young and married?

[djbr]

I am 20 and therefore not allowed to post on the mature man forum. But this question is directed to people who know what they're talking about, and I'm sure I'll find few of them on the DJ main discussion. Still, as usual, if the mods think I am nuts just move it to where it (doesn't) belong. Thank you!

My sister's friend is 22 years old and is getting married. The DJ board scream: DISASTER IN THE MAKING! -- yeah, maybe, but this got me thinking...is it possible to a young man to marry a young woman and STILL have a nice marriage? I mean, some people want to have children as early as possible... some people would REALLY love to have a family and are willing to put effort into it... is it possible? I can't find nothing at all about it on this forum, only the red flags and stuff. Is there really NO WAY?

*Disclaimer: First of all, I'm single at all. No LTRs, nothing. I'm not asking this cause I'm considering this for myself, so please, comments like "DON'T DO IT!" are not only useless but irrelevant cause I'm not doing it. Thank you again! *

 

[ElChoclo]

Your friend, he likes to always pick the 20 to 1 horse at the track also?

Generally people here, argue that you need DJ skills to sustain a marriage. Assess your friend for his DJ skills. If he doesn't have them, then his failure rate will vastly increase. Since it is hard to have those skills at 22 it is generally inadvisable to marry at that time. BTW if he has knocked up his fiancee, he has already failed the test requirements.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

A successful marriage has nothing to do with age (other than legalities). What matters is the couple is each knowing what they want out of life and the marriage, letting the other know these things and coming to a common agreement on them and how to achieve them.

 

[RedPill]

Most people do not possess the maturity to make marriage work by their early 20s. They do not really know what they want out of life yet, and typically have no established careers or stable financial foundation. This isn't to mention how underdeveloped many people's social skills are, and how little life experience they really have understanding the opposite sex.

Most people who get married in general, but especially many young couples, have no clue what marriage entails. They just decide to shack up and live "happily ever after" with no clue of the responsibilities and consequences that come with the turf. Many AFCs do it because society compels them to, and thanks to the legal system women have little to lose.

I've got a younger sister who's getting married, a couple longtime friends who are getting married, and a cousin the same age who's actively seeking marriage, and I can say without a doubt that in every single one of these situations it's a BAD IDEA!! Of course there's always exceptions, but statistics and general observation tells us that they are few and far between.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Women tend to be more prone to relationship flake-out before age 24 or so. Marriage is less of a commitment than kids. After you have children, the balance of power shifts toward her. The court is always going to give her custody in the event of divorce, which means that she can always threaten to divorce you and move away with your kids, a nightmare for any father.

 

[Latinoman]

I am 20 and therefore not allowed to post on the mature man forum. But this question is directed to people who know what they're talking about, and I'm sure I'll find few of them on the DJ main discussion. Still, as usual, if the mods think I am nuts just move it to where it (doesn't) belong. Thank you!

My sister's friend is 22 years old and is getting married. The DJ board scream: DISASTER IN THE MAKING! -- yeah, maybe, but this got me thinking...is it possible to a young man to marry a young woman and STILL have a nice marriage? I mean, some people want to have children as early as possible... some people would REALLY love to have a family and are willing to put effort into it... is it possible? I can't find nothing at all about it on this forum, only the red flags and stuff. Is there really NO WAY?

Of course there is a way if he picked a woman with great values, etc. In fact, I personally believe that marrying a woman in her 20s is perfect, because you can mold her (women sometimes need a man to lead them), etc. Most of them don't get spoiled, etc.

If he marries a girl that did the wild stuff, etc. (note: does not have to be a virgin), that marriage very likely will go to failure. That kind of women will miss the "wild night" and her low self esteem will very likely comeback when she reaches her mid 30s or early 40s (especially when the man would be too busy working and moving up in his career, denying him of time to stroke and work on her low self esteem).

Here is the thing...I married young too. The reason my marriage "failed" was because I walked away. She IS intelligent, beautiful, a great mother and wife, and very loyal and devoted to ME. But I walked away after years together. My goals in life changed (read below more).

My experience tells me that to improve the chances of success in a marriage there must (MUST) be some compatibility in ALL the following areas (note: forget about our parents or grand parents, those were other times and women were more sumissive and dependant back then):

1- Religion (assuming both or one is devoted to a religion)
2- Economical responsibilities (some people like to waste money other no)
3- Values and morals (or lack of them)
4- Goals toward having children (or not having them at all)
5- The In-laws factor (how close or far they want them in their lives - the closer the worst)
6- SEXUAL compatibility (if both have low libido or high libido)
7- Ability of him supporting her realistic goals (very important) and she supporting his
8- Goals toward life in general should be compatible
9- Communication

[Note: Compatibility of hobbies, fun stuff, culture, etc. is meaningless. Those things should be the ones that have some differences...that way their life stay interesting and they can LEARN new things from each other. However, supporting your partner in those things is very important].

Now...assuming they have all those things...assuming she is a quality woman...things still can FAIL.

Why? Because, men truly don't know what they want until we reach or mid 30s. Until we look ourselves in the mirror and realize that we are starting our second life (we tend to live between 70-80 years, so we start our second life between ages 35-40). And if we took care of ourselves professionally, intellectually, fitness, health, economically...we have the ability to go on our own; more so than a woman in the same age group (although, they tend to know what they want by the time they reach the upper 20s).