You answer your calls or texts or whatever, right?

[Fallen]

If you have a missed call on your cell or home phone, if you get a text, if you get an email from a friend, you answer this within a certain period of time, right?
I mean not necessarily instantly if you're busy but within the next hours or if you're really busy within the next 1-2 days?
Especially when there's a question in the text.
You don't go ahead and think to yourself "He/She'll call again" or "I'm not gonna answer that because i don't feel like it", do you?

See, lately i've been seeing (especially female) friends whom i've known for years, just not answering emails, text or phone calls. Just like it never happened. A week or two later you will get a text or call saying "there's blabla's birthday party. You're coming right?" or "Plans for the weekend. We're going to xyz. Wanna come?" Just stuff like that. Just like my text or call before just never happened.

I mean, i have a busy schedule too. I work 3 jobs, go to university and am doing a lot of sports lately. But i'm never too busy, to answer a text or a missed call. Jesus, i could write a text back while sitting on the toilet bowl. Are there people who are just that busy?

Call it manners or respect or whatever, i don't think about this stuff, but it would never come to my mind to not answer within the next cuple of days, if it's been from a friend.
I am not talking about people you just met nor girls you just dumped or cut contact with. Nor am i talking about people I don't like.
I am talking about year long friends. And there's absolutely no hassle going on. Everything's just fine between them and me.

The reason i ask, is because i really am not sure if this "behaviour" is normalcy nowadays or if it's just plain disrespectful and if i should call people on that.
I don't think there's a big difference between the U.S. and Germany in this matter, so tell me:

Do you let this slide?
Happens this to yourself, because you're just too busy or just don't feel like answering a question from a friend sometimes? And this is perfectly ok with you?
Or do you think just like me, it's simple and plain disrespectful and no good manners and would you call people on that?

Is there some kind of new "Look at how important i am" game going on?

Or am i being over-sensitive and paranoid about it?

I really am a bit confused. So any input is welcome.

 

[DMSR76]

Fallen,

Like Sam said, some people just aren't texters, emailers, or what have you. Some instances of flakiness aren't personal because these individuals treat everyone that way.


But I certainly understand your point. I've always valued reciprocity, so I too tend to get annoyed in relationships that lack it. The truth of the matter is there are MANY who simply have no concept of the Golden Rule, so common courtesy and reciprocity are foreign concepts to them. It simply doesn't cross their minds. It's an unfortunate fact of modern society.

The reason i ask, is because i really am not sure if this "behaviour" is normalcy nowadays or if it's just plain disrespectful and if i should call people on that.

Actaully it's both. People tend to make time for the things they deem important. There's no such animal as (perpetually) too busy. The best thing to do is to continue to maintain your standards of healthy interaction. Flakes will be flakes, but the people who DO share your standards will always be the ones you can count on. When it comes to women, I now realize just how important a sense of reciprocity is on my list of acceptance criteria.

 

[Deep Dish]

Once in a while, when I've called a wrong number and hung up, the person will call me back and say, "Hi, you just called me." It's kind of pathetic (though funny). Like, yeah, are you that desperate to talk to somebody? I didn't leave you a voice mail, did I, asshat.

I normally don't do the call back thing, but there are times when it's reasonably justified: when you receive multiple calls from the same phone number, when you barely missed the phone, when it's someone whose call you were expecting, and so forth.

 

[jophil28]

Fallen,

Like Sam said, some people just aren't texters, emailers, or what have you. Some instances of flakiness aren't personal because these individuals treat everyone that way.


But I certainly understand your point. I've always valued reciprocity, so I too tend to get annoyed in relationships that lack it. The truth of the matter is there are MANY who simply have no concept of the Golden Rule, so common courtesy and reciprocity are foreign concepts to them. It simply doesn't cross their minds. It's an unfortunate fact of modern society.



Actaully it's both. People tend to make time for the things they deem important. There's no such animal as (perpetually) too busy. The best thing to do is to continue to maintain your standards of healthy interaction. Flakes will be flakes, but the people who DO share your standards will always be the ones you can count on. When it comes to women, I now realize just how important a sense of reciprocity is on my list of acceptance criteria.

Well expressed...nice post.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

Praise from Caesar!

 

[WaterTiger]

Not returning phone calls, emails, texts (or what ever) is just plain rude. I know "manners" are considered quaint, old fashioned and out of style in today's society, but I have very little tolerance for such things.

I'll get a message back to you, by smoke signal or carrier pidgeon, you'll get a reply.

 

[STR8UP]

Unfortunately, the culture we live in does not have clearly defined rules of etiquette for all of these modern forms of communication.

I'll be straight up honest.....I hate it when I get blown off by other people, but sometimes I do it myself if it's a low priority.

If it's a chick you're diggin', you have to play it by ear. If after a certain period of time there isn't enough reciprocation, I just cut it. Might run the risk of pulling the plug a little early on a few, but I really don't have time to chase someone around who doesn't see me as a high enough priority to return contact.

 

[Fallen]

Unfortunately, the culture we live in does not have clearly defined rules of etiquette for all of these modern forms of communication.

I'll be straight up honest.....I hate it when I get blown off by other people, but sometimes I do it myself if it's a low priority.

If it's a chick you're diggin', you have to play it by ear. If after a certain period of time there isn't enough reciprocation, I just cut it. Might run the risk of pulling the plug a little early on a few, but I really don't have time to chase someone around who doesn't see me as a high enough priority to return contact.

I absolutely agree. But aren't your "real friends" (whatever definition one uses for the people who are closest to him) always on high priority by default? Isn't this why they are your best friends to begin with?
Maybe i'm overanalyzing and overthinking or am too desperate for companionship these days.
I mean, if it happens every once in a while, it's no big deal. But like 4 times in a row by 4 different people makes you start thinking. Or at least makes ME start thinking.:wave:

 

[#41]

Everyone carries their cell phones around 24/7, and nobody is "too busy" to fire back a quick text message when they get one or within a reasonable time afterward.

Anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar.

 

[Duffdog]

Everyone carries their cell phones around 24/7, and nobody is "too busy" to fire back a quick text message when they get one or within a reasonable time afterward.

Anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar.

I don't carry my phone on me all the time because I don't want to care if someone is trying to call me all the time. I am NOT available and don't care until I get back to my phone.

 

[Hooligan Harry]

I agree with the OP. No one is that busy that they cant return a call or cant respond to am email within a day or so. Women use the excuse that they have been busy, but the reality of it is that they are either playing games or they have low interest level.

Ill sometimes ignore a call that comes through if I am not in the mood to speak or deal with that person at that minute. But I will always return the call in the next few hours.

I return missed calls too. Some people dont like to leave messages. If they dialled it by accident, Im not going to have a conversation with them. Just a flat out "sure no problem," say goodbye and hangup.

I hate cellphones though. As convenient at they are, I find them intrusive.

 

[COD]

u DO KNOW THAT YOU CAN SET UP a bot like auto answer for your phone, text messges and emails.

Dude some people ARE TOO BUSY and U gotta realize there are women that hand their personal info out at will.

So lets say U send a text/email to ask a question............also lets say U do this at a busy time. YOUR MESSAGE might not appear on her top ten list. She has too many texts, emails, voicemails, etc after a few weeks of this ANY MESSAGE they get is deemed recycle bin worthy.

SO WHATS THE SOLUTION.............ah finally a workable remedy.

SEND A ENTICING EMAIL, SEND A TEXT THAT IS WORTHY OF A RESPONSE, LEAVE A FUNNY/COOL VOICEMAIL. CALL AT NON-BUSY TIMES/DAYS.

Now U cant physically change the order of when your message is viewed (techies are covertly working on this as we speak by the way) so you are going to HAVE TO RESORT TO VIRTUAL PEAKC OCKING.............make your message stand outfrom the rest.

 

[guru1000]

Not returning phone calls shows a lack of respect. You are low priority. If you were cutting them a check, how fast would they answer that phone?

Disconnect from those who do not respect you.

 

[Fallen]

Not returning phone calls shows a lack of respect. You are low priority. If you were cutting them a check, how fast would they answer that phone?

Disconnect from those who do not respect you.

That's what i think.

@cod: You missed my point. I am not talking about girls who's number you just got. And by the way: Like already mentioned a couple of times. NO ONE is that busy. If he/she doesn't respond it's because he/she doesn't want to.

 

[OregonDuckJuan]

I argree with the OP. The point of a cell phone, etc., is to be EASIER to get in touch with, yet people seem to be so hard to reach.

You can set a text during any of the following times:
A commericial.
Waiting in line.
Starting a DVD.
On the john
Waiting for the shower to heat up.
Microwaving your food.
Stuck in traffic.
Right before you head to bed.

I work full-time, coach basketball, and work out, and I can always find a million times to text, if need be.

I will never accept the "I'm too busy" excuse.

 

[Colossus]

Fallen,

Like Sam said, some people just aren't texters, emailers, or what have you. Some instances of flakiness aren't personal because these individuals treat everyone that way.


But I certainly understand your point. I've always valued reciprocity, so I too tend to get annoyed in relationships that lack it. The truth of the matter is there are MANY who simply have no concept of the Golden Rule, so common courtesy and reciprocity are foreign concepts to them. It simply doesn't cross their minds. It's an unfortunate fact of modern society.


Actaully it's both. People tend to make time for the things they deem important. There's no such animal as (perpetually) too busy. The best thing to do is to continue to maintain your standards of healthy interaction. Flakes will be flakes, but the people who DO share your standards will always be the ones you can count on. When it comes to women, I now realize just how important a sense of reciprocity is on my list of acceptance criteria.

Great take.

I also think it's a sign of the times. People dont take correspondence that seriously anymore. The fact of the matter is everyone is busy these days. If someone doesnt return a call, text, or email it's because they simply didnt want to, or perhaps they just forgot. But the perpetual "too busy" excuse is just that--an excuse.

I used to take it really personally if someone didnt return my calls or texts (especially a girl). Now, I dont take it personally, but I do take the cumulative respectfulness of their communication as a measure of that person's respect and interest in me.

In other words, the people in my life who mean the most to me always return my calls, texts, etc; and I always return theirs. It's just what you do when you love and respect someone. It may not be immediately, or even that day, but when you understand each other's intent the errant late or missed call is not a big deal.

 

[Colossus]

The real question for me is: Are they doing this just because they are girls or are they doing this because they don't value me?

The bottom line is that if her interest is truly genuine she will get back to you in a timely manner, 90% of the time.

I think part of it is also just our times---so much communication is done via texting, so every message isnt taken as seriously when they are sending 200 a day.

But regardless, blowing off a call or text that warranted a reply is just plain rude, and a clear indicator of weak interest. Keep up your own good standards with correspondence and weed out the ones who are repeatedly flaky with you.