Wondering if no contact will apply for me still...

[Powerslave]

My girlfriend broke up with me 11/28. At the time, I said I was willing to compromise on said issues, but she kept insisting I was not happy with myself and we should be friends etc etc. Anyway I didn't say much. The next day I gave her a call and left her the message "I had a lot of fun with you, and I wish you the best in your life."

A week later of no contact she calls me back (I unfortunately did not find these forums until recently), and I pick up. She asks whats going on. I am completely detached from the conversation and we just have a little small talk, no mention of dating, decisions etc. Very off from our conversations when we were dating, and I think I sounded like I was in a good mood.

So throughout this process I am trying to keep a cool and level head (even though I think her reasons for breaking up were ridiculous), but I did break the no contact rule for that conversion.

Now we haven't had any contact since that phone conversation, and I am wondering if it is still possible to attain the 'benefits' of no contact regarding her doubt of breaking up if I keep the no contact (shouldn't be a problem) in the future.

Also, if it ever was possible of getting together, what is the best method of doing it - as in, 'we are only getting together if we work out our issues' or do you just pretend things have changed?

Thanks for any advice.

 

[Iceberg]

No contact isn't some kind of reverse psychology magic trick.

It's intent is to get you moving on with your life, because chances are, you're going to have to anyway.

Sometimes the added side effect is the girl wonders what you've been doing, and starts missing you. But if the girl broke up with you, she obviously has other plans in life.

You can think that this "no contact" thing is for her...but in reality it's for you, pal.

 

[starplayer]

No contact isn't some kind of reverse psychology magic trick.

It's intent is to get you moving on with your life, because chances are, you're going to have to anyway.

Sometimes the added side effect is the girl wonders what you've been doing, and starts missing you. But if the girl broke up with you, she obviously has other plans in life.

You can think that this "no contact" thing is for her...but in reality it's for you, pal.

^^Right on.


How many times does it have to be said: The main reason for going No Contact is NOT TO GET HER BACK, but to allow YOU TO GET OVER HER.

Even if she does come back you should turn her away, because it's only a matter of time before she leaves again. She has lost interest. She is no longer attracted to you. Using No Contact to re-ignite her interest will only be a short term solution.

Anyway, do you really want to be with a girl who dropped you and just wanted to be friends?

So you can keep over-analyzing what she's doing and either:
a) she comes back for a while before leaving again, and you're back to where you are now;
or
b) she moves on quick and starts fvcking other guys leaving you feeling even worse.

For your own good you have to accept it really is over and start to move on.

 

[vatoloco]

My girlfriend broke up with me 11/28. At the time, I said I was willing to compromise on said issues, but she kept insisting I was not happy with myself and we should be friends etc etc. Anyway I didn't say much. The next day I gave her a call and left her the message "I had a lot of fun with you, and I wish you the best in your life."

1. Hey, I know it sucks but I'm telling you this four your own good: She dumped you. None of this "broke up" shit. She dumped your ass.

2. Unfortunately, you were indirectly begging her to stay.

3. Translation: "I am not happy with you."

4. Ouch, the "F" word. The last nail on that coffin.

5. This girl dumped you and you're wishing her happiness? You might as well have told her "Hey, please fuck many guys as possible now that you're not with me!"

Like they've told you already, NC is not for her. It's for you! I know it hurts (hey, I've been there) but eventually you'll get over her.

Time heals everything...

If you're new, read the DJ Bible (link at the bottom of the page) and immediately go into an strict regimen of NC.