Would you tell your girlfriend about anxiety you were dealing with?

[guru1000]

Telling her what's going on isn't manipulative lol, you're just presenting it in a way thats constructive to the relationship rather than destructive. It's a win-win really.

I agree with guru though, if you're a novice better to avoid it altogether. In fact, should be a default rule for everyone. There are however situations where a caregiver personality woman will enjoy it. Also, women who view you as way above them in value need to see a little humanity.

I wouldn't call faux insecurities advanced game, but I will state this: Women assist me in my life, outside of sex and companionship. As you heard me repeat many times: My women are ride-or-die troopers ... the opposite problem that most experience on SoSuave.

Some may wonder how does one make soldiers out of women (outside of having value). The terms appear conflicting, perhaps even an oxymoron.

The answer: Be a superman with a few shared vulnerabilities. If you're smart, those disclosed vulnerabilities (that she will want to help with), will be serving your life's agenda.

 

[Macaframalama]

I wouldn't call faux insecurities advanced game, but I will state this: Women assist me in my life, outside of sex and companionship. As you heard me repeat many times: My women are ride-or-die troopers ... the opposite problem that most experience on SoSuave.

Some may wonder how does one make soldiers out of women (outside of having value). The terms appear conflicting, perhaps even an oxymoron.

The answer: Be a superman with a few shared vulnerabilities. If you're smart, those disclosed vulnerabilities (that she will want to help with), will be serving your life's agenda.

I think I see what you're saying. I first interpreted what you said as you just make up situations up on the fly. It is this getting them to invest, that keeps them around and down for the cause. It's a concept that gets missed around here alot, but it raises the stakes. Too big to fail, so to speak, because she has a vested interest in the relationship and rather than just bail, it's perceived by her to be easier to invest more.

 

[guru1000]

I think I see what you're saying. I first interpreted what you said as you just make up situations up on the fly. It is this getting them to invest, that keeps them around and down for the cause. It's a concept that gets missed around here alot, but it raises the stakes. Too big to fail, so to speak, because she has a vested interest in the relationship and rather than just bail, it's perceived by her to be easier to invest more.

It's about developing deep rapport, a bond so to speak, which separates you from the pack.

This is what most don't get around here. Most here believe all women are disloyal, subject to hypergamy, and will leave you at the drop of a hat once she finds the BBD. My experience has been entirely different. Most here have not experienced what a woman will do for you once a deep level of rapport cements. The roles reverse, and she becomes the one willing to take the bullet for YOU.

The rapport to which I refer can only be built with openness of vulnerabilities ==> your bonding, and her "challenge" to assist. Kind of like how soldiers in war will take bullets for one another because they have shared experiences so great, nothing can break that bond.

 

[Macaframalama]

It's about developing deep rapport, a bond so to speak, which separates you from the pack.

This is what most don't get around here. Most here believe all women are disloyal, subject to hypergamy, and will leave you at the drop of a hat once she finds the BBD. My experience has been entirely different. Most here have not experienced what a woman will do for you once a deep level of rapport cements. The roles reverse, and she becomes the one willing to take the bullet for YOU.

The rapport to which I refer can only be built with openness of vulnerabilities ==> your bonding, and her "challenge" to assist. Kind of like how soldiers in war will take bullets for one another because they have shared experiences so great, nothing can break that bond.

I'll keep that in mind. My angle has always been "the team" and "teamwork makes the dream work". She knows her position and what is expected of her and I know mine. Chit naturally happens in life, so I can see where it could be a good play.

This is what most don't get around here. Most here believe all women are disloyal, subject to hypergamy, and will leave you at the drop of a hat once she finds the BBD. My experience has been entirely different.

I can attest to this too. I rarely get quit. I quit them. I can think of two women, that quit me and both times were, because I didn't give a chit. I had already quit the relationship, they just made it official. IDK why it isn't talked about more around here. It's foreign to the majority of PUA community, but it's a concept I read over 10 years ago in Tariq Nasheeds' The Art of Mackin and something I had seen the older guys doing, whether they understood the why idk, because no one ever took the time to explain it, but they and I knew it worked.

 

[Black Widow Void]

I wouldn't advise opening up. Think of it like this: how many times have we said in our head "yeah, but she's different." It's rarely if ever the case.
Also, how many times have we witnessed hearing a woman say that she wants a sensitive guy that is open, yet her actions dictate the opposite.
With the above being said, I suspect that her interest level will drop and/or she'll turn into "bluto" (the popeye character). It's weird, but a lot of unsuspecting women will attempt to reverse the power if they see weakness.

 

[B0redandl0nely]

Ok well I reached out to a girl I used to date (she dumped me) and told her that I was dealing with a lot of anxiety at the time we were dating. I wanted to explain to her why I acted so miserable and insecure. To make matters worse I told her that I miss her and still think about her. I think pouring my heart out to her was a really bad idea because it made me look weak. She said she "didn't mean to hurt me." I don't know how I'm going to get my self esteem back.

 

[B0redandl0nely]

I'm a 26 year old broke college student with no job and no friends. I live with my parents and I'm financially supported by them. I'd get a job but I'm lucky I can get myself to class with my depression. The depression makes me very tired. Im being treated for it but it's still bad.

 

[B0redandl0nely]

This girl liked me so much and pursued me so hard. I want her attracted to me again. The thought of being with other girls makes me want to throw up. Girls hotter than her look ugly to me. I can't believe I lost her to mental weakness/illness. It's not fair. But maybe I'm not ready for a relationship right now...

 

[B0redandl0nely]

The relationship is causing anxiety or you have anxiety in general and it affects you to be in a relationship?

Anxiety in general

 

[MisterMike]

I'm a 26 year old broke college student with no job and no friends. I live with my parents and I'm financially supported by them. I'd get a job but I'm lucky I can get myself to class with my depression. The depression makes me very tired. Im being treated for it but it's still bad.

Some thoughts.

1. This isn't that uncommon anymore for people anymore. Many more people than ever live with their parents than any time since the 1800's.
2. Don't drop your guard to anyone unless they've earned it, if you have strong doubts then don't.
3. Trying interacting with people in your classes if you able to do so. Get there early or stay there late.

 

[Von]

When you are in depression.

You reek of a negative aura.... People can smell it and feel it miles away.

I remember mine... you got in a room killed everyone smile and talk.

I sought a girl help, she extended her hand and it got better with time.. At great cost to both of us. She ain't with me anymore but we still cordial.

You need to find what gives you this Anxiety.
You need to find what gives you this depression.

Fix it.
Fix it by yourself.
Yourself is the only one who can solve the issue.
If you find its overbearing and crushing... than have someone around you help. Tell the gf/girl have you are..... You cant hide it for ever... and she will be understanding if she care.

Best way to fix yourself... do the things differently than what you think and currently doing.

Only way out.
Learn to love yourself... take notice of what you do good. Even the bed making-cooking or just patting the dog.

Also, consider moving out? My parents were always a source of stress and negative emotions.

Being alone made me sane

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I wouldn't advise opening up. Think of it like this: how many times have we said in our head "yeah, but she's different." It's rarely if ever the case.
Also, how many times have we witnessed hearing a woman say that she wants a sensitive guy that is open, yet her actions dictate the opposite.
With the above being said, I suspect that her interest level will drop and/or she'll turn into "bluto" (the popeye character). It's weird, but a lot of unsuspecting women will attempt to reverse the power if they see weakness.

Why they'll be dominant after you open up is obvious when you see how they treat each other. They bully each other pretty hard.

 

[sazc]

I'm a 26 year old broke college student with no job and no friends. I live with my parents and I'm financially supported by them. I'd get a job but I'm lucky I can get myself to class with my depression. The depression makes me very tired. Im being treated for it but it's still bad.

Contact student services at your school and ask if they have counselors on site that you can talk to. You need to open up to a professional and work on this issue.

It's probably not the best time for you to complicate your life with a relationship

 

[B0redandl0nely]

I also have Asperger's syndrome

 

[Fzatf]

I also have Asperger's syndrome

Controlling anxiety can be an uphill battle. It helps if you keep yourself well rounded in terms of hobbies, exercise, healthy diet, and being social. If you feel anxiety over things that you feel logically shouldn't bother you I'd focus on getting it handled with a doctor, therapist, and by yourself via meditation.

The aspergers syndrome may make relationships more difficult, but being mindful of how you are can help. Despite your anxiety and aspergers, I would stay hopeful and work on it yourself with help while keeping it to yourself rather than unloading it on a significant other.

 

[LJBFB]

It would be best to turn to your father or other masculine peers. If you feel you need a woman's perspective, call your mom. Outside of family, people can only handle so much negative energy, regardless of how much they love you. Anxiety is a result of insecurity. This is not something that your girlfriend can fix, nor be expected to. It's fine to express hesitancy in regards to decisions or circumstances, that affect the both of you, but never appear to be out of control of the situation. She knows you're going through some chit, you're dealing with it and making the proper adjustments for the benefit of the relationship and you live by your decisions. Any insecurities she has will be calmed as a result of seeing you lead by action. There are instances, where it's ok for your woman to see you bend, but general life anxieties are not one of them.

You're right on everything except anxiety being equal to insecurity. There is an underlying physiological process in many cases.