Younger woman at work situation -- what gives ?

[BobB]

I need some opinions on what people think is going on here with this situation. If I screwed up royally, I need to know where I went wrong --- if it's her, then I can sleep easier at night. Here's the lowdown: I'm 41, divorced with one daughter, and work in an office. For about the last 9-10 months, this single, 25 year old woman who works in my department has been coming up to my desk, asking me questions about my interests and my personal life, and proceeding to tell me almost every single detail of her life whether I cared to know or not. For the longest time, I just looked at her as this "pesky kid", and never really paid her much mind. That was, until about one month ago, when she told me that a co-worker in our office had kept asking her why her and I weren't going out. She's not bad looking, and I began thinking about long-term sexual possibilities if not relationship possibilities. So, I tried to play nice and asked her to join me for dinner on the weekend and to see a local band. I obtained her phone number, picked her up at her condo, and it was a pleasant, innocuous evening in which nothing was expected and nothing happened, but we enjoyed each other's company and conversation and found that we had some interests in common. The following week had pleasant conversation and flirting as usual at work, and I began thinking that dating might actually be OK. So when the weekend arose, I called her at home and left a message that said "I like you and if you agree, I think I would like to try going out with you. If you want to think about it, that's fine". That was this past weekend, and ever since the new work week has begun, she has been avoiding me like the plague and running into the women's bathroom whenever she sees me approaching in the same direction !! What gives ?! I guess I'm dumb when it comes to this sort of thing, but I don't get it. It seemed that all of the indications were there. Please help me with some insight --it's very frustrating.

 

[HuuBinh]

Here's where you've failed IMO: "I like you and if you agree, I think I would like to try going out with you. If you want to think about it, that's fine".

 

[Paid Laid & Made]

Remember your dealing with a younger girl, so yeah that comment did it. Consider yourself done.

 

[Walden]

Hey it's cool you obviously dont have a lot of experience, and that was a bit of a screw up. Don't sweat it , ad find yourself ten other women

Here's a link you may find useful.

http://sucs.org/~nicholas/djb/index.php

Good luck and good hunting.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

maybe she just wanted sex and by your comments u made her feel that u wanted a relationship - so she bailed

she was obviously interested in u by coming on to u and initiating conversaton and going out with you

 

[squirrels]

You're ALREADY "dating."

What you said, in essence, was: "I want to take what was fun and exciting and make it all formal and official. You probably don't want that, but I'm willing to wait around until you do."

This is why I hate the whole "dating" thing. You're showing all KINDS of insecurity by saying that sh*t. Not only by saying, "If you like to think about it..." indicating that you're not confident she wants to be with you, the very PROPOSAL of some kind of official "dating schema" says that even though she ALREADY went out with you once, you're not secure of your ability to attract her, so you want to RESERVE her from other men.

 

[sql]

its like cardinal law, not to say anything like

"i like you"
"i'll be waiting by the phone for you"
"im in love with you"
"i wanna marry you this weekend"

etc. while there may be good intentions behind these kinds of words, they are are not the kinds of things you want to be giving up in a relationship, and are more often than not the deal breakers people commit.

it breaks tension, it kills mystery, it exposes your intentions, it tell her you have no priorities other than living for her, and all around just sounds freaky if you dont know the person well.

its not a game, its the rules of attraction. if you have ever wanted something so bad, and then gotten you hands on it, and then thought to yourself its not as good or shiny or new as you thought, then you know what im talking about.

people want what they cant have. this is your trump card in any relationship.

just 2 cents.

 

[BobB]

Wow ! I can see this is DEFINITELY going to be an educational forum for me !! I'm realizing more and more just how uninformed I really am when it comes to understanding women ! Thank you all for your insights....

 

[glowstix]

DONT DATE CO-WORKERS, I REPEAT DONT DAT CO-WORKERS

Its a risky and a bad idea....

my reasons are as follows :

1. There is a time and a place for fun and work and play must be seperated by a fine line

2. You dont want your relationship to go sour and have her be a psycho bitc% and tell your boss that you were sexally harasing her or something (you may no think that it can happen but trust me brother, you really cant trust anyone in this sick and twisted world, sad but true )

3. Keep your mind on work, if you are trying to get with a gal at work then your mind will be on that all day next thing you know you are late on that report due or you missed out on that big sale..

4. Just observe her and use her as your practice toy... basically try all your techniques on her but dont get physical just use mental tecniques...

 

[BGMan]

This seems to be covered succinctly by other posters, but what the heck, I'll add my .02

Originally posted by BobB
So when the weekend arose, I called her at home and left a message that said "I like you and if you agree, I think I would like to try going out with you. If you want to think about it, that's fine".

That was where you screwed up. NEVER tell her you "like her" until you're engaged or something, and the rest of your sentence sounded weak and wimpy. Rather than "I think I would like to try going out with you, if that's okay with you" a real man would leave NO message and ask her out on a date as casually as if you were calling the nearest pizza place for a delivery.

That LAME-ASS message would have turned me off too if I was her. DON'T DO THAT!!!

However, generally speaking, hot-cold girls like her are just getting off on flirting with you but aren't really that into you. Case in point: "nothing happened"... you mean, she didn't touch you at all? You didn't kiss her?

I still think she was just flirting and doesn't really like you; or at least marginally did like you UNTIL the answering machine fiasco. I would write her off... and also never leave "I like you" messages on any woman's answering machine ever again!

BGMan

 

[j_kat_251]

Mo Money (2c)

Thinking of her as "that pesky kid" is easily the most DJ move you wrote up in that post. If you can go back to that mindset and attitude... totally FORGET about her, no stress, no thoughts, no consideration of her for the next ninety three years... I bet she will come crawling back. Women tend to be forgiving... or at least have selective memories. Again... the "pesky kid" attitude. Man, that's some hot shyt. No wonder she wanted your ass. Good luck in the future.