TarantulaHawk
Banned
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2014
- Messages
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- Age
- 41
This isn't a thread to make anyone feel down or paranoid. Just a heads up.
If any of you have come across the common scenario below do yourselves a favor and go ghost. No explanation. Just leave and cut your losses.
Scenario:
You are a good dude. You've got things going for you. Life, career, education, looks, physique, style, social circle etc.
You meet a hot chick whom you're dating and things are going great. You're on cloud 9 and she flatters you with praise and how "lucky" she is to have you.
But..
You sense she's insecure, has low self-esteem, and may be a broken person.
Worse she casually mentions her "lowlife ex" at times and how much she "hates" him, how bad he was for her, what a "loser" he was and he keeps "bothering" her. *Even IF she tells you all the details, he has another chick he left her for or new girlfriend, and tells you he calls her and she told him to "leave her alone as she's found someone better:You" you need to slowly start planning your exit before that cloud 9 feeling gets flipped upside down on your azz and she drops you.
If a chick casually mentions her "lowlife ex" and tells you "she doesn't care about him etc." She's speaking to you using reverse psychology and letting you know she DOES still care for him and it's a heads up that not only does she care for him but she's only using you as a temporary feel good "band-aid" till she can get back with him regardless if he treated her like sh1t and dumped her for a new girl or not.
Once she let's you know she "doesn't care for him etc." she's not trying to convince you, she's trying to convince HERSELF.
Most men will distract themselves by thinking of all the good times with her, the secks, the compliments she gives to you, the things you've done for her, the "hate" she has for the "ex" who may truly have nothing on you in terms of a life, looks, employment, schooling, physique etc. but don't listen to their gut knowing something is amiss because they are afraid to leave at that sign of a major red flag as deep down you were afraid of what your gut already knew would eventually happen...she'd go back to the "lowlife" and you'd possibly find yourself in the position she is in: Trying to get HER back like she is trying to get HIM back... behind your back..but she's "let you know her hand" in a coded way.
When these types of insecure, low self esteem, broken chicks "lowlife ex's" cheat on them and dump them they are usually still invested in their ex and see it as a blow to their insecure ego as well as a challenge to "win" him back and "prove" something to herself ESPECIALLY if he's truly a lowlife.
Why? Because it's a complete ego destroyer to those who even IF as a chick may have more going for them than the "lowlife" person who did something bad to them, and even IF you are truly a better dude than her ex, these chicks have low self esteem and that hit they took will cause them because of internal insecurity to seek out that same abusive person while not caring if they hurt the person who may be truly better for them (you). It's like a junkie that needs that fix and wants to "prove" to themselves they can handle, beat and "tame" their addiction.
A chick like that is most likely invested more in him than you and like a degenerate gambler will go crawling back to their addiction even if they know it's not a good thing to do.
If you ignore your gut and she winds up going ghost on you out of the blue or you catch her in communication again with the ex she "hates"? You either thank God she's weeded herself out of you life or you drop her immediately while never looking back, but learning from the situation, moving forward in your life and not repeating that same drawn out mistake again.
These types of chicks who have low self esteem, are insecure etc. and have abusive ex's are toxic themselves no matter how "normal" and "good" they may seem on the outside or otherwise. They are insecure and addicted to the abuse, not only trying to prove to themselves they are "worthy" but they're just as much of an abuser to you as he is/was to her.
There's no helping those types of people. It's not for you to help these types of chicks and allow yourself to get dragged down by a toxic person. It's not your problem, a waste of your time and energy and a challenge that isn't meant to be won...but learned from for the future.
The best thing to do is always keep your cool and act clueless to games and avoid the denial from her, excuses, and stories.
You simply let these types of insecure chicks hang themselves by their actions and then you walk away for good avoiding wasting your time on drama, her lies and stories to cover up if you were to question her.
You are a man who doesn't need a child like chick with issues to deal with.
Insecure chicks from abusive relationships will take anything good for them as feeling they either aren't worthy of a good guy, and or they see it through a screwed up view as in the good guy is just being good to them to "control" them. Or they'll even also feel that if their lowlife ex hurt them that bad that even if their next guy is fantastic it would completely destroy them if he did the same as the lowlife. So they eventually shun the good dude and chase the lowlife trying to "prove" their "worth". In fact those same types of chicks will end up resenting you for being good to them as they see it as you trying to "control" them and may even justify that belief off you doing good things for or with them thinking you "only did it" to put a future guilt trip on them or have them "owe" you "loyalty and control" of them.
The best "help" you can give them is to let them go, learn from the situation and move on never looking back to help yourself.
These types of chicks who are insecure from previous abusive relationships never stop and think to themselves and use self reflection. They simply are mentally sick individuals EVEN IF they may "appear" to be normal, fun, and otherwise.
If the scenario I've described happens to you even if you hear she eventually gets engaged/ married to the dude in the end. She has her own life and no one to blame but herself. Don't make her your problem.
The best thing to do is heed the red flags and not bother explaining, arguing, or trying to help people like that. Their minds are broken. Water seeks it's own level. What our gut already senses and we know may hurt us even though we had good times with them, we need to be whole complete people on our own as MEN, not needing another person to "complete" us as if we are a broken person to begin with. We don't need to end up in a screwed up loop of trying to "prove" ourselves to those who chase abusers yet abuse us as well. Otherwise we are just as guilty taking part in that dysfunctional cycle of our own choosing.
Some chick's no matter how great we may be and or have good times with, if they are dysfunctional and crave a roller-coaster of emotions and pain won't admit it to us as for the time being we serve as their "band aid" till they go back to what they crave and all they know: drama, pain, dysfunction, and that type of challenge. Meaning if things are seeming to go great at the time between the two of you those same types of chicks will eventually flat line as its not what they're used to. They crave a roller coaster of emotional, dysfunctional drama for "excitement" as unfortunately for them...it's all they know. It's best to leave those types where you found them while being complete on your own and not needing those types as your own band aid or knock to your self esteem. A solid inner core is what's needed and to find another whole person who becomes one with you as a whole person on your own to begin with.
We need to be not only complete with ourselves but honest with ourselves at all times.
If we cannot or refuse to be honest with ourselves then we cannot see dishonesty nor expect honesty from others.
If any of you have come across the common scenario below do yourselves a favor and go ghost. No explanation. Just leave and cut your losses.
Scenario:
You are a good dude. You've got things going for you. Life, career, education, looks, physique, style, social circle etc.
You meet a hot chick whom you're dating and things are going great. You're on cloud 9 and she flatters you with praise and how "lucky" she is to have you.
But..
You sense she's insecure, has low self-esteem, and may be a broken person.
Worse she casually mentions her "lowlife ex" at times and how much she "hates" him, how bad he was for her, what a "loser" he was and he keeps "bothering" her. *Even IF she tells you all the details, he has another chick he left her for or new girlfriend, and tells you he calls her and she told him to "leave her alone as she's found someone better:You" you need to slowly start planning your exit before that cloud 9 feeling gets flipped upside down on your azz and she drops you.
If a chick casually mentions her "lowlife ex" and tells you "she doesn't care about him etc." She's speaking to you using reverse psychology and letting you know she DOES still care for him and it's a heads up that not only does she care for him but she's only using you as a temporary feel good "band-aid" till she can get back with him regardless if he treated her like sh1t and dumped her for a new girl or not.
Once she let's you know she "doesn't care for him etc." she's not trying to convince you, she's trying to convince HERSELF.
Most men will distract themselves by thinking of all the good times with her, the secks, the compliments she gives to you, the things you've done for her, the "hate" she has for the "ex" who may truly have nothing on you in terms of a life, looks, employment, schooling, physique etc. but don't listen to their gut knowing something is amiss because they are afraid to leave at that sign of a major red flag as deep down you were afraid of what your gut already knew would eventually happen...she'd go back to the "lowlife" and you'd possibly find yourself in the position she is in: Trying to get HER back like she is trying to get HIM back... behind your back..but she's "let you know her hand" in a coded way.
When these types of insecure, low self esteem, broken chicks "lowlife ex's" cheat on them and dump them they are usually still invested in their ex and see it as a blow to their insecure ego as well as a challenge to "win" him back and "prove" something to herself ESPECIALLY if he's truly a lowlife.
Why? Because it's a complete ego destroyer to those who even IF as a chick may have more going for them than the "lowlife" person who did something bad to them, and even IF you are truly a better dude than her ex, these chicks have low self esteem and that hit they took will cause them because of internal insecurity to seek out that same abusive person while not caring if they hurt the person who may be truly better for them (you). It's like a junkie that needs that fix and wants to "prove" to themselves they can handle, beat and "tame" their addiction.
A chick like that is most likely invested more in him than you and like a degenerate gambler will go crawling back to their addiction even if they know it's not a good thing to do.
If you ignore your gut and she winds up going ghost on you out of the blue or you catch her in communication again with the ex she "hates"? You either thank God she's weeded herself out of you life or you drop her immediately while never looking back, but learning from the situation, moving forward in your life and not repeating that same drawn out mistake again.
These types of chicks who have low self esteem, are insecure etc. and have abusive ex's are toxic themselves no matter how "normal" and "good" they may seem on the outside or otherwise. They are insecure and addicted to the abuse, not only trying to prove to themselves they are "worthy" but they're just as much of an abuser to you as he is/was to her.
There's no helping those types of people. It's not for you to help these types of chicks and allow yourself to get dragged down by a toxic person. It's not your problem, a waste of your time and energy and a challenge that isn't meant to be won...but learned from for the future.
The best thing to do is always keep your cool and act clueless to games and avoid the denial from her, excuses, and stories.
You simply let these types of insecure chicks hang themselves by their actions and then you walk away for good avoiding wasting your time on drama, her lies and stories to cover up if you were to question her.
You are a man who doesn't need a child like chick with issues to deal with.
Insecure chicks from abusive relationships will take anything good for them as feeling they either aren't worthy of a good guy, and or they see it through a screwed up view as in the good guy is just being good to them to "control" them. Or they'll even also feel that if their lowlife ex hurt them that bad that even if their next guy is fantastic it would completely destroy them if he did the same as the lowlife. So they eventually shun the good dude and chase the lowlife trying to "prove" their "worth". In fact those same types of chicks will end up resenting you for being good to them as they see it as you trying to "control" them and may even justify that belief off you doing good things for or with them thinking you "only did it" to put a future guilt trip on them or have them "owe" you "loyalty and control" of them.
The best "help" you can give them is to let them go, learn from the situation and move on never looking back to help yourself.
These types of chicks who are insecure from previous abusive relationships never stop and think to themselves and use self reflection. They simply are mentally sick individuals EVEN IF they may "appear" to be normal, fun, and otherwise.
If the scenario I've described happens to you even if you hear she eventually gets engaged/ married to the dude in the end. She has her own life and no one to blame but herself. Don't make her your problem.
The best thing to do is heed the red flags and not bother explaining, arguing, or trying to help people like that. Their minds are broken. Water seeks it's own level. What our gut already senses and we know may hurt us even though we had good times with them, we need to be whole complete people on our own as MEN, not needing another person to "complete" us as if we are a broken person to begin with. We don't need to end up in a screwed up loop of trying to "prove" ourselves to those who chase abusers yet abuse us as well. Otherwise we are just as guilty taking part in that dysfunctional cycle of our own choosing.
Some chick's no matter how great we may be and or have good times with, if they are dysfunctional and crave a roller-coaster of emotions and pain won't admit it to us as for the time being we serve as their "band aid" till they go back to what they crave and all they know: drama, pain, dysfunction, and that type of challenge. Meaning if things are seeming to go great at the time between the two of you those same types of chicks will eventually flat line as its not what they're used to. They crave a roller coaster of emotional, dysfunctional drama for "excitement" as unfortunately for them...it's all they know. It's best to leave those types where you found them while being complete on your own and not needing those types as your own band aid or knock to your self esteem. A solid inner core is what's needed and to find another whole person who becomes one with you as a whole person on your own to begin with.
We need to be not only complete with ourselves but honest with ourselves at all times.
If we cannot or refuse to be honest with ourselves then we cannot see dishonesty nor expect honesty from others.
