wrong turn...i'm in the friend zone

[stumpy_mcgee]

I've been best friends with this girl who has had a long term bf. When I first met her, I was a total AFC, and I figured that talking about her problems was the key to her heart. I did maintain a lot of mystery and that sort of thing however. Anyways, a lot of mutual friends would come up to me and tell me about this 'attraction' they felt between her and I, and this girls best female friend told my buddy one day that this girl and I should date, since we both want to anyways.
To make a long story short, a few weeks ago, she broke up with her boyfriend. I gave it some time, and today I went for the kiss...and got shut down. I now realize that I took a couple of wrong turns and ended up in the friend zone, despite her flirting and the attraction everyone 'picks up on when they're around us'. Looking back, I realize that even though I maintained mystery, did the whole ****y-funny thing, and a lot of other DJ principles...I still probably came off as needy to her, as not a challenge, and as 'just an option', or something she wanted but couldn't have because she was in a relationship.
My point to all of this is that, and it's been said a million times, but avoid the friend zone at all costs. I'm going to start to talk to her less, flirt with other girls, and do other things to make it seem like I don't have an attraction to her anymore...but I'm mainly doing this so as to relieve any tension between us because of what happened today. I do have other options, I just thought it'd be really cool if her and I could hook up. I still want her to be my friend because she is awesome...but I guess my underlying message is, even if your case seems to be different then the rest of the guys who are in the friend zone...it probably isn't.

I also have a question, do you guys ever think that 'really good looking guys' (i'd say i'm about a seven, i'm talking about then ones who girls consider to be nines or tens) ever get put in the friend zone? I haven't noticed one of those guys with female friends who aren't interested in more...but maybe it is because those guys know enough not to sit around and comfort the girl about her problems?

 

[DJ4Real]

Guys that are 7's do get placed into the friends zone if they act needy. Never be a womans emotional sponge, it's not your job to do that. And the kiss was too sudden. Chances are you ruined your chances with this girl. But, you have a chance if you go after other women, but also talk to her "when you're available". At this point, try to stay preoccupied.

Good Luck

 

[[o_0]]

i dont think you can know if you are 7 8 or 9. most of you guys have no idea how girls rate.

 

[stumpy_mcgee]

maybe i went for the kiss too soon...but if I didn't, and say another guy asked her out, all i would think about is missing my chance you know? I had to do it. Good call on the preoccupation thing, tonight I got playin my guitar and before I knew it, it was three hours later. I'm thinking of making myself and my passions the priority over the next little while...even though I'm beginning to realize that those things should always be the priority, never a girl, no matter how much she means to you. It's like one quote I read on Slash's webside: 'Music is my mistress, and she plays second fiddle to none'. That's my new quote to live by...exept with all of my passions, not just music.
By the way, I have a date tomorrow with my ex-girlfriend now

and as far as the rating thing, for the most part, girls have told me I was an 8...so i just busted myself down one, because sometimes girls lie (hahaha, sometimes...). I'm not amazingly good looking, but I have pulled in some total babes with no effort...but then again, most don't give me the time of day unless they get to know me. I give myself a 7 haha.

 

[fender85]

Bro, I'm going to just come out of left field with this, as I know nothing of you an your ex, but when it died, it died for a reason, right? Why bother bringing it back from the dead?

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

You're biggest mistake was pursuing an unavailable women. Forget chicks with boyfriends, they're a waste of time. By striking up a friendship with her you showed to her that you were willing to settle for second fittle while her boyfriend gets the goods.

Of course you look needy to her-only a man with no other options would go for a chick who's already taken. There are a lot of single available women out there, you have to take the initiative to find them.

 

[JackPrescott]

Originally posted by stumpy_mcgee
I've been best friends with this girl who has had a long term bf. When I first met her, I was a total AFC, and I figured that talking about her problems was the key to her heart. I did maintain a lot of mystery and that sort of thing however. Anyways, a lot of mutual friends would come up to me and tell me about this 'attraction' they felt between her and I, and this girls best female friend told my buddy one day that this girl and I should date, since we both want to anyways.
To make a long story short, a few weeks ago, she broke up with her boyfriend. I gave it some time, and today I went for the kiss...and got shut down. I now realize that I took a couple of wrong turns and ended up in the friend zone, despite her flirting and the attraction everyone 'picks up on when they're around us'. Looking back, I realize that even though I maintained mystery, did the whole ****y-funny thing, and a lot of other DJ principles...I still probably came off as needy to her, as not a challenge, and as 'just an option', or something she wanted but couldn't have because she was in a relationship.
My point to all of this is that, and it's been said a million times, but avoid the friend zone at all costs. I'm going to start to talk to her less, flirt with other girls, and do other things to make it seem like I don't have an attraction to her anymore...but I'm mainly doing this so as to relieve any tension between us because of what happened today. I do have other options, I just thought it'd be really cool if her and I could hook up. I still want her to be my friend because she is awesome...but I guess my underlying message is, even if your case seems to be different then the rest of the guys who are in the friend zone...it probably isn't.

I also have a question, do you guys ever think that 'really good looking guys' (i'd say i'm about a seven, i'm talking about then ones who girls consider to be nines or tens) ever get put in the friend zone? I haven't noticed one of those guys with female friends who aren't interested in more...but maybe it is because those guys know enough not to sit around and comfort the girl about her problems?

Chemistry is either there, or it's not. If it's not there, it's never going to be there. If it is there, it's ALWAYS going to be there. Physical/sexual chemistry. It's when that girl would have been basically flirting heavily with you even when she had a boyfriend, and the minute he was out of the picture, you two would have been ripping each others clothes off. Chemisrty cannot be manufactured, you either BOTH feel it or you dont. when you lean in to kiss a woman who you have chemisrty with, there is HOT PASSION. Not the "lets just be friends" crap.

 

[tmpgstx]

Chemistry is either there, or it's not. If it's not there, it's never going to be there. If it is there, it's ALWAYS going to be there. Physical/sexual chemistry. It's when that girl would have been basically flirting heavily with you even when she had a boyfriend, and the minute he was out of the picture, you two would have been ripping each others clothes off. Chemisrty cannot be manufactured, you either BOTH feel it or you dont. when you lean in to kiss a woman who you have chemisrty with, there is HOT PASSION. Not the "lets just be friends" crap.

Amen brother. You understand attraction is there even before you open your mouth. It's either there or it isn't.

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by [o_0]
i dont think you can know if you are 7 8 or 9. most of you guys have no idea how girls rate.

exactly. And there's a fact i'd like to include you all on, girls rate a guy that smiles, appears friendly, appears approachable, higher than a guy that does not.

attractive level varies very much on the individual.

 

[tmpgstx]

This is a bit of a hard concept for many people to grasp, though have seen others on this board that understand it.

From nature's standpoint, it really boils down to the essence of male and female. The more female a woman is (the more estrogen she has), she is more inclined to be attracted to a male with more testosterone. Both men and women have varying levels. He is also likely to be more attracted to women having more estrogen. Both sexes have both estrogen and testosterone, and we all know that in males testosterone is predominate and the inverse is true for females.

Females that posses more estrogen have very young looking (baby faces). Men that have more testosterone have stronger defined facial features (if they're not overweight). You don't have to be big and ripped to have testosterone or alot of it. You can actually be quite small and still have a higher amount.

It's why you often see the 'girly' girls with the macho masculine guys. You then have everything else in between and then add situations, experiences and the conscious mind on top of all this and you have more varying degrees of attraction. It alls starts at the subconscious level though.

You know it's at the subconscious when your heart rate speeds up and/or you get 'butterflys' around that person. It works the same for women who are in the presence of a man they find attractive.

 

[setlur55]

I am feeling for you, it is always disappointing when you really like a woman and think it is going well and then for whatever reasons it does not work out. At least you had the courage to go for the kiss, not an easy thing to put everything on the line like that. I hope the whole situation works out for you, but it can get really complicated especially if she ends up with a new boyfriend it will hurt. It is hard if you try and stay friends because you will still feel something for her and all she sees you as is a good friend. It is also hard because in the end you really like her as a friend as well and do not want to loose her. What was the reason she gave you why things between you would not work out. Was it the dreaded LJBF or was it an original explanation?

 

[[o_0]]

try to read my poists. it may help you.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=87683&perpage=20&pagenumber=6