WOW I need some Help... Pretty Bad.

[FoxHound20]

Hey guys,

i definately need some help right now...


basically this girl that i have been best friends with for 2 years has been getting closer to me the past month or so. This girl gives me a 1000 smiles... she's amazing... and I've realized after all the experiences that i've been through with her, that I deeply like her. I try to deny the fact that I have a huge crush on her, but it's eating me up inside to the point where I need to act NOW.

I've had the time of my life hanging out with this girl and everything about her is what I'm looking for in a girl. Recently we've been getting very close, sleeping together, but no messing around other than massages. Having been getting closer to her on a physical level has only led me on more. I've tried several times to progress to the next level, but she won't seem to bite. The farthest i've been was a drunken makeout session with her at the bar...


I definately would date this girl, but it seems like she's HOT one day on it, and COLD the next time we mention the idea of dating. I try to play it off like i'd never date her, etc.. and she'll play the same game with me. She'll mention how her mom thinks we should be dating, and people are always asking about us... it's a hard thing to balance because I want to just say "we should date..." but I don't want to risk the good friendship that we have.. it's absolutely amazing...

She also seems to be a little adament about "staying single for the summer".. but whenever I mention that Im looking for a girlfriend she goes off saying "you can't.. you gotta stay single this summer, dont let a girlfriend ruin it.. we'll have soo much fun!"..

I get certain signs of her interest in me... but it's never crystal clear. She gets pissed off when i mention other girls or stare at other girls.... this is where she plays with my head a little bit. She'll want the attention, then when i give it back to her, she'll go cold. However other times she'll grab at my pants and stuff and let me feel up her tits, grab her ass, etc. Seems like a major tease game. She'll also always cook for me, make me meals, and cater to me.


I've realized though that I can't let this girl toy with my emotions anymore.... I've kept my desire for her secret from her, and it kills me to have to walk away from this one. I'm not sure how to handle walking away with someone that i'm soo close with..... this is where I need some help.

The more I hang out with her, the more painful it gets as I realize that I want to be with her, instead of just a friend. The more that I don't hang out with her, the better I feel.. mentally and emotionally... I don't think about her as much, etc. I'm at the crossroads with her, because I feel if I ask her how she feels about her and I, that it will infringe on the amazing friendship that we have... however if I just bottle up my feelings inside and hang out as good friends, than it will only HURT me more.


I'm actually very ashamed of having to finally break down and ask for advice from you guys... prior to the past few months I was playing a decent game of DJing.. lots of girls, numbers, dates.. but now it seems as all the successes have been dried up by this girl... now im sure some would say to "get some balls and bang her", or "walk away, you don't need it.. " but that's much easier said than done.

I'd like to talk to her about the issue, but I don't want to completely mess everything up between us... any help would be welcomed deeply guys..

 

[rgeere]

Ok, this girl definatelly wants you, the signs are as clear as daylight. You need to get over your fears and insecurities and just start taking an active approach to create the kind of life you want, and also with this girl if you want her.



but I don't want to risk the good friendship that we have.. it's absolutely amazing...

Insecure people say that, stop it...

Five words, YOU ARN'T RISKING THE FRIENDSHIP, imagine that you marry this girl someday. Where do you think you will be relationshipwise 5,10,15,20,30,60 years down the road?
So what if you are screwing her and supporting a family;if you can be friendly to one another, then why stay married? And if the relationship somehow ends, then end it with love. It's as simple as that.

That's my take. Take the active approach and you'll do much better.

 

[FoxHound20]

I'd think that it's risking it if all of a sudden we can't be anything more than friends.. I won't have a desire to hang out with her (and get hurt) and she will be weirded out by it completely.. but that's the perdicament..

You're basically saying to jump into the whole "we should date scenario..".. take the risk..


She also seems to be a little adament about "staying single for the summer".. but whenever I mention that Im looking for a girlfriend she goes off saying "you can't.. you gotta stay single this summer, dont let a girlfriend ruin it.. we'll have soo much fun!"..

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by FoxHound20
I'd think that it's risking it if all of a sudden we can't be anything more than friends.. I won't have a desire to hang out with her (and get hurt) and she will be weirded out by it completely.. but that's the perdicament..

You're basically saying to jump into the whole "we should date scenario..".. take the risk..

Look, what I am saying is that lovers are still friends, people use that line out of insecurity, but it isn't the truth. You can still hang out and do the same stuff. If you find out you arn't compatible then end the relationship with love and understanding. Trust me, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking action and doing what you need to do as a man. You will thank yourself from your deathbed.

 

[FoxHound20]

So how do I approach this idea of dating with her.. do you outright come out and say "lets date eachother" in a car ride or phone conversation?

I'm viewing it as short term pain if she says no, and long-term pain if I don't ask and keep on hanging out as friends.. it's a hard thing to swallow though because I will lose soo many things if we stop hanging out because she won't date me...

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by FoxHound20
She also seems to be a little adament about "staying single for the summer".. but whenever I mention that Im looking for a girlfriend she goes off saying "you can't.. you gotta stay single this summer, dont let a girlfriend ruin it.. we'll have soo much fun!"..

What she is saying is that she doesn't want you to stop persuing what interest you for her sake, she is not saying that she does not want a relationship with you, she is not saying she isn't interested in you. She wants you [specifically] to have a good time this summer, but she is saying that you don't necessarily need her as a girlfriend, which is an open door for you to find someone else if you want.

On the other hand she is already treating you like she would a boyfriend, so I wouldn't take her words so seriously. Keep watching her actions.

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by FoxHound20
So how do I approach this idea of dating with her.. do you outright come out and say "lets date eachother" in a car ride or phone conversation?

I'm viewing it as short term pain if she says no, and long-term pain if I don't ask and keep on hanging out as friends.. it's a hard thing to swallow though because I will lose soo many things if we stop hanging out because she won't date me...

Look, don't focus on what you are going to say.

Just go somewhere nice and bring her along, and keep doing it until she starts giving you blatent angry rejections. Even if there is no prior knowledge on her part that you are doing this to date her do it anyways.

 

[FoxHound20]

So you mean to hang out like you are boyfriend/girlfriend? Like go to the movies and stuff? If so i've done this with her, we go out for fine dining, goto movies, go back to my home and watch movies, swim, etc.

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by FoxHound20
So you mean to hang out like you are boyfriend/girlfriend? Like go to the movies and stuff? If so i've done this with her, we go out for fine dining, goto movies, go back to my home and watch movies, swim, etc.

Those were all dates, anywhere you go with a specific girl is a minidate.

Lol, sounds to me like you already had a dating relationship with her and were completely oblivious to the fact.

 

[*new*]

what not so obvious to me is how come a man and a woman sharing the same bed not be in a relationship or not dating.

 

[Dirtheart]

Once you cross the line between friends and lovers, follow it all the way and DO NOT hold back!

I was in a similar situation as you over a year ago when my best friend got me into her bed and then revealed she had always been attracted to me. I really liked her and that was "the moment", but I did the dumbest thing and hesitated, asked her if she wanted to risk the friendship blah blah.

I blew the moment and blew any chance of being more than a friend. (we're not friends now either).

So once you get your chance, seize it and don't hesitate, don't worry about ruining the friendship.

 

[FoxHound20]

I've had a day to think things out and have come to a major realization..


I send loads of mixed signals to this girl. That's most likely the reason for her being COLD/HOT one day.. she's afraid to make the first step..

I was thinking about the next time we hang out that I should show a true interest in her and act like a gentlemen.. make it out to be that we are on a date, and that i'm her boyfriend. Maybee she won't be soo hesitant to show her true signs of interest through this. Recently whenever we hang out, I act distant.. I act like I don't care what she has to say... I act like I take it all for granted.


We are just close.. we share a bed but there is no sexual actions other than massages... I think that I try to downplay them like nothing to her, and she in turn becomes distant because she's afraid of taking the first step..

Anyone think this is the right track of action to take?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Quit acting like a pansy talking about being 'friends' with a girl!! Girls were not designed to be 'friends' for guys they are designed to be our 'mates'!!!

It is a man's job to initiate and you don't need to ask her for permission!!

 

[Duke]

Whoa, Foxhound, your situation mirrors my relationship with this chick I know EXACTLY. She'll grab my ass and smile and agree to go out alone with me, and she got REALLY pissed when I mentioned another girl I'm interested in to her. But at the same time, she wants to wait until AFTER summer before we try anything beyond friendship cuz she says it would be weird cuz she's going to film camp blah blah. We'd still get to have 2/3 months together.

So our relationship isn't clearly defined as friendship or romantic...we're constantly flirting and verbally sparring, and she ALWAYS SHYT-TESTS ME, but there's this weird defensive vibe that emerges from it all...it's as if we're both thinking "Damn, I want you, and I think you do too, but I don't know for sure and if I make any moves right now then EVERYTHING will get fukked up."

Also, I believe I take her for granted as I jokingly mock a lot of what she says and I don't talk to her as much as I used to. Anyways, I've stopped taking what she says and does so seriously, and I've stopped trying to analyze little shyt. I'm going to give this some more time...invite her to the movies and see if I can't make out with her (sober mind you, lol).

She isn't stopping me from gaming other chicks, tho. Until I get a solid commitment, that's going to be the way it is...she seems to get jealous everytime I mention other chicks I like to her, and it makes her more direct and aggressive.

She actually LJBF'd me, but I turned it around on her and was all like, "Yeah you know, ur right. I really like you as a friend, but I thought YOU wanted to get with me, so I was going to give you a chance, but you're right."

Been giving her massive push/pull recently. She went on vacation and I said, "Yeah, you really needed a vacation."
Her: "What do you mean by that?"
Me: "Hehehehe, gotta run, bye!"

We'll see. It's been about 5 months already... in 2 more if we don't advance, I'm just giving up on her and claiming her as a friend only.

 

[FoxHound20]

Right on Duke.. thought i was the only one with such a perdicament. Good luck on her man.

PuertoRican_Lover it's a lot easier said than done. We became good friends and I had no interest in the girl at the time. Then after hanging out with her, I began to realize that I like the girl alot.