Wow, divorce...

[Desdinova]

I just recieved a piece of news that a close family member is splitting with his wife of 18 years. It really hit me like a fvcking brick. I mean, they've been married since I was 11 years old! For them to be apart just doesn't seem right. They've got two kids together, ten and seven. They have a really nice fvcking house that they worked hard for.

I have no clue why they're splitting, I didn't ask. All I did was invite him over to my place for a bbq this weekend. I'll probably have him over for Xmas too.

...and I'll be teaching him the ways of the DJ when he's good and ready

edit: Just talked to him again. Apparently she doesn't love him anymore, and hasn't for the past 8 years

 

[KontrollerX]

"Apparently she doesn't love him anymore, and hasn't for the past 8 years"

Aww how tragic life wasn't the fantasy she had imagined.

In anycase glad you're gonna take him under your wing when he's ready Des.

No one better than you to teach this man how to move forward and become a DJ.

 

[joekerr31]

her youngest is 7. add 9 months to that you get basicaly 8 years. so she basically stopped loving him once she got pregnant the second time.

sounds like once she got what she wanted (ie. a couple of kids) she no longer saw any point to being with him anymore.

anyway, the fact that you are shocked that these two are getting divorced just goes to show how miserable most marriages are even if they look fine on the outside.

 

[Desdinova]

The reason why this hit me like a brick is because when I was younger, I always saw them as the "happily married couple". They got along much better than my parents do (who are still married and miserable).

As time went on, and after I learned what I did from this site, I saw that things were'nt quite as I imagined them. She was the one who pretty much wore the pants in the house. But nevertheless, some AFC marriages last due to unknown circumstances.

I also recieved the line "I haven't loved you for the last x years" when my ex-fiance left me. It's rough hearing 5hit like that, and you have to wonder how a woman could let such a long time pass before deciding to call it quits. The feeling of being decieved for years is quite damaging.

That's why when you see your relationship failing, get the fvck out of it before you waste too much time. Eight years is a long time to live with someone who hates fvcking you.

 

[Drum&Bass]

I just recieved a piece of news that a close family member is splitting with his wife of 18 years.

Thats great news !!

The reason why this hit me like a brick is because when I was younger, I always saw them as the "happily married couple". They got along much better than my parents do (who are still married and miserable).

Hit you like a brick ??? Why would you hang on to outdated ideas about love that you had as a kid, knowing what you know now ?? Theres NO such thing as a happy relationship, just people who tolerate each other.

some AFC marriages last due to unknown circumstances.

ALL MARRIAGES ARE AFC !! don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise. (unless your saying all marriages are afc but some last and some don't)

I also recieved the line "I haven't loved you for the last x years" when my ex-fiance left me. It's rough hearing 5hit like that, and you have to wonder how a woman could let such a long time pass before deciding to call it quits. The feeling of being decieved for years is quite damaging.

damaging for a short period of time..but nothing a man shouldn't be able to get over in a week or two.

That's why when you see your relationship failing, get the fvck out of it before you waste too much time.

your only wasting time if your not getting sex and putting up with bullshit (more than the amount you care to put up with.)

Eight years is a long time to live with someone who hates fvcking you.

A long time for whom ?? the guy whose happily getting sex or the girl who is unhappily giving it ?

 

[KarmaSutra]

I just recieved a piece of news that a close family member is splitting with his wife of 18 years.

Unfortunate but probably the best thing to happen to the brother. Hindsight will reflect this soon enough.

It really hit me like a fvcking brick. I mean, they've been married since I was 11 years old! For them to be apart just doesn't seem right. They've got two kids together, ten and seven. They have a really nice fvcking house that they worked hard for.

Again, the best thing is for these two to remain cordial to each other and accept thier relationship as it is and focus on keeping the children mentally stable.

Just talked to him again. Apparently she doesn't love him anymore, and hasn't for the past 8 years

No, this is woman-speak for: " I loved the idea of him and the future I had mapped out for myself and my offspring but now I'm bored because he's more floormat than husband and I'm out banging the neighbor. Have been for 8 years."

Des, move quickly to get the process in motion otherwise the rebound principle will take him through and through. If the brother needs an outside opinion give him my email address.

 

[Desdinova]

Why would you hang on to outdated ideas about love that you had as a kid, knowing what you know now ??

Because this was the only decent example of a "model family" I had when I was growing up. I saw their flaws when I got older, but they were the ones that I always went to when I had problems at home. They were the ones that reminded me that my parents were fvcked up and that I wasn't crazy. If it weren't for them, I probably would have offed myself when I was a teenager.

And now, the whole perception of them being a "family" no longer exists. Remember, this is a family that I'm particularly close to. I get along with ALL of them; the dad, the mom, and the kids. Suddenly, the mom is no longer going to be part of my life and she's a fake lying bytch, seeing the kids will probably be sporatic now, and the dad (who I'm related to) is going to have a 5hitload of free time and no money. Everything has changed.

I'll get over it, but it's still going to be a shock. Anything will be a shock when it's been a constant in your life, and it's suddenly gone. I'm sure you'd be shocked if your pecker fell off one day. But you don't need it anyway since sex is overrated and there's lots of diseases out there.

ALL MARRIAGES ARE AFC !!

Do you have proof of a Don Juan who's marriage failed?

I guess we'll wait on the sidelines for Penkitten and Gio to get divorced. Oh yeah, the same goes for Rollo and his wife.

damaging for a short period of time..but nothing a man shouldn't be able to get over in a week or two.

One of the common problems I see about this site is a lot of guys forget what it's like to be an AFC. They forget the circumstances that brought them here, and forget the intense feelings when that rotten bytch tossed them aside.

I haven't forgotten any of that, and I had the right to cry my AFC ass off. I learned to do as society expects me to do, and I knew nothing else. I think I did pretty good considering I had made up my mind to move on with my life after only a couple of months of her leaving. I remembered how I wasted three years getting over my first gf, and this site reminded me to avoid wasting time crying over an absent woman.

A long time for whom ?? the guy whose happily getting sex or the girl who is unhappily giving it ?

The relative of mine who's getting divorced. He realized that he was fvcking a woman he loved, and she just put up with it to keep him happy. Perhaps she faked orgasms for 8 years to make him think he turned her on. 5hit like that is a huge blow to a person's self-esteem.

Again, perhaps you should remember that it isn't necessarily an AFC's fault for wanting a wife, kids, and a nice house. We're are all brought up that way with the television we watch, the books we read, and the advertisement we see in our daily lives. It's also not the AFC's fault for learning that candy, flowers, and poetry are the best way to attract and sexually arouse women. It's the way that society taught us, and it's what we learned from childhood on.

 

[Desdinova]

Des, move quickly to get the process in motion

What process are you talking about? Training him as a DJ?

On the plus side, he seems to be accepting that the whole thing is over.

Unfortunate but probably the best thing to happen to the brother.

I have to agree, but when you're whole world crumbles from underneath your feet, it takes a long time to get out of the rubble, get back on your feet, heal, and start rebuilding. He's got a rough plan in place, and I've offered to help him when he needs it.

He's supposed to be coming over this weekend to talk about it all, so hopefully I can help him get things rolling. He'd make a great DJ since he's always been flirty with other women. He just needs to see how things REALLY work.

"and our youngest child isn't really even his."

Thank you for bringing this up. I will be suggesting he get a DNA test done.

 

[squirrels]

When a woman says to me, "I haven't been in love with my husband for the last 8 years", my first thought is, "Dip****".

Women like this are the problem, trapsing around looking for Mr. Magic Man to make their empty lives whole and blaming the man when it goes wrong...every time. "Oh, I THOUGHT I was in love with you, but I was wrong"...meaning that she married, thought it would complete her, then when the novelty wore off she felt like just as much as a stupid empty-lifed b!tch as before and started gawking at other men.

 

[mzilla2]

I think the statistic is almost half of all marriages end... Still can be a surprise tho.

 

[Drum&Bass]

Women like this are the problem, trapsing around looking for Mr. Magic Man to make their empty lives whole and blaming the man when it goes wrong...every time.

The marriage lasted 18 years !!!! THATS A PHENOMENAL SUCCESS !! but you know what..there's no excuse for a woman to be human and fall out of love with someone she married..Because EVERYONE knows when you get married YOU ARE ALWAYS GUARANTEED TO LOVE EACH OTHER FOREVER !

"Oh, I THOUGHT I was in love with you, but I was wrong"...meaning that she married, thought it would complete her, then when the novelty wore off she felt like just as much as a stupid empty-lifed b!tch as before and started gawking at other men.

You must be a mind reader !!! she doesn't love her husband anymore..so yea her existance has to be empty right ? I mean its not like she's got other things going on in her life

What if the tables were turned and it was the guy who was asking for divorce?

I think the statistic is almost half of all marriages end... Still can be a surprise tho.

LOL well said mzilla !! marriage is a piece of paper and the signing away of your rights to the government..only a fool would willingly comply to that.

 

[penkitten]

since the rest of us do not know the couple, we can not vouch for why they are splitting up, just guess.
i always hate to hear of people divorcing with small children, because it is hard on everyone, but what i hate more is to hear about people that stay together not loving each other, and blame it on small children being in the home. sometimes even children can be very accepting and would rather have their parents apart and happy than together and miserable.
i really hate hearing that she told him she has not loved him for eight years.
now, he is thinking that his life for at least the past eight years have been a lie and a waste.
the first thing that ran through my head while reading your thread, was that maybe the youngest is not his kid, but then i thought harder. i think some sort of sign would have come up before now, or some guy would have popped up causing trouble over it.
instead, i think it's something more over looked, depression.
when she had the last baby, she got the post pardon depression, left it untreated , which turned into depression.
if that is true, then it really has nothing to do with him, or how he was as a husband, it is all about her needing a change of life style to make her not depressed. the bad thing about it is, it could all be dealt with in much easier ways than leaving her husband and starting life over again.
instead, i say she needs therapy, new job, new hobby...

marriage is not supposed to end in a nasty divorce.
it is supposed to be something sacred.
it is a vow to care and love for someone through it all.
perhaps, they are just going through an itch, which has turned into something nasty. perhaps she will come to her senses and beg some forgiveness and then try to right her wrongs.
if not, then just be there for him, don't let him sit around and give up on life.

clearly, they seem to have grown apart and not together over the years.

as far as waiting on the sidelines for gio and i getting divorced, bring a jacket, for that would be the day that heck freezes over! i adore my husband.

 

[penkitten]

marie osmond was on a talk show and stated her post partum depression lasted five years before she sought help.

 

[joekerr31]

I also recieved the line "I haven't loved you for the last x years" when my ex-fiance left me. It's rough hearing 5hit like that, and you have to wonder how a woman could let such a long time pass before deciding to call it quits. The feeling of being decieved for years is quite damaging.

the whole 'i havent loved you for x years' is simply a tactic - its the victim role. women will ALWAYS play the victim.

'i have loved you for x years' = i've been putting myself through hell being with you. i tried. i tried as long as i could. i suffered and tried. I gave it my all. so not only do i shoulder no blame for our relationship failing, i'm actually the victim for having to leave you.

its a total mind f*ck and nothing else. golden rule #152: NEVER listen to what a woman says during a break up. just move on, because NOTHING she says is the truth.

and any guy who has been dumped, and then had a woman come back to him, will tell you that is the gossiple. because when she wants you back she will go on and on about how what she said wasn't true and how she was 'confused' and how she really did love you, etc.

as for the guy should have noticed... i agree 100%. when a woman loses interest in you its not that hard to figure out. most guys though are so use to not being treated with respect that they can't tell the difference when their woman starts feeling differently about them, because often times she just goes from treating him badly to simply paying him less attention. in their minds things are actually better!

 

[penkitten]

no your right, it is supposed to be short term and temporary. its where your brain produces one chemical twice as much in the second trimester and then as soon as your baby is born, bottoms out to zero.
some moms never experience it.
some get it and it lasts a day.
some get it and it lasts ten days.
some it takes a whole year to sort out.
some never get it sorted out, and then it is no longer called post pardum, but just called depression.

there are so many factors.
your health, eating habbits, sleeping habbits, stress, if you had it before, if you get pms bad, if you have any depression or mental thing hidden it can bring it out, if your mother experienced it before.

 

[STR8UP]

Yet another smoking gun for my theory that men are merely a means to an end for women.

No such thing as love fellas.....no such thing as love.

 

[penkitten]

Marriage is a flawed concept that was programmed and initiated by human beings. How do you exepect to have people live together for the rest of their lives? It is not possible, because subconsciously both partners know they are attracted to other people. That is the law of nature. And that fact that the brain has been trained (traditionally) to see life through the 'grass is greener' filter ALL THE TIME.

Having said that it is still possible for two people to commit and to themselves completely - but this requires both people to know and accept the crux of the first paragraph and put it behind them.

Society dreams and eulogizes that marriages will last forever. Technically, ALL marriages fail at some point in time.(whether they separate or not)

did you know that swans find one mate, and they swim around with their mate, and have little baby swans with that mate, and they never separate. if one dies, the other swan, will just swim around alone forever.
so if an animal, such as a swan, can hold true to a vow as being someone's one and only, it is possible
however, it seems to me, that clearly people are selfish idiots wanting their cake and other people's cake too.

 

[aliasguy]

did you know that swans find one mate, and they swim around with their mate, and have little baby swans with that mate, and they never separate. if one dies, the other swan, will just swim around alone forever.
so if an animal, such as a swan, can hold true to a vow as being someone's one and only, it is possible
however, it seems to me, that clearly people are selfish idiots wanting their cake and other people's cake too.

PK, that is indeed a LOVELY sentiment. And, I wish it were true among people. But it isn't. And it isn't anyone's FAULT, big johnson... that's just the way it IS.

And, btw, STR8UP, you're stepping on my lines, man....."There is no love."

 

[joekerr31]

ok, let me take a stab at getting to the heart of the matter.

most people can't even accept themselves! most people aren't happy with themselves! most people can't even look after their own best interest!

how the h*ll can you expect a marriage to last when most people can't even be consistent in what they want from life? or they can't consistently feel good about themselves or their life?

give me two people who are attracted to each other, and who, as individuals, are psychologically mature, and i think its actually quite doable to make a marriage last.

 

[penkitten]

Aww, penpuss that is so cute. You are so 30. (no offence)

http://news.softpedia.com/news/The-Myth-of-Monogamous-Swans-25965.shtml

the link is just for your reference... I don't quite agree with researchers on many things anyway...they are not fully aware of what is exactly happening (not that I know squat)

Now its really not about you or me arguing about the swans fidelity, but its all about accepting that this is nature. At the same time, being human beings I believe it is possible for ONLY us to be truly monogamous. Really speaking swans or animals even if you think they are being 'monogamous' aren't - cuz they don't know squat about 'romance' and 'true love'! We invented these things and ONLY we can do it if we really want it.

If today you are happily 'married' and settled and want to remain that way, then its only upto you and your husband to fulfil that! No swan or animal can guide you or motivate you - cuz they know nothing - they only eat, sleep, and mate! They cannot think like us.

1. you can refer to me as my user name, not some name you feel like calling me.
2. who the heck has ever heard of black swans? not that they aren't lovely, but like many other people , have never heard of them or their infidelity.
3. please don't blame me for your bitterness and uncomfortable thoughts of marriage, because they are in no way my fault.
4. i fully understand the my marriage is up to me and my husband, wiseguy.