Womens Past

[Cartopis84]

How much should a womans past affect you? If you are dating one person. For example the girl im seeing admitted to me that she had a threesome with 2 men when she was high on coke and drunk. She claims it wasnt entirely consensual as she wasnt in her senses but I feel like thats what all women say to write off past mistakes. Thoughts?

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

She probably did. I'd be more interested if it appeared she was BRAGGING about the experience, or if she seemed like she wanted to share it to see if you could accept it. Either way, it's up to YOU to determine if she's getting the spot on your roster.

 

[Prepostereax]

Did she have this experience recently, like, last weekend, or since you've been banging her?

Make sure she's tested
and ffs "wrap your willy, silly"

Otherwise it shouldn't really affect you

she had a threesome with 2 men when she was high on coke and drunk

What exactly is your question?
- keep smashing her?
- Kick her to the curb?
- See if she's open to a 3sum with another girl + yourself? ("..asking for a friend")

This reflects poor decision making and impulsiveness.

Plate status at best
ie don't make her your sole option

 

[plumber]

well, she has lousy common sense to get into that situation. that situation pretty much always ends just like that.

the other thing is she tells you about it....

 

[blonde30]

Go for someone else. After doing something like that. Vanilla sex will be not as exciting for her. I remember one girl i liked back in the day told me that all the guys that made the worst boyfriends were the best in bed and all the guys that made the best boyfriends were the worst in bed. That told me all i needed to know which guys she secretly preferred.

 

[obelisk]

Only you can define where your own boundaries are. Look at a woman's actions, not her words. This is probably not isolated behavior. This is the one incident that she is actually admitting to.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. For example, unless the number is exceptionally high, I really do not care about someone's past partners or relationships. However, the example you provided would somehow bother me.

It is up to you. Do not let other people dictate what you should or should not be okay with.

 

[Divorced w 3]

At the end of the day, you’re the one dating her. To a certain degree, she is a mirror of your own belief system.

 

[Cartopis84]

Did she have this experience recently, like, last weekend, or since you've been banging her?

Make sure she's tested
and ffs "wrap your willy, silly"

Otherwise it shouldn't really affect you

What exactly is your question?
- keep smashing her?
- Kick her to the curb?
- See if she's open to a 3sum with another girl + yourself? ("..asking for a friend")

This reflects poor decision making and impulsiveness.

Plate status at best
ie don't make her your sole option

Over 2 years before we met, and she didnt tell but I found out which made her cry etc and say it was not consensual

 

[Barrister]

When I was younger, I was a big proponent of simply accepting the woman for who she appeared to be and not getting hung up on her "past" per se. If she and I appeared to jive then I wasn't going to worry about it in deciding whether she was LTR material.

I can tell you I have completely changed over the course of the last decade. Through a few bad experiences in LTRs, I can tell you the history of the woman is extremely important if/when you are deciding whether she is an LTR material. Certainly, the obvious ones of her dating experience/how many men she has slept with is relevant and is probably the most focus guys here at SS will mention to you. However, what is even more important IMO is her childhood experiences -- primarily those with her parents and moreso her father. Alcoholism, physical/sexual abuse, co-dependence, completely absent father, etc. all are festering experiences that leave scars -- sometimes wounds that are never going to fully heal in the woman's psyche. Trust me that you will be dealing with them over the course of years and sometimes even months and the psychological problems/personality defects they cause will be hugely problematic.

Obviously, this isn't information you can get on a first date (unless she is really crazy lol), but do your due diligence before you dive head first into an LTR (and certainly before you move her in or think she is wife material!).

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Cartopis,Seems like you put yourself on a pretty high Horse,does being a Morality Policeman give you the right to interrogate this Girl and make her cry?Where is this book of rules that you so prudishly enforce?

 

[The Duke]

If I was just interested in casual dating then this wouldn't be a big deal for me. However, if I wanted something long term then I would definitely be concerned as there are probably other issues there as @Barrister explained well.

It's not so much what she does as it is her thought process or lack off that got her into the situation and that's what causes problems in long term relationships.

This sounds impulsive and emotional and she allowed herself to go too far most likely. Those same lack of personal boundaries and lack of self control issues will cause big problems in a serious relationship with her. My guess is she needs to regulate herself better and it will show up in many facets.

I once dated a girl that 69'd another girl on a boat while getting covered in jello shots at party cove at a lake. About 100 people got to see it. You can bet she had issues with self regulation and that affected our casual relationship several times. She was lots of fun but I had to mop up the mess many times and deal with her drama.

Where there is smoke there is usually fire. But there are a few exceptions.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

How much should a womans past affect you? If you are dating one person. For example the girl im seeing admitted to me that she had a threesome with 2 men when she was high on coke and drunk. She claims it wasnt entirely consensual as she wasnt in her senses but I feel like thats what all women say to write off past mistakes. Thoughts?

Whatever they are willing to tell you, realize it's probably: a) worse than they let on b) her fault or at least happened of her own volition

I don't expect a squeaky clean past for an LTR but after a while you can put the pieces together and decide for yourself is she's a risk or not. If you feel something in your gut, don't ignore it.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Over 2 years before we met, and she didnt tell but I found out which made her cry etc and say it was not consensual

You found out?

 

[viking22]

Most women would have the sense not to tell you at least if they saw you as boyfriend material.

Is she just generally someone without a filter who is very open about everything and overshares? Because some people are just like that.

If she still does drugs and habitually drinks too much that is a red flag. If she's cleaned up her act and her party girl days are over then I'd be more inclined to let it slide but pay attention for other potential red flags.

Also pretty much every woman has a past. Sadly a significant percentage of women have experienced sexual assault/abuse in some shape or form and have residual trauma as a result of that. If a woman is very sexual/promiscuous then that is often a coping mechanism.

Sometimes it is more benign and they just have a wild phase and grow out of it.

But very difficult to tell as appearances can be deceiving and women are generally good actors so all you can do is be observant and not overreact to potential red flags and just collect data.

 

[Solomon]

Most women would have the sense not to tell you at least if they saw you as boyfriend material.

Is she just generally someone without a filter who is very open about everything and overshares? Because some people are just like that.

If she still does drugs and habitually drinks too much that is a red flag. If she's cleaned up her act and her party girl days are over then I'd be more inclined to let it slide but pay attention for other potential red flags.

Also pretty much every woman has a past. Sadly a significant percentage of women have experienced sexual assault/abuse in some shape or form and have residual trauma as a result of that. If a woman is very sexual/promiscuous then that is often a coping mechanism.

Sometimes it is more benign and they just have a wild phase and grow out of it.

But very difficult to tell as appearances can be deceiving and women are generally good actors so all you can do is be observant and not overreact to potential red flags and just collect data.

I'm not trying to sound judgmental, but any woman who does coke is a red flag. Heck, even a daily weed smoker may be a red flag as well. There is a reason the stereotype of women screwing the drug dealer for free drugs exists. It's a real thing. I've also noticed women who smoke weed tend to put out faster

But if it's an addiction run

 

[Doctor Europeo]

You cant make a housewife out of a 304. Plate status only, no exclusivity. Most plates eventually drop, so be it.

 

[Bokanovsky]

How much should a womans past affect you? If you are dating one person. For example the girl im seeing admitted to me that she had a threesome with 2 men when she was high on coke and drunk. She claims it wasnt entirely consensual as she wasnt in her senses but I feel like thats what all women say to write off past mistakes. Thoughts?

Past behaviour is best predictor of future behaviour. So there's that.

Also, the fact that she claims that it wasn't "entirely consensual" is arguably even worse than her getting high on coke and having a threesome. How can something be "not entirely consensual"? Either it was consensual or she was raped. There is no middle ground. She sounds like the kind of person who makes dumb decisions and then blames others for them. I would stay far away from this woman. She's a walking red flag.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Over 2 years before we met, and she didnt tell but I found out which made her cry etc and say it was not consensual

How did you find out?

 

[Divorced w 3]

How did you find out?

This is the million dollar question.