You guys will hate this... but here you go.

[prairiedog24]

here's the background super quick. Me: mid twenties & arguably fairly AFC. Her: girl I have to be with in class everyday, so kinda a difficulty one to game properly. I'm the only guy here at the school she'll hang out with for the most part. Us together: some chemistry, especially early on, but I didn't make a move and now it's the kinda awkward friends thing.

The good: I can make her laugh pretty easily, and sometimes we still have a lot of fun together.

The bad: the consistency of us being super excited to see eachother is pretty much gone after seeing eachother 5 days a week in a super hellish stressful program were we don't even have time to go out and have fun much.

The question: she's planning on me driving back with her to her house, and then me catching a flight to my home many states away for the summer. Recently she hasn't sounded terribly excited about our upcoming time together (nothing openly negative, just not the usual chirpiness.)

She's not going to flake out, but I want a girl to really WANT to spend time with me, so if it's just a driving companion, I sorta feel like maybe it's a better idea if I flake on her. Plus, at worst I'll just come across as a puppy following her around. I have good friends 1/2 way, so I'm thinking of having her drop me off there so I can hang with the guys a few days and flying home from that city. I'd be skipping out on the other half of the trip with her, plus a day or two together with her and her family.

Here's the options:

1) Flake out and not give an excuse. Might come across as a complete pansy since things are slightly awkward and she knows I'd have no good reason to flake out without some kind of emotional drama. Even if I hid it (which I could do), she's not that stupid.

2) Flake out while criticizing her ever so slightly. Might make her realize that I'm not going to put up with her occasionally sophisticated friends game forever. She considers me one of her only and best friends, so it COULD scare her a bit. Could also come across as emo and make her angry.

3) Flake out while flattering her. Always dangerous for an AFC to express interest to a girl who already knows it. But expressing interest while turning down the opportunity to spend the next few days in her lovely company and forcing her to spend a dozen hours on the road only her pretty self wondering why she didn't try harder to interest me in joining her... Might have the requisite confusion level to be useful.

Gut reactions anyone?

 

[COD]

ummmm all your options start with flake out........

Clearly inner game has not been established

 

[Splendidostring]

This sounds like there's a future "LJBF" to be pronounced.

Same thing happened to me in college. Girl meets boy, boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy spends LOTS of time with girl, boy think girl likes him, boy try to make a move, boy gets burned.

Sounds pessimist but this looks like a textbook "let's just be friend".


On a positive note (if you can get that right) :

If I were you, I'd try to act "serious" with her, not neg hit, not mean, just act mature with her, listen to what she says, if you disagree on a topic say it. Look at her in the eyes when you talk, say her name, talk in a more manly way and try to take time off her, don't always be available. Get the swag on! Feel the testosterone! This way you'll know if she REALLY wants something out of you.

Also, pay less attention to her words then to her whole attitude towards you, body, tone, eyes, etc etc

Hope you can get that on track

 

[prairiedog24]

ummmm all your options start with flake out........

Clearly inner game has not been established

Well, I only put the flake out options. The other options include just hanging out with her and pretending to have a great time and hope she finds it contagious. This option is most likely, but if I decide to pick an exit strategy I need to decide in the next week or two so I can switch my plane ticket. =)

I fully acknowledge being lousy at "inner game." That's why I'm here. =)

 

[prairiedog24]

This sounds like there's a future "LJBF" to be pronounced.

Oh it def is right now. We've both avoided talking about it so at least it's not defined. This girl was way interested in me when we first met, she's an HB9, but unfortunately I'm pretty conservative and inexperienced. I WANTED to date her right away, but I was scared what how far things could go, and whether it was a good time, (she just was getting out of a really bad relationship.) I'm not an idiot though, she was def interested. I remember a few weeks after we started hanging out I was at her apartment and she was laying on the floor asking me questions about how serious I was about not sleeping around in casual relationships.

That sort of thing was precisely the reason I was a bit scared to escalate until I got to know her better.

If I were you, I'd try to act "serious" with her, not neg hit, not mean, just act mature with her, listen to what she says, if you disagree on a topic say it. Look at her in the eyes when you talk, say her name, talk in a more manly way and try to take time off her, don't always be available. Get the swag on! Feel the testosterone! This way you'll know if she REALLY wants something out of you.

Also, pay less attention to her words then to her whole attitude towards you, body, tone, eyes, etc etc

Hope you can get that on track

Thanks. Great advice. It's hard to have perspective when you're in it.

 

[MillenniumMike]

Have you had any physical contact with her? (arm around her shoulders or play fighting)

From what I have seen you should of moved in much earlier, now that there is a time limit, she might be expecting you to do something.

 

[prairiedog24]

Have you had any physical contact with her? (arm around her shoulders or play fighting)

Arm around the shoulder and play fighting yes. I hugged her and kissed her on the cheek for her birthday once as well. Also, once when I play threatened to shove her into a snowbank a few months back she later texted me "thanks for the groping this afternoon )))" But on the flip side, there are other times when things haven't gone so well.

From what I have seen you should of moved in much earlier, now that there is a time limit, she might be expecting you to do something.

Probably, which is why I'm inclined to think it would be a really bad idea. She's going overseas to visit her grandparents for the summer, where she'll undoubtably be getting ridiculous amounts of attention from guys much taller and more attractive than I am... so my gut tells me that as much as I want too trying to start anything before she leaves would just be dumb.

But she's certainly planning on picking up wherever we leave off, she scheduled her classes around mine, and asked if I could find her a condo near mine when we move to the new school in the fall.

Bottom line: Right now she is absolutely not interested. But right now she's seen me 6 out of 7 days a week since October and gone through hell and back with stress. When we finish our last exam and start our trip, she'll be pretty excited, so at least we'll both be on a bit of an emotional high.

So I have to decide if I want to play things tight, average, or distant the next few weeks. One would think choosing totally opposite reactions wouldn't be so difficult.

 

[Splendidostring]

Haha, I get you

So true, when you're in it, you fail to see the whole picture, you just see the wall!

Anyway, keep on trying.. if it doesn't work this time at least you'll learn something!

P.S. I should use my own advice for myself, I speak but do not do much of what I preach right now. Your post helped me realize that