Would you stay with a woman after a crippling accident?

DonJuan_DeRosco

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This just popped into my head today and thought it might be an interesting discussion.

Say you had successfully filtered down to one girl whom you thought had a lot of potential and you decide to make a go of it with her. You are an active couple (being a DJ and her being a flexible giver) and enjoy various pursuits.

You's go out for maybe 5 years, you maybe consider marriage, all is really good.

Then, she has an accident which severely cripples her and she can no longer do the things you used to do. You love her but this will put significant strains on the relationship.


Do you stay with her or not?
 

Desdinova

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If I've developed a deep relationship with her and she's been a good woman, then yes I'd stay with her. If she's a fvckhead and I've been planning on moving on, then no.
 

Scaramouche

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Dear Don Juan,
Hard call brother....Years ago I had a lovely girl friend,I got conscripted,we drifted apart....forty years passed,I am working in a college where the College Electrician is married to this Bird...Well she is suffering from some dreadful Motor Neurone Disease,and is in a wheelchair....We used to talk a lot while working out in the College Gym....I told him how much I respected him for sticking by her...He was a great guy,not too street wise,just a regular Bloke,but he eventually pulled out,tried to commit suicide,lost his job took to drink,the full disaster...We cant all play St Francis of Assisis mate.
 

Scaramouche

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Dear Rollo,
Please turn off the bubble machine mate!
 

backbreaker

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assuming my wife got in a car accident and could never walk again and could not take care of herself like she has to date.. honestly.. if she could.. understand that i ahve needs and as long as i did not flaunt it in her face, there is no question i would stay with her, i love her to death. And not from some altrestic point of view where i am doing what's right, i love her. while i have no problem being single, my life is better with her in it, walking or not. sex is just one part of our relationship. we have freaking lived together for over 4 years now, and she doesn't work we are always around each other. she really is my best friend. she gets me like no one else ever has, we have our inside jokes, or TV shows, our video games lol, our hobbies.. just so much. if i could keep all that in tact i would do it 8in a heart beat.
 

zekko

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backbreaker said:
while i have no problem being single, my life is better with her in it, walking or not. sex is just one part of our relationship. we have freaking lived together for over 4 years now, and she doesn't work we are always around each other. she really is my best friend. she gets me like no one else ever has, we have our inside jokes, or TV shows, our video games lol, our hobbies.. just so much.
That's a very good description of a quality relationship. I know everybody's different, but I don't get how so many guys here are anti-relationship. I don't see why anyone would want to turn down what backbreaker describes above.

Sex is just one facet, one part of it. Yet so many guys here see sex as 98% of being with a girl. I mean, sex is great and all, but there are more reasons in life than that to get off the couch.
 

Warrior74

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My first mentor had a wife with a severe condition that left him taking care of her and his special needs daughter. He was the perfect husband and father until his wife found out he was banging a 24 year old news anchor at the station we worked at. She flipped out and threated to leave him. Now he's pretty much a shell of the man he used to be, but he still takes care of them.

Personally his wife should have took one for the team. She couldn't have sex with him and he sacrificed everything to take care of them. Let the man get some, damn, it wasn't like he was gonna leave them.
 

backbreaker

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zekko said:
That's a very good description of a quality relationship. I know everybody's different, but I don't get how so many guys here are anti-relationship. I don't see why anyone would want to turn down what backbreaker describes above.

Sex is just one facet, one part of it. Yet so many guys here see sex as 98% of being with a girl. I mean, sex is great and all, but there are more reasons in life than that to get off the couch.
i mean, make no mistake, if i had to be single i could survive. I do not need a woman to be fulfilled in life, my wife does not complete me or any other sappy **** like that, but with all that said I am quite smitten over my wife and i am not afraid to say so. I love her to death and not just beucase she is very hot lol, there is a reason i put a ring on her finger and it's not beucase she is hot or she was my only source of sex, we could not possibly be any more perfect for each other. she compliments me to a T and I her.

I mean sex is a big part of a relationship and we have enough sex, but i don't have to have sex with her to be happy. some of our better times are just sitting with each other laughing at a TV show or just doing something together, I love her company. But, she is smart enough to understand that for our relationship to stay flourishing, we have to keep the status quo as is. i.e don't rock the boat. she isn't immature to say some stupid **** like "well all you want is sex why can't we just talk, is that all you ever think about" she knows that if she wants to keep me happy and upbeat so i can be myself i need to have at least consistent sex, and it does not hurt that she is still very attracted to me.

but before I get off on a total AFC tangent lol, the irony of my relationship with my wife is that, unlike the AFC who keeps trying to search for the one and is deathly afraid to lose any woman who shows interest in him, i spun plates to the point where women thought i was just heartless. I'm not heartless I'm just an individualist; i want what's best for me and the only way Im' going to get that is to keep playing the field until i find what i want and i found it eventually.
 

don't

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I"m too shallow to even consider it. Sorry. Life's a *****, and then you die.
 

Vertigo1981

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"If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, better make a pretty woman your wife." -Jimmy Soul

I'm pretty sure arms and legs go into the attraction field for the great majority of us.
 

AW1983

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Well...if she had been loyal to me a long time than yeah, I'd be there for her and stay with her. But I would no doubt be spinning plates on the side too. Win/win.
 

Desdinova

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Vertigo1981 said:
"If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, better make a pretty woman your wife." -Jimmy Soul
I don't know if you misquoted that song intentionally or not. The real lyrics are "never make a pretty woman your wife, so from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you"

Warrior74 made a good point. Would you be able to fvck a pile of dead weight? Would you be able to just pound the 5hit out of her and know that she's not feeling anything, and possibly not even getting turned on by it?

A mistress may be necessary for a man in this position to remain loyal to the woman.
 

typical

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............... FU(K OFF !!! GUYS

Turn the tables around and lets see how many of the so called "quality" ladies you guys are talking about will stick by your side !!!

I can bet all my money that none of them will stick by your side if you went down the wayside. I'm not woman hating I'm just stating the obvious fact that you guys are turning a blind eye to the real question here.

The only reason you guys think you have a quality relationship is because your woman right now as of this moment can do the things that you want that are adding more happiness to your life. Throw in a serious disease or accident which leaves her wheelchair/bed bound and trust me after a few short years the stress of having to deal with someone who has lost everything (mentally and physically) they had will eat at you and your life will become miserable.

No matter what you do it will destroy you. Yes there are some people that can struggle through everything and stay together but we here in the manosphere know that its a dog eat dog world out there and if the roles were reversed the woman would be long gone.

You can stay friends but as a man you will always find other woman who you can actually go out and dance with or ride a bike with or go tramping with more attractive, and slowly you will drift apart or resent her for being the dead weight in your life.

People get into a relationship and maintain a relationship when both parties are adding positive aspects to the relationship if for any reason one or both parties ceases to add these aspects the relationship WILL FAIL no matter how hard you try. These aspects can be anything and everything.

In short if your woman stops being "the sh!t" in your life you need to bail and start fresh no point wasting your life on a dead end you can be friends but nothing more. Yes I'm very narcissistic.
 

DonJuan_DeRosco

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An interesting amount of responses guys, covering both sides of the debate.

What I was looking for. :)


I hope to never be in such a position and if I was.....well, I hope I would make the best decision for both of us. But by christ, it must be a helluva situation to be in.

Scaramouche: I suspect this will happen a good amount of the time.

Backbreaker: Sounds like you're in a good place. :)

PairPlusRoyalFlush: Sadly, you're probably mostly right. :(

Zekko: Good call! Why can't we have the dream if we craft it ourselves?

Warrior74: A good realistic tale. A man has needs.

Bible_Belt: Haha!

don't: At least you're honest.

typical: This might just be the sad truth to it all.


Good discussion guys.

:D
 

zekko

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typical said:
Turn the tables around and lets see how many of the so called "quality" ladies you guys are talking about will stick by your side !!!

I can bet all my money that none of them will stick by your side if you went down the wayside.
I hate to say this, but you may well be right. I mean, I imagine they would stick it out for awhile, but once the going gets really tough, I could very well see them bailing. "I'm not fulfilled" or whatever lame excuse they might use.

However, that doesn't necessarily follow that we should abandon them in their hour of need. Isn't this the difference between men and women, that we follow through with our obligations and women don't? I'm not saying that all men follow through with their obligations, but generally speaking, they're more likely to do so than women.

As to the suggestion that the guy get a mistress, I am not an advocate of cheating. However, I do think that in this situation it might be understandable, if unsavory.
 

Vertigo1981

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Desdinova said:
I don't know if you misquoted that song intentionally or not. The real lyrics are "never make a pretty woman your wife, so from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you"

Warrior74 made a good point. Would you be able to fvck a pile of dead weight? Would you be able to just pound the 5hit out of her and know that she's not feeling anything, and possibly not even getting turned on by it?

A mistress may be necessary for a man in this position to remain loyal to the woman.
Just verified it, yep I misquoted the man. I guess I should use goggle a bit more thoroughly. Thanks for the heads up Des, and disregard my previous post.
 

typical

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zekko said:
I hate to say this, but you may well be right. I mean, I imagine they would stick it out for awhile, but once the going gets really tough, I could very well see them bailing. "I'm not fulfilled" or whatever lame excuse they might use.

However, that doesn't necessarily follow that we should abandon them in their hour of need. Isn't this the difference between men and women, that we follow through with our obligations and women don't? I'm not saying that all men follow through with their obligations, but generally speaking, they're more likely to do so than women.

As to the suggestion that the guy get a mistress, I am not an advocate of cheating. However, I do think that in this situation it might be understandable, if unsavory.
That I have to say IS THE difference between men and women of this day and age, Men will stick through the worst of situations because that's just the way we have been trained to be for generations, women on the other hand will bail when the situation best suits her needs ... read what I typed again "When it best suits her needs".

And to go a bit further you can not hate the woman for doing so its her biological subconscious mind that dictates how she responds to you no matter what situation you are in (top of the world or bottom of the gutter).

We as men need to stop "doing whats right" and start to see things more like our prehistoric hunter/gatherer ancestors did, as the leader of the tribe you would normally have access to many women (many cultures still adhere to this in .... Islam you can have 4 wives). If any member of the tribe is sick or physically damaged they would be the first to succumb to death be it by natural means or by other animals looking for an easy meal. The tribe leader was always looking out for the rest of the tribe and insured he had ample breeding rights with the best females around.

Taking this into account it would make sense for a modern man to do what he could for his partner in such a circumstance but keep in mind that as a highly valuable male there will be many many women ready to jump onto you at any given time and that he should slowly start to spin more plates.

Just to give a related example, today a workmate an I had a decent talk, she has the hots for me and is willing to jump my bones any day, she's gone as far as to say that if she were to get pregnant she would become a solo mother and leave me alone. Of course this could be a trap but how many times have we seen women get knocked up by one dude only to have some loser step in after a few years to look after her kids and play daddy. In my mind she basically told me "I just want your genes for my kids cause you're tall smart and play a tonne of sports and aren't afraid to voice yourself, I'll find a beta later to take care of me".

Now if women are ready to take this role why should we commit to one, further more why stay committed to one that's "damaged goods".

........... Damn I sound like a evil evil person but I guess this is the deepest point of the rabbit hole guess it's not everyone's cup of tea.

EDIT: Okay now that I've delved into this lets have an open discussion about the weird things woman you know have proposed to you or have done with you, I'm sure there are more weird stories like mine.
 

Atom Smasher

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Our society has become defined as "it's all about me".

Every case is different. The only time I'll ever settle down into a relationship again is if I feel I've found a woman of integrity and excellent character. The actual number of those is most definitely far less than 1%, but it could happen.

If I found such a woman I would be certain that she would do the same thing for me. I have had a couple of women like that before in my life. Therefore, if I felt that I had found that kind of woman, I would stick with her and make the necessary sacrifices. There is far more to life than sex. She would definitely have to be a quality woman, though.
 

Mr.Positive

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My thoughts are that if the situation was reversed, and it was I that had the crippling accident, if I truly loved the woman I was with, I would not want to hold her back in life due to being crippled. If I cared that much for her, I would want her to be out living a great life. If the includes doing all the active things we used to do with other people, or even if I could not satisfy her physical needs as well.

You can love someone and let them go at the same time, and encourage it as well.

I would hope for the same if she was the one crippled. If she cared for me, she would want me to be out experiencing life to the fullest. If she could not look out for my physical needs as well. This is where honesty and communication come in. If you don't have that, you both will be miserable, and life's too short for that.
 
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