You want her, and she wants him...

[ozzfest]

I'm in a weird spot in my life where everytime I have an interest in a girl she seems disinterested or literally goes out of her way to ignore me. on the other hand the ones I have absolutely no interest in are the ones that are constantly bugging me or hanging around. So frustrating. I don't care about their stuipid stories that are obviously an attempt to just talk to me. Go away! Meanwhile its as if when I try to get a chat up with the objects of my affections I am having the same effect on them that these ugly girls have on me.

Case in point ... girl at work. Pretty hot. I'd say an 8. Almost seems nervous around me. If we are in a group and I am part of the conversation she will never make eye contact with me if she is talking. However if I am talking she will. I can feel her nervousness ... almost like Spiderman sense... why are these girls nervous around me? By the way I am def not creepy.Normal guy

Heres another quickie. Girl I know for a long time. I am talking to her at her desk. Simple conversation. Wasnt even trying to make a move or anything. Then I can tell I am wearing out my welcome for some reason. Others chime into the conversation and huddle around her desk. She takes that opportunity to turn aroundand start working again. Now I'm in a chat with a few other people and NOT her. However I know she is still listening cuz every once in a while she takes the opportunity to throw a few semi-hurtful comments my way. Nothing major. Just jabs .."what a dope"...something to that effect...playful yet stinging in a way. I know she doesn't mean any harm but theres def a purpose there. Anyway, at the end I say my goodbyes to everyone and her...and i get no response back. Maybe I caught her on a bad day , but what the f&%#? Can;t say goodbye. Very demoralizing.

In summary ( and you tell me if I'm on the right path here)...I'm thinking the nervousness is a sign of interest but she has problems expressing herself. Possible interest but I'd really have to get her at ease. As for the other one...well I know she used to have interest and would love to talk to me. Now this sudden disinterest ...well i'm not sure where that came from. I'm thinking either it was a bad day...or once these girls get a guy of their own...they will diss you in a flash. they want no part of you anymore. Am I right? In other words she's banging some other guy so hit the road Jack!

 

[reset]

You don't care about these ugly girls so you're being a natural challenge. You act differently around the girls you like, because you're nervous, and that takes the challenge away. Some girls could be nervous becuase they are interested in you. Notice how you can completely ignore a girl like that, and have no guilty feelings (because you really don't care either way) and they STILL keep coming.

You can tell you're wearing out your welcome... then stop hanging around them! Don't be one of these dudes who is so needy he hovers around the girls he likes. Again, there's no challenge there. Let the girls hang around you for a change. By now, this girl knows you're interested, you've made it clear. You'd rather have her wondering though. Guessing. Trying to win your attention. And you can do that by withdrawing from her. You're not giving her anything to win or earn. You've given her the prize automatically without her actually having to earn that prize.

Girls can't be thinking about you and anticipating when they'll see you again when you're right there in her face. I'd say be more aloof, more of a mystery. Especially at work, it's not like you're never going to see her again. Turn the tables on the chicks.

 

[tmpgstx]

^^ very good advice Reset.

The nervous girl who purposely won't look at you in a group while speaking, but does when it is just you, is a trademark sign that she thinks you are *very* attractive. She is intimidated and worried about what you think of her. The x-factor here though is that she has a BF. She is testing to see how much you want her attention.

Be friendly and flirt with her, but only in passing. Do not go out of your way unless she gives you stronger vibes.

 

[reset]

I agree.

I notice this at work myself, I have trouble with this too. There is one girl, who I just don't like that way. She's nice, sweet, whatever. I am just not into her. Have to beat her off with a stick. Often she'll sit by me and I'll just keep working, and not say a single word to her. When she's talking to other people around me, sometimes I'll join the group conversation, sometimes I won't. Sometimes I'll talk to her and joke around, sometimes I won't.

The key factor is I do not care about what she thinks of me, in my mind there is no outcome to be achieved other than giving her the impression I'm not interested in her. This very behavior ensures she continues to want my attention. Now if I could bottle that attitude and take it when I'm around a girl I actually DO like, then who knows.

With this particular girl, some things have clicked in my head. I finally see myself, how I used to be, in her behavior. Always hovering. Calling. Sending emails. Being around. Stealing glances. It turns me off and it turns women off too. So, DON'T BE LIKE THAT.

Girls with boyfriends/husbands... I ignore for the MOST part, and I do what you suggest tmpgstx . There's nothing in it for me. There is an extremely hot married woman at work (very flashy, dramatic), that all the guys fall over. I am cool to her when we're already in each other's company, but other than that, I don't give her the time of day. All of the sudden, she's hanging around me. I listen to my iPod a lot. Now I look over my shoulder, and this girl is sitting right behind me, laughing because she got my attention. I smile and go back to my work/ rocking out to my music.

Attractive women are so used to attention. The only thing that can separate you from the herd, is to not give that attention unless she's earned it. Girls love drama and the thrill of winning a guy's interest. When you give it right away, their egos are satisfied. They'll even flirt with you in order for you to keep coming around and making them feel good about themselves. But they don't value your attention on anything more than a superficial level. They know they are good looking and that's why you're there. They didn't have to do anything. That's why they don't value and put you in the "friend" zone (I put friend in quotation because you are not friends. You are an ego boost to be used when needed).

 

[ScrewIt]

you'd be surprised tho. Some girls actually do freak out (in a good nervous way) if they think a guy likes them. Or the other half of it, if a girl likes the guy and becomes too nervous around him (from fear of rejection), she could just clam up...or perhaps play aloof.

But women...For one single thought/action...there are hundreds of other thoughts swarming in their noggins.

What matters most is to maintain a respectable and confident frame around women. Dont let women push you around or make you nervous, no matter how hot she is. Being shy is one thing, but being nervous is another thing if you arent your confident self.

 

[ozzfest]

One note I have to specify. When I said I knew I was wearing out my welcome I didn't mean that I hang around and bother her a lot,. In fact lately we barely see each other lately . We used to be real tight with her being the aggressor. This particular day I paid her a visit after not seeing her for weeks. She initially seemed happy but like I said started to grow less and less interested. Perhaps she was just busy with work. However, if thats all I thought it was I wouldn't have written this post. I can tell theres something else going on. There was a certain amount of attitude after a while..the jabs. Maybe she thought she was being ****y funny.

I guess my real question is when women are the pursuers its ok. However, once they lose interest or find a bf , then it seems like we're bothersome? I'm thinking she is with some other guy now and really is less interested in hearing anything from me. Too concerned with her own world.

 

[squirrels]

What??

Girl #1...isolate her, make some fluff talk and get the digits.

Girl #2...either ignore her or get obnoxious right back at her. She's being an ass. Stop giving her so much credit.

Girl #3...that's YOU. Stop taking yourself so seriously.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

One note I have to specify. When I said I knew I was wearing out my welcome I didn't mean that I hang around and bother her a lot,...

both girls you refer to having problems with are girls from work, it is not important that you feel you aren't stalking them, it matters how they perceive it. Perhaps they feel trapped at their desk when you invade their space. Next time, stand a little farther away, make you conversation very light and very short. As soon as you say something to make them laugh, leave.

 

[DJ1234]

IMHO you're are Right and she was clearly in the wrong, if she did what you had asserted to her not to do and she did it then she is disrespectful and should be dropped because she is not worthy enough ($lut) for the great DJ...