You are 'nice' --- Need help from former 'Nice guys'

[Hikapo]

Hello, I have been learning a lot from this site.

There is always one thing that always puzzles me.

Older women that talk to me always tell me I am 'nice'. I went to the barber shop, and a lady there told me I am a good guy. I haven't said a word or anything.

I work at a coffee shop and I talked to this regular customer that invited me to her husbands school charity show.

She told me that I will find a nice girl eventually, and went along the lines of saying even if nice guys finish last, I will still find a good girl.

Sure, I have a innocent looking face. Why are they calling me nice and all that? They don't even know me that well. Is it my body language, my posture?

I have been working out a lot and improving myself physically and mentally. I am rather skinny at 5'10 140lbs.

I would provide more information if needed.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Hello, I have been learning a lot from this site.

There is always one thing that always puzzles me.

Older women that talk to me always tell me I am 'nice'. I went to the barber shop, and a lady there told me I am a good guy. I haven't said a word or anything.

I work at a coffee shop and I talked to this regular customer that invited me to her husbands school charity show.

She told me that I will find a nice girl eventually, and went along the lines of saying even if nice guys finish last, I will still find a good girl.

Sure, I have a innocent looking face. Why are they calling me nice and all that? They don't even know me that well. Is it my body language, my posture?

I have been working out a lot and improving myself physically and mentally. I am rather skinny at 5'10 140lbs.

I would provide more information if needed.

Never go with words alone.... Actions answer every question you have. Women DO NOT want nice, they say they do... but what they want is entirely different.

Just like asking a woman's opinion on what type of guy they want. They will say one thing and go for a different type.

FVck being nice!!! Being a good or great guy is what you want to be.

 

[Evzone]

You are pretty skinny, but I don't know if that's the only cause. It could be a big factor though. Hit the weight room. There's lots of info on the Health & Fitness subforum. I used to be 6' 2" and 150. I am now 190. People from high school say that I've changed, in a good way. Fat girls and weird girls don't hit on me anymore--good riddance, although of course that also had to do with my game improving over time and moving up on the social pecking order.

 

[alwayslead8821]

A lot of it is in your body language also... Pay attention to jocks and d!ckheads and how they carry themselves.. Nice guys tend to be self concious and you can see it in the way they move stand and talk. I used to be always thinking stuff (being selfconsious) it's part of being a nice guy. What happens is you stop beign receptive to the world around you. When you are not receptive you act differently. You are not entirely aware of this but just work on it. Continue reading the dj bible... I'm to lazy to get into depth right now heh...

 

[MeteorMash]

First point I wanna make it this. I am no expert, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with being nice. Nothing at all, infact, it's good to be nice.

I think it's a shame. The word nice has gotten such a nasty rep. It's a crying as shame because nice and kind people are so wonderful

the problem is not being nice, but being weak. If an old lady says you are a nice and great guy, good, except the compliment and move on. Do you really want some cougar calling you sexy or some sh1t?

But like I said, being nice isn't the problem, but being weak is. women do not want a weak guy. A guy who caters to her every whim. A guy who kisses her ass and feet. A guy who will let others walk all over him. They want an equal. Think about it from your perspective, do you want a women who kisses you ass and feet? do you want a nobody slave who panders to you or an actual person to be with?

There's a difference in being nice and being "nice". Being "nice" would be putting up with bullsh1t and kissing peoples as. Being nice is saying a kind word to someone, holding doors open for old ladies, etc. nothing wrong with that
I used to be a weak guy. I used to think other people were better than me. I put other above me, and it showed in my out look. I always felt and acted lesser to everyone else. I'm so glad I came into my skin and love myself now.

Don't get me wrong. I am a very nice guy, girls say it all the time to me and they love me for it. And Yes, I do get chicks.

Don't take being nice as a bad thing. Just remember not to be weak and insecure.

 

[Isko]

I used to be a weak guy. I used to think other people were better than me. I put other above me, and it showed in my out look. I always felt and acted lesser to everyone else. I'm so glad I came into my skin and love myself now.

Great post MeteorMash, that part especially meant something to me.

 

[CaptainJ]

First point I wanna make it this. I am no expert, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with being nice. Nothing at all, infact, it's good to be nice.

I think it's a shame. The word nice has gotten such a nasty rep. It's a crying as shame because nice and kind people are so wonderful

the problem is not being nice, but being weak. If an old lady says you are a nice and great guy, good, except the compliment and move on. Do you really want some cougar calling you sexy or some sh1t?

But like I said, being nice isn't the problem, but being weak is. women do not want a weak guy. A guy who caters to her every whim. A guy who kisses her ass and feet. A guy who will let others walk all over him. They want an equal. Think about it from your perspective, do you want a women who kisses you ass and feet? do you want a nobody slave who panders to you or an actual person to be with?

There's a difference in being nice and being "nice". Being "nice" would be putting up with bullsh1t and kissing peoples as. Being nice is saying a kind word to someone, holding doors open for old ladies, etc. nothing wrong with that
I used to be a weak guy. I used to think other people were better than me. I put other above me, and it showed in my out look. I always felt and acted lesser to everyone else. I'm so glad I came into my skin and love myself now.

Don't get me wrong. I am a very nice guy, girls say it all the time to me and they love me for it. And Yes, I do get chicks.

Don't take being nice as a bad thing. Just remember not to be weak and insecure.

Actually I think you'll find that the word Nice has been given good rep that is not deserved. Nice comes from the greek word niescus which means ignorant. How it ever came around to mean the word it does today is beyond me. But I sure as hell don't want to be an ignorant guy.

To the OP, these people are calling you nice because you are feminine and weak. You have to be act like a man to be acknowledged as one. So you have to be strong, sexual and dominant.

Stop working out and start TRAINING. Real men don't workout, they train with a purpose, a goal and a plan. Get a on a beginner strength routine like stronglifts 5x5 or starting strength. Squat heavy and eat loads, every man needs to be muscular to be acknowledged as one.

Just from getting bigger and stronger you'll notice you automatically begin to become a man already:
Greater sex drive
Strength + Confidence
Better posture and walking like a man
More masculine facial features (Strong jawline)

I used to be a nice guy, and I can say that getting big and strong did wonders for me.

 

[zekko]

I think the word "nice" is only an insult in pickup circles, because of the old saying "nice guys finish last". They've twisted the word nice into meaning weak, which isn't really the case out in the real world.

I knew this one guy who was always getting really hot women, and they all used to describe him as "nice". It was a compliment, and he wasn't weak at all, he was very athletic. I'm not sure how he did it, but he would form very strong connections with these women, and he only went after the hottest ones.

 

[synergy1]

You are pretty skinny, but I don't know if that's the only cause. It could be a big factor though. Hit the weight room. There's lots of info on the Health & Fitness subforum. I used to be 6' 2" and 150. I am now 190. People from high school say that I've changed, in a good way. Fat girls and weird girls don't hit on me anymore--good riddance, although of course that also had to do with my game improving over time and moving up on the social pecking order.

Possibly the best fringe benefit of working out for a long period of time is automatically filtering out the fatties that try to talk to you. More specifically, girls with lower self esteem tend to stay away from the dude who looks like a prick.

 

[radiodude]

Exceptions to the nice rule only apply to professional scenarios in some ways.

For example, I had to apologize to a fellow female department head this morning for my actions yesterday as I stepped into her area of expertise by trying to advise another department of something she normally handles and instead of sending him to her subordinate to get the question answered, I sent him after her directly. She was gone for a while yesterday and he could have gotten a straight answer from her subordinate much quicker and more accurately.

I had to apologize for being professionally disrespectful. Unfortunately, as a man, it's in my nature to want to handle things. In other organizations, my position alone handles what her's and mine both do in this current organization. We are larger so our positions are more specialized. I also wanted to appear more knowledgable to this other dept. head as that is something that our governing board wanted me to focus on when I was hired, as opposed to my predecessor who didn't work as hard at it.

In this instance, I was justified in apologizing to her because I did, when reflecting on it, step into territory that wasn't mine. I would have felt the same way if I were in her position.

This is different than relational dynamics on a personal level where 'tip-toeing' around women gains you nothing but disrespect. What I'm saying is I have to be careful in my professional situation not to 'upset things' because of our organization. In relationships, it's a different dynamic when you are talking about being dominant and masculine, etc.

 

[Warrior74]

But when little old ladies say it they just mean you thoughtful and considerate and what a gentleman is suppose to be like. You know...unlike the guys who were banging the crap out of them when they were young and hot. And when they tell you nice guys finish last, well that's true. And sometimes he who laugh last, laughs loudest.

But when women your age say your nice, Sorry, but nice means, not a sexual threat nor object of desire. You can say it means weak. Nice means = do not want to fvck. I've had to many grown women and women in college admit that. Hell I was talking to a 23 year old last night who is all on my jock, we met at a house party and I thought she was with this guy...apparently he was a "nice" guy but boring. I on the other hand was not. She wouldn't stop trying to hug and kiss on me. Now I was nice to her, gave her compliments, teased her, had fun with her...no negs or any of that PUA crap...and everyone says I'm a nice guy, but it's not the same. It's the difference between being cool and a geek. Both can treat people with respect and be nice to people, but it's how you do it. Your style and swagger and the amount of confidence you have. And it's why you do it, are you nice from a position of strength or for a position of seeking approval? Guess which one gets the gina's tingling?

 

[radiodude]

But when little old ladies say it they just mean you thoughtful and considerate and what a gentleman is suppose to be like. You know...unlike the guys who were banging the crap out of them when they were young and hot. And when they tell you nice guys finish last, well that's true. And sometimes he who laugh last, laughs loudest.

But when women your age say your nice, Sorry, but nice means, not a sexual threat nor object of desire. You can say it means weak. Nice means = do not want to fvck. I've had to many grown women and women in college admit that. Hell I was talking to a 23 year old last night who is all on my jock, we met at a house party and I thought she was with this guy...apparently he was a "nice" guy but boring. I on the other hand was not. She wouldn't stop trying to hug and kiss on me. Now I was nice to her, gave her compliments, teased her, had fun with her...no negs or any of that PUA crap...and everyone says I'm a nice guy, but it's not the same. It's the difference between being cool and a geek. Both can treat people with respect and be nice to people, but it's how you do it. Your style and swagger and the amount of confidence you have. And it's why you do it, are you nice from a position of strength or for a position of seeking approval? Guess which one gets the gina's tingling?

I think this pretty much sums up the entire issue of niceness though when it comes to sexuality. It isn't literally being nice thats the problem. It's a character issue when it comes to being confident and dominant (relaxed) in your actions as a man.

 

[f283000]

Older women that talk to me always tell me I am 'nice'. I went to the barber shop, and a lady there told me I am a good guy. I haven't said a word or anything.

Brother it's bad enough when a girl your age tells you that you are nice but when an older woman tells you this you know you got some behavior problems you have to address ASAP!

What she meant is that you are a gentleman, you are honest, you are well intentioned, you are cordial, and you are everything that modern women DON'T LOOK FOR as the primary traits of an attractive guy. Those primary traits women look for are: confident, exciting, sexual, fun, dangerous, unpredictable.

She told me that I will find a nice girl eventually, and went along the lines of saying even if nice guys finish last, I will still find a good girl.

I would never get my haircut there again. She was basically feeling sorry for you in a way thus insulting you. She was saying women will walk all over you for the rest of your life till you find a good one.

My own mother once told me "the good guys always end up with the bad ones." This was in reference to a childhood friend she had. His first wife left him and took his kids. His second wife left him a note one day saying she was leaving him and left him for an older man. She was saying how her friend was a really great person and didn't deserve it. Now he is in his 50's and alone. He put all his efforts in making the women in his life happy and look where it got him.

1. Don't get a haircut there ever again but be thankful to that lady for pointing out that you have some serious issues to address in your behavior. She saying that stuff to you was her way of trying to help you out in a way.
2. Get rid of your nice guy behavior.

 

[bigjohnson]

English is a complicated and rich language. Sometimes "nice" means nice, sometimes it means "doormat". You can be a good man and still get women.

.... are you nice from a position of strength or for a position of seeking approval?

After I made my comment above I read this, and he said it better than I did. There's not a thing wrong with being respectful, kind, honest, and so on, those things are not intrinsically repellent to women. In fact, a strong confident powerful man who is also polite and gentlemanly is pretty rare.

 

[BobMo']

The transformation from being (or having intentions to be) "nice," to being good and strong and masculine is one of the main goals you should have in visiting this site.

Being nice is instinctive, especially for males being brought up in this culture, but you have to consciously fight that tendency, which will only get you dumped on.

You have to WANT to improve yourself, then work on it until you get back in synch with your maleness. Working out and increase your testosterone levels is a great way to begin.

 

[zekko]

What she meant is that you are a gentleman, you are honest, you are well intentioned, you are cordial, and you are everything that modern women DON'T LOOK FOR as the primary traits of an attractive guy. Those primary traits women look for are: confident, exciting, sexual, fun, dangerous, unpredictable.

How do you be dangerous exactly?

I've seen that list before, I have trouble with the last two. For instance, I doubt if I would go sky diving. It makes no sense to me to risk my life just for a momentary thrill. If it were something I was passionate about that might be different, but for something I'm not even interested in? Nah.

There's nothing WRONG with being honest and cordial, they're good traits to have. They just have nothing to do with attraction. There are different buttons you have to push to create attraction.

 

[Hikapo]

Thanks for the comments guys. I really appreciate it.

I can attract girls, I just cannot close the deal for some reason.

@Warrior74---> I see your point. I am having trouble trying to find my own masculinity and power.

Every since I was young, I was thought to be respectful and thoughtful to others and also treat them nice(both men and women). Treat others like how you want to be treated.

After visiting this site, my behavior towards women have changed.

At work, I don't do stupid favors for pretty girls just because they are hot.

As for this quote:

What she meant is that you are a gentleman, you are honest, you are well intentioned, you are cordial, and you are everything that modern women DON'T LOOK FOR as the primary traits of an attractive guy. Those primary traits women look for are: confident, exciting, sexual, fun, dangerous, unpredictable.

Anybody want to help me elaborate on this quote above?

I have trouble expressing my sexuality to girls I like, unlike my other female friends I can just talk about sex like its nothing. I might also add I am a passive person, and I am trying to break into a more authoritative person. I also have a soft voice. That also needs to be worked on.

I am fun to be around with but I lack excitement, confidence and I am pretty predictable.----> I gotta work on that.


@f283000: I see your point. So what are the typical masculine postures/behaviors that exihbit to women that is attractive?The place that I work at is a coffee shop. I have to be nice and friendly. I say hello to people with a big smile, ask how their day is doing etc etc.

But sometimes I get all these compliments of being nice from women without saying a word. That scares me. What really pisses me of is they don't know me. Here is what I hear from random women from young and old women.

You have a nice smile. (okay thats a compliment)
You are nice.--->>>?? It can mean a doormat or just a good guy.
You will find a nice girl.
Hikapo needs a nice girlfriend.



And most of all, I need a good idea of what the difference of being nice is. Here is my version, please let me know more or if it's wrong or not.

Nice/Good---> Respectful to others, but will Stand up for himself if he gets disrespected.

Nice/Doormat---> Always doing stuff to please the girl.

There is probably more, and you guys might want to add to that.

I am gonna reply to some other guys that posted but I will leave it till next time.

 

[f283000]

How do you be dangerous exactly?

I've seen that list before, I have trouble with the last two. For instance, I doubt if I would go sky diving. It makes no sense to me to risk my life just for a momentary thrill. If it were something I was passionate about that might be different, but for something I'm not even interested in? Nah.

Women are attracted to men that they are afraid of this is a fact. We cannot forget that women are not logical creatures. What we think is logical and should work for women is actually the opposite.

How do you create a sense of danger with women? You could say that negin is a starting point. The mere fact that a girl knows you will call on her bs and tease and even yell at her if she behaves bad makes you attractive and a bit dangerous for her in comparison to the average nice guy.

There's nothing WRONG with being honest and cordial, they're good traits to have. They just have nothing to do with attraction. There are different buttons you have to push to create attraction.

Correct. Nobody is saying there is something wrong with being honest and cordial but unfortunately you won't be hearing a girl saying "i want him so bad he is so honest and cordial I just gotta have him."

 

[zekko]

How do you create a sense of danger with women? You could say that negin is a starting point. The mere fact that a girl knows you will call on her bs and tease and even yell at her if she behaves bad makes you attractive and a bit dangerous for her in comparison to the average nice guy.

Negging makes you look dangerous? I tease girls all the time, I never thought that it made me look dangerous. Is that really all there is to it?
As for yelling at a girl, I wouldn't recommend doing that. An alpha man should never lose his cool. Call her on her BS, yes. But if she needs punished, I would prefer doing it in other ways, like withdrawing interest.

Correct. Nobody is saying there is something wrong with being honest and cordial but unfortunately you won't be hearing a girl saying "i want him so bad he is so honest and cordial I just gotta have him."

I think there are some who get this twisted around, and they think that qualities such as being honest are actually UNattractive to women. When in fact they are neutral as far as attraction goes, or rather they will be appreciated later on down the line, after the initial attraction has been sparked.