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Wtf? Stalker?

NiceBarn

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I’m married and my wife just showed me a letter sent by actual mail from an ex bf that ghosted her 25 years ago. Wtf do you even say? Who sends typed out letters?

She asked if I wanted to read it. I skimmed but it was so cringeworthy. He ended by basically saying the “ball is in your court”. If I don’t hear from you I’ll never attempt to contact you.

She then told me how I felt about contacting him. I’m thinking, do I even need to answer that? She thinks it’s funny, but I’m thinking, we've only been in our current place for two years, so how’d he find our address? Any advice on what to say? Thanks!

The letter came today btw it’s not an old letter lol
 

Spaz

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Did ur wife basically implied that's if it's okay by you, she would contact him back ?

Just so you know, every woman on planet earth and beyond knows that's a big red line in a relationship, more so in a marriage.
 

MillionBillionaire

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Yeah I'd start digging holes in your back yard and start hiding money because I predict a divorce.

Not being a jerk, just telling you my gut instinct.
 

lamath

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Holy **** that needy af

Just ignore this and keep frame

It might not be that hard to find your address, mutual friend, phone book,socialmedia etc
I agree however it feels like she is being stalk
 

lamath

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Yeah I'd start digging holes in your back yard and start hiding money because I predict a divorce.

Not being a jerk, just telling you my gut instinct.
I dont see any indication of that.

Unless the guy got your address from your wife herself
 

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sangheilios

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An ex from 25 years ago, were they in high school because your age is posted as 39? If that is the case, this individual has some serious issues if he is contacting her after all those years. How does he even know where you guys live? Your wife should definitely not contact this man at all and I think you should be far more alarmed by the fact that this man is sending her letters like that instead of thinking she is going to leave you.

Most likely this man is harmless but any rational person would address this as something potentially more serious. You shouldn't make fun of this guy, he isn't all there.
 

lamath

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I was married from ages 18-26 .. I"m 35 now

I guess I'm old? and mad? but honest.
38 out of a 12y ltr with 2 kids.

From OP post what makes you thinks its foing that way?


Btw i agree about the hiding money, always need a safety net.
 

Spaz

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I predict a divorce.
It could mean a number of things but let's not jump the gun yet.

Almost every other girl I've been with has shown me something similar and when asked for my opinion I'll just state that with her being a woman - she's more then capable to solve this small issue of lovelorn men still stuck in the past.

But that's just me.
 

NiceBarn

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1. I very seriously doubt your wife would have shown you this letter if she had something sinister to hide from you. Showing you would most likely have been followed by a confession, which did not happen, so don't let your hamster run away on you over this.

2. This sounds like a guy who is miserable, doing some soul-searching, thought back to his happier days with fondness and an empty feeling, then starts reaching out to people from those happier days either for answers or to recreate the happiness he desperately misses. Ever see "High Fidelity"? This smells like that kind of guy.

3. It is not hard at all to find someone's address these days if you're willing to shell out a few bucks. I have a stalker. She somehow manages to get my number no matter how many times I change it, block her, etc.
#1 totally agree. Thanks!
#2 sounds spot on after what I read. It’s what she said as well.

An ex from 25 years ago, were they in high school because your age is posted as 39? If that is the case, this individual has some serious issues if he is contacting her after all those years. How does he even know where you guys live? Your wife should definitely not contact this man at all and I think you should be far more alarmed by the fact that this man is sending her letters like that instead of thinking she is going to leave you.

Most likely this man is harmless but any rational person would address this as something potentially more serious. You shouldn't make fun of this guy, he isn't all there.
Yes they were in high school. Totally agree, something is f’d up in his head. I just wanted some of the board members advice. I think it’s crazy and I’m not poking fun. Yeah I’m more concerned he knows where we live over her leaving. Her thinking is exactly what Amante stated above. A guy thinking about happier times, soul searching. Just strange to go through those lengths. I searched his return address and it’s only an hour away.

She told a few people about the letter And everyone is on the same page about no contact. I think she realizes this too. Thanks for taking time to respond!
 

NiceBarn

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Did ur wife basically implied that's if it's okay by you, she would contact him back ?

Just so you know, every woman on planet earth and beyond knows that's a big red line in a relationship, more so in a marriage.
I suppose that’s what she asked me. She kinda made it sound like she felt sorry for him or that it’s her fault that he feels so bad about how he treated her. Like he’s guilt tripping her for his own actions.

****ed up.

She handed me the letter and was like, “do you want to read this?” After I read the most beta words in the history of all chumptonia, she was like, “what do you think I should do?” I just smirked and eye rolled and she was like “do you want me to throw it away?” I said “it’s you're letter,” made a joke and continued about cooking. She tossed it in the trash right then.
 

sangheilios

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#1 totally agree. Thanks!
#2 sounds spot on after what I read. It’s what she said as well.



Yes they were in high school. Totally agree, something is f’d up in his head. I just wanted some of the board members advice. I think it’s crazy and I’m not poking fun. Yeah I’m more concerned he knows where we live over her leaving. Her thinking is exactly what Amante stated above. A guy thinking about happier times, soul searching. Just strange to go through those lengths. I searched his return address and it’s only an hour away.

She told a few people about the letter And everyone is on the same page about no contact. I think she realizes this too. Thanks for taking time to respond!
I still honestly think that this man is most likely harmless, although very off and immature to be contacting her this many years later and at this age. As was mentioned, for her to contact this man would potentially encourage this behavior to grow even more and it is in everyone's best interest to not go down that road.

I don't mean to instill fear and paranoia into your mind but I hope you both handle this situation like mature and rational adults.

Good luck
 

highSpeed

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Did ur wife basically implied that's if it's okay by you, she would contact him back ?

Just so you know, every woman on planet earth and beyond knows that's a big red line in a relationship, more so in a marriage.
That's what I took away form that part. You can't control what other people do and if she really wants to do it, she'll do it. But dam, that's some straight up sh*t, to essentially ask if he's cool with her contacting him. Keep frame, yes, but inside, I'm ready to pull a wayne brady.
 

highSpeed

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I suppose that’s what she asked me. She kinda made it sound like she felt sorry for him or that it’s her fault that he feels so bad about how he treated her. Like he’s guilt tripping her for his own actions.

****ed up.

She handed me the letter and was like, “do you want to read this?” After I read the most beta words in the history of all chumptonia, she was like, “what do you think I should do?” I just smirked and eye rolled and she was like “do you want me to throw it away?” I said “it’s you're letter,” made a joke and continued about cooking. She tossed it in the trash right then.
Good way to handle this but honestly, trust has to be an issue here for you right? I mean, what about the stray run in with an old friend, boyfriend or whatever? What if someone hits her up on FB? Do you know if she tells you all this? Most likely, she's not done anything behind your back but if she was going to contact him if you said ok, what else would she do if you weren't looking or paying attention? Most guys, you know if you start paying attention to another female and your wife finds out, your goose is cooked. Why would she even entertain the notion of contacting this guy back? I'll tell you that raises my red alert, maybe not you but me, yep, that'd raise my red alert.
 
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