You are not promised anything in life

[DannykDJ]

For those of you who read my first thread you know my gf of 1 year and I broke up. Even though I am a complete wreck I finally realized why I feel so horrible

This woman looked me in the eyes and told me she loved me with all of her heart and would always be there for me and do anything for me (word for word)

Well guess what? She changed her mind and now we are not speaking to each other anymore. So in a few short weeks a one year exclusive relationship changed to not speaking to each other.

My point here is that no matter what the people in your life say or do you can only truly count on yourself to make yourself happy. People are the biggest variable in your life and as they teach in math class, a variable can stand for anything. Even when you are promised something, You still aren't guaranteed it

It doesn't matter if it is a husband, wife, gf, bf, or best friend. Everyone in your life that claims to care for you has the potential to change how they feel about you at any second despite how they currently feel. it is a very cynical way of thinking, but as long as you never place more trust in someone than you place in yourself you will never be betrayed

For now on whenever someone other than my parents tell me they love me my response will always be "don't tell me, prove it to me"

 

[Interceptor]

Obvious, but very true.
It does need repeating.

I only hope that your insight is not supported by bitterness or resentment.

 

[DannykDJ]

Right now I am kinda bitter because I feel betrayed, but I will get over it with a little time.

You are right, this is common knowledge everyone knows. It just feels different to experience it rather than read about it and I think it's just good to be reminded about it every so often so you don't become blinded by what you think you have

 

[Interceptor]

Danny, to be brutally honest, and I too learned the hard way, is that you came into this with the WRONG Belief System.

So being bitter is not going to help you.
It should simply awaken you.
Let this be lesson to maintain your indepence throught the entire course of a relationship, and to make a clear realization that you had wrong beliefs instilled in your head from the beginning. Your ex was not, nor ever was Responsible for YOUR beliefs.

If all your life someone/something taught you that two and two equals five,and one day you take a math test, and they ask you to solve that equation...and you answer honestly.......5.

And you failed the exam and got an F.

Who would you blame?

The teacher for being right?

Or yourself for not knowing better?

Or the exam itself?

Dont hold in anger for the ex. Somewhere along the way the ball was dropped, and you guys aren't together anymore.
Look over the situation, and try to do a post mortem on it.

See if there is anything that could have been prevented to lower IL and make the Love fade away....
Whether it was something from you or her.

And keep reinforcing the notion that everything a partner gives you is a GIFT.
So that you do not feel you are 'entitled' or 'owed' by her.
You can appreciate a woman from a much stronger place.
You can honor and cherish whatever resources she gives you.


Use this as a lesson to get shrewder and stronger. Not more defensive, bitter, and guarded.

Take some time to integrate this stuff.
and be free of the anger.

Make sure you dont start looking at the world with the Scarcity mindset, Dan.
A lot of guys fall into that trap and get way cynical and bitter.

Good luck, man, I hope you feel better and get things straightened out for yourself.

Like the old saying goes;
Dont wish it were easier, wish you were better.