Would you be mad if....

[rookie]

would you be mad if your girlfriend wanted to go away for a week to hawaii with a guy friend? specifics -

- they've been friends for a year (you've been dating her 4 months).
- you don't know the guy.
- the guy has gotten a free, company paid trip to hawaii and can take a guest, but he says he needs to take a girl.

what would you think of this, what would you do, and why?

 

[CHALENGE GUY]

Here are your 3 options :

1. "Honey, don't go"

Consequence : Now she's mad at you. Besides, you look like an insecure, egocentric piece of sh!t. If I were her, I would dump you on the spot.

2. "What a beautiful opportunity! Sens me a post card and have lots of fun!"

Consequence 1 : She cheats on you and you discover that she has no integrity. You can walk away because you know there's plenty of mature women out there. You loved an illusion, but now you know who she really is, and you cannot settle for that kind of horsesh!t.

Consequence 2: She has the time of her life, but she remains faithful to her man : the guy who has enough self-respect and confidence to let her go.

This is a crappy situation, but you don't have the choice. Option 2 is your choice.


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Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.

- Roosevelt

[This message has been edited by CHALENGE GUY (edited 05-15-2001).]

 

[NoMoreNiceGuy]

WHOA!! No Fu*king Way!!! What kind of girl are you dating that would even consider it?? First of all, stand your ground and tell her no way. If she still insists on going then you know these two are already doing it behind your back. If she was really your girlfriend she would have said no to this guy right away. Something is going on there.

 

[CHALENGE GUY]

Please don't let your emotions ruin everything.

Be a Man.

What would a true, confident man do? OPTION 2.

The situation is there, you can't go back in time.

What would an insecure jerk do?
OPTION 1

What kind of girl are you dating that would even consider it?
I would. You would. But who cares, the situation is there.

Don't be a jerk.

Be a MAN.

 

[swat]

Sorry bud, but your girl apparently has a low interest in you as a person - otherwise she would have turned down this guy no problem. Avoid her like the plague, girls are NOT stupid, and if you go along with her little plan, you're nothing but a chump. She wants a reaction, don't give her one. Avoid her for a while and start playing the field again. Save some self respect, don't fall prey to the trap.

 

[swat]

Oh yeah, remember that guys are never just friends. I don't care what the exception =) - this guy's playing hardball.

 

[Boodrow]

I would have to agree with Challenge Guy, because the part of me that says, "No way!", is that insecure part of me that's hampered me all these years. Logically speaking, of course, if she's known the guy for a year, she's not likely to all-of-a-sudden get with him, just cuz you're not there. If he's in The Friend Zone, it takes a lot more than just a trip somewhere (yes, even Hawaii) to get him out of there.

If for some reason she did cheat on you, it sucks, but at least you'd know after only 4 months than 4 years or even after marriage. Wouldn't you rather know now?

This situation is also tricky. Some guys on here would say that you let her go, you're letting her walk all over you. Well.... that all depends on you.

Response 1: "Well, honey. I guess. If that's what you want. Then I don't have any objections, and I'm sorry that I couldn't take you. (cuz that might be a BIG reason why you'd get jealous about it. Feels like this guy is one-upping you on your girl) I'm going to miss you a whole lot! Call me everyday tho, please?"

Response 2: "Wow, baby! That's cool! I hope you have a great time! Tell me all about it when you get back! Do you need a ride to the airport?"

Response 1 let's her know that you really don't want her to go, but you're letting her get away with whatever she wants.

Response 2 let's her know that you're not the jealous type and that you're happy for her and will support her.

Chicks seem to dig that. Wierd. ;-)

 

[NoMoreNiceGuy]

Originally posted by CHALENGE GUY:
[B

Don't be a jerk.

Be a MAN.

[/B]

A real Man stands up for himself and what's right. Any girl that would even consider going to Hawaii with another man that isn't her boyfriend isn't the type that would be faithful to him on that trip.

Ignore Chalenge Guy and his "options" There are two things going on here and it's not what he's saying, it's this:

#1. She told you because she testing you to see if you care enough to stop her.

#2. She really wants to go because she wants to do this guy or she's already doing this guy.

 

[Rico]

Do this...say I really don't want you to go because I wish I could be the guy taking you on this trip! But if you really wanna go, have a good time and call me everyday!

Her response to this is key!

 

[Patroclus82]

Originally posted by Rico:
have a good time and call me everyday!

Her response to this is key!

Call me every day??????

Hello..My name is mr insecure....

Laters


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Absolute Intrigue.

 

[CHALENGE GUY]

Here's the third option

3. "Honey, eat this banana and danse while I make a pyramid with my cd cases."

Of course, this one wil not make any difference, but it will surprise her.



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Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.

- Roosevelt

 

[swat]

I guarantee she will be giving that guy head every single night in Hawaii. Want to know how to avoid caring about this? Find a better girl who won't ditch you for Hawaii. Is this insecure? Nope. Just showing a little self respect.

 

[Patroclus82]

My..My..We are feeling a little 'dump happy' aren't we..

Whatever happened to trust?..

Just don't sweat it..If she cheats..It's her loss..

If not..You are the MAN..For letting her go and giving her the trust that she needs to see.

Laters

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Absolute Intrigue.

 

[Boodrow]

As you can see, Rookie. It's up to you. You're getting two totally different responses. Don't let your emotions screw you up. Don't get upset by the fear. Think about it logically, know that you are The Man, then decide what to do. If you make a decision and stick to it, you've won.

 

[NEANDERTHAL SUPERSOLDIER]

Well, her going on the trip would be a flagrant act of disrespect towards u. To show her u r secure, u should willing allow her to disrespect u in that way? Um no.

U know what happens when people go away on spring break and other types of vacations dont ya? Since people are away from their comfort zone, they do things that they normally wouldnt do.

And if she does cheat on u, how is it u will find out like some of the other guys on this board seem to assume that u would be able to find out when she gets back.

Rookie, stand up for yourself. This isnt about looking insecure or not. Its about demonstrating basic respect to u and your relationship.

 

[Ralfus]

http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/53_relationship_expert.html

Read this artical. It kind of sounds like what you are going through.

Ralfus

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Ralfus' Home Page - Better than hopping on one leg!

 

[Rico]

Originally posted by Patroclus82:

Call me every day??????

Hello..My name is mr insecure....

Laters

I don't mean to have her really call you everyday...it's just saying that you really care about her (figure of speech). Personally I wouldn't put up with after being in a serious relationship with a woman for 4 mos. Listen, you should feel a little insecure if your girlfriend is going to a tropical paradise with another guy (as guys we all know what he's up to). You should let your girl know that you aren't happy about this and that you don't want her to go. However you should not try to force her to do anything. If she cares about you, then she will try to understand where you are coming from...if she doesn't understand and acts upset at you for not being happy about the situation, then good riddance (like someone said, it's better to know it's not going to work out after 4 months than 4 years.) I guarantee that she would not act all happy and excited if the tables were reversed.

 

[swat]

Ralfus - that article pretty much sums it up.
Rookie - I hope things work out for you, read this article - it'll save you a lot of future heartache, etc..

 

[Lexomatic]

Yup, I think the Doc says it right. Simply put, she's going away with another guy rahter than you on holiday - the reason has nothing to do with it. If she was sincere about her relationship with you, then she'd turn the other guy down.

Or look at it from another angle, what if it was you going to Hawaii with a hot female friend of yours? Points to note:
a) your girlfriend wouldn't be happy.
b) you'd ask yourself why your hot female friend asked you to go, over anyone else.
c) you'd be tempted to sleep with her, surely.

Your girlfriend's argument for going will be about trust. Your arguement for her not going will be about respect.

Hope this helps

Lex

 

[Neophyte]

Rookie, the replies you are getting here looks like there's a ping pong game being played.

Focus on her.

Your view: you are scared to let her go to a trip. Not knowing what might happen... thinking about nothing else.

Her view: no worries towards you although you can also cheat on her. Right? She looks like she has no problems with that feeling. I'm not sure if you can ask her about this but.. you see the point?

Your view= all worries.
Her view=relaxed?

Don't tell anything for calling you if you let her go. Wait and see if she'll give you some calls without you mentioning it. If so, she really misses you. You can probably even hear it in her voice when she calls you. If not...awgh.. U see?

I would suggest to have a long and serious talk about the way how you are really feeling. If you want her to go you can ask her the following:
'If you are going to cheat on me, tell me now so i can move on with my live! If not i will feel great, because you are happy. Either way i'd love you to go.'

Fini
CYA


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