Young man needing relationship advice

[twoface262]

Hello, I've come to this forum from reading "The Rational Made" and just finished the Meta-Game section. The idea of having men who've been in similar situations give advice seems pretty helpful. Especially since no one within my family/social circle has been able to give good advice on this.

I live in the US and am having relationship problems. I've been dating the girl for the better part of 3 years and am just now starting to become "red pill aware."

The relationship started off my Freshman year in college, I had Oneities. This girl was great, as a beta, to me she was the ONE. At the end of the school year, when she went home, she cheated on me with her ex boyfriend and I let it stand for the whole summer -- I was cucked. I should've ended it there, but she was my one. When school started back up she wanted to dump the guy she was f*cking all summer to be back with me and I allowed it. The year was filled with arguments and a lot of resentment, yet I still allowed it because I believed I couldn't do any better.

Fast forward a year, I made another horrible decision, we moved in together. I'm paying all of rent -- she only pays utilities and her car payment, etc. With the apartment it averages out to me paying over a $1000/mo in bills while a full-time student and she's paying ~$150-200 while working a job full-time. She claims she can't pay more because she isn't making enough money -- but she makes more than I do. So, again, I put up with it because she was my ONE.

Another year goes by, and I'm in my senior year of college. I've discovered some MGTOW and Red Pill channels on youtube and started to feel more aligned with the Red Pill Aware channels. I'm also starting to feel regret and like I've wasted my college career trapped with this girl, when there are better opportunities out there. My girlfriend notices that I'm starting to become aware of my self-worth and she hates it -- and has been acting on dread games to show it.

Recently we got into a fight because of expectations when it came to buying each other things. I'm not materialistic in any way and don't care how much another person spends on me, but I believe that they should hold the same expectations (especially if I'm paying all the bills!). The fight was about her wanting me to buy her a gift for Christmas that was nearly $1,000 that I simply do not have (I am a full time college student with bills up the ass thanks to her). Yet when my birthday comes up she doesn't want to spend a dime on me -- again, not an issue, but the expectation of her getting more than she gives is insane.

What do I do? I've only recently become "Red Pill Aware" so I'm still a beta and have been socialized to be one. I don't want to lose her, but I feel miserable in my current situation and am lost on how to leave it.

If this is in the wrong forum, or the question has been answered already, I apoligze! I'm new here!!

 

[sosousage]

she never respected u

 

[sosousage]

i didnt know women can be this selfish

 

[mrgoodstuff]

i didnt know women can be this selfish

They can use you like an ashtray.

 

[AttackFormation]

I don't want to lose her

You can't "lose" something you don't have.

There is no "relationship". It was already over 3 years ago. You just have to get rid of her and move on with your life and the red pill, if you can find the backbone you dropped somewhere. Because you're now absorbing TRP, the blue pill loser in your mind who's been in charge of your life until now will be fighting to the last neuron to rationalize you staying with, paying for and groveling like a worm to her... this will be your first test.

 

[lamath]

Sounds a bit like my now deceased LTR
she never cheated however.
I was paying all the bills, because she had a student loan that she took 10 year to start paying and ofc now she wants to pay it fast so she makes 2x the minimum payment 1600++ per month and then complaint she got no $$

So im taking most of the bills groceries ans **** to an amount of over 3k montly
Was always stress out about money because im working for myself and my income is extremely volatile.
I feel so relieved now

 

[jaymbrs]

I applaud you for seeking out self guidance and trying to find ways to better yourself. However it blows my mind at how blind you are that she's only using you so she can live comfortably. Read your own post in third person. Honestly read it as if someone else wrote it. I hope you'll see how crazy you sound saying you don't want to lose her.

 

[sosousage]

**** she was using him so hard and he even let her live with her for almost free for years

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

She is preying on you. Taking advantage of you and trading you sex & hope & your oneitis for continuing to take advantage of you.

Move out. That's right, you pick up your things and move out. Don't demand that she leave. Just go.

The guys are right. You have to dump her. She doesn't respect you, but more importantly YOU don't respect you. It's going to suck & it's going to hurt. But guess what? It's only November. You still have some university left....

Focus on yourself and your grades. But dump her & move out. Nothing healthy comes of this. You want someone who treats you well. This mooch ain't it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Advice from the old lady:

She is preying on you. Taking advantage of you and trading you sex & hope & your oneitis for continuing to take advantage of you.

Move out. That's right, you pick up your things and move out. Don't demand that she leave. Just go.

The guys are right. You have to dump her. She doesn't respect you, but more importantly YOU don't respect you. It's going to suck & it's going to hurt. But guess what? It's only November. You still have some university left....

Focus on yourself and your grades. But dump her & move out. Nothing healthy comes of this. You want someone who treats you well. This mooch ain't it.

Advice from the old lady:

She is preying on you. Taking advantage of you and trading you sex & hope & your oneitis for continuing to take advantage of you.

Move out. That's right, you pick up your things and move out. Don't demand that she leave. Just go.

The guys are right. You have to dump her. She doesn't respect you, but more importantly YOU don't respect you. It's going to suck & it's going to hurt. But guess what? It's only November. You still have some university left....

Focus on yourself and your grades. But dump her & move out. Nothing healthy comes of this. You want someone who treats you well. This mooch ain't it.

You just spoke to a whole bunch of folks...

 

[Desdinova]

What are you getting in return for putting a house over her head? Sex on command? Meals cooked and served to you? A clean house? What in the fvck is she doing to deserve such extravagant treatment? If you can't think of ANYTHING that you're receiving to make housing her worth it, then you need to take out the trash.

Rewarding her for bad behavior is like rewarding your dog for 5hitting on the carpet

 

[twoface262]

I appreciate all the responses!

Dedinova, to answer your question. We rarely have sex — the only thing I’m getting out of it is the ONEities thing. (Yes still a beta chump)

I also kinda feel bad for her as well. Given that I’m the main provider part of me worries about what will happen to her when I leave. This is probably the biggest thing that’s holding me back. I don’t want to ruin her life, but I’m ruining my own because I’m an idiot.

 

[Rata Blanca]

It is not your responsability to stay with her.

It is your responsability to do what is best for you.

Being with her is not the best for you, dump her, then get back to us.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I appreciate all the responses!

Dedinova, to answer your question. We rarely have sex — the only thing I’m getting out of it is the ONEities thing. (Yes still a beta chump)

I also kinda feel bad for her as well. Given that I’m the main provider part of me worries about what will happen to her when I leave. This is probably the biggest thing that’s holding me back. I don’t want to ruin her life, but I’m ruining my own because I’m an idiot.

She needs you to leave so she can learn.

 

[Ranger]

I’ve read through this. Let’s take a look at something you said.

You feel bad for her because you are the main provider.

I understand this concept. It’s a programmed response from the feminine imperative. Men are suppose to feel guilty and shameful for abandoning a woman despite her infinite ability to suck other diks. Have another man’s child and expect you to raise it, feed it, bond with it, and the state will actually punish you for not following this narrative of the slave provider. Basically 90% of the men out there.

This idea of leaving digs into your concept of honor and chivalry. It makes you the trash and not her despite her summer long fuk-fest with at least one other guy. Interesting, isn’t it?

People thing oh “I would never fall for the propaganda of Nazi germany or Pol Pot in Cambodia. I’m way smarter than that.”
Yeah right. You’ve been living a lie my friend. You’ve been living in a dream world of illusion created by your own civilization.

Kinda makes you mad...right? You are absolutely furious that you are stuck between what you should do and that honor that society and your mother taught you.

You e been living in a dream world brother. It’s a complete facade. A fake reality that keeps you separated from the right to breed and sire children. Like you said, not much sex for you. You’re cucked and it’s brutal. You are her provider and NOT her lover.

How do you feel about that?

 

[Serenity]

I don't want to lose her

You're looking at it all wrong. There's no losing in getting rid of her, you gain your freedom. The only thing you'll lose is someone who clearly doesn't give a sh!t about you and drags you down into the mud for her own gain. There's absolutely NO WAY you'll be able to turn her around and even if you do then it would have costed you more time and effort than it will be worth.

Look, I know it can be kinda frightening to let go of the predictable and walk into the unknown, but that is a process you MUST go through. She's a burden on your life, you can't fly if you don't let go of that dead weight.

You face a choice, happiness or her? Choosing her will ultimately just lead you to losing her anyways, once she has drained you of all resources and you have nothing left to offer.

I also kinda feel bad for her as well. Given that I’m the main provider part of me worries about what will happen to her when I leave. This is probably the biggest thing that’s holding me back. I don’t want to ruin her life, but I’m ruining my own because I’m an idiot.

Ever heard of Stockholm syndrome? It's when you've been around an abuser for a while and grow to like them, even though they treat you like sh!t by several objective standards. Your "relationship" is the definition of co-dependency, she's with you for your resources and you're with her for emotional comfort and feeling good about yourself for fulfilling some arbitrary standard. If you really cared about her you would have left her, because by staying you're just enabling her abusive habits. She stays the same sh!tty person as long as she's with you. It's as unhealthy for her as it is for you. By you leaving her she will have to face the exact same thing (in a different form) as you have to, dealing with the uncertainties that are inherent to our lives and grow as a person.

This relationship is bad in all sorts of ways. You're young, you have been lucky enough to discover the better way early, now save yourself before you're completely fvcked!!! This is a serious matter, your life literally depends on you getting yourself out of this. You can do it now or you can wait until she does and by then you're so far down you just go spraypaint a wall with your brain goo.

 

[Ranger]

You can do it now or you can wait until she does and by then you're so far down you just go spraypaint a wall with your brain goo.

He will wait till the end. He’s trapped himself.

 

[twoface262]

Thank you everyone! I really wish I knew of this community sooner.

I've come to realize and accept that I f*cked myself by moving in with her. I gave her full control and gave her everything when she deserved nothing.

I'm locked down in a year long lease with her, but the bright side is that I can afford everything on my own (I've pretty much been paying everything.. What's another $100-150/mo?). The bad side is that her name is on the lease so it's her choice to leave, even if I tell her to. I can't really afford to break my lease and find a new place since I'm leaving in May anyways. I really wish I had someone scream at me and call me out for the idiotic choice I made two years ago when I made the decision to move in with her.

I understand that this isn't a fixable situation. She's too used to taking advantage and using me -- I can't expect her to stop. The only way to fix it is to leave and work on myself and remember I'm top priority and I'm the prize, not her.

Since I'm locked down until May or until I hit the lotto, what can I do in the mean time? Should I attempt to make her leave knowing how messy that'd be? Do I suck it up, accept I've f*cked up, work on myself, and deal with it until I have my way out?

 

[Ranger]

Let her catch you with another girl in your bed. I would do it in a heartbeat.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Thank you everyone! I really wish I knew of this community sooner.

I've come to realize and accept that I f*cked myself by moving in with her. I gave her full control and gave her everything when she deserved nothing.

I'm locked down in a year long lease with her, but the bright side is that I can afford everything on my own (I've pretty much been paying everything.. What's another $100-150/mo?). The bad side is that her name is on the lease so it's her choice to leave, even if I tell her to. I can't really afford to break my lease and find a new place since I'm leaving in May anyways. I really wish I had someone scream at me and call me out for the idiotic choice I made two years ago when I made the decision to move in with her.

I understand that this isn't a fixable situation. She's too used to taking advantage and using me -- I can't expect her to stop. The only way to fix it is to leave and work on myself and remember I'm top priority and I'm the prize, not her.

Since I'm locked down until May or until I hit the lotto, what can I do in the mean time? Should I attempt to make her leave knowing how messy that'd be? Do I suck it up, accept I've f*cked up, work on myself, and deal with it until I have my way out?

Some jobs will let you get half a dozen free counseling sessions per year. If you have that start it up. It helps absorb against the shocks and disturbance.

Im not sure complaining here helps. It keeps us mindful but it also angers us somewhat. Focising on the negative view point makes it a self fulfilling prophecy.

If you take responsibility for your self care and feel you are being used and not appreciated, fix that. Dont return to that position.