women with "good friends"

[Big Pappy]

What is with these women who remain "good friends" with people they were romantically or intimately involved with, after the relationship has ended?

-- dietzcoi


I would love to read the varying opinions on this.

 

[JohnJones]

Two thoughts:

1) Girls dislike having anyone dislike them (they don't like to be blamed or feel guilty) so if they are the one who ended the relationship, they feel less guilty if the guy is still a friend

2) Its always nice for a girl to have the dude around to make her still feel good ("we didn't work out but I am happy to have you stay here and like me so I can feel radiant").

The situation changes mightily when they get dumped.

 

[Reto]

I agree with JJ.

I started talking to my X. It made me feel better. And I realize we shouldn't be together. Before, my emotions clouded my judgement. I now see her as she really is.

I'm not gonna hang with her like we sue to. Maybe lunch or social proof. If I get nothing out of the friendship, what's the use.

I've never been friends with an X. Actually, I avoid them like they were the plague...

It is an interesting concept...

 

[OpenMind]

since women do most of the "dumping", it is easier for them to want to remain friends with someone they dumped as opposed to someone who dumped them.. i tried to remain friends with my EX's that i dumped, as it was easy for me to do, but the ones that dumped me were much harder for me to see as just friends, there was always that rejection factor that reared its ugly head in my mind when i talked to them...

 

[Paid Laid & Made]

Oh yeah been there. IF she dumped you .. your always thinking okay, I am good enough to be the emotional tampon but not the BF? Why do I have to listen to her problems and not the NEW BF? Why should I make that b1tch feel good about herself if all she has done is cause me pain and misery??? TELL ME BIATCH!

Sorry, lost touch with reality there for a second. But yeah you get my point.

 

[ShortyBrown]

I honestly think this one comes down to circumstances. If s h i t happens that's just outta both of your hands, then why not at least try to be cordial to each other?

I am still mates with my ex man. I did move halfway round the world to be with him after all, lol. After we initially broke up we didn't speak for about two months, and then he rings me up one day to ask me if I wanted my wrist watch sent back to me. We talk maybe once every two or three weeks, and unless he gets married or dies in the next 18 months I'll have a place to stay when I go back to Canada.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I am friends with a few of my GF's ex's, a few of us ride together in the same cycling club. We never talk about history nor do I really care about it. They are all 'Nice Guys' and I know for a fact that my girl could chew them up easily but I guess they may just be her own social proof in some mysterious way.

 

[iqqi]

if someone was a major part of my life, then they'll always be a part of my life.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

I think women. in general. don't like to be alone or always want to have someone to call if she has a problem or just plain lonely.

Go in to a corner bar, pub and tell me how many men u see vs. women - i am not talking about a 'social dance club'. Many men tend to enjoy the company of other men (pool, cards, sports, working out etc..) over hanging out with their wife or girlfriend (if there is no sex involved) who they see constantly --- many women complain about this "you are not giving me enough attention"

Why would dudes need to hang out or talk to women that they are not having sexual relations with on a daily weekly monthly basis - do any of u guys do this? ?

This trait of being more talkative or social or having to have more contact with peoplle is definitely feminie -- the jobs that they are employed in is proof of this. Mem are more loners - whether by choice or circumstances - although many times company is preferred - most men don't desperately need a woman's company or to be as social as women.. men don't seek validation from others as women tend to do.

The more friends a woman has the more presents she gets on occasions

If she is an older women who has a house then they have their male ex-botfriends/lovers/pimps be their chump handyman - this is true!

I think men that have woman friends and call them more than once a year is kinda weird - this is a new end-of-the-20th century phenomenon - where the traits of male/female have been blurred by the feminization of the male in America.

 

[becker]

This girl that I am pursuing (sort of, see my most recent thread) had an absolutely PSYCHO ex-BF, and I feel bad for her because she can't get the guy to leave her alone. He would go to her house, and if she dated, he'd show up. She says that the only time she can invite anyone over to her house is when he's at work, otherwise he starts a fight or whatever. What a joke. This girl is actually very sweet inside, but all this stuff can be quite taxing on her life. She has drama shooting out her ears. It's really what makes me want to get her but not really want to get her at the same time.

 

[Eileen]

Have you watched when Harry Met Sally? The scene where she says "So what you're saying is men and women can be friends so long as he finds her unattractive." And he says, "No, we pretty much want to nail them too."

I think this might be very true for men. Can't say for sure as I'm not a man. However, for most women this is not the case. We can be friends with even the most attractive of men and still not want to nail them.

It's a tough concept for most blokes but for the most part, women want much, much more out of a relationship than a full-time shag partner. Ideally, we want a bloke who can fill all shoes. Be our best friend, our activity partner, our confidant, and our lover. We want a guy we can have an intelligent conversation with, someone to be silly with and a guy who can shag us rotten when we feel like getting nasty. And most importantly, a guy who knows how to tell which shoes he ought to be wearing. A pretty package is just a bonus. It helps if he can cook too. And if he’s good about taking out the rubbish.

Women have male friends around because they are much more simple than women friends. Men are simple and I mean that in the nicest of ways. Quite honestly, I don’t know why you men want to date women. Confusing creature we are. Even to ourselves.

I had a point but somehow I’ve forgotten it.

 

[becker]

I agree that it seems that women can be quite catty toward each other, especially when there's some envy involved. For example, if a girl sees another girl who is very good looking, great figure, etc, she harbors some resentment, but take that same girl and put her in a slightly hefty body, and not very good looking, and they'll be able to be best friends with them.

Most of the really good looking girls that I know have more guy friends than girl friends. They're sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, they have a bunch of guys wanting to be with them who she's trying to keep as "friends", while on the other hand, she has a bunch of girls who don't want to be friends with her even though she's a great person inside.

 

[Eileen]

Very accurate Becker.

 

[Big Pappy]

Ideally, we want a bloke who can fill all shoes. Be our best friend, our activity partner, our confidant, and our lover. We want a guy we can have an intelligent conversation with, someone to be silly with and a guy who can shag us rotten when we feel like getting nasty. And most importantly, a guy who knows how to tell which shoes he ought to be wearing. A pretty package is just a bonus. It helps if he can cook too. And if he’s good about taking out the rubbish.

-- Eileen


I think this quenches my curiosity about this.

-> Best friend(best would imply only one)
-> activity partner
-> confidant
-> intelligent conversation (who gets to be the judge of determining intelligence?)
-> silliness(Who defines what's silly and what's just stupid? )
-> dress appropriately(Shoes? Man, if I judged women by the shoes they wore, I'd never date any lady who wore heels, because it's pretty stupid to wear a show that is uncomfortable and makes the wearer look like they are trying to be something they are not -- taller. )


bonus
-> good looks
-> Can cook
-> cleans up after himself


This is the part that has always bothered me about some women.

A man can fill every single one of those roles, and she may still not find him masculine enough, or sexy enough to consider a romantic, sexual, monogamous relationship with him.

So, I'm forced to continually improve my shortcomings to make myself more attractive, so I don't have to clean my bathroom when I get married.

 

[THA REALNESS]

Girls act b1tchy cuz they don't eat .

The Phat ones eat to much too let their brain function.





B1tches don't eat ya'll.

 

[Eileen]

That's the crux of it Big Daddy ... you shouldn't have to change yourself for a woman. If you do need to change yourself, she's not the right woman. There is also that intangible thing called chemistry. If it’s not there, no amount of being anything will help. It’s just a fact of life.

And by shoes, I meant the shoes he needs to fill (friend, lover, confidant et all) not the shoes on his feet. If the shoes on your feet are too well chosen I'll probably think you're gay. (Where's a winky smiley, I can't find a winky smiley to indicate that I was joking about the gay thing.)

 

[Big Pappy]

That's Big Pappy, Eileen. Big Pappy.

One more time, with feeling.


(use a semicolon with a close paren)

 

[Eileen]

And I was sooo trying to be cute!

Missed that time ... BIG PAPPY!

 

[WaterTiger]

I try not to stay in touch with guys I was romantic with. The romance didn't work and there wasn't much else. I'm polite if I see them on the street and all. but I don't call them up to fix a door hinge.

I do have "guy pals" that I go out with, just to go out. No romance involved. (They aren't my type, I'm not theirs, but we get along well. We also go Dutch on our outings.)

 

[squirrels]

They are the AFCs that she LJBFed.

The question *I* have is, what is it that makes women think that any guy they were previously banging can be converted into a "just friend?" 95% of the time, that's just not the case.

I guess it's the same instinct that makes every chump think that any girl they were previously just friends with can be converted into a sex partner.