or not I should wait. Because like so many people we know caught in the matrix, the result isn't going to change until he makes it change. .

MotownMack, you understand the situation. This isn't like once or twice. This happens constantly.

Thanks for the perspecitive.

Rollo, could you elaborate and what do you think of Latinoman's counter arguments.

 

[Max Power]

I personally, do not ENGAGE in POSSIBLE's. Simply put, I do not need to.

That's just super.

 

[Latinoman]

MotownMack, you understand the situation. This isn't like once or twice. This happens constantly.

Thanks for the perspecitive.

Rollo, could you elaborate and what do you think of Latinoman's counter arguments.

So...the guy finds women...brings them to the social group. And NOW you feel like you should go for them?

Come on dude...find YOUR own women. Approach YOUR own women. Don't be such a puzzy.

 

[guru1000]

That's just super.

You just do not get it.

Spin some plates and then ask yourself the same question. Some logic should not need to be spelled out.

 

[Max Power]

So...the guy finds women...brings them to the social group. And NOW you feel like you should go for them?
.

At the risk of getting put down and criticized by you guys againn I will be totally honest: The answer is yes because he's not ****ing them and never does.

And the social group is huge and sometimes it's people from the social group that I haven't met yet, so he's not necessarily bringing them into the social group.

 

[jophil28]

Lets put is this way - say that you and this guy and several others were all sitting around having some dinner. The guy gets a cell call and so he walks out to the parking lot to take the call .. While he is absent ,do you take the opportunity to eat the food on HIS plate just because you can ?

 

[jophil28]

At the risk of getting put down and criticized by you guys againn I will be totally honest: The answer is yes because he's not ****ing them and never does.

And the social group is huge and sometimes it's people from the social group that I haven't met yet, so he's not necessarily bringing them into the social group.

Only you know the actual social setting and context here.
If you are really leaning towards pursuing this woman why not just talk to the guy about it first. If he says "go for it " then you have no obstacles.
If he objects then you need to consult your Personal Ethical Operating Manual for instructions.

 

[StevenR]

I was just about to say the same thing. Ask the guy, find out his intentions. If he likes her he will be bitter and jealous if you hook up with her, but if he doesn't care or has given up on her, or he is gay, then you have a green light. Do you know for a fact this guy is not gay? Maybe it is just because of where I have lived(big west coast city), but it seems that oftentimes seemingly successful handsome men who have a lot of attractive female friends who they are not dating, are in fact gay.

 

[Jitterbug]

I have a friend who is exactly like that guy. Very friendly with a good sense of humour and always has lots of attractive female friends. However, his game sucks and either gets FZed constantly or never makes a move. I never went for the girls he brought around but I always thought that it's such a waste... so one day I asked him if he were going for a certain girl, he said no, and I went ahead. From then on, we just talked to each other about our targets so that we don't step on each other's toes.

Maybe you can just talk to him. He's a guy. It should be straightforward.

 

[Max Power]

I have a friend who is exactly like that guy. Very friendly with a good sense of humour and always has lots of attractive female friends. However, his game sucks and either gets FZed constantly or never makes a move. I never went for the girls he brought around but I always thought that it's such a waste... so one day I asked him if he were going for a certain girl, he said no, and I went ahead. From then on, we just talked to each other about our targets so that we don't step on each other's toes.

Maybe you can just talk to him. He's a guy. It should be straightforward.

Thank you.

And the guy is not gay, StevenR. He's just way too AFC. Starts off strong with the chicks in a good frame and then runs out of game and starts talking about his problems with women to them. He self destructs before my eyes. At least that's what I witnessed the other night.