"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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WORK IN PROGRESS: What should I do?

JJ007

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The story so far:

28-12-08:
Cold approached HB8 Korean at a train station in London Sunday afternoon.
Stopped her told her she looked lovely and conversation ensued from their.
So very direct game!
Turns out she's only been here 3 months English student.
Chatted a few minutes (English not that good) got her email and then asked for her mobile, she gave it to me. I gave her a missed call there and then and told her thats my number ;-) (that way i knew she gave me right number)
She was in a rush and a bit confused about the trains. Gave her directions and i left.

28-12-08
Normally after a cold approach I wait a couple of days but i decided to text her that evening...
"Hi K...hope i didn't confuse you with my directions earlier today...did you manage to get to your appointment in time J"
No response

31-12-08
Text her.. "Happy New Year K....best wishes for 2009...J x :)"
No response

TODAY:
Was planning to contact her.
My options:
1. Call her....may not answer considering she hasn't answered

2. Text her something like...
" Hi K....hope your well. i just wanted to say it was unusual the way we met the other day, but I saw you standing their and you looked nice. i wanted to meet you so i did. You don't have to be hesitant...it would be nice to talk...how are you?"

3 Or call her and if she doesn't answer send the above text.

So what do you think gentleman, what would be your plan of attack ;-)

Remember her English is not that good and even though I got her contact details I hadn't made her fully comfortable.

So I've got to try and make her feel comfortable.

Let me know how you think i should play this.

Thanks in advance.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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horaholic

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I would let that one go. However, you have nothing to lose by giving it one last go. You'll never see her again anyway. I highly doubt she has any interest, or she would have gotten back. I would just give yourself props for the cold approach, and try it on someone else.

Like you said, you didnt have the time to build any comfort with her, and she's probably wondering why she gave you her number in the first place, honestly. She may have been just being polite.

If you do try again, tell her you're gonna be at so and so, on whatever night, it should be fun. Stop by if you can, if not, nice meeting you.

Then, leave it at that.
 

Mr. Me

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I met a guy once who, every evening, faced east to look for the sunset and when he didn't catch it, he'd wonder about how best to face east again.

First off, kudos on making the approach in the first place.

Now, have you even thought about the possibility that:

Maybe she wasn't really confused that day but acting like it to frustrate things and make an exit?

Maybe her English is better then yours and she was faking not being able to communicate well for the above reason? "I sorry, no speak well..."

Maybe all that was a flag that she wasn't interested, you know?

That would've been on the back of my mind if I were you. Then I would've watched for more clues.

And next time, DON'T reveal yor number, even if the woman asks you for it. You see, while you thought you were verifying her number, what she got was verification of what YOUR number is, so she'd know not to answer when you called.

Texting is a bad way to use a phone to make contact with a woman you haven't dated.

And contacting so soon after getting her info kills challenge, if she was interested.

And they can read right through the false premise of messages such as "hope i didn't confuse you with my directions earlier today...did you manage to get to your appointment in time" - they know that you're not calling because you're so altruistic!
 

Sinistar

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JJ007 said:
Normally after a cold approach I wait a couple of days but i decided to text her that evening...
...if you normally wait a few days after a cold approach then I have an obvious question - why did you deviate from that behaviour this time specifically?

I think it's awesome when guys cold approach (rejection or not) - way to go there :)
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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thedeparted

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So you have the balls. Now learn the technique. You don't open an HB8 with a compliment. That is supplicating. You'd have to neg her first to establish your value. Better openers:

"You look like hell. Is the train ride gonna be that bad?"
"I was gonna ask directions but you look like you don't speak any english at all."

Or whatever. Point being, you don't see her as anything special, and let her prove she looks good or can speak english. Just smile so she isn't scare of you.

Next thing is don't text. It's weak. You must call. But calling can be hell. So try to isolate and conquer from the pickup. That is, you got a convo going, now do a venue change right then. INSTADATE!

"God, I am starving, give me half of your sandwhich."
"What? I don't have a sandwhich."
"Where can you get me one?"

Or whatever. If you just take a # it's TOO EASY for her to blow you off. If you push the limits, it's much harder for her to reject you in person. This is how a salesman works. He doesn't knock on your door, get your #, and then call to ask when he can come back to sell you his cr@p. He gets his foot in the door, gets into your kitchen, and makes you buy it right then and there.

Of course, teh first ten times you do it, you'll get hit with jitters half way in. One time, I venue changed from supermarket aisle to cafe and suddenly started freezing up. Literally my teeth chattered and I went blank. It was like vapor lock or a blue screen of death. In retrospect, it's hilarious. And so what. There's a million more fish in the sea.

ANyway, see how far you can take it. If you hang in there, half of the girls you open will take you home. It's like, oh well, I can't get rid of him, I might as well fvck him. Try it and see.
 

Scaramouche

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Dear JJ007,
You did everything right,but she will be completely phazed,will not know how to behave in this novel situation and will be so concerned at losing face she will do nothing....If you can find her and meet her she will be yours...Much of the advice you have been given just won't work,humour particularly our British style is just lost on them,sarcasm incomprehensible and insulting,every word is taken at its face value....But they are worth the effort loving,loyal and will do anything you want.
 

Sinistar

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Scaramouche said:
Dear JJ007,
You did everything right,but she will be completely phazed,will not know how to behave in this novel situation and will be so concerned at losing face she will do nothing....If you can find her and meet her she will be yours...Much of the advice you have been given just won't work,humour particularly our British style is just lost on them,sarcasm incomprehensible and insulting,every word is taken at its face value....But they are worth the effort loving,loyal and will do anything you want.
are you from the same Australia as Jophil?
 

jophil28

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Sinistar said:
are you from the same Australia as Jophil?
Ha ha ha ! Thats rich.

Let me answer for Scaramoush..

There is only ONE Australia . Its that bloody huge island in the South Pacific.
I gather that your question was more about our different "attitude" .
I am from the east and Scara is from the west Coast.

Eastern folk are more blunt and direct, more like Californians.
Westerners are more 'genteel' and more reserved. They remind me of your mid-western folk in the USA... even a tad British with a touch of Southern indirectness ...
 
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