You got dumped, stop trying to be friends!

[Blatant truth]

Yes you Mr. AFC...

The topic pretty much speaks for itself. In the few days I've been here, I see topic after topic of guys trying to be friends with girls who dump them.

Don't give me that "a guy and a girl could be friends, you know..." line. I'm not talking about well adjusted guys, I'm referring to AFC's. The kind of guy who just wants "friendship" so he can get a second chance with a girl who crapped on him.

It's much healthier to move on and make yourself a better person than to try to figure out ways to get back together. She can smell your desperation, and so can I...and it stinks.

 

[MikeyBoi]

While you certainly seem to have gotten something off your chest here, I disagree that a guy should not be friends with a girl who offers her friendship. He should utterly kill all hope of bedding her, and then proceed to use her as an ally in getting other women.

I think in order to kill desperation, one of the most important things a guy can do is amass a plethora of female friends who he trusts and respects. Not for the possibility of sex, but to learn the ropes of the female species. And that doesn't necessarily mean listening to what they say about men and dating, but observing their interactions and absorbing the female social atmosphere.

If you do this, chances are you will not have a serial killer vibe when you suddenly muster up the courage to go talk to that girl you like...because she won't be the first girl you've dealt with in a long time.

Ya dig?

Best,
Mikey.

 

[arutha]

Yeah I agree with Mikey, just use them for practice. Interaction, keep up your ****y and funny stuff, maybe keep flirting a bit, but don't expect anything.

Hell it might even be a funny line to say when she questions your motives: 'Nah I don't like you, I'm just using your for practice until I find a REAL girl'. :crackup:

I might do that if the opportunity arises, I believe if you say things in the right way you can literally get away with anything.

 

[MidnightResistance]

I am in the process of re-establishing contact with my ex now that she is back in the country and about to return to university, while I have been out of education and in the world of work for a year.

Why am I doing this?
It's not because I want to see her. It's because she knows lots of hot chicks who are hotter than she is and who I might stand a good chance with.
Also, my confidence and 'show-off' levels will increase because I am aiming to piss off my ex and make her jealous at the same time as scoring chicks.

I broke up with my ex for a reason. Going back is not an option

 

[transporter]

This is my first post on this board but I felt compelled to pose a question. How many guys who have been emotionally involved in an LTR, whether for 3 months or 3 years, are able to honestly switch into a "friendship" mode once the woman has ended the romantic relationship?

My guess is 1 out of a hundred. Maybe.

After a lot of time has passed it may be possible, and I'm thinking at least a year or two. But like the song says, "I love you too much to ever start liking you."

 

[cfajason]

A girl i dated for a month just told me she wants to be friends This ****ing sucks ****,but i enjoy her company and has a lot of hot friends too so im gonna go for the friend ****!

 

[DonJuanMonk]

Depends. If she's the honest blunt type, then she'll make a good friend and maybe a chance to hook up later on (but wouldn't count on it.) But if she were wanting to come back, and she did the dumping (which most girls do) she better seriously make it up rather than just slide back in like things used to be.

But if she's acting all mysterious/sly, screw that I'm not into that crap and no one else should put up with it.

 

[joekerr31]

heres the thing. when you are into someone romantically you don't see them for who they are. you see them through rose colored glasses.

from the moment you meet them and well into the relationship, you don't see the true them. between you're hormone driven perspective on them and them probably doing their best to present themselves in the best light humanly possible - you really are dealing with a different person from who you'd be dealing with as a friend.

on top of that, if your relationship was good for a while and you enjoyed a few months of your brain being awash in dopamine from her presence, you will always see her as a potential "fix" to get "high".

the truth as well is that if you've had sex numerous times, shared intimate feelings, etc., it's not going to be easy seeing them getting banged by some other dude (or them seeing you banging some chic).

the lovers to friends shift is extremely hard. I think you're right that maybe 1 out of a 100 are able to do to in an honest fashion. I think some do it, but there is always this underlying ackward tension.

its easy to be friends with a woman if you arent attracted to her. if there is mutual attraction then its almost impossible long term (and since you dated its assumed there is mutual attraction).

it also depends on why the relationship ended. if it had run its course and both parties were in mutual agreement that it was time to move on, then i suppose it might be possible.

personally, i think most guys stay friends in hopes of a "friends with benefits" relationship developing. And most women stay friends bec ause they want a back up in case they aren't able to find mister right.

in the end though, unless both parties are extremely mature and in full control of their emotions, things usually end up getting really messy.
J

 

[kk2004]

well

Well my girl said she wudnt mind hooking up with me later on down the road, but she said not right now bcuz I seemed pretty attached. So i dont know, I would want to be her freind so maybe she could intorduce me to other people that she knows and that would help me get to know ppl i didnt before hand.

 

[DJDamage]

Its not worth it.

Why would a woman offer you a friendship after she dumped you?? because by accepting her offer you make her feel better about herself and her actions. You have accepted her counter offer and justifiable behaviour. You wanted more and she gave you much less.

If the woman you had deep feelings for dumps you, essentially what she has done was castrate your balls without your approval. She has put barriers in front of you without your approval ( No sex and no touching but you can hang out with her and her new boyfriend, do you think you would like that??). You have essentially stripped away your dignity and respect and gave her all the power. That is not the behaviour of a Don Juan.

If a woman puts a counter offer (LJBF) and you still want to see her (fvck her) then you should walk away. By accepting her terms and conditons you have gone from being her boyfriend status (respect) to a chump status (you are going to be treated like everyone else now except her new boyfriend). By walking away you are telling her that you do not accept her terms of lesser status and you have better things to do. Why should you be forced to accept something you never wanted in the first place??

How eager do you also think she is of introudcing you to her hot friends after she dumped you? she doesn't want her friends to know you and her dirty little secrets you two shared. Most of your ex will try to cut you out of the loop anyway because LJBF is another way to try to control you.

Work on your game more if you want to meet chicks instead of decieving your ex in order to try to hook up with her friends.

If you want friends go find some guy friends. WOMEN MAKE LOUSY FRIENDS.

 

[nishbuk]

I definitely agree with alot of what has been said here. The same thing happened to me recently. My ex e-mailed me a couple of times, and in one e-mail actually said,

"So are you going to get back into town in time for your make-up exam? I hope things at home ok, but I'm sure it's a bit crazy right now. If you ever need any moral support, you can always ask".

I was thinking, "lol. wtf? Moral support??"

Needless to say my next reply was clear:
"Thanks for the offer, but I have many friends I can lean on for moral support, and I'm not really looking for anything from you right now".

You cannot be friends with an ex straight off. You are asking for MAJOR trouble if you break up with someone, and then expect to be friends right away.
AT THE VERY LEAST you should make sure that you have moved on already. i.e. banging lots of other chicks, or landed a new GF and a relationship. Until one of these has happened, you are just asking for more heartbreak, and trouble.
AFCs, please, for the love of god, break all contact with your exs for an extended period of time. If you're going to be friends in the future, then just let it happen. Don't try to make it happen, or be fixated on it. Break that contact.

 

[Sayajin_Prince]

sometimes they just want you to dissapear so why bother? things like beings friends with an ex will never work. just move on and forget. i agree with blatant truth and dj damage on this one.

 

[kk2004]

ic

So no lets just be friends. I gotta walk away, bcuz she is controling me this way. She castrated me and she has all the power. Thats bad

No friends with benifits either right?

She has a very big social circle, knows many people and knows alot of hot girls. It would take too long for me to find someone a gf or a hookup to actually get over her. pick up skills are so so.

Im depressed on top of that, I have no desire to go and talk to girls for a while, I just want to feel good and happy the way I did before I met her.

I guess im being too negative. If i think that i wont get over her then i wont, if i do then i will. Im just looking for happiness and normalcy im angry and sick of feeling sad. I dont wnat to feel this way anymore. I want company and happiness, from a girl. Im just afraid that untill I find anohter girl I wont feel happy.

 

[decades]

Originally posted by cfajason
A girl i dated for a month just told me she wants to be friends This ****ing sucks ****,but i enjoy her company and has a lot of hot friends too so im gonna go for the friend ****!

Here's the rule..

"The price of my friendship is SEX"
bottom line..

if she says yes, you are friends with bennies..if she says no, move on...she would just use you as an emotional tampon and rub your face in it with her new relationships.

The best thing to do, however, is MOVE TF ON! U don't need the drama of having the ex as a pivot. that's bs.

 

[backbreaker]

it's actually pretty simple.

You can't be friends with someone you want to sleep with.

Plain and simple.

Not even if you wanted to.


Any advice you give them would not be true advice, the underlying intention will always be to sleep with them.

You aren't listening to her gripe about her current BF because you give a damn, you are doing it becasue you want to bang he ryoru self. And she knows this. So the only person you are lying to is yourself.

 

[Tboner]

On hooking up with your ex's hot friends.

What type of man were you when you were together with the ex?How will she describe you to her friends?

If you were an AFC, "Oh, he's a real nice guy". This type of talk from her will ruin your chances with her friends. She knows this.

If you were the a$$hole, she will tell her friends and there might be some attraction, but you can't really be friends with the ex because of her anger.

If you were an alpha, she will tell her friends "He's the only real man I've ever known". This will definitely get attraction from her friends and you can remain friends with the ex.

 

[Bill S. Preston Esq]

Blatant Truth, I wish that my friend could have read this about 2 and a half years ago.

Storytime for you guys even thinking about being friends with an ex that dumped you without second though:

My friends old girlfriend after going out with him for a year and a half decided that my friend was "really immature" and going out with him was like going out with a little kid.

She left him for some guy in the Navy that was in Chicago and my friend, while hurt i'm sure was like, ok whatever. She moved the next day

For the next year and half he hooks up with A LOT of girls and sex with ALL OF THEM. By that time however, his ex had broke up with the other guy for whatever reason and moved back and almost immediately tried to be friends with my buddy.

I warned him straight up that being friends is ok (even though I couldn't understand why after what she said he would even want to live in the same state as her) but nothing good can come out of this. I recommended to him to just drop her and go about his business.

Long story short, they become friends with benefits and she ends up getting knocked up. They now have a kid and live together. At first he said he was sad but he didn't really look it. He had a lot of things planned for the future like going to college and trying to get into the FBI but they had to vanish for the good of the family. He absolutely loves his child but he is constantly abused by his GF. He has to go buy her cigarettes, go get her drinks (while she is laying in bed and he is in the living room), always has to watch his daughter all the time and feed her and change her diapers. He can't leave the house but she can. He can't even buy a CD without having her harass him but she can go out and buy clothes and Coach purses when she goes out with her family. The only times he can leave the house is for work and picking up his child from daycare(he also is the one who takes her to daycare in the morning so she doesn't have to wake up 30 minutes earlier).

If he manages to make it outside his house he can't even buy fast food when he's hanging out with his friends because they're suddenly on a budget when he's hungry.

When you go back to ex who maliciously dumped you, you will more than likely be treated with more contempt than respect.

Caveat Emptor (buyer beware)