"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

You Looked For It...You Got It, Now Deal With the Consequences

Frank2500

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So I'm now in a very complicated situation. Ever since I banged this lady from my gym three weeks ago, she's gotten so attached to me in a manner that is starting to make me get quite worried and uncomfortable.

-First, she makes sure she text messages me now so frequently (sometimes even daily) and some of the things she says bother me. One example of a text message from two weeks ago that she sent to me: "I've recently been having a strange fear inside of me that I may receive a message on my phone one of these mornings telling me that you have left me." When I comforted her, she said: Ok. I just wanted to be sure that you won't do something that's gonna end up making me miserable."


-Last Sunday: "You don't think I should lose a few pounds? I'm afraid other women at the gym may seduce you."


-Just a couple minutes ago today: "I thought about you so hard last night while I lay in bed that I started crying. I love you."

-Regarding my intent to leave my home country where I've been so far for the past four years: "So you're going to go away and leave me behind? Can I come visit you out there when you do leave? If I do, we'll work on having kids. We'll have twins." (Not my plans)


I'm starting to get really worried. This is a woman who on the exterior used to come off as an extremely confident, "I don't give a damn" kind of lady and now I'm really concerned about her degree of sensitivity and the possibility that she could do something to hurt herself because of our relationship.



I had told her from the very start that I wasn't in it looking for a relationship leading to marriage but rather simply someone to date and have some fun with. I thought we understood each other. To my greatest surprise, she told me last weekend that she's already talked about me to her Mom and would like me to come to their home and meet her sometime...which means she's looking once again at our relationship from an angle entirely different from mine.



She comes across to me as the kind of woman who could easily harm herself (or both of us)to an extreme degree for instance if she were to find out you're seeing another woman or if you were to once again remind her the that you weren't looking for a marriage-leading relationship just yet. She has a nine-year-old daughter and I can understand she may be looking for a father figure for her child but it's just not good to cling on to someone like she's doing on me. At the same time, breaking up with her right now with this kind of behavior would be the worst thing I could probably do because her reaction to such a thing can't be predicted.
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Desdinova

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Frank2500 said:
-Just a couple minutes ago today: "I thought about you so hard last night while I lay in bed that I started crying. I love you."
Holy fvck. That woman is VERY insecure. Insecurity like that can lead to her trying to control you in very unpleasant ways.

If I were you, I'd ditch her ASAP. You may also have to deal with her stalking you after you end things.
 

SecondHalf

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Yep, psyco hose beast!
Get rid of that and never bone her again!
This one is loco!

Don't feel like she could hurt herself, just find her nutty!

SH
 

Frank2500

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Re:

I appreciate you guys' suggestions. It's really crazy. She even said a little while ago that I should bring her home and introduce her to my Dad. In African culture and I believe in many parts of the world as well...men don't introduce women to their fathers unless they're engaged and about to get married!
 

Scaramouche

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Dear Frank,
You've been around the block a few times,you know the facts speak for themselves,you just have to let her go,gently!
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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Boilermaker

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(with all my love and respect to Scara..)

typical sosuave over-reaction.

First of all, where are you from? Culture plays a big role in women's behavior.
She just bonded with you quickly. I personally prefer clingy women to lifeless and soul-less b!tches, here in the States.

Don't over-react; try to keep her close but gently remind her that marriage is not an option for you in the SHORT RUN.

Never be stupid enough to admit a woman that you will NEVER marry her.
That's like a chick telling you, you will never sleep with her.

Just because she's excited to have a boyfriend doesn't make her a psycho. She's obviously inexperienced, to me this is a plus. Use it.
 

SoSuave666

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#3 can happen to the best of men if dealing with a cluster B, which it sounds like might be occurring here. Emotional fluctuations? Severe dependency? Over dramatization? Be prepared for idolization then SEVERE devaluation. Run. Run. Run. Normal people don't act this way, and if you give in to her poor self-image you will be feeding the fire. Women like this can't be helped, and when you DO help them, they turn the tables on you SO QUICK you won't even know what happened. You'll be too invested by that point and she will make your life a living hell.
 

Bible_Belt

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She's not crazy. She's just overly passionate about life. :D

But if she wasn't that way, the sex wouldn't be as good as it is. Passion is great when it's positive. But it's a package deal; if that's what you want, then you have to take the good with the bad.
 

SecondHalf

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Really?

I would read her as having a little bit to much potential to be a bunny boiler.
Why risk a person that might mess with your sh1t someday.
Even a pin prick in the condom.
Nope, not stable in my opinion.

Surprised at the support here.

SH
 

Die Hard

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CLUSTER B ALERT!!!

Guys thinking she's just "passionate", you are out of your goddamn minds!!!


Frank2500, you should walk away from this one. Cluster B's should never be more than a fling, make that a part of your DJ rules.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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Bible_Belt

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From what I remember, Frank is in Africa and was so concerned about getting HIV that he would barely have sex in the first place. I'm trying to take his circumstances into consideration.
 

Down Low

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Zarky

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Stage-Five Clinger.

I love that type, you can get them to do anything! Tell her you won't leave her if she has a threesome with you and another chick.
 

ThunderMaverick

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What other factors are in play here? Do you guys get along? Do you feel like you have a strong enough chemistry to look past this clinginess?

What worries me most about really clingy girls is that they can be in love with the idea of being in love. They LOVE that feeling they get when they're around a crush. But what happens several months or weeks down the road when all the luster has worn off? Does she really like you for YOU or does she just enjoy the romance aspect? If it's the latter it could be a big possibility that she leaves you and looks for her next love fix.

Be careful of girls who attach too quickly. The candle burns out twice as fast.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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Lexington

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If a chick truly digs you, there's no way that she can simply "have fun." They are wired to seek commitment. Before the advent of birth control, sex carried much heavier consequences for a woman compared to a man. So even today's "liberated" women will fall hard for a guy if they dig him.
 

yuppaz

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Frank2500 said:
So I'm now in a very complicated situation. Ever since I banged this lady from my gym three weeks ago, she's gotten so attached to me in a manner that is starting to make me get quite worried and uncomfortable.

-First, she makes sure she text messages me now so frequently (sometimes even daily) and some of the things she says bother me. One example of a text message from two weeks ago that she sent to me: "I've recently been having a strange fear inside of me that I may receive a message on my phone one of these mornings telling me that you have left me." When I comforted her, she said: Ok. I just wanted to be sure that you won't do something that's gonna end up making me miserable."


-Last Sunday: "You don't think I should lose a few pounds? I'm afraid other women at the gym may seduce you."


-Just a couple minutes ago today: "I thought about you so hard last night while I lay in bed that I started crying. I love you."

-Regarding my intent to leave my home country where I've been so far for the past four years: "So you're going to go away and leave me behind? Can I come visit you out there when you do leave? If I do, we'll work on having kids. We'll have twins." (Not my plans)


I'm starting to get really worried. This is a woman who on the exterior used to come off as an extremely confident, "I don't give a damn" kind of lady and now I'm really concerned about her degree of sensitivity and the possibility that she could do something to hurt herself because of our relationship.



I had told her from the very start that I wasn't in it looking for a relationship leading to marriage but rather simply someone to date and have some fun with. I thought we understood each other. To my greatest surprise, she told me last weekend that she's already talked about me to her Mom and would like me to come to their home and meet her sometime...which means she's looking once again at our relationship from an angle entirely different from mine.



She comes across to me as the kind of woman who could easily harm herself (or both of us)to an extreme degree for instance if she were to find out you're seeing another woman or if you were to once again remind her the that you weren't looking for a marriage-leading relationship just yet. She has a nine-year-old daughter and I can understand she may be looking for a father figure for her child but it's just not good to cling on to someone like she's doing on me. At the same time, breaking up with her right now with this kind of behavior would be the worst thing I could probably do because her reaction to such a thing can't be predicted.

NOW isn't the right time, when she's acting like this after 3 weeks? What will be the right time then...in a year or two with this psycho ultra needy chick? Will it be better somehow then after she has your babies and tries to cut off your d^ck with a knife bobbit style?

BREAK IT OFF ASAP
 

Frank2500

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Re:

I am truly thankful to each of you for reading and sharing with me your respective responses to this very difficult situation I currently find myself in. I wasn't expecting that many responses. I definitely won't give her a chance to get to option number 3 (turning the tables around to eventually dump me). As a matter of fact, she knows that in terms of ratio, I'm more of the power player in the relationship at the moment as far as income, etc. She knows very well what a great loss it would be to her if she did anything stupid.


Do we have chemistry? Yes we do, but I look at it as chemistry for a casual dating relationship. In African culture, most women in their mid thirties feel incomplete when they aren't yet married, especially when they already have a child or two. In this woman's case I have the feeling she has a secret plan to make me get her pregnant so that it would complicate my plans of moving out of the country. I agree with those of you who suggested that I should begin to let her go slowly. It's not that easy at all for me to break up with her so abruptly because considering her actions and all those text messages I shared with you guys previously, I have a very strong reason to be concerned about what she could do to herself. If I cheated on her and she found out, (and that right now seems to be the easiest way to get her to split with me) considering her character and how she's clinging on to me, she could do something serious to hurt herself.


But this clingyness and her behavior which is now looking like some sort of obsession has me extremely worried. She's traveling out of town for two days beginning on Friday, and I look forward to being able to at least breathe a sigh of relief from all of that stuff for a short time. I'll gladly hook up with two substitutes I have on standby once she leaves this weekend.
 

Frank2500

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Question to the Poster/User "Downlow"

To the poster "Downlow," you seemed to find it quite funny when I revealed that she has a nine-year-old daughter. I'd like to read your perspective. She even proposed that we use our cell phones and take pictures of ourselves sometime holding each other in intimate wear (underwear, etc.), but I said "absolutely not."
 

In2theGame

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Zarky said:
Stage-Five Clinger.

I love that type, you can get them to do anything! Tell her you won't leave her if she has a threesome with you and another chick.
lol
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

Read more...

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