jhonny9546
Master Don Juan
In The Polygamous Sex, Esther Vilar suggests that women are inherently monogamous because their care and sexual needs are fulfilled in separate ways: care through their children, and sexual satisfaction through men.
Men, however, depend on both their wives and their children to meet their care and sexual needs.
As a result, they begin to see their wives as "protected figures", similar to their children, which, according to Vilar, inhibits their ability to view their wives as sexual partners.
Therefore, men need to seek sexual satisfaction outside the marital relationship.
But Vilar claims this is only an option for wealthy men, those who can financially support multiple women.
I’m not entirely convinced that money is the only determining factor. For example, a man who is especially physically gifted down there, might attract women purely based on that, without needing to provide financial support.
In such cases, his sexual appeal becomes a currency. (better than money IMHO)
This leads to a deeper issue in many relationships: once a couple transitions into parenthood, the emotional dynamic changes. The wife receives care and support from her husband, but the sexual energy often diminishes. This happens on both sides. Despite trying to maintain intimacy through mutual respect and care, many couples find that their sexual connection fades, something they may not fully understand, but can certainly feel, and never get back to that prior spark.
It’s not uncommon for women, after having children, to begin seeking sexual fulfillment elsewhere, just as some men do. This doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is broken; it could mean the couple hasn't fully acknowledged this dynamic shift.
From my perspective, a truly healthy relationship is one where both partners can openly recognize these needs and create space for them, without shame, secrecy, or dishonesty. This doesn't mean being a "cuckold" or disrespecting the primary bond, but rather creating agreements that allow for occasional experiences outside the relationship.
For example, in my own relationship, I would offer my partner the option of having one lover of her choice, with clearly defined boundaries, such as a limited frequency, like once or twice a year.
This is a very good point from Vilar, can actually explain why women cheat, expecially after marriage and kids, and why men become so frustrated.
It could also highlight more clearly the dynamic often seen in relationships between a borderline woman and a narcissistic-sociopathic man. In these relationships, the partner is rarely perceived as either truly "caring" or truly "sexual." As a result, the emotional rollercoaster causes the relationship to swing between these two roles. At times, it may settle into one, such as a more nurturing role during the birth of children, only to shift back into the sexual sphere later on.
We often hear women in these relationships complain about their "husbands" because they struggle to identify or gain control over them. This is largely due to the man’s sociopathic or even avoidant tendencies, which cause him to intermittently fulfill the woman's needs for both emotional care and sexual connection, never fully satisfying either.
ps:
The book is still full of contradictions, for example one could also read things like
Men, however, depend on both their wives and their children to meet their care and sexual needs.
As a result, they begin to see their wives as "protected figures", similar to their children, which, according to Vilar, inhibits their ability to view their wives as sexual partners.
Therefore, men need to seek sexual satisfaction outside the marital relationship.
But Vilar claims this is only an option for wealthy men, those who can financially support multiple women.
I’m not entirely convinced that money is the only determining factor. For example, a man who is especially physically gifted down there, might attract women purely based on that, without needing to provide financial support.
In such cases, his sexual appeal becomes a currency. (better than money IMHO)
This leads to a deeper issue in many relationships: once a couple transitions into parenthood, the emotional dynamic changes. The wife receives care and support from her husband, but the sexual energy often diminishes. This happens on both sides. Despite trying to maintain intimacy through mutual respect and care, many couples find that their sexual connection fades, something they may not fully understand, but can certainly feel, and never get back to that prior spark.
It’s not uncommon for women, after having children, to begin seeking sexual fulfillment elsewhere, just as some men do. This doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is broken; it could mean the couple hasn't fully acknowledged this dynamic shift.
From my perspective, a truly healthy relationship is one where both partners can openly recognize these needs and create space for them, without shame, secrecy, or dishonesty. This doesn't mean being a "cuckold" or disrespecting the primary bond, but rather creating agreements that allow for occasional experiences outside the relationship.
For example, in my own relationship, I would offer my partner the option of having one lover of her choice, with clearly defined boundaries, such as a limited frequency, like once or twice a year.
This is a very good point from Vilar, can actually explain why women cheat, expecially after marriage and kids, and why men become so frustrated.
It could also highlight more clearly the dynamic often seen in relationships between a borderline woman and a narcissistic-sociopathic man. In these relationships, the partner is rarely perceived as either truly "caring" or truly "sexual." As a result, the emotional rollercoaster causes the relationship to swing between these two roles. At times, it may settle into one, such as a more nurturing role during the birth of children, only to shift back into the sexual sphere later on.
We often hear women in these relationships complain about their "husbands" because they struggle to identify or gain control over them. This is largely due to the man’s sociopathic or even avoidant tendencies, which cause him to intermittently fulfill the woman's needs for both emotional care and sexual connection, never fully satisfying either.
ps:
The book is still full of contradictions, for example one could also read things like
also
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