Would you ever NOT break up with a cheater?

[Captain]

Pretend you're in an exclusive relationship with a girl (or if you are, no need to pretend ). If she cheated on you, what would you do? Are there any circumstances where you would NOT break up with her?

Personally I do not give second chances to cheaters. No mind if it's sex or just a kiss, it's still CHEATING. Some "men" are so whipped or desperate these days that they will stay with her thinking "well at least it was only a kiss..."
1. How do you know that is all it was?
2. IT DOES NOT MATTER! She was cheating. Goes to show the moral decay of society that some guys actually stick around with a cheater just because "it could have been worse". If you can't respect yourself, she never will.

Just because a lot of people may have lax standards, or may put up with a lot of disrespectful bullsh!t, does NOT mean you should. Do you want to be Average Joe AFC, or do you want to be better than the chumps out there? Just because it is normal or common DOES NOT MAKE IT OK!!

 

[DonJuan_DeRosco]

If a girl cheats, she's OUT!

I've been there and done the forgiving **** in my younger AFC days, but not anymore.

I make sure they realise this early on, mind you i have a reputation for not putting up with nonsense so it's usually my friends that would say to a girl without me knowing. Had it a few times where the girl has said to me 'your friends said you don't put up with nonsense (sh*t test)' to which i reply 'that's right lady' then grab her and kiss her.

They've always responded favourably, but i digress.

Never be with someone who disrespects you in that way.

It's sad to see guys forgiving cheating girls.

 

[Scars]

I've currently been with my girl for 4 months. If I ever found out she cheated that would be the end. I've already made this perfectly clear to her several times and she knows it.

On the same token.. I have cheated on her, and she found out. (Infact, I actually was honest and just told her.) She forgave me, and we worked throughout it. Although it is still a touchy subject that generally tries to be avoided. But.. if the tables were turned and she did that to me I wouldn't stay with her. Call me sexist but I think it's a lot different when a woman cheats from a man. When a man cheats it's out of lust. When a woman cheats it's out of emotion, passion, and desire. When a man cheats, the relationship can still be maintained and nourished. When a woman cheats, you are doing something wrong. She has lost respect for you, and the relationship is pretty much fvcked.

-Scars

 

[Captain]

Although it is still a touchy subject that generally tries to be avoided. But.. if the tables were turned and she did that to me I wouldn't stay with her. Call me sexist but I think it's a lot different when a woman cheats from a man.

Agreed here. Two wrongs don't make a right in relationships. In the same light, I know men who have been in a similar situation but are now miserable, because their woman is ALWAYS bringing it up and they feel like they have to endure it because they did wrong (they don't!)

The past is the past. If she can't leave something in the past, even after you've talked to her about it, the relationship needs to END. You don't have to put up with a woman bringing up your past mistakes, because they are in the PAST, and you've decided to stick together through it.

 

[Scars]

Agreed here. Two wrongs don't make a right in relationships. In the same light, I know men who have been in a similar situation but are now miserable, because their woman is ALWAYS bringing it up and they feel like they have to endure it because they did wrong (they don't!)

The past is the past. If she can't leave something in the past, even after you've talked to her about it, the relationship needs to END. You don't have to put up with a woman bringing up your past mistakes, because they are in the PAST, and you've decided to stick together through it.

Agreed. After it happened I took a lot of heat for it, which was understandable because she was upset. Then after awhile she used to bring it up in certain situations where it was completely irrelevant by means of trying to "control" me. I let her know real quick that this was not going to happen. I let her know that I was sincerely sorry, but she will NOT try and use it as a means to exploit me. I told her if she ever tried that sh!t again I would leave her. After this I haven't really had any other issues with her.

In the end it's all about frame. And I've learned that you always have to stick to your guns. You can't just threaten to leave, you have to do it. Me and her have broken up several times (over little things). She used to try and test me all the time. Now she knows I don't play around, and that the next time I leave her could be the last time she sees me. She knows this, and is deathly afraid of me walking away. I've seen a dramatic change in her (for the better).

 

[Ease]

Agreed. After it happened I took a lot of heat for it, which was understandable because she was upset. Then after awhile she used to bring it up in certain situations where it was completely irrelevant by means of trying to "control" me. I let her know real quick that this was not going to happen. I let her know that I was sincerely sorry, but she will NOT try and use it as a means to exploit me. I told her if she ever tried that sh!t again I would leave her. After this I haven't really had any other issues with her.

In the end it's all about frame. And I've learned that you always have to stick to your guns. You can't just threaten to leave, you have to do it. Me and her have broken up several times (over little things). She used to try and test me all the time. Now she knows I don't play around, and that the next time I leave her could be the last time she sees me. She knows this, and is deathly afraid of me walking away. I've seen a dramatic change in her (for the better).

When you leave her, and then take her back, do you not feel a shift of power back to her? Does it still have the same effect as the first time you did it?

 

[Scars]

When you leave her, and then take her back, do you not feel a shift of power back to her? Does it still have the same effect as the first time you did it?

It still does. Each time it happens it's been taking us progressively longer to start talking again. I usually just end up going by own way. She is the one that gets miserable without me. I also set the frame and tell her how things are going to be, and if she can't abide by it then I have no interest in trying to start a relationship with her again. We haven't broken up in awhile. She's been pretty good lately. The few times we did was usually my solution to her sh!t tests, which I think surprised her. Without breaking up as many times as we did then we wouldn't have any boundaries. Now the boundaries have been set, and she knows this. She knows what's acceptable and what isn't. So now there is no excuse. If she fvcks up, then I'm gone.

I see where you're coming from and the concern someone might have of "coming back".. but I know absolutely I have the upper hand in this relationship. At the same time. I also take it with a grain of salt. She cares more about it than I do. She tells me all the time she loves me more than I love her. To be honest, I don't think I love her at all. I just say it because it's what she wants to hear and it gets me pvssy. It's nice to have her around so I stay. But I'd be perfectly able to sleep at night if she wasn't my girl. I think she picks up on this. So she does have a genuine fear of losing me. She goes out of her way to make happy. We haven't broken up in probably 2 months. And she treats me with more respect now than ever. I have conditioned her this way. She thanks me all the time for how I am the reason she is a "better person now". And she has even related me as a "father figure" on several occasions. I give her discipline, and she loves it.