You will improve. A story of my former self.

[Zapp Brannigan]

I remembered earlier that I went to a party my ex’s family had this time last year. It randomly popped in my head, but I’m glad it did. It reminded me of how things have changed a lot.

Before getting there I pretty much knew deep down that it was over, but I wouldn’t allow myself to accept it. She was my first love/oneitius, I wanted it to work so bad, and was willing to ignore all the red flags. At the time I had recently finished The DJ Bible and felt myself improving, but obviously lacked the self-respect I needed.

I got to the party, and had an awkward conversation with my ex’s mother. She was greeting everyone and tried to force conversation. I could tell that she didn’t really want to talk, and there was an awkward presence during our conversation. The rest of my ex’s family was there, and they all pretty much ignored me the whole time. It was really clear to me at that point I meant nothing to any of those people. They always made me feel like I was never good enough for their daughter, like no matter what I did it wasn’t enough, but I ignored it. It bothered me that they thought that, but I tried not to let it get in the way of my good time.

My ex and I didn’t say or do much during this party. I talked and hung around my friends most of the time, while she did the same with hers. The most effort she made to be around me was when doing a giant s**t test. She had lots of orbiters, and I ignored that giant red flag the whole time we were together. She was with an orbiter that night and kept trying to get my attention, only to make me jealous. This was the first time where I felt like The DJ Bible really saved my a**. I didn’t give into her s**t, and only acknowledged her when she asked me a question, when I pretty much had to respond.

Me and the ex were sitting together eating about an hour later, and she was looking at her phone the whole time. I saw her texting with one of her friends b**ching about me. I knew she wasn’t respecting me from the general way she treated me, and wanted that to change. The DJ Bible made me feel a little more confrontational than I was at the time. She was texting to where I could see everything, and I would glance here and there. After reading “LOL don’t worry. I’ll manage” when talking about dealing with me, I got mad. She asked why I wasn’t saying much, and I said “it’s just been a long day. But don’t worry, I’ll manage.” That obviously wasn't a witty response, but it got the point across.

We kind of b**ched a little bit back and forth, and The DJ Bible came through yet again. Before this I didn’t really know how to conduct myself in arguments, and would usually breakdown first, but not this time. I remembered what it said about keeping a strong mental front, so that’s what I did. I didn’t buckle and she walked away from the argument mad . Part of me felt like an a**hole, but another part of me was proud I was finally standing up for myself, and won the argument. I couldn't believe that I did that.

The ex and I didn’t speak again for the rest of the night, but she’d glare at me like she wanted me to kiss her a**, obviously I didn’t. Things didn’t get any better between me and her. I still desperately wanted it to work, and things dragged on for a few bit longer. But that’s a different story for a different thread.

Thinking back to that night reminded me of being at a point of transformation. Finally standing up for myself, and trying to handle things with women. Things that were so foreign to me at the time. I really can't believe how much I've changed since then.

To anyone reading this that wants to change, that’s having trouble with women, you can change. Read The DJ Bible and work on improving yourself becoming more confident. The DJ Bible will help you greatly. If I can change, so can you.

 

[SayWhat]

A part in me still tells me you have to have IT in you like you do. I don't think I will ever improve and think this is because of the way I'm 'wired' and because of my father passing away when wi was 12. Even my shrink tells me he can't figure out why I'm thinking and acting this way.

But in all the negativity, congrats!

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

This is a good post.

The only thing I would say is that I don’t really advocate arguing. Very few things in life I find are worth arguing about, outside the world of work – even in work it’s often ill-advised. A strong man can deal compromise in a calm and collected manner. As the old adage goes, it’s how you say it, at least as much as what you say.

The underlying message of the OP is quite pertinent however, and one that often goes without mention herein; that being self-empowerment. It is the underlying result of all of the methodology and advice, such as improvement, indifference, etc. It is also the source of future successes.

I have actively walked away from (at least) three chicks in the last couple of years and every time it happens, I experience a little bit more empowerment from the previous. As OP says in the first line, we are reminded of how things have changed. True empowerment doesn’t always happen the first time we have an experience, rather as Zapp alludes, the power felt the first time we stand up for ourselves is reinforced every time in the future and eventually grows in to self-assurance, which is the point at which control is truly taken back.

As results I am really starting to feel in control of my own life again, in nearly every respect. Don’t have any women of interest right now, but that’s translated from having an increased interest in my own individual existence. I am starting a new job in two weeks, I am working out with regular rests, drinking and smoking less, eating far more healthily that I ever have. All this is translating in to a kind of understanding that a decent chick will turn up when I’m not looking, while also being checked out by some seriously hot women while I’m out and about.

Things can get better. It takes sustained adjustment of thought process, action and reaction. But things can definitely change for the better.