words vs. actions, should I bother?

[monster squad]

I used to go out with this girl. Things didn't work out (family matters had me constantly depressed at the time), but we stayed friends afterwards. It was a bit of a rocky friendship, since I still wanted to **** her, she always gave signs of interest, but I never did anything about it because she said she wanted to "just be friends". So, we would always end up going home at the end of the night, I would feel stupid, text her with some emo-****, and not talk to her for awhile.

Anyway, we resumed contact about a month ago, and the first night we were out (it was with a group of our friends), she just had to go and bring up that us being together didn't feel right to her. She seems to be the one dwelling on this the most. Always brings it up. Thing is, she's constantly coming on to me. I mean, she's a flirt with everone (girls included) when she's drinking, but there's more emotion behind it with me. More intensity. I constantly see her out of the corner of my eye staring at me too.

A couple weeks ago I got really drunk and ****ed one of her friends. When she found out about it, she tried lecturing me. "I'm disappointed in you." "You can do better than her.", blah blah. When I asked her who that better person was, she just looked the other way and said "I dunnooooo.....". Right then.

I also found out indirectly by a friend of her's that she still really likes me. Apparently she talks about me constantly, and makes more out of what we had together than really happened. But she still tells me (recently it was an email, apologizing about what she said to me about her friend) that "it's just never gonna happen for us". I don't know.

Like, I don't know what to do. Her friend has become completely avoidant all of the sudden. She was really into me until the other girl found out, and now she doesn't talk to anyone. She's avoiding me, and her friends. Keeps claiming to be sick. I'll give her to the weekend to get back to me, then I'm done. Then I'm thinking about getting more agressive with the first chick. I'm just a little afraid of crashing with this one, because she's more or less worked her way into being a part of my circle of friends. I'll not be able to avoid her.

 

[Desdinova]

Give the b1tch what she says she wants. Since "It's never going to work out", tell her you're moving on with your life and are going to date and fvck other women. Tell her GOODBYE and stick to it. Never contact her again.

You're better off not wasting your time with this girl's bull5hit anyway.

 

[monster squad]

I've tried this at least a dozen times. She won't let me go no matter how nasty I get.

And like I said, she's a part of my circle of friends now.

 

[Desdinova]

She won't let me go no matter how nasty I get.

What the hell does this mean? If she calls you, hang up or don't answer. If you see her at school/work, pretend you see nothing when you pass by her.

And like I said, she's a part of my circle of friends now.

So what? You're making excuses here. You can still hang with your friends, just don't include her. Take control of what you and your friends do and don't invite her. Hang out with your friends one-on-one. Also let them know that you don't want to see or hear a damn thing about her. If they're your friends, they'll respect that and let you know when and where she'll be showing up.

 

[monster squad]

What I mean by her not letting me go, is that I've tried everything short of physical violence (she was even scared of me for a while) trying to get her out of my life. It's no good. I wouldn't say she's a stalker, she just happens to always pop up again and try to make things better. From telling her flat out to **** off and leave me alone, to avoiding her for months on end. Nothing works. I would have to move out of state to avoid contact with her.

It's not about including her. We tend to all congregate in the same places, especially bars. If I'm out with my friends, she'll likely be out with her friends, and we'll be in the same places, then everyone comes together. My best friend is hooked up with her best friend. And since I'm usually out with him, and she's usually with her, it can't be avoided. What am I supposed to say to the guy, "Her or me."? I'm not a douchebag.

What you're telling me to do is not possible, unless I stop socializing altogether, or come across as a big blubbering vagina to my friends. "Oh, you guys are going to (some bar)? Sorry, I can't go because SHE might be there.". That's not realistic.

 

[Docs]

Originally posted by monster squad
us being together didn't feel right to her. She seems to be the one dwelling on this the most. Always brings it up. Thing is, she's constantly coming on to me. I mean, she's a flirt with everone (girls included) when she's drinking, but there's more emotion behind it with me. More intensity. I constantly see her out of the corner of my eye staring at me too.

A couple weeks ago I got really drunk and ****ed one of her friends. When she found out about it, she tried lecturing me. "I'm disappointed in you." "You can do better than her.", blah blah. When I asked her who that better person was, she just looked the other way and said "I dunnooooo.....". Right then.

I also found out indirectly by a friend of her's that she still really likes me. Apparently she talks about me constantly, and makes more out of what we had together than really happened. But she still tells me (recently it was an email, apologizing about what she said to me about her friend) that "it's just never gonna happen for us". I don't know.

I look at this the other way. Take a look at her actions to you over the past few comments. She is eyeing you down, but telling you that "oh, it'll never work out", and you asked her who's better then the girl you nailed and her response was "I dunnooo...."

Don't listen to these idiots telling you to ignore her and the like, because you obvisously have tried. She's in to you, and won't admit it though words. From those quotes, it appears she was discretely passing her feelings onto you and you didn't take a real note to it. Not only that, but when you get a extended dunnnoooooo, she's bullshiting.

Look at the signs and tell me she does not like you. Now do what you want, by nailing her, or letting her live in fantasy.

Edit: This is priceless

she always gave signs of interest, but I never did anything about it because she said she wanted to "just be friends". So, we would always end up going home at the end of the night, I would feel stupid, text her with some emo-****, and not talk to her for awhile.

 

[Desdinova]

I would have to move out of state to avoid contact with her.

How about a restraining order?

We tend to all congregate in the same places, especially bars. If I'm out with my friends, she'll likely be out with her friends, and we'll be in the same places, then everyone comes together. My best friend is hooked up with her best friend. And since I'm usually out with him, and she's usually with her, it can't be avoided.

You know what's funny about these large groups of friends? Everyone eventually ends up fvcking everyone else's ex, people get pissed off, and the circle of friends disbands. Regardless of what anyone says, friends are rarely friends forever.

What am I supposed to say to the guy, "Her or me."? I'm not a douchebag.

You don't put it that way, you let them know your situation and that you prefer to avoid contact with the ex.

What you're telling me to do is not possible, unless I stop socializing altogether

It is possible, and you can keep all your friends. There's no lawbook that says you need to hang out with them when they're all together. However, if you'd rather get your emotions dragged through the mud by continuing having contact with this chick, then go ahead.

There's also another possibility. Get yourself a new woman and bring her along with the group of friends. The b1tch will get jealous and won't want to attend your social gatherings.

Circles of friends can be incredibly vicious when people within the circle get involved with each other.

or come across as a big blubbering vagina to my friends. "Oh, you guys are going to (some bar)? Sorry, I can't go because SHE might be there.". That's not realistic.

Who cares what they think? Are you more inclined to please other people before taking care of your own needs? You might want to re-arrange your priorities.

 

[MightyMate]

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