Would this concern you??

[Bud_Fox]

If you were dating a girl for about a year would this raise any red flags, or am I just overreacting?
1. If she got married she would want to keep her last name.
2. She wants to have separate bank accounts.
3. She would possibly want to adopt a child.

 

[Aaron B]

1. If she got married she would want to keep her last name.

That's nice. Unfortunately for her, your standard is that when you get married, your wife takes your last name.

She doesn't get to "have her cake and eat it too."

Ignore her silly reasons for not changing her name. She either changes it, or you don't marry her.

2. She wants to have separate bank accounts.

Depends. I don't have a problem with it on the surface. However, some women work it to where she has access to ALL the money, but he doesn't have access to her income.

Decide beforehand how the finances will be handled. Separate accounts in and of themselves aren't a dealbreaker for me. Her spending her whole check on whatever she wants while all the bills come out of my check isn't going to fly with me.

3. She would possibly want to adopt a child.

Why? Is she barren?

 

[st_99]

If you were dating a girl for about a year would this raise any red flags, or am I just overreacting?
1. If she got married she would want to keep her last name.
2. She wants to have separate bank accounts.
3. She would possibly want to adopt a child.

sounds like she'll make a warm loving wife. not.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You're covering a wide range of issues here.

For me, I wouldn't marry a woman who wanted to keep her last name. Her desire to do that is sending a message loud and clear. However, if she has feminist tendencies there should be lots more indicators that happen before this particular subject comes up.

With girls, the keeping of the last name is either to "honor my family name" (yeah, right...) or to send a message to the world that "I can't be owned".

Regardless, I think that the desire to keep the last name is positively an insult to a man.

I can't speak about separate accounts. There seems to be an upside and a downside to each. Perhaps someone with more experience in this will chime in.

The third thing seems a little strange. Do you mean she doesn't want her own children, or that she wants her own children plus an adopted one?

She sounds like she is highly influenced by Cosmo and the like. She seems to be latched onto modern, trendy world views. Just make sure you hash these issues out before you pop the question.

 

[Bud_Fox]

I was a little upset about her wanting to keep her last name. But then again even Kate Middleton kept her last name, so it's more common these days. Still, both of our mothers took our fathers names, so her independence concerns me a little bit. She does seem like a little bit of a feminist who doesn't want to be controlled (she is still very feminine though).

With the bank account, she said that her mother told her to have separate bank accounts when they she gets married. In a way I don't mind because we can both buy what we want. She seems to be a spender while I am a saver though.

And with adoption......she said it has to do with her possibly having low blood pressure and medical issues. But I really think she doesn't want to lose her slim figure. Plus she has joked a few times about men who are stay at home dads while the wife makes the money.

My fear is that if she keeps her last name, has a separate bank account, and a child that isn't really mine then it is very likely the marriage could end in divorce. It would be a lot easier for her to walk away from the marriage because she didn't get too close.

What do you guys think? Or am I over-analyzing this too much?

 

[st_99]

Or am I over-analyzing this too much?

If you are looking to get married of course you are not over analyzing. Children, finances and values are pretty damn important.

 

[Iceberg]

What do you guys think? Or am I over-analyzing this too much?

I don't make the rules on relationships or whatever...

But I really think that dating someone for "almost a year" is a bit too early to think about marriage anyway. And yes, I know that there's no time limit on love...you could marry someone after a month, and live happily ever after. And you could date a girl for 5 years, and she'll turn into a sh!tty wife once you put a ring on her.

But still...it's a year. Well, "almost a year", as you say. So why even worry about it? Not only are you thinking about the type of wife she'd become, you're also thinking about how the divorce would go.

Christ. I'm getting uptight just reading it.

Judging off these 3 things, this woman does NOT sound like the most feminine, loving, wifely/motherly, marriage prospect. But all I know about her is these 3 things. So if you're having fun with her, then have fun. But stop worrying about marriage AND divorce with some chick you've dated for less than a year. It's obsessive and kinda weird.

 

[Aaron B]

She's focused on what she wants. You are focused on what she wants.

Who is focused on what you want?

Admit that YOU WANT your wife to take your last name. If you didn't care, you wouldn't be asking us about it here.

 

[EFFORT]

What is your reasoning for wanting to get married?

 

[bookman]

yeah tell us what you want and we'll see how these things contradict with what you want

separate bank accounts is actually a blessing for me you won't be monitored for every beer you bought and every fancy place you wanted to go to alone... as long as you make sure she financially contributes to the home as well