Would YOU be worried?

[thedoc]

I guess you may call what I have an long distance relationship (1.5 hours travel). I'm in college and she's a senior. We've been dating for 8 months and call me immature or naive but I have strong feelings for her.

Things are also completely dependent on me. I call. I plan the dates. I tell her when I'm free/busy etc.

I usually call her once a day during a break between classes and we see each other on average once in 1-2 weeks. To be honest, I have so much and studying to do (going to harvard grad school yo), that I don't mind being committed to a girl. I don't have to waste hours and hours looking great, going out, spending money, etc. I'm studying my ass off, getting a job, and getting good at ping pong .


So far, things are going relatively well. Sometimes she gives me drama about how much she misses me and all that but that's getting better as time goes on.

Recently, she started talking to this guy who goes to college near her. He's friends with plenty of my friends and there's a minor history behind them. For years, my girlfriend's mom worked with the kid's dad and the 'cute little blonde kid' was a household name for them.

A few months ago, they talked a little and the kid told one of my friends 'i'm going to **** this girl'. My friend told him to **** off and that was the end of that.

This kid is extremely smart, very good looking, and is very sociable.

Basically, they started talking, he got her number, he helped her with homework D), and they text for like 4-5 hours a day (not straight up texting but multi tasking). My girlfriend keeps talking about how smart he is, how nice he is etc. One time she told me how if she was single he would be her #1. In response I gave her a list of who I would get with if I were single, and right after told her I'll brb and I'm going to go play ping pong.

There are a million more details but this is the most time I've spent on the matter and I have work to do. All of my friends are extremely worried, they keep offering to intervene, to tell the kid to **** off, to watch what happens, etc. I'm really not worried. I realize the fact that I'm typing this does show some kind of concern, and yeah, it does. If I'm going to commit to a relationship I should at least think about these things.

I figure, if she's one to cheat, I'd rather her do it now, as compared to later. My friends can intervene now but they can't do it forever. If this ends now it would save me a lot of time, unnecessary effort, and money.
However, I have a feeling she wont cheat. Either the kid's going to keep plowing and plowing and eventually he'd make a move and she'll reject him, or, they'll become friends.

To me, it seems like sitting back and watching the dominoes fall is a good idea.
Thing is, if there are any signs that this is failing, I would wanna see them right away. So, besides the obvious (canceling on me for example), what are some subtle signs that I should stop wasting my time on this?

 

[runningonice]

I got news for ya...he''s already f***ed her likely and she's probably been boinking other guys too...assuming you aren't trolling or anything.

 

[Mr. Goods]

I guess you may call what I have an long distance relationship (1.5 hours travel). I'm in college and she's a senior. We've been dating for 8 months and call me immature or naive but I have strong feelings for her.

A lot of these long-distance, someone in the relationship just started college-type relationships don't tend to last. Not saying that's always the case or that would be the case with you, but it's fairly common things break down around this point.

Things are also completely dependent on me. I call. I plan the dates. I tell her when I'm free/busy etc.

Why are you ALWAYS planning the dates? This tells me you have more invested in the relationship than she does; basically, you clearly care more. Why can't she plan a night out? It's been 8 months.

Recently, she started talking to this guy who goes to college near her. He's friends with plenty of my friends and there's a minor history behind them. For years, my girlfriend's mom worked with the kid's dad and the 'cute little blonde kid' was a household name for them.

This just sounds like trouble. Minor history? "The cute little blonde kid?" It's not a lot to go on, since the minor history seems small, but it allows for something to maybe develop, if she grabs on to this minor history.

A few months ago, they talked a little and the kid told one of my friends 'i'm going to **** this girl'. My friend told him to **** off and that was the end of that.

This kid is extremely smart, very good looking, and is very sociable.

So this guy she's getting to know says that he wants to **** her? Though your friend told him to **** off, this isn't over.

Basically, they started talking, he got her number, he helped her with homework D), and they text for like 4-5 hours a day (not straight up texting but multi tasking). I see some smoke...My girlfriend keeps talking about how smart he is, how nice he is etc.More smoke... One time she told me how if she was single he would be her #1.A lot of smoke... In response I gave her a list of who I would get with if I were single, and right after told her I'll brb and I'm going to go play ping pong.Not as effective as you'd think. If a girl I was dating told me how some other guy is smart/nice/cute/her #1 if she were single, that would be it for me. I'd tell her that if she is fantasizing about this guy all the time, to go off with him.

There are a million more details but this is the most time I've spent on the matter and I have work to do.The details can help, but I think we can already determine the verdict. All of my friends are extremely worried, they keep offering to intervene, to tell the kid to **** off, to watch what happens, etc.If your friends - who are at home - see something fishy, there's definitely something in the works; things don't seem right. I'm really not worried. I realize the fact that I'm typing this does show some kind of concern, and yeah, it does. If I'm going to commit to a relationship I should at least think about these things.Don't think - ACT! I would be worried if I were you.

I figure, if she's one to cheat, I'd rather her do it now, as compared to later. My friends can intervene now but they can't do it forever. If this ends now it would save me a lot of time, unnecessary effort, and money.
However, I have a feeling she wont cheat.It seems you already believe this is a possibility. Never good. Either the kid's going to keep plowing and plowing and eventually he'd make a move and she'll reject him, or, they'll become friends. He may have already plowed...and not been rejected!

To me, it seems like sitting back and watching the dominoes fall is a good idea. Wrong.
Thing is, if there are any signs that this is failing, I would wanna see them right away. So, besides the obvious (canceling on me for example), what are some subtle signs that I should stop wasting my time on this?

There are so many red flags here it's ridiculous. As I mentioned earlier, if a girl I'm dating goes on and on about some other guy...how they text 4-5 HOURS a day...how he says he wants to **** her...your gf saying how he'd be her #1 if you two were broken up...and probably some other minor things as well...it's probably game over. Considering you just began college and she's in high school, I'd suggest cutting her loose. While you care for her, you're going to be paranoid about a girl who may or may not have already cheated on you. The situation at hand doesn't look good, and I think you will have much better success trying to game girls on campus.

 

[thedoc]

runningonice: I didn't post here to be made a fool of wth is your problem.

I wouldn't date a girl that after 8 months would go out and cheat on me, I'm smarter than THAT. She sat home crying for 2 days when I left. That can be interpreted in a bad way too but I'm saying I'm not the chump I seem like right now.

I know for a fact she hasn't cheated on me yet. I would bet my life on that.



Mr. Goods thanks for answering:
I plan the dates means that we date when I'm free, and she makes time for me. I call when I have time. If she calls when I'm busy I never pick up. Yeah she complains about it once in a while but that's how it works.

I understand this could be bad, I honestly do. But, what reason does she have for going behind my back? It's not financial- I stopped paying for her after a month of dating. It's not the fact that I flatter her and make her the center of my life-I don't, I even told her that school is more important than her right now. Maybe it's the lack of attention? I feel like if I put in any more effort I' acting like an afc. Maybe it's the ego boost of having a boyfriend in college? 8 months is a pretty long time and this girl isn't a complete *****. I feel like a lot of people here really don't understand, but we really have something strong. Maybe I'm a stupid teenager and I don't know anything. Maybe. I do know that she would have the decency to tell me SOMETHING's wrong. That brings me to my next point:

The fact that she's telling me all of this. I mean on one hand yeah, if she were to lie, keeping it 'transparent' wouldn't be a bad method of doing it. However, I really don't think she's lying.


You know, I'll try a different approach, I'm curious. How do you suggest I ACT differently.

 

[f283000]

You know, I'll try a different approach, I'm curious. How do you suggest I ACT differently.

for one stop caring so much! this is a long distance relationship where cheating is like daily bread.

She is your guaranteed access to ***** for once a week or whenever times you see her every month.

So instead of whining and crying about how she might be cheating on you soon or might have already you should be gaming other girls yourself. Stop worrying so much.

Keep her on the side and start spinnin plates. This is how you handle long distance relationships.

It's not a bad situation at all. Having a girl that lives far away to give you guaranteed action a couple times a month while you work on your game in your own town and game other girls. This is how you should approach this.