"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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WTF...Where did I go wrong???

DoubleA

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Question:

I'm trying to figure out if I goofed with this chick I met off of Match.
Yesterday we set up this meet & greet at a Starbucks in downtown DC. This happens all in two days of the communication. She knows what I look like and read my profile.

I get there. GooD GAWD! Her Azz was so big and phat. Miami shorty. Damn. We began walking and talking. We get to a spot sit down. And she begins to ask me questions about my match experiences. DAMN. I think this is where I F'd up. I let it flow. I mean she was askin and I was being "candid".

I ask her the type of guy she's interested in. She says she's not attracted to guys with dredds. But loves bald heads. Me havin the ceasar low cut. I say, "So I guess that takes me out of contection." She calmly says, "I'm sorry I'm not attracted to you."

WHOA. I chilled and threw on the poker face and didn't blink. Looked her dead in the eye and said, "Man that's cool." That's what we are out here to do. Find our likes and dislikes." I SMILED. She smiled and said after some silence and me showing her I wasn't trippin. Here is the rub, she then ask "Has any woman told you that before." I lie and say, "Uh..No.", while looking like I was trying recollect if had ever happened. She says, " Didn't you say that no one can out charm Chemistry in your profile?" I did say that. And it is true. Well, for authenticity YES because I wrote it. If I had said anything otherwise I'd have been looking worse that her calling my bluff it seem. Or is she being for real. A few minutes later she says , "This is so awkward. I just thought I let you know what the deal was." I once again play my position and say,"Hey that's cool. Frontin goes against what I stand for. I'd rather hear the truth than a front anyday."

She then changes the subject and shows me the top she bought from some store. She wants to bounce. We walking back to the meeting point and she says, "I'm still a Match virgin (yeh BS). I think I want to just meet new friends for now." Me: "That's cool. I understand." Because it was I went out on a date and it didn't work out but I didn't drop and paper on her.

But this is where she confusses me. We come to the corner and she says "we'll talk later." I was like..WTF?? She hands me her hand in a position for me to kiss. I simply shake it. We go our seperate ways. I hit the ride, pop in Sean Price. I was out headed back to VA. I'm kind of mad I took a "L" (loss) in an hour and fifteen. Hell I even touched her arm while we walked.

Nevertheless, I think I know where I went wrong. I shoudln't have been soo friendly from the jump. I was too diplomatic. plus i ran my mouth too much. She said it was something I said that turned her off. Anybody out here find something I shouldn't have done??
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Slickster

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I tend to agree with Newman here. She'll probably call you back. She sounds like a game player.

I can't really see anything you did "wrong". I'm not sure I would've asked her what "type" of guys she's interested in. Its almost asking her if she digs your type or not. Better to just play ****y and assume she's attracted.

She left herself wide open for some playful teasing here though.

I ask her the type of guy she's interested in. She says she's not attracted to guys with dredds. But loves bald heads. Me havin the ceasar low cut. I say, "So I guess that takes me out of contection." She calmly says, "I'm sorry I'm not attracted to you."
Instead of your response I would've busted her on liking bald guys. Maybe say something like, "Really, bald guys huh? You like that Grandpa look? All old, crusty, and wrinkly that's gross."

It sounds like maybe you qualified her too quickly and she picked up on it.
 

drZaius09

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The very second she said she wasn't attracted to you, you should have got up and f#cking left her there. F#ck that "at least she was honest" bullsh1t. This girl was an attention wh0re from day one. No need to waste any more of your precious time on her.
 

NewMan

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Better to just play ****y and assume she's attracted.
Agreed.

You've got to assume the sale. anything that smells of lack of confidence or self assurence is weak. Always play strongly.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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DoubleA

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I think she was attracted. I actually think she was interested.

I ran my FN MOUTH TOO MUCH.

We'll see if she calls back. If not I keep it moving.
If so, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Or maybe she tried to hit me with a negative hit.

Time will only tell. Thanks for the input!
 

iveyleeger

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I'm sorry I'm not attracted to you.
Major shlt test. Insecure alpha bltch. I think some AFC's would've reacted, got pissed, or something. You were smooth. DJ points for that.

What I would've loved, though, is when she said she wanted to bounce, you just go,

"Cool. See you around then."

Then you get up, walk over to the hottest single girl in the place, open a convo, and never look back.
 

averagejoe

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What I would've loved, though, is when she said she wanted to bounce, you just go,
"Cool. See you around then."

Then you get up, walk over to the hottest single girl in the place, open a convo, and never look back.
That is classic. :D
 

averagejoe

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What I would've loved, though, is when she said she wanted to bounce, you just go,
"Cool. See you around then."

Then you get up, walk over to the hottest single girl in the place, open a convo, and never look back.
That is classic. :D
 

decades

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Originally posted by Rollo
I think she was attracted. I actually think she was interested.

I ran my FN MOUTH TOO MUCH.

We'll see if she calls back. If not I keep it moving.
If so, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Or maybe she tried to hit me with a negative hit.

Time will only tell. Thanks for the input!
I would say "So you don't think its possible for two people who are NOT attracted to each other to have a little NSA fun in the sack?"
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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