Wow, divorce...

[joekerr31]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=IPihMK_XZNw

this is what happens though when a swan loses its mate. they become anti-marriage.

 

[penkitten]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=IPihMK_XZNw

this is what happens though when a swan loses its mate. they become anti-marriage.

arg! poor swan, did not want the scary lady to touch him. there he was swimming bidding his time to get to heaven to see his beloved mate, and here comes this woman wanting to get married, he had no choice. he had to chase her away at all cost to stay true to his love. lol

 

[belividere]

ok, let me take a stab at getting to the heart of the matter.

most people can't even accept themselves! most people aren't happy with themselves! most people can't even look after their own best interest!

how the h*ll can you expect a marriage to last when most people can't even be consistent in what they want from life? or they can't consistently feel good about themselves or their life?

give me two people who are attracted to each other, and who, as individuals, are psychologically mature, and i think its actually quite doable to make a marriage last.

This to me has been the most important message that I've learned on this site.

Qualify. Qualify. And Qualify again.

 

[Desdinova]

give me two people who are attracted to each other, and who, as individuals, are psychologically mature, and i think its actually quite doable to make a marriage last.

Joe, I normally don't agree with much of what you post, but this is quite good and I agree with you 100%, and I'd like to expand on it. Even if the male has his head on straight, finding a good woman who has minimal baggage, has real goals, and has a healthy self-esteem is an incredible challenge.

Both the men and women are to blame for bad marriages. Men who marry solely for looks, convenience, and to cure their infatuation will fail. Then, there's the women who are liars, have low self-esteem, have no life goals, and that ticking biological clock. Men SHOULD be selective of the women they choose to marry; the women who are going to be mothers to their children, but unfortunately they put little thought into these matters.

Like you said, a successful, lasting marriage can be possible, but you need two people who are psychologically healthy.

Now, I've got a bit of an update on the situation.

I talked to my relative today, and he's going through the 'nutball' phase. Lots of you will know what that's like. It's that period where you get to experience what it's like to be a woman. You try to do things logically, but it doesn't work because your emotions are flipping back & forth, going up and down, and jumping all over the goddam place. The worst part is it's completely out of your control.

I'm also learning from this experience as well, what it's like to be around someone going through this phase. I remember that I was royally fvcked up during that time, but I don't remember not listening to others who are trying to help. I've also discovered that right now is NOT the time to talk about the way of the Don Juan. He needs to get himself under control before I can get anywhere with him, and that can take a while. It took me a good couple of months, and it might take him longer since he's still living in the same house as her.

I'm in for an interesting experience!

 

[joekerr31]

Joe, I normally don't agree with much of what you post, but this is quite good and I agree with you 100%, and I'd like to expand on it.
Now, I've got a bit of an update on the situation.

haha, well counter me on my posts then i love to hear the other side of story. i kind of have a personal philosophy in life ' i love to be wrong'. because every time im wrong, i correct myself and become that much more evolved.

so next time you don't agree with me, share your views as to why. i by no means feel as though im right all the time.

 

[Desdinova]

so next time you don't agree with me, share your views as to why.

I enjoy a good debate and also have my own views about how life works, but most probably have noticed that I don't post as much as I used to when I wasn't a moderator. Usually when I'm on here, I'm cleaning things up. When I'm not doing that, I'm dealing with life.

But don't worry Joe, I'm sure we'll have a good discussion sometime in the near future

 

[d9930380]

Every guy should read this:

http://men.msn.com/articlebl.aspx?cp-documentid=5873934&GT1=10715

As for your friend Des, while now is not the time to show him sosuave (it will make him angrier to see how he's been played by the matrix). If she doesn't then he should never show anger to her or what she's done (he needs to be smart) and try to make it clean without involving lawyers as much as possible, because lawyers are in the business of driving couples apart and keeping it in the courts (after all that's how they get payed).

However make sure he protects himself too, if she shows any signs of trying to clean him out then he needs to fight fire with fire by getting the best lawyer. After all he will prefer to have the lawyers to have the money instead of her and at least then he will have a fighting chance of getting an even share.

If all goes well and he gets a fair deal then try to get him to see it as a positive. He now has kids, so no-more need to be married and also he's free to date many women. Once he gets back in the game he'll probably realise it was for the best.

However I suspect he's probably the kind of guy who NEEDS a woman and therefore marriage to be happy - so good luck.

 

[elmnick]

I've got an innate sense of marriage being good probably because very few of my relatives have got divorced (none of my parents or grandparents) and not many friends either and my parent have been married for 20+ years and seem very happy. I don't think the UK is as bad as the US for marriage laws but I think there is some ias towards women, hence "Fathers for Justice" reading that makes me wonder why anyone would get married in the USA, its insane that the law is like that.

 

[squirrels]

The marriage lasted 18 years !!!! THATS A PHENOMENAL SUCCESS !! but you know what..there's no excuse for a woman to be human and fall out of love with someone she married..Because EVERYONE knows when you get married YOU ARE ALWAYS GUARANTEED TO LOVE EACH OTHER FOREVER !

You must be a mind reader !!! she doesn't love her husband anymore..so yea her existance has to be empty right ? I mean its not like she's got other things going on in her life

What if the tables were turned and it was the guy who was asking for divorce?
LOL well said mzilla !! marriage is a piece of paper and the signing away of your rights to the government..only a fool would willingly comply to that.

I thought you had me blocked.

The point is that she married for "love", that "magic butterflies" bullsh!t feeling that women have, fell out of that infatuation, realized she didn't really LIKE the guy, and left him for the next guy, constantly deluded by the idea that this "love" is what makes a relationship, and is somehow going to make her whole.

I talked to my relative today, and he's going through the 'nutball' phase. Lots of you will know what that's like. It's that period where you get to experience what it's like to be a woman. You try to do things logically, but it doesn't work because your emotions are flipping back & forth, going up and down, and jumping all over the goddam place. The worst part is it's completely out of your control.

Only one way out of that feeling. "When you're going through hell...keep on going!"

 

[Drum&Bass]

I thought you had me blocked.

why ?? your a pretty intelligent guy and you have good posts.

constantly deluded by the idea that this "love" is what makes a relationship, and is somehow going to make her whole.

Isn't she correct ?? when you stop becoming infatuated with a person and realize you don't really like them doesn't that mean the relationship is over. that whole magical butterflies is the reason EVERYONE should get married, no ?? Once thats gone what else is there? A person to talk to who you don't wanna have sex with?

If the infatuation stage wears off there has to be something that makes people want to stay together, she didn't have that, so I think she did whats best for the relationship and ended it.

However she was stupid for getting married and having kids

 

[squirrels]

If the infatuation stage wears off there has to be something that makes people want to stay together, she didn't have that, so I think she did whats best for the relationship and ended it.

However she was stupid for getting married and having kids

My point exactly. People get married for all the wrong reasons, and the people that DO get married for those reasons usually have no business BEING married.