Wow, being honest went a long way.

[Josh_rugged]

Been having problems with my girlfriend of 11 months. She changed a lot and always had plans with her friends all the time, and ofcourse.....no time for me. I let this go for a while, telling her every once in a while to make time for me. ( wanna make things work )

But recently, I got down and dirty with the situation. I gained a lot of upper-hand on her by being down right....Almost ignorantly honest. I let it out in a decent matter, no shouting, no name calling ( theres not excuse for that ).

Dont know if anyone has been in this situation, im sure you have. But I told her if she cant meet me half way, then im through with the whole relationship. If you threaten to end it all, she'll either do 2 things.....Dump your rear and find someone else. ( she wasn't worth the time if that happends ) or she'll realize that she does want things to work out, and begin to show you some respect. Guys, if you sick of how things are running, then be honest, so honest that it even hurts you. Im still learning this game, but im gaining some ground here and there.....

Anyone have any tips for me??? im all eyes. Thank you!!!

 

[DJD]

You simply handled things like a man (should) - you didn't pout, throw fit, fly into a rage - you simply told her how things were in a calm, mature manner - BRAVO! You also invoked what I and others here call 'walk away power'. If she gives a sh*t about you, she'll try to stop you from leaving (& vice-versa). Some women respond only to such extremes. A lot of them also seem to respond well to gut-level honesty, even when it involves something they'd generally rather not hear... Well done.

 

[^_^]

Hmm, you see. i was in the same situation. I sat her down, talked to her, and basicaly told her if she is going to choose her friends over me she would lose me as a friend in the process.

Things changed really quickly....for about 3 weeks. Then I told her again and we ended up breaking up. 5 weeeks later when I started dating another girl she broke down in tears begging for me to come back. I told her no, and that she made a big mistake. She was hurt for a couple days (keep in mind I live with her) but she's all good now. She still wants me back, so it's a nice contigency plan if I need it ;-). btw, this was a two year relationship.

Bottom line; be honest and dont ever treat her like crap. If she cares enough about you, and you care enough about her, you can always make things work out. There are just some bumps you have to get over.

Josh_ruged, I dont know if you want her back (might have misread it) but if you do, go for it. She shouldnt mess it up again, if she does then you know she isnt worth it.

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by ^_^

Things changed really quickly....for about 3 weeks. Then I told her again and we ended up breaking up. 5 weeeks later when I started dating another girl she broke down in tears begging for me to come back. I told her no, and that she made a big mistake. She was hurt for a couple days (keep in mind I live with her) but she's all good now. She still wants me back, so it's a nice contigency plan if I need it ;-). btw, this was a two year relationship.

Another classical example of wanting what we cant have

you'd think of you got back with her, she'd be pulling the same **** again

but after this lesson, she probably woulndt dare pull this again in another relationship. unless her next bf is afc.

 

[Josh_rugged]

No, we are still dating one another. I just had to tell her how things are, because we both care a great deal for each other. ( never been in such a great relationship ) and instead of making a fool out of myself, I truely thought about the case.

Yes, diffently show her respect, to let her know that if you two break up, she might loose out on a good person. So be true to yourself, and let her know what you think. Otherwise, your hurting her, and yourself very much. Show her your mature enough to know the situation.

And good point, if you both love each other enough, you'll do anything to keep it running smoothly. Communication is a BIGGEST part of the relationship, if 2 cant talk, there isn't anything there.

 

[Jariel]

It sounds so simple, yet I know that it is so effective.

Not speaking up is a common mistake and probably one of my own biggest faults of the past (not just with women either). Some people just don't have the balls to be up front and honest not wanting to cause a row or risk the relationship. The risk is when you don't say anything, because then you get treated like a doormat.

I think you handled it well and as you said, if she dumped you on the basis of you being honest, she is not worth it.

I'll also add that being straightforward, yet composed, is a good way to deal with most people, even in your job.