Working on inner game.

[seanarcher]

I think deep down guys already know the drill but don't want to believe it. Nothing I have read on this site or sites like it about women is earth-shattering, but I guess you need to hear or read it over and over again for it to be convinced.

There's no problem liking one girl, or having a girlfriend. The problem is when you show too much interest in a girl who doesn't feel the same way about you, and equate happiness with somehow attaining this girl. You let her affect your mood even though there is no "relationship." Basically you're obsessed with her, you might not pose a threat to her, but it's like plotting out a vacation to Italy when you don't have the money or wherewithal to do it...it's pointless and not going to happen.

I think despite what a lot of guys say on this site, even if you're getting laid, playing the field, and being a fun guy to be around, you're susceptible (if you haven't corrected old thought patterns) to meeting a girl that stands out from the other girls to you who doesn't feel the same way and obsessing over her. It happened to Eddie Murphy in Boomerang. Hell, his situation was even worse. He's banging the chick, thinks he's in love with her, she notices his naive behavior and mixed-up thoughts and takes advantage of it. This happens to a lot of guys too...they like a girl on the outside, add to that the fact that she wants nothing to do with him or is playing him like a piano and they think they're in love with her.

Sitting down, giving some thought to what you like and why you like it, what you really want vs. what you think you want (i.e. the kind of girl that you would be happy with vs. the one-it-is) is imperative. You won't learn this in the field because if you don't know what really attracts you vs. what attracts your desire for drama, you'll go out in the field, might be able to talk to girls, but you won't be able to recognize the process of real attraction vs. unrequited feelings that lead to AFC behavior and one-it-is.

Also, women will be the first ones to tell you, they hate desperation. Even if they feel the same way about you, if you're overzealous, especially at the beginning, it will scare them off. You need to kill the desperation with introspection and being happy with yourself. Realizing that even if you want a companion, you can live without one and enjoy life. Then, and only then, will you be able to meet anything resembling a quality woman.

 

[Relationship-Buddy]

There's no problem liking one girl, or having a girlfriend. The problem is when you show too much interest in a girl who doesn't feel the same way about you, and equate happiness with somehow attaining this girl.

Excellent point - a lot of guys forget this.

Bravo

 

[puma183]

Here is a fact to strengthen your inner game during your teens and twenties: As a guy, the older you get, the easer it gets. By the time you are in your mid-30's, provided you have kept up with your career/professional growth, you have to fight the ladies off of you with a pitch-fork.

Go to a 30-something singles networking-event, and you will see that the ones with the nervous glares and the sweaty palms are the women, not the men. Sometime around that 3-0 mark a magical 180 reversal of roles occur. Your life is never the same again.

 

[orly]

Here is a fact to strengthen your inner game during your teens and twenties: As a guy, the older you get, the easer it gets. By the time you are in your mid-30's, provided you have kept up with your career/professional growth, you have to fight the ladies off of you with a pitch-fork.

Go to a 30-something singles networking-event, and you will see that the ones with the nervous glares and the sweaty palms are the women, not the men. Sometime around that 3-0 mark a magical 180 reversal of roles occur. Your life is never the same again.

This sounds both encouraging and sad (in a variety of ways) at the same time.

Do I want to wait until I'm 30 before I can negotiate from a position of power? I know I would relish the shift in the balance of power.

At the same time, would I want women who would want me at that point? These likely being the same women who didn't want me when I (and they) were younger.

 

[Dstructor]

The way i got Puma's post is that most guys at 30 realize something about being men and the men that THEY are that totally changes their minds about everything and settles the ocean that ran turbulent through their lives

Some realize that sooner, some later

 

[Warrior74]

Here is a fact to strengthen your inner game during your teens and twenties: As a guy, the older you get, the easer it gets. By the time you are in your mid-30's, provided you have kept up with your career/professional growth, you have to fight the ladies off of you with a pitch-fork.
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its some truth in that. But in my area there are a lot of single men in their 30s so ladies still have their choice. The problem is, most of those women have children and baggage that I don't want to deal with. So I tend to date younger than my age group to clear out some of the BS hassle.

 

[puma183]

its some truth in that. But in my area there are a lot of single men in their 30s so ladies still have their choice. The problem is, most of those women have children and baggage that I don't want to deal with. So I tend to date younger than my age group to clear out some of the BS hassle.

Yes and I think Orly wasn't considering that part of the equation. I.e. Once you hit your stride it's not just "girls who ignored you the first time around that you are now getting second-hand". You can get younger women, your own age group women, and heck if you meet a good one even older women. The world is a big place.

Dstructor hit the nail on the head. It's a mind-set thing, not a time-thing. Some guys do really kick in gear much much sooner. All I was saying was that even for late-bloomers, it's never too late. If anything the bar gets lower with time.