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women without a father figure...

PokerStar

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so i recently met this girl the other day, managed to hook up for a couple of hours over drinks and some appetizers.(she paid half so dont worry guys)

anyway, the subject of family came up and I gave her a little of my background and I asked her if she was close with her father. She said that she didnt even get a chance to meet her father tell she was in her early teens.

So, I thought to myself, wait a sec, some posters on susuave have said that to stay away from chicks who do not have a proper father figure. Now I just dont want to walk away from this just because she had no daddy growing up.

My two part question is, how would you deal with a chick growing up with no father figure and will it effect the relationship down the road?
 

Werman

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I would tread very cautiously, my friend. I wouldn't say it immediately disqualifies her, but it is a definite red flag.

In my experience, women who have not had a positive father figure tend to be total attention wh0res around men. They are craving masculine attention and will stop at nothing to get it. They also have some anger issues towards men and will likely take them out on you. You will find yourself fighting the battles that the girl's father should have fought with her throughout her childhood and adolescence.

However, I have met women who did not know their father, but did have a strong masculine figure in their lives. One had a good grandfather that spent a lot of time with her, for another it was a minister. Neither of these women had significant issues in their dealings with men, and now live very stable lives and are happily married.

Just keep your eyes and ears open for any indication that she may resemble the former, rather than the latter.
 

Warrior74

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I look at everything in terms of qualifications for positions. You can qualify for the following positions:

1. Wife
2. Girlfriend
3. FB
4. Friend
5. Nothing

The more red flags the more you sink to the bottom. I dated a great 24 year old with a hot body, but her problem was that she hated her father. She talked about men in the most degrading way and would get upset when I would take charge or "try to tell her what to do". She was attracted to players but had gotten played hard several times. It was nothing I could do there so I downgraded her to number 5. It wasn't worth the grief to keep her on as a friend or FB. It's your company, you decide what employees go where.
 

Luthor Rex

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My experience with women w/o dads is that they will have a hard time forming an intimate relationship with men and will have a hard time trusting men. They also to have a strong tendency for being children trapped in adult bodies.
 

jophil28

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Luthor Rex said:
My experience with women w/o dads is that they will have a hard time forming an intimate relationship with men and will have a hard time trusting men. They also to have a strong tendency for being children trapped in adult bodies.
Yep, women who have had a weak, drunk, abusive, absent, divorced or NO father are not suitable candidates for a wife or G/f.
However the bad news just gets worse because their mother is also frequently just as pathological in complimentary ways.
So that hottie who tells you that she had no daddy also had no mommy worth a damn..

AS Luthor said, they are often adult children ( but they LOOK so good ).
 

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Bible_Belt

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Werman said:
You will find yourself fighting the battles that the girl's father should have fought with her throughout her childhood and adolescence.

That is a poignant observation. It makes me wonder if it is true for every relationship.

To the OP, I would look for ways that not having a dad would have affected her. She might hate men, or have low self-esteem. It's not that an absent father is bad in and of itself, so much as it is often the case that a father's absence usually causes a girl to develop these negative traits.
 

Sandow

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I never completely understood this. Why does not having a father turn a girl all slutty? Are they sluts, AW, manhaters? I just have never seen the connection between an absent father and a girl who's supposedly undateable. Also, for some reason, it seems that all porn stars never had a father figure growing up. So weird. Someone please explain!
 

jophil28

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Sandow said:
I never completely understood this. Why does not having a father turn a girl all slutty? Are they sluts, AW, manhaters? I just have never seen the connection between an absent father and a girl who's supposedly undateable. Also, for some reason, it seems that all porn stars never had a father figure growing up. So weird. Someone please explain!
You won't find a credible explanation of this phenomenon in pop psych for two reasons.

1.Your 'run of the mill' counselor does not understand it..
2. Most of the popular paperback 'self help' slop is written for consumption by women who just want to blame men. Women do NOT ever want to consider that they could be 'the problem' in their adult relationships, so the "daddy issue" is avoided because it is too confronting for women.
 

Trader

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Sandow said:
I never completely understood this. Why does not having a father turn a girl all slutty? Are they sluts, AW, manhaters? I just have never seen the connection between an absent father and a girl who's supposedly undateable. Also, for some reason, it seems that all porn stars never had a father figure growing up. So weird. Someone please explain!
The reason is simple

What role does the father play in raising the child?

Think back to your childhood - your father set the *boundaries* - you could do this, you could not do that - you had to be home at this hour - you get punished if you violate the rules.

Now - we all know that a girl's natural tendency is to set up no boundaries whatsoever. That's why she mindlessly follows pop culture, fashion trends, and is amoral. Immorality is recognizing the moral thing to do, but doing the immoral thing. Amorality is not even recognizing that there are moral boundaries, and thus anything goes.

Now imagine what happens when a girl grows up without a father who sets boundaries, well her natural tendencies of: 'anything goes' is magnified even more

The truth is, girls are looking for boundaries - and the AFC fails miserably in this regard. He says: 'Oh whatever you say, I do.'

That's why the AFC always loses to the Alpha Male and RIGHTFULLY SO.
 

Warrior74

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Trader said:
The reason is simple

What role does the father play in raising the child?

Think back to your childhood - your father set the *boundaries* - you could do this, you could not do that - you had to be home at this hour - you get punished if you violate the rules.

Now - we all know that a girl's natural tendency is to set up no boundaries whatsoever. That's why she mindlessly follows pop culture, fashion trends, and is amoral. Immorality is recognizing the moral thing to do, but doing the immoral thing. Amorality is not even recognizing that there are moral boundaries, and thus anything goes.

Now imagine what happens when a girl grows up without a father who sets boundaries, well her natural tendencies of: 'anything goes' is magnified even more

The truth is, girls are looking for boundaries - and the AFC fails miserably in this regard. He says: 'Oh whatever you say, I do.'

That's why the AFC always loses to the Alpha Male and RIGHTFULLY SO.
Damn good post.:up:
 

Sandow

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Trader said:
The reason is simple

What role does the father play in raising the child?

Think back to your childhood - your father set the *boundaries* - you could do this, you could not do that - you had to be home at this hour - you get punished if you violate the rules.

Now - we all know that a girl's natural tendency is to set up no boundaries whatsoever. That's why she mindlessly follows pop culture, fashion trends, and is amoral. Immorality is recognizing the moral thing to do, but doing the immoral thing. Amorality is not even recognizing that there are moral boundaries, and thus anything goes.

Now imagine what happens when a girl grows up without a father who sets boundaries, well her natural tendencies of: 'anything goes' is magnified even more

The truth is, girls are looking for boundaries - and the AFC fails miserably in this regard. He says: 'Oh whatever you say, I do.'

That's why the AFC always loses to the Alpha Male and RIGHTFULLY SO.
Ahh, now it makes sense.
 

venus__

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womans perspective

i dont have a good father figure and i am a woman. in my defense, i would say that yes, i can admit this, yes i can admit that it has definitely brought on problems with men... including feeling like a victim, feeling powerless, being angry towards them, in general fearful of them, and has resulted in me being in situations that have allowed them to abuse me..... im 24 years old now.... and i realize that i dont have to put up with any of that.

that does not mean i believe all men deserve to be lumped into the abusive loser category, ive also fought my battle with feminism and have realized that all the worlds problems are NOT just bc the world is ran by men and therefore attributed to THEIR faults exclusively.... although in a lot of ways i do believe this is true.... but when i look on the streets and see the men that are out there, no more powerful or powerless than i am when it comes to society's destiny, it is not true.

i think that women who have never had that feeling of a father, are just like other women... except that their need for a man is deeper and stronger. and you might think that translates into trouble, but fulfilling a girls need that is so strong could be rewarding. women without father figures do desire a man that is strong enough to handle them, but that can ULTIMATELY RECOGNIZE, that what she needs is protection, patience, and love that she really has never had.... is that so wrong??? ... note that these are also things that women who DO have fathers want...

you need to recognize in each woman you deal with... is there a willingness for her to change and grow as a person in all aspects of her life?? if she generally doesnt take responsibility for her actions, or in general seems afraid to move forward in her life, then you are likely dealing with someone who hasnt confronted the issues that she is really faced with, and THAT is the problem, not the fact she had no father.
 

PeakIV

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venus__ said:
1
their need for a man is deeper and stronger. and you might think that translates into trouble, but fulfilling a girls need that is so strong could be rewarding. women without father figures do desire a man that is strong enough to handle them, but that can ULTIMATELY RECOGNIZE, that what she needs is protection, patience, and love that she really has never had.... is that so wrong??? ...
2
is there a willingness for her to change and grow as a person in all aspects of her life??
1 - I gave her all that and understood what I was dealing with.

2. No willingness to change, just abuse , had to walk for my own sanity.
 

Howiestern

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Poker star- I was with a girl for 15years that had a poor relationship with her father who drank too much. We finally ended up divorced after she cheated on me.

She constantly craved male attention. She wore wild outfits to school to draw attention to herself. Most of her friends were males. When our relationship detiorated enough she was sending naked pics of her self to other guys. I heard from her current boyfriend she still does this. She would always really enjoy being around my flirtatious male friends because of the attention she got. She had awesome legs and always wore the shortest shorts to show them off and loved the attention she would get. She is one of those girls that always has a few guys around for various purposes(emotional & physical). I don't think she has been without a guy since she was 13yo. She is mid 30's now.

She also struggled to have deep connections especially intimate ones. She constantly had a wall around herself and she only let you in at certain times. Very few were allowed in.

She definitely needs a guy that is very "secure" with himself. Men that aren't very secure don't do well with her. The ones that had a parent that was often missing lack a lot of relationship skills. They simply never learned them and never will. Its almost a case of arrested development.

I would have to say that the majority of those years with her were good, but I wouldn't ever want her type again.

If you are looking for wife material, I'd probably pass. Find a girl that comes from a family background similar to your own. The more they are like the "Brady Bunch", the better you will be. Those are the types that bring the most skills to the table.
 

Howiestern

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Poker- And here's something else to consider.....that girl most likely has a very distorted view of how men should be treated. Most likely her mother taught her everything she knows in regards to men. If this is the case then she only knows half of what she needs to know. The other half she should have learned from her father just like these guys are saying but he was gone so she never did.

I've got a niece with no daddy. My dad(grandpa) is the closest thing she has for a dad. She's 10 and I already see issues with boundaries like these guys mentioned. I hate to see whats ahead. I tell my sister all the time she needs to crack down on her daughter before its too late. She needs tough love like a man can only provide.
 

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Howiestern

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venus__ said:
women without father figures do desire a man that is strong enough to handle them,
Handle what??? all of their "issues" that can be traced back to the lack of a father figure?

Whats in it for the guy if he chooses to be strong and take on the drama?
 

glass half full

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my two wives both lacked mother figures in their lives, and they had the same qualities you are all talking of. Guess it's the same either way.
 

( . )( . )

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A strong father figure is THE most important part of the screening process for any man considering long term bonding with a woman. I've made countless posts on this and can't stress it enough.

Admittedly these women are rare as rocking horse sh!t with our over abundance of single mothers and beta fathers poisoning the well but stay the course and keep searching. Trust me the difference in women is truly like night and day. When you see a common pattern of what these traditional old school fathers can produce in their daughters it blows your hair back at the contrast, real feminine grace and responsibility for her actions CANNOT be taught by anyone else but a strong father.

Trader was also spot on.
 

Mariey

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I was trying to google about women without a father figure and found your thread. I am a woman and I do not have a father figure. My father died when I was very young and my mother she's still in her mid-30s when he died but she chose to stay single for life, as she always tells me and my bro. that my father is the first and last man she loved. Being with my grandfather every summer somehow helped my well-being.

Contrary to what you have described about WWFF who are slutty, physically I do not crave for men's attention and I do not wear short shorts. I like attention only from a significant other. But yes, it's true that self-esteem is difficult to gain, and takes time. The thing is I get easily turned off when i feel like a bf is ignoring me, i don't demand nor confront him but I repay like ignore him double what i felt he was doing to me (i think that's the emptiness, child-like part that is disturbing me).

Originally Posted by venus__
women without father figures do desire a man that is strong enough to handle them,
Yes it's true, it takes an emotionally strong man who can understand and support her gf who has no father figure. I can remember my ex bf who has given us so many chances because he wanted us to work, but I wasn't helping myself then.

Yes, I agree that your gf must also try to learn to outgrow the negative traits to be able to appreciate her man, to respect and support him. If she won't help herself, who will.
 

mustangguy

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A woman's femininity is often derived from her father or father figure. It's the father who tells her "she is so pretty...how is daddy's little girl, etc"...
This is what I have found in women who haven't had a male influence in their developing years
 
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