Women&Friendship

[Buddha_Mind]

Here's an idea I had after seeing a recent popping up of many threads discussing male & female "friends" and the levels of appropriateness/tolerance in a relationship:

fvck it, I'll make tons of "friends" with women...is it be bad to become an male version of an AW? Could this repel away decent women, if I have a plethora of female friends? Rather than fight it, why not embrace it, not in a naive or foolish way, but in a way that works for myself...if nothing more I'll have another friendly face, and maybe she'll put in a good word for her friend.

But when I say "friends" I mean more at the superficial level. I'm not talking being their little gay-txt-buddy or "best buds" and "hanging out"...I mean being chill with as many females as possible and using that to my advantage knowing my personal boundaries...

But this is easy to say as a single man. I could see in the contxt of relationship how having "in-depth" friends of the opposite gender could really make a partner uncomfortable. Especially, because I would say 99% of guys who have "in-depth" female friends (I'm talking friendships on a much deeper level beyond the superficial) are probably madly in love with said friend.

I'm just reevaluating this whole concept here -- again -- I am experimenting with the ideas of maintaining a large plethora of female friends at the superficial level -- this could lead me to be better embraced by many women and to meet their friends...I am not condoing being gay-txt buds with a girl, or thinking it's cool for your GF to spend the night at her "best male friend's" house.

This is something I've been struggling with recently. Because, I don't want to be a pr!ck and only view women as fvckable and non-fvckable and deem that in the ways that I interact with them. I do value people, in general, irregardless of shape/color, etc.

But I have had several "in-depth" female friendships in the past where it wasn't always kosher or platonic -- where sh!t got weird sometimes -- or emotions would develop on either side and often not in unison. I just don't know how to approach this subject, because inherently there is a sense of guilt in removing all potentials for female friendships -- but at the same time there is absolutely a lack of desire for female friends whom I'd like "more" with, or whom would like "more" with me but the attraction is not mutual. It just seems like the only way for a genuine female:male friendship to work is when there is 100% complete lack of any sexual dynamic/attraction...and in most cases (especially considering the standards of many men), that is rare.

I definitely don't think being buddy-buddy with ex's is a good thing (I have never found this to be anything but a red flag with women) -- but perhaps too I am overly cynical or childish to be unable to disconnect all emotion and be friends with women I've had intense emotion for.

I suppose the benefits to female friendships are either meeting other women through that route, or gathering some of the feminine energy without the burden of commitment or relationship or maybe even the burden of sexual dynamic which can make things at times complex.

"In-depth" female friends, it seems like, for most guys, would be preferred also as their sexual partner. Am I wrong in this?

Wouldn't most men want the woman they relate the most to, enjoy hanging out with the most, to be also their sexual-partner, their girlfriend and maybe even their wife? Why would a man want to have "indepth" female friendships that never yielded to anything greater? Wouldn't most eventually move on?

 

[The_411]

It's good to have female friends but as long as you do not act like their gay husband.

It's one of the best ways to meet other women while eliminating a lot of disqualify events if you were to just cold approach the same woman without knowing her friend.

The key is to spend time with the woman friend not too much time and to make sure she's hooking you up with opportunities with other women.

If you act like a gay husband you'll earn a reputation as a nice guy and well you're sunk with all of her friends.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

I have had a female friend for about 8 years now. I still hangout with her regularly and we have very deep conversations. She's pretty sexy, but I'm not attracted to her at all based on a few personal reasons. I would definitely say we love each other, but in a way that friends love each other.

I would not want to make love with her.. An FWB situation would be fine, but I truly feel that she wouldn't be able to handle it and it would wind up tearing our friendship apart. I feel that she is sexually attracted to me, but then again all of my female friends are sexually attracted to me. I just choose not to escalate with most of them because I don't want to make things complicated. (Been there, done that, got a tee shirt, didn't fit) lol

 

[Die Hard]

Buddha, my man... When are you gonna learn?


Why the fvck would a person go through such an in depth analysis of 'the possibility of friendship with women' and open a thread about it? Why the fvck would this topic occupy a guy's thoughts?

Obviously, it means it's important to him to figure this topic out..but why? Why is this topic and figuring it out important to him? Why would a guy even NEED female friendships?

Is it because he has no guy friends available? Then he should work on THAT problem and find guy friends, instead of looking for female friendship as a substitute.

Is it because he isn't succesful at romantical relationships with women? Then he should work his ass off until he does become succesful at it, instead of looking for female friendship as a substitute.

I suppose the benefits to female friendships are either meeting other women through that route, or gathering some of the feminine energy without the burden of commitment or relationship or maybe even the burden of sexual dynamic which can make things at times complex.

Apparently, these are the reasons for being occupied with the topic, Buddha. The first reason is fvcking weak: meeting other women through your female friendships. In principle, this is a good thing. The more ways to meet women, the better. However, in your case, it's a sign of weakness because you don't just regard it as an extra option to meet women. You are putting WAY too much thought into it (your OP reeks of overanalyzing and overanalyzing is always a sign of feeling powerless).

Go and work on your game! Meet women through work, through going out, through expanding your social circle (social circle as a whole, not just the female friends part of your social circle), through picking up new hobbies (like salsa dancing, which I highly recommend!) or even just by doing cold approaches in the bus/train/mall/middle of the street etcetera!! That's the sh!t that should be occupying your mind, but instead, you start a thread and go into overanalyzation mode about the possibility of being friends with women?

What is it, man? There is only one path to succes and it means consistently working your ass off and keep improving yourself, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and exapanding the boundaries of your whole set of capabilities as a person. Are you trying to opt out of this path? That's what it seems like to me...

Let's take a look at the second "benefit" you named:

gathering some of the feminine energy without the burden of commitment or relationship or maybe even the burden of sexual dynamic which can make things at times complex.

This kinda confirms that you WOULD like to choose the easy way out in favor of the path I just mentioned. Apparently, you don't want to deal with the burdens of commitment, relationship, sexual dynamic etc. But you still want to experience what you called "feminine energy", so the option of friendship with women appears to you as a solution. Just be friends with them...that way, there is no risk, no possibility for you to "fail", things won't get complex, it will all be "safe".

Fvck that, Buddha! I've told you before in some other thread a while ago, you are way too soft and weak, you need to man the fvck up! I'm not trying to offend you here, I'm trying to encourage you, for your own benefit...

Just look at something you said above:

I don't want to be a pr!ck and only view women as fvckable and non-fvckable and deem that in the ways that I interact with them. I do value people, in general, irregardless of shape/color, etc.

Way too concerned with how others' opinion of you. Way too eager to meet the requirements that others set for you. Who are those others? Society as a whole, women as a group, individual women... Ultimately, it's your fvcking parents. Yes, I keep going back to it coz it is the most determining factor in 99% of all our problems on this board (which everyone likes to avoid thinking about, like Squirrels): the relationship with your parents when you were a kid.

Where do you think your conscience came from? You think it's in your genes or something? No man, it was formed through the interactions between you and your parents during your childhood... It's become a part of your subconscious, something like an automated directive that runs its program once it gets activated, outside of your conscious control.

You gotta reprogram that sh!t, coz yours is faulty. Many parents (although they often aren't aware of what they're doing) manipulate and force their children's conscience so that the kid becomes what many of us consider a 'respectable person'.

Think about it. You say you "value people, in general, irregardless of shape/color, etc." You take pride in that, don't you? Why is that? Because you are meeting someone's (your parents, society etc.) standards? Fvck them and their standards... What does it really bring you, being such a noble and respectable man? Nothing, I tell ya... Apart from feeling good about yourself, that is. But that's just some automated response carved into your system by your parents/society etc. through the process of operant conditioning (See classical conditioning, Pavlov with his dogs etc.). You've been conditioned like a circus animal...when you jump through your parents'/society's hoops, they reward you. When this process get repeated long enough, you internalize the reward: You just feel good about yourself when you jump through the hoop, even if no one gives you a reward for it any longer.

That's you...feeling good about yourself and taking pride in being a respectable person. It's also where the opposite stems from: feeling bad about yourself when you don't jump through the hoops other people set for you. That's why you say:

I don't want to be a pr!ck and only view women as fvckable and non-fvckable and deem that in the ways that I interact with them.

Why? What will happen if you ARE a prick, DO view women as fvckable and non-fvckable and deem that in the ways that you interact with them? Nothing, I tell ya, absolutely nothing (except that you will become more succesful with women). Yes, you will feel bad about yourself, coz that's what's been carved into your conscience by others. But anything carved into it, can be undone. If you put enough effort into it, that is...

So who are you and who do you want to be? When people provoke you, are you the type who shies away from conflict and tries to avoid it? Or are you the type who gives the other person what he wants and shows him he picked the wrong person to mess with? What would Clint Eastwood or any other real man do?

I think you're the type who shies away from conflict, shies away from the difficult path in favor of the easy way out etc. If I would ask you straight up if you WANT to be that guy, you'd probably say no. But you are, coz that's what you've been molded into your whole life. It's never been your choice, it's just who you are.

Well, now you got the choice to change it around! Either do it or don't but please, don't be this halfass weakling, pretending to be on his way towards becoming a DJ but all the while shying away from that path. You either cross over to the other side of the road or you stay on this side, not something in between. Stepping onto the road and then walking circles in the middle of it (instead of walking to the other side), will surely get your ass hit by a bus...

Wil continue below, my wall of text is too long for one post.

 

[Die Hard]

You know how it all works: the game, women, all that sh!t. You've been around this board for long enough now and your cognitive abilities are far beyond what's needed to understand how it all works. The one thing that you miss, is the right attitude. Your attitude stinks! You're weak and soft, way too occupied by things like 'doing the right thing', 'avoiding risk', 'fear of failure' etc.

Man up, or give up! Your knowledge is more than sufficient, but your attitude is just plain out worthless! You act like a cautious man, afraid, unsure, hesitant... As you encounter situations where you are unsure of how to handle, afraid to mess things up, afraid of risk, you tend to flee back to safety, back to the world of thoughts, coz that's where you feel comfortable at, that's your home turf. After all, you're quite intelligent and in that sphere, where one debates and theorizes, you thrive well and feel secure there.

ATTITUDE is what you need. Act forceful, act resolute, act without fear. If you know what you want, then go for it and be determined. Fvck the possibility of failure, fvck the possibility that the course of action (watever the situation) you're taking so determined and resolute, might turn out to be the wrong course of action. You go for something 200% or not. Thinking about the possibility that you might fail or your course of action might be wrong, will paralyze your actions and make it a failure ANYWAY. And get the fvck out of that head of yours! With all it's thoughts and theories and fvcking bullsh!t. Just MAN THE FVCK UP, will you?


Disclaimer: I'm really trying to be constructive with you but I think you just need to get kicked in the balls by a MASSIVE STEEL BOOT in order to 'get it'! There's a recurring issue being mentioned on the board, now and then. It's about how it's realistically impossible for all guys to become alpha males, super DJ's etc. There will always be those who make it to the top and those who won't. The world will never end up with all men being hugely succesful players, most of them won't get there, only a few will. It's just a law of nature: theres a big group of average people and only a small group of exceptional people. Your lack of attitude is sure to keep you in the former category, which makes me sad. It's just fvcking sad to see you write posts and advices on a daily basis, displaying time and again that you know exactly how the game works, but at the same time displaying (through threads like the current one) that you definitely don't have what it takes to be succesful.