Workplace: why is she acting so distant around me?

[Tomo]

There is a HB I have been flirting with all summer and we both recently became single so that all intensified. Bear in mind this is a crappy uni student job so I don't mind screwing things up as I already have decided to move onto greener pastures. Now back to the story. All this flirting etc culminated in our work party where we were kino'ing with each other. We did not hook up due to a c*ck block but not sure how things would have panned out had we got a little privacy. Take it this way - everyone else was just sitting around a table casually having drinks and then there was us.

Now fast forward to after the party. We'd plan to buy christmas presents for our loved ones together but that plan fell through as we both worked long hours in differing shifts in retail. At the same time, she has been acting really strange at work around me. First shift back when she said hey, I went to pat her on the head (our joke) and she went and gave me a hug. From then on she went distant. No more flirting, teasing and when we had to talk, it was brief few words/ work related. I'll admit I may have been just as distant with her but normally she'll try and strike a conversation or say hey when I walk past.

Has the dynamics between us changed? Or has workplace rumor spread something that did not happen? I actually enjoy working here so would like us to be on good terms again although she started talking to me towards the end of last shift before xmas break - although still awkward. I overheard her discussing how well built I was with someone else but did not catch the end of it.

It's ironic, I have been friendzoning her throughout this period only to have it now blow up on my face when I realise I actually want to pursue something here. It doesn't help that she also knows my history and the many woman in it.

 

[El Suave]

Some other guy beat you to the punch. She is seeing somebody else.

 

[:-)]

as soon as you start asking 'why?' is when you know it's all over.

a man in control cares not for the whys or wherefores of what a woman does.

 

[TheGambino]

It could be a lot of things bud. Maybe she is seeing someone else, maybe she hear'd rumors like you said and wants to back off a bit, it could be anything, don't overthink the reasons, it will get you nowhere. Like I said it could be any reason why she would act all distant, only thing you can do is keeping your cool yourself. Women can hear or see a lot of things about you or have things in their life going on that will change their attitude, especially low self esteem women, that don't know how to act.

Don't be affected by mood changes or anything that girls throw at you.

I also think, the fact that she knows you had a lot of women in your life is only a good factor. It makes you mysterious and most girls want to know what all these past girls saw in you and will actually see you as a prize.

Main thing:
Dont show her your affected by how she acts towards you. Just withdraw your attention from her for a bit and see how she follows up. Be like you always was and act like nothing's wrong just withdraw your attention from her and let her initiate from know on. Give it time.

When she reaches out to you like earlier and comes back to get attention, be a man, make a move and ask her out and escalate on the date ASAP outside of work.

Best way to actually handle these situations is to spin plates and focus on other women !

 

[Brosy]

Arrange to see her privately out of work. Sounds like somebody has made a comment about both of your antics at the party and she's now conscious about her reputation.

 

[Tomo]

Merry Xmas all! Hope everyones doing well!

Cheers guys, yeah thank god for this site otherwise I'd be driving my AFC antics right onto her lawn.

First off, yeah that is what I thought but it is weird because up until the night of the party, we were both discussing or single statuses, our past dating habits and also how bad our rebounds were. Can it be such a short turn around? If so I applause the guy who asked her out as she's high quality (what I found out hence why things changed from my POV).

I know, I don't know where this all came from because to be honest, as I said before, I have been the one sending mixed signals, friendzoning her and not giving a damn. Then all of a sudden after the party, my minds just hit the wall.

Cheers Gambino, thats how I have been. Had it not been for this site, I don't know how different I may I have been and how I'd have acted. Yeah, she went distant and so did I. Towards the end of yesterday, she started trying to talk to me - still no flirting etc - but we left as I overheard her talking about my body. I know I should be spinning plates but with work and being so busy, I have ignored them all basically and have gotten that in return haha.

I really want to arrange to meet her out of work and get a date out of things but I just don't know how. Every other HB I've been with, things have been so easy and just flows. Here, I been c*ckblocked by everyone even her family out of all people walking into the store just when I was about to bring it up.

Am considering dropping her and nexting her and the work just so I can continue on with enjoying my summer but it feels so hard to do.

 

[nismo-4]

Your princess is in another castle. Go ghost and get another woman.

Case closed.

 

[bigneil]

There is a HB I have been flirting with all summer and we both recently became single so that all intensified.

At first I thought this was an old post but you're talking about a girl from last summer and it's winter?

She's chosen her holiday mate and obviously you're not him.

Here is how quickly it should go with a hot girl (in this example a bartender) when she is highly attracted:

Thursday: You meet and you tell her she has nice legs.
Friday: You joke about how lucky she was to meet you and she agrees and says she "likes to have a good time".
Sunday: She says you should get together Tuesday "to have a good time".

 

[WC2]

Everyone has stated the obvious here but I would like to point out the following as well..

You're going to buy presents together for your loved ones and you haven't even hooked up yet? Or kissed? Am I reading this correctly?

 

[Tomo]

First off, I've known her for a while now as a coworker. Because she was already in a relationship and I was chasing HBs elsewhere, I did not initiate anything nor did I think about her. As such, our interactions were brief - compared to if I was still AFC trying to talk to her on IM etc.

Then she broke up with her boyfriend just when I did the same and things escalated. Big Neil, we're in the southern hemisphere so this has all happened in the space of a week or so culminating in the infamous work christmas party and then returning to work the next few days where she has become distant.

WC2, this was killing two birds with one stone - to isolate her from work so I can get her number and ask her out all the while honestly getting her view on gifts. It was only for someone I did not know what to get for.

Take it what you will. Instead of spinning plates I have gotten myself back out socially and as such she has become a distant memory. I am still not sure whether to next her or not. At best, I may just disappear.

 

[adam225]

Never care or attempt to think about a women's actions unless they go in your favour. If she is interested in you, you will be able to tell - that is ALL you need to know. As soon as you start to care you are waisting precious time and energy out of your life - your life is the most important thing you'll ever have.

 

[Tomo]

Update:
So today things are back on (?). First step I take into work and the other girls have ambushed and told me I am on the top of the list of said HB's going away party they've decided to throw. I ask why and they had this look with each other while giggling. Even she personally asked if I was coming. I remained ambiguous.

Throughout, she became more flirty and overall joyful. Smiling when I caught her staring at me. Bit of kino, teasing and touch here and there when not necessary resulting in me being sent elsewhere instead of working with her. Got called nice though - she was buying jewelery and mentioning how pretty it was of which I teased her - 'like you right'.

Yet now I am not sure why I even felt like how I did posting this thread. I am not even sure of my interest in her.