WTF do I do.

[S.Y.L]

So, I kinda freaked out at my best friend today, who is a girl, She has depression issues, and I told her to be happy more often, and that she should stop complaining... Bad Idea.

Now, Before all this, I was just about to go out with her friend, who I had on a leash and we pretty much were just trying to find time to go out. Now, My friend told her everything what I said to her, and now shes like, "I really liked you, but you say things like this to your best friend, and now I realize that your just a ****"

What the hell do I do now, I realize what I said was pretty ****ing dumb. I still wanna be friends with my friend, as we were really close, and now the chick I was possibly gonna go out with, thinks im an Idiot because of this"

 

[S.Y.L]

I know everyone hates bumping, but I gotta bump this.

 

[HOT_CHILLI]

one thing ive noticed, no matter how close you are to one of your female friends, if she is close friends with the person you are intimate with/going out with/have certain intentions with then whatever you say to your female friend will be said to your significant other, if it is related to them in some way.


Ive been in a similar situation and apologizing full heartedly can fix it. Although some people will see apologizing as being weak and needy, if said in the right way you can sound genuienly sorry and still come out lookin like a man and have these matters resolved.

My advice is to apologize to your best friend first, tell her you are sorry for what you did, it was out of place and that you should have been there for her rather than just telling her what to do. tell her that. make sure you resolve things with her first before moving on to your gal. once that is resolved tell your gal that apologized to your friend, and that your intentions were only to help but admit that you were in the wrong.


Make a point of saying that your intentions were only to help (this is to your gal only btw), but dont try and use it as a point to justify your actions.

This is my advice, take what you like, leave what you dont, it is only a suggestion coming from one person's experience and opinion. Hope i was helpful.

 

[amoka]

There is nothing wrong with telling someone to stop complaining and start enjoying themselves. If she finds that offensive to the extend that she told her friend about it, then there is something wrong with her. In fact, there must be something wrong with her friend also. Do not apologize to her about it, she'd appreciate it someday. Heck, tell her again to stop whining.

 

[Lexington]

It's true that some people should just stop *****ing. But some people do genuinely have clinical depression. You can't just tell these people to "snap out of it." One can come out of it, but it's not easy.....it takes time and patience.

It's not a good idea to just to tell these kinds of folks to just quite complaining. A nurturing approach works much better on these folks than tough love.

As others have said, the best course of action would probably be to offer a sincere apology to your friend and then tell the girl you are interested in. Acknowledge to the girl that you were wrong and tell her that nothing like that will happen again.

 

[DJDamage]

Wait so which one are you interested in?! the backstaber or the crazy one?!

Raise your standards and leave those two alone.

Read the DJ Bible, you sound like you need it.

 

[S.Y.L]

Wait so which one are you interested in?! the backstaber or the crazy one?!

Raise your standards and leave those two alone.

Read the DJ Bible, you sound like you need it.

Ive read the bible, and I can get girls just fine, I'm not too worried about that at all.

But,

One of them is one of my best friends. I don't wanna ruin my friendship with her, and I have no interest in going out with her or anything at all, either does she.

The other one who I like, Meh, if I dont go out with her, I don't really give a **** actually, shes like a 6/10. I could do way better.

I just wanna make sure my friend isn't really mad at me and that we can stay friends, I honestley may have came off pretty harsh, but I was trying to help her, as she is always upset, every single day of the week.

 

[S.Y.L]

one thing ive noticed, no matter how close you are to one of your female friends, if she is close friends with the person you are intimate with/going out with/have certain intentions with then whatever you say to your female friend will be said to your significant other, if it is related to them in some way.

I know, I tell my friend something, she will tell her. The other way around too.

Kinda sucks actually.

 

[sodbuster]

I think you need to find new female friends. you can't fix people who don't want to be fixed and you don't need to hang around people who add nothing to your life but drama/misery.

 

[vitor]

How did u say it and what did you really say? I mean you said the right thing, quit your whining and try to do stuff that makes you happy. Something I learned a long time ago and every man needs to know.

WHEN A WOMAN TELLS YOU ABOUT A PROBLEM SHE IS HAVING LISTEN, THEN STOP WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO SAY, TELL HER HOW IT SUCKS YADDA YADDA YADDA, AND THAT IT WILL GET BETTER.

They do not want you to solve their problems, they just want to vent.

Its not logical to tell someone a problem and have them not try to help you solve it, but we are dealing with women.

Get rid of these two people, why be best friends with someone who is depressed and is now **** blocking you and getting people to dislike you?

 

[S.Y.L]

How did u say it and what did you really say? I mean you said the right thing, quit your whining and try to do stuff that makes you happy. Something I learned a long time ago and every man needs to know.

WHEN A WOMAN TELLS YOU ABOUT A PROBLEM SHE IS HAVING LISTEN, THEN STOP WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO SAY, TELL HER HOW IT SUCKS YADDA YADDA YADDA, AND THAT IT WILL GET BETTER.

They do not want you to solve their problems, they just want to vent.

Its not logical to tell someone a problem and have them not try to help you solve it, but we are dealing with women.

Get rid of these two people, why be best friends with someone who is depressed and is now **** blocking you and getting people to dislike you?

It came up when I was joking around with her, and all of a sudden, shes like stop being a ****, shut up, then im like, calm down, shes like goodbye you jerk. I'm like wow, lighten up, your always upset, try and be happier sometimes.

 

[HOT_CHILLI]

There is nothing wrong with telling someone to stop complaining and start enjoying themselves. If she finds that offensive to the extend that she told her friend about it, then there is something wrong with her. In fact, there must be something wrong with her friend also. Do not apologize to her about it, she'd appreciate it someday. Heck, tell her again to stop whining.

Fool, Lexington is correct. When one is depressed simply telling them to stop being so sad and get happy doesnt work. My parents are mental health workers and believe me when i tell you the emotions are more engraved then this. Seeing a psychiatrist is sometimes recommended but most people get depressed some point in their lifetime. It only really becomes an issue if the person remains depressed for an extended period of time.

anyway when speaking to her (your friend) dont say something like 'i know how hard this is for you' or something because none us do honestly know because even if someone has been depressed before, everyone's experience is different.

Anyhoo to try and help the situation and remain good friends with your friend, you could try to do something to help her through it just by being there for her and talking about it or even just trying to cheer her up by watching a movie or something together. do something that the two of you usually enjoy. focus on your friend first, then worry about the girl you wanna date.

If your friend aint happy with you, the girl you wanna date sure as hell wont be either.

btw sodbuster the point of this thread was to resolve the issue with the two girls, if he wanted to at he anytime he could stop talking to them, stop hanging out with them. But he appears to value his friendship as he came here for help, so lets try help him instead of telling him to take the easy way out.

 

[S.Y.L]

Yea, as I said earlier, I just wanna make sure were still friends. I couldn't care less if I went out with the chick I was interested in

 

[HOT_CHILLI]

Yea, as I said earlier, I just wanna make sure were still friends. I couldn't care less if I went out with the chick I was interested in

you can take any of our advice. Mine is already up there. Just lets us know what happens.

 

[Tenzen]

Its not logical to tell someone a problem and have them not try to help you solve it, but we are dealing with women.

LMAO, now thats a good line. I'm taking Logic 101 this semester, its no surprise none of the women understand it.

shes a very good friend? wth dude, i wouldn't want to be friends with someone who backstabs me. Just wait till she **** blocks a 9 or a 10. I bet your whole view on the situation would be different then. The only reason you have pity on the situation is because you didn't really lose that much from it. I would have a talk with her and she better be the one sorry not you.

 

[TravisBickle]

1) Apologize

2) Later, actually try to help your friend find happiness by doing pleasant activities together

 

[vitor]

IS she on any meds yet, is she clinically depressed or just in a rut?

 

[CaptainJ]

I have a few questions to ask a very good solution if the situation matches.

Was your best friend being very out of line when she turned on you? Were you being out of line when you told her to stop complaining, or were you justified? If this is true, then your Best friend could just be throwing a tantrum in order to gain more control in the relationship. This has happened to me before.

One of my chick friends was having one of her usual mood swings (Waa waa, my life is so stressful and pointless), and I was just ignoring her, deciding it was best to not get involved. The teacher in the class (who my friend hates) noticed she wasn't doing any work and was in a mood, so asked her what was wrong. I interjected saying "She's just annoyed because she can't intergrate these equations."

Suddenly, my friend said "Thanks CaptainJ" in a really pissed off tone and stormed out of the classroom in a strop. She spent the next 2 days ignoring me, even saying in my presence but not directly at me that she was angry at me. I couldn't give a ****. I realised she was just throwing a tantrum in order to gain more control in our relationship, and make me her consoling b1tch. So I was indifferent, even made fun of her tantrum, because I knew what she was trying to do and knew she was unreasonable.

She then IMed me, saying we needed to talk and began a premade speech about how "inconsiderate, pretentious, arrogant" I had been. I then, suddenly to her surprise, went into full attack mode. I called her out on her *****y little tantrum and said I was pissed off at how she tried to blame her mood on me. She was totally taken aback by this sudden change (I used to be her consoling friend) and she began crying and apologising for how she acted. I left saying I had better things to do and she texted me asking for my forgiveness and all this crap. To be honest though, I wasn't actually angry when I said those things to her, I was actually laughing, at how I had turned the tables on her, and gained power in the relationship. I thought she would hate me forever for attacking her, but it had the adverse effect, and she was the one crawling for my forgiveness. The trick to my argument with her was that I didn't try to justify anything logically, I argued on an emotional level, because Girls will not accept a logical argument in the heat of passion. I didn't need to justify anything giving a logical reason, I just called out all her bull**** and attacked her. She threw me a trick question "You don't even know how I feel". NEVER TRY AND TELL A GIRL HOW SHE FEELS, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE WRONG, and she will win. I sidestepped this by simply saying "I don't need to know."

So, if you feel this girl is being unreasonable, you must maintain your integrity. She has probably given an extremely *****y account of you to the girl you were looking to date. If I were you, I would act indiferent to her tantrum, ignoring it, and when she tries to talk to you about how you made her feel (She will), you attack her and call her out on her bull****, call her manipulative and *****y for talking behind your back and influence her friend etc. Girls give a strong initial fight which intimidates many boys who fear losing the relationship for good with the girl. But if you go on the offensive, you will find the girl suddenly loses all confidence and will soon be apologising to you. You must not admit you were ever in the wrong, you were right and justified in your actions. This will make you look good to both your friend and her friend, because you stand by your principles and have strength to not be manipulated by btichy tantrums.