Note: this might be long...perseverance said:
It wasn't based on success with women per se - I just expected them to cure me of my problems. When that didn't happen, I became angry, and blamed them for it. There was certainly a lot of co-dependency and neediness on my part. I NEEDED them. When they rejected me - I became furious. Took everything way too personally, and viewed everyone as the enemy.
The changes I made were various. Most important was realizing the underlying issue was caused by me. I had the problem; was unhappy and felt empty. I depended on everyone else to make me happy. This was a big problem.
Secondly was changing the kind of women I went after. I was always shy and passive, and let women come to me. This wasn't a problem - because women always found me very attractive. The problem was, everyone who came after me was a jerk. They were the confident, dominating, unafraid, in your face type. They may have been hot, but they were complete *****es. They were also very skanky and slutty.
On that point, I specifically went after emotionally damaged women - because it felt like there was compatibility there. We both had struggles, didn't trust, are lives took similar paths, etc. So, I tried to save these women - only to end up getting burned. I didn't realize that these people were jerks, and that we weren't really on the same page. I viewed them as afraid, misunderstood, and in need of saving. Had the whole fairytale hero romance thing going on. I didn't want a nice girl - I wanted a bad girl to become nice. Yeah, that didnt happen.
I also realized how shallow I was. My mind became cluttered with negativity about women - because I only focused on one type of girl. The hot, shallow, stuck up, ditsy, slutty type. I came to the irrational conclusion that all women were this way - because they're the only ones who caught my attention. It's not that nice girls didn't exist - I just didn't care, because they weren't hot. As well, the hot, confident, aggressive ones did all the approaching - because they had no fear. This also came with a lot of demanding, manipulative, and controlling behavior - which made it difficult to leave. They were very persistent and relentless in their aggressive behavior.
Accepting that no one is special was a big part of the process. I always had this image of what women were - which they would also claim about themselves. They were all innocent, fragile, harmless little victimized angels who can do no wrong. I didn't accept the reality of who anyone was - just blindly followed their claims, and had my head way up in the clouds. I became disappointed because my expectations and their claims never matched who they really were. This created a lot of anger and frustration. Black and white thinking was common.
This was also based on my own shallowness. I became infatuated with these jerks because they were hot. There was no other reason. It's not that they were nice - far from it. I only viewed them that way because I had a crush on them. Meanwhile, genuinely nice girls were constantly passed up - because they weren't hot enough.
I didn't love any of these girls - they just stimulated a lot of emotions. I confused infatuation with love, and actually hated a lot of them. But, of course, they were hot. Therefore, they were perfect in my mind. I even convinced myself that they were nice - just afraid, confused, unsure, distrusting. Made way too many excuses, and tolerated too much poor behavior from these jerks
Realizing my own underlying issues, accepting reality instead of living in a fantasy world, and eliminating shallowness helped a lot. As well as approaching different kinds of women. Cute, conservative, and nice is much better than hot, slutty, and crazy.
I also realized that becoming angry and bitter over other people's behaviors only ends up hurting yourself, and those around you. Nowadays, I just accept that its how some people are. No sense becoming angry over it. Just accept it, and don't associate with them. Don't get sucked into their web of lies and games. You don't owe them anything. You're not selfish for not letting them use you. Guilt trips and sympathy pleas are the tools of manipulators. Don't fall for it.
Realizing the nature of bad people also helps to avoid them. All of the tactics they use are the same. As are their personalities and lifestyles. Bad people don't view themselves as bad, so its up to YOU to find out the truth - instead of make it all about them, and automatically take their side. Believe and assume nothing. Don't become angry if they're losers - just accept it, and move on. Don't dwell on every illogical thing they do. It just makes YOU angry and bitter.
Lastly, not being a weak, pushover nice guy. Building confidence, eliminating co-dependency, not seeking approval or being desperate, not becoming clingy, not taking everything so personally, not worrying or caring so much, etc. Also, not giving in so easily, making it all about them, standing up for yourself, not allowing them to control everything, not giving them all the control, etc. These are major issues that need to be addressed.
