"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Workaholic loses the girl

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LowPlainsDrifter

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Someone I met recently who had very high interest level sent me an email saying "nice knowing you, have a nice life" when I didn't respond to an emailed invitation to hang out in the city with only a few hours' notice.
I thought I made it clear when I first met her that I see a lot of clients at night and that I make room for social plans when my work calendar is clear, but once I set that time aside for myself, it's sacrosanct.
So I pose this question: anyone else here lose somebody because they focused too much on their business and/or job?
Am I doing the right thing by working incredibly hard, at some cost to my social life so I can build something of value for my present and future?
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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C

Cougar10033

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The same thing has happened to me. I love my job and everything about it. I work on a rotation where i will work 10 days straight at 12 hours a day and then have 5 days off. I found that the younger the girl the more immature they are about accepting people who love their careers. I just started hooking up with a girl still in college and it has been a pain in the ass.... everynight she calls and wants to see me and everynight i have to tell her nah some other time.
 
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Evangenlion

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try to find the right balance between work and social life. they are both important in life.
 
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LowPlainsDrifter

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Originally posted by Cougar10033
. I found that the younger the girl the more immature they are about accepting people who love their careers.
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I feel for ya.... but this one was seven years older than myself - kinda immature, though.
 
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bp1974

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No need to question your life choices over one girl who's annoyed with you.

If she's annoyed because you didn't respond when you could have taken two seconds to let her know that you were busy that night, then I can understand that. If she's annoyed ebcause you weren't available that night after you've spelled out that you have a busy work life, then she's being rude and immature.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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MackJr

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LowPlainsDrifter,

I'm coming from the other side of the fence. Not that I side with her, but I'll give you some perspective on what may be going on.

I decided not to have a relationship with a female workaholic just because of that. Although I didn't give up on her because of one missed date with only a few hours notice. I didn't like that she'd never be reliable for planned events. You see, workaholism does take its toll on a person's social life, and if you want people in your life, you have to make time for them.

I think what happened here was for the best. If she needs you to watch your email that closely and be that responsive, it's not somethng you can do and you probably need a lower-maintenance woman.

It doesn't mean that she's wrong or that you're wrong. I actually think it's a matter of tradeoffs, where the more submissive and feminine women have the downside of being higher maintenance. You'll have to be more specific about what 'type' of woman you want.

Even though this site is about how to lay just about any women, it turns out that not every woman is appropriate for you, and in some cases, for anyone.
 
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LowPlainsDrifter

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Thanks for the insight, everyone.

I'm not even trying to say, "I'm totally right, or she's totally right" but that I'm trying to understand the dynamics of work/social tradeoffs.

It's also about setting boundaries early on.
I felt that I had given her a good sense of my work habits/schedule to the extent of saying (right around when I first met her), "I don't bump clients for social stuff, but once I make social plans, I keep them."

I think I need to meet someone who is in a similar situation to mine so they can appreciate it.
 
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MackJr

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It's also about setting boundaries early on.
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No, that's my point. It's about having looser boundaries. workaholics have dozens of boundaries and rules-for when they work, when they eat, sleep, etc. Making more doesn't really help here, because in relationships you have to loosen some boundaries.

My suggestion was to just go after women that don't need as much attention and have a similar amount of structure as you. I think you did get what I was saying in the final analysis.
 
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TxCowboy

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I'd say the chic went a lil overboard there with that message ....

I would respond at all to that or even contact AT ALL and see if she doesnt concact you with an apology .... and if no apology for being rude then NEXT her ....

- Peace Out ... H-Town
 
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TheRenegadesOfFunk

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Am I doing the right thing by working incredibly hard, at some cost to my social life so I can build something of value for my present and future?
Click to expand...
A 'hard worker' is a trait that every man should pocess. But at the same time, finding a balance between work and social life is very important.
Women always wants attention (some more than others). I'd cut all contacts with this girl. If she has a high interest she'll come crawling back with an apology. If not, then who cares- next girl.
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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LowPlainsDrifter

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Originally posted by TxCowboy
I'd say the chic went a lil overboard there with that message ....

I would respond at all to that or even contact AT ALL and see if she doesnt concact you with an apology .... and if no apology for being rude then NEXT her ....

- Peace Out ... H-Town
Click to expand...
And that's exactly what she did... called me to apologize for her email, and told me she was free this weekend.

So I told her to come up to see me in my hometown at 6:00 Sat.

Thanks again to all who responded with their insights.
 
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