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Women encourage other women to slut it up

Augustus_McCrae

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The current woman I'm seeing is 46. Her N count is under 10 ( I know, I know, could be understating the number).

She wasn't doing much dating after her last breakup and before she met me. During that time, One of her friends who she met about 3 years ago advised her that she needed to get her N count up. That it should be at least 25. Her rationale was that she needed to be more "experienced" so she would know what she liked and didn't like.

What's fvcked up is that if a woman doesn't sleep around that much, other women will pressure her and try to influence her to slut it up.

YOLO and "you go girl!" Are the messages that they are constantly hearing from other women. Like if they want to keep some degree of modesty and don't want to sleep around with every guy that comes along they aren't normal or desirable.

-Augustus-
 

speed dawg

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The current woman I'm seeing is 46. Her N count is under 10 ( I know, I know, could be understating the number).

She wasn't doing much dating after her last breakup and before she met me. During that time, One of her friends who she met about 3 years ago advised her that she needed to get her N count up. That it should be at least 25. Her rationale was that she needed to be more "experienced" so she would know what she liked and didn't like.

What's fvcked up is that if a woman doesn't sleep around that much, other women will pressure her and try to influence her to slut it up.

YOLO and "you go girl!" Are the messages that they are constantly hearing from other women. Like if they want to keep some degree of modesty and don't want to sleep around with every guy that comes along they aren't normal or desirable.

-Augustus-
They want to bring others down, just like other AFCs are like crabs in a bucket. It's pretty simple. In no way is that friend doing that in her friend's best interest.
 

Bible_Belt

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Women view friendship differently than men. To be a friend means to encourage her. There is no qualification of that encouragement. If my guy friend is about to do something stupid and tells me first, I'll say, "whoa there. You're fvcking up, man. You should reconsider." Men value that input from friends. With women, even if they disagree with a friend's actions, they are still going to encourage her anyway. Any woman who does not always offer unconditional support is going to be shunned as a friend.

Regarding lay counts, good luck finding a woman even in her early 20's with a count under ten.
 
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BetterCallSaul

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Agreed. Hell I've visited a number of different sites besides SS, some are red pill, some are focused on keeping LTRs together, some targeting just singles. Of all of those sites, you will inevitably have some guys posting about how they were cheated on. I continue to see stories of guys whose woman is cheating on them and her friends are actively encouraging her, telling her to live her dream or life how she wants, YOLO, you go girl, etc., even despite the fact that the guy she was with was a clearly superior mate in every way. Some of these stories ended up with the new fling dumping her sorry ass, then she comes crawling back literally sobbing continuously, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, etc., about how she made such a terrible mistake.....for those several weeks she was banging the guy.

But the point here is that other female friends will mostly (not all) encourage their friends to do whatever and this is amplified if the woman's girlfriends are single. Some simply despise the fact that their friend may actually be happy in a stable relationship, others espouse the misery loves company mindset meaning that they want her to get back into the singles market with them so they can go party together.

It's pretty bad and is one reason why my wife who does have a couple of close friends, I am mindful that they continue to be single and/or have badly failed LTRs. Both of them are about our same age. They are decent people but when my wife goes out with them, I keep her on a short leash of sorts by making sure she understands she is to be home at a certain hour. Those friends, when they get caught up drinking or whatever, will inevitably start acting like they are back at a college frat party again. I dont want to forbid my wife from seeing them, but I have made it clear to her that their influence over her when weighed against the ongoing challenges of our marriage and family means absolutely nothing to me. Whatever advice they give her or whatever suggestions they offer or things they do, their input is next to worthless. It is starting to get to the point frankly that the next time they suggest getting together when they're in town again, perhaps I should ask her to not see them in that manner and instead maybe suggest going to lunch.
 

Augustus_McCrae

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Bible_belt,

Agreed on the number count. I was spinning plates but none of them were the type of woman I would want to be in a relationship with. Most of them had been on the **** carousel for a while. The thing is this: they are totally oblivious to how their behavior and the way they act might be a turn off to a man who's looking for a feminine woman who hasn't been rode hard by 25+ dudes. You're also right about the way they encourage each other. The woman who acts as the voice of reason does actually run the risk of being shunned or excluded.

Bettercallsaul,

And if her friends get a whiff that you're guiding your wife to limit the Girls night out time or change it to lunch, you can bet Money that they will start talking shiz about you to her: "that's a little, um, controlling isn't it"? "Are you going to let him tell you what to do?" Etc.

-Augustus-
 

BetterCallSaul

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@Augustus_McCrae I also made it pretty clear to her after we discussed that very issue that if she starts taking the advice of her single friends in the manner you just posted about, it's going to reflect very negatively on me and our family. I reiterated to her she decided to get married and have a family with me and this family is the top priority, definitely NOT whatever BS party-it-up, you go girl crap gets fed to her when I'm not around. I reinforced very much in an in your face sort of style that I will not tolerate that level of disrespect from any woman, including her even if she is my wife, especially not after all the years of crap I've had to deal with through work and struggle to ensure our kids are well taken care of, and that our home is a solid foundation for all of us that is safe and wholesome for our family.

I also listed off why specifically I don't listen to any sort of relationship advice these friends may give her:

-One has never been in a LTR longer than 8 months that I'm aware of
-One has a failed marriage
-The same one with the failed marriage had a very toxic relationship with a guy of several years during this time both of them cheated on the other and she had at least one abortion that i know of. I do not know if the kid was his or not. Cheating on him also continued after the abortion
-Both continue to rely on their parents for some level of support, either monetary or living with them
-Both are around 35 years old
 

The Duke

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It always does my heart good when I read posts like all of those above. It tells me there are still some real men out there that understand. There are likely some younger guys reading this and it might be the only positive "guide" they have to learning about women.
 

mrgoodstuff

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This sounds good and you GET IT. What the heck positive can come out of your wife listening to those single friends? I believe the same as you.

Also marrieds who are committed should not really be "hanging" with singles. But singles can "hang" with marrieds. IE: the single comes to you guys BBQ's at your house, and do coupled up activities with you guys. But it's not for her to go out, drink and act single with them, because only bad can come of it.

It really is that simple.

I have a female friend thinks all men suck, you have to cheat on em, etc cause they will use you. And I noticed all the friends she listens to are female players and users. I told her if she wants a GOOD relationship, you need to listen to your friends with GOOD relationships and good marriages. Hanging around party girls makes you think that's the only way of the world.
 

BetterCallSaul

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It's always difficult as adults and even moreso as a married couple, to meet other couples going through the same trials in life. Children take up a lot of our time, work every day and we're tired at the end of the day, the weekends get filled up with stuff like grocery shopping or doing something with the kids...occasionally we can work in a date night once a month if we're lucky. Now try to throw in meeting other married couples in order to build a friendship. Yeah it's pretty hard. Right now the only real avenue we have for that is at our church and there are a number of other families that would certainly be beneficial for friendships, it's simply everyone agreeing to make time for one another because everyone gets so damn busy.

Edit: But the whole point is I agree with you both. If you are in an LTR or married, you and your spouse may need to strongly consider dropping any single friends who are still stuck in the partying/pickup mindset. Those people can strongly influence you and detract from building a successful relationship with one another.
 

Once Bitten

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Agreed. Hell I've visited a number of different sites besides SS, some are red pill, some are focused on keeping LTRs together, some targeting just singles. Of all of those sites, you will inevitably have some guys posting about how they were cheated on. I continue to see stories of guys whose woman is cheating on them and her friends are actively encouraging her, telling her to live her dream or life how she wants, YOLO, you go girl, etc., even despite the fact that the guy she was with was a clearly superior mate in every way. Some of these stories ended up with the new fling dumping her sorry ass, then she comes crawling back literally sobbing continuously, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, etc., about how she made such a terrible mistake.....for those several weeks she was banging the guy.

But the point here is that other female friends will mostly (not all) encourage their friends to do whatever and this is amplified if the woman's girlfriends are single. Some simply despise the fact that their friend may actually be happy in a stable relationship, others espouse the misery loves company mindset meaning that they want her to get back into the singles market with them so they can go party together.

It's pretty bad and is one reason why my wife who does have a couple of close friends, I am mindful that they continue to be single and/or have badly failed LTRs. Both of them are about our same age. They are decent people but when my wife goes out with them, I keep her on a short leash of sorts by making sure she understands she is to be home at a certain hour. Those friends, when they get caught up drinking or whatever, will inevitably start acting like they are back at a college frat party again. I dont want to forbid my wife from seeing them, but I have made it clear to her that their influence over her when weighed against the ongoing challenges of our marriage and family means absolutely nothing to me. Whatever advice they give her or whatever suggestions they offer or things they do, their input is next to worthless. It is starting to get to the point frankly that the next time they suggest getting together when they're in town again, perhaps I should ask her to not see them in that manner and instead maybe suggest going to lunch.
This post is all too familiar, as it happened to me. Other women can be dark souls, encouraging nasty behavior for their own/group amusement.
 

Once Bitten

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Agreed. Hell I've visited a number of different sites besides SS, some are red pill, some are focused on keeping LTRs together, some targeting just singles. Of all of those sites, you will inevitably have some guys posting about how they were cheated on. I continue to see stories of guys whose woman is cheating on them and her friends are actively encouraging her, telling her to live her dream or life how she wants, YOLO, you go girl, etc., even despite the fact that the guy she was with was a clearly superior mate in every way. Some of these stories ended up with the new fling dumping her sorry ass, then she comes crawling back literally sobbing continuously, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, etc., about how she made such a terrible mistake.....for those several weeks she was banging the guy.

But the point here is that other female friends will mostly (not all) encourage their friends to do whatever and this is amplified if the woman's girlfriends are single. Some simply despise the fact that their friend may actually be happy in a stable relationship, others espouse the misery loves company mindset meaning that they want her to get back into the singles market with them so they can go party together.

It's pretty bad and is one reason why my wife who does have a couple of close friends, I am mindful that they continue to be single and/or have badly failed LTRs. Both of them are about our same age. They are decent people but when my wife goes out with them, I keep her on a short leash of sorts by making sure she understands she is to be home at a certain hour. Those friends, when they get caught up drinking or whatever, will inevitably start acting like they are back at a college frat party again. I dont want to forbid my wife from seeing them, but I have made it clear to her that their influence over her when weighed against the ongoing challenges of our marriage and family means absolutely nothing to me. Whatever advice they give her or whatever suggestions they offer or things they do, their input is next to worthless. It is starting to get to the point frankly that the next time they suggest getting together when they're in town again, perhaps I should ask her to not see them in that manner and instead maybe suggest going to lunch.
I will give you some advice, that was used on me some 20 years ago, by my friend's "Alpha Female". She's on marriage #6, so she knows how to play the game, if you will...lol

Things always went her way. I was friends with her hub, and God forbid, I was single.
He invited me to go out for the evening with them a couple of times. Nice restaurant, drinks on the way. drinks there, drinks and smoke on the way home. 35 miles away.

She was always nitpicking me about this or that, and mainly because I was single. Her "Punchline", which is what I'm passing on to you to use on your situation, is this.
"We prefer to go out as "couples". Power play, fem style. See how that works? Do it. Please.
And I want to hear the results. In the meantime, explain to your wife that her single friends need to grow up and get themselves a man, that you prefer to go out as couples. When she asks why. just say "because".
We men need to game up like Alpha Females to win this sh!t. This has just occurred to me as I read your post. Good luck, stay chill and smoothly and quietly but firmly take charge. If it works for their best, it can be our best too.
 

BetterCallSaul

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That's good, I'll give that a try.

I suppose it doesn't hurt to post it now, mainly for feedback from the others here. I was tempted to make a separate thread about it but I kinda figured I already nipped this one and it doesn't matter now....but after reading some replies, is there anything else I could do to make it better if this ever comes up again?

So about a month ago the wife went out with the 2 single friends I mentioned. They were running a 5k, not so much for competition but just to participate. My wife did her first 5k last year and I told her how proud I was of her to achieve this goal, etc., etc. So, doing this 5k with the friends, I think this was her 3rd 5k to run. The 5k started at around 5:30PM. It was understood that I'd deal with the kids the rest of the evening, no problem. We do that stuff for each other. A 5k takes no more than maybe 1 hour to run even for the slow-pokes so in my mind I am anticipating that she'll be back by the time the kids are going to bed, I'm figuring around 8:30, 9 at the absolute latest.

I did not actually ask her what time she'd be home. We've been married over 10 years I guess I just figured she'd be home around our usual time. The only time we ever stay out later than that is if we're out for date night or we're all out as a family somewhere.

So, 9PM comes and goes, I tried calling her around that time, twice in fact. No answer. I get the kids to bed wondering what the hell is up cause there is no way they're still running. I figured they would go get dinner, but come on answer the damn phone when I call. She finally calls me back at around 10:30 to see what I wanted. By that time I'm pretty angry she isn't home so I cut the convo very short by simply asking where she was and when would she be home. She says she'll be home shortly.

So I'm pissed off because of how disrespectful she is being. I had kids asking where mommy is and I can't even give them an answer because I don't know. I figure I'm not going to worry about it anymore and go to bed, so I lock all the doors and the gate to the property in such a way she is unable to get in. No keys are gonna work, garage door openers unplugged, gate's barred, all windows locked and house is dark. So finally around 12:30 i hear banging on my bedroom window from one of her friends that she needs to get in cause she left her purse inside. I honestly didn't even realize that. So I get up and open the door for her to come in and get it and tell the wife to just wait outside right where she is. So this friend who is getting her purse is looking around like "wtf is going on?", after snagging her purse keeps looking to my wife wanting some kind of explanation of what's happening, wife has none to give cause she doesn't know either.

Wife was still in her jogging outfit from when she left but I noticed she had glitter on her, and I asked where that came from, it was from the other friend who typically likes doing that crap. Wife motions for friends to leave but they keep hanging around near the street I guess expecting some huge fight to erupt. I never fight in such a manner. I keep my voice low and controlled since it's a private conversation. Eventually they drive away. This is a key thing to remember later.

To make a long story short, I detailed all the crap I was pissed off about with her not answering when I called to staying out so late with these women. "Well I wasn't the one driving".....BULL****! That's a cop out excuse, you're an adult, you have means of calling to get a cab or Uber or whatever. I dont accept any answer which attempts to absolve yourself of all responsibility.

So after I air all that out I'm debating in my mind if I'm going to make her go somewhere else for the night. I already was forced into dealing with the kids who were worried which was NOT what I was expecting that night so why the hell not go ahead and just make a full day of it. They'll wake up in the morning, I'll get them breakfast, we'll relax a while and just enjoy a leisurely Sunday. Why not? I'm already dealing with it anyway. Ultimately I decided she's sleeping on the couch and I don't want to see her the rest of the night. I also very forcefully suggest to her that a lot of mess in parts of the house that only she deals with (for work, some sewing area stuff, etc....I'm never in that room) that she WILL get cleaned up by tomorrow evening and start putting her responsibilities in this house for her family at the top of her priority list versus whatever the hell she was doing with the 2 friends tonight.

Once all that was done, I went inside to turn on the garage door openers again and I could hear her talking. WTF? Is she calling them up to give them a play-by-play? So I go back outside the front door where we were earlier and she's coming around with her gym bag and I see the shadows of the 2 friends. Apparently after the drove off down the road, they both walked back up to our house in the shadows away from the street lights and waited up the path in my driveway. UN-F*CKING-BELIEVEABLE! Did they think I was going to beat her? Who knows, but one thing I know for certain, if they were about to get a new member to join their ranks of single partying females, they weren't going to fail to welcome her with open arms.

Wife got sh!t straightened out the next day like I told her. I'm trying to ensure that the long play is a good one though for our marriage. There is another short story I'll type up and maybe post later. I figure if I've already posted all this crap I may as well do the whole thing, but I've already taken over a lot of this thread unintentionally.
 

Augustus_McCrae

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Dude, I'm sure I don't need to tell you that her friends hanging around, then appearing to drive away, then coming back is a REALLY bad sign...

-Augustus-
 

Once Bitten

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God I hate that sh!t...I've been played in that way SO many times...and been told every time that I'm being jealous, unreasonable, bla bla. I've had tha cr@p beat out of me mentally over disrespectful sh!t like this. By both wives!
This is the kind of women's sh!t that makes me want to go live on a fvcking island, just me and a dog. At least dogs are respectful and faithful. I so understand what you've been through.
And I despise being ridiculed about it by women. Makes me want to shove them off a cliff into a pile of dung.
 

purple haze

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Dude, I'm sure I don't need to tell you that her friends hanging around, then appearing to drive away, then coming back is a REALLY bad sign...

-Augustus-
What does it mean that they did that? I'm a little dense, but I'd like to know.
 

Augustus_McCrae

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It's a bad sign because its possible the wife told them that he's controlling or they have told the wife that he's controlling. It's also possible that those women don't think she's safe. That's why they wanted him to think they left, then they came back on foot to make sure she was "ok".

The wife likes hanging out with these women. Just like he said, she could have called a cab, Uber, whatever. But she chose to stay out with them. And make no mistake, the 3 of them are talking about that situation. And they are potentially telling other women about it. They could be saying crap like: "he was acting so weird that we didn't know what he would do. So we made him think we left, then came back on foot to check on her to make sure she was safe." "All she did was go running with us and then we hung out later. Then he gets all pissed off like he owns her or something and he can tell her what she can and can't do. No man will treat me that way, we need to talk to her and tell her that he can't treat her that way". Blah blah blah...

Hopefully the wife is strong enough to value her marriage and to not let these women influence her too much.

However, I've seen cases where the friends convince the wife that the husband is "controlling" or that he's a Neanderthal, that she's not "safe" with a man that gets angry, raises his voice and tells her what he thinks she should do as a wife. They might even tell her she's being "emotionally abused".

-Augustus-
 

mrgoodstuff

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It's a bad sign because its possible the wife told them that he's controlling or they have told the wife that he's controlling. It's also possible that those women don't think she's safe. That's why they wanted him to think they left, then they came back on foot to make sure she was "ok".
He's "controlling" for being concerned if she makes it home safely and if it really makes sense to be "out" drinking late at night with some singles?

The wife likes hanging out with these women. Just like he said, she could have called a cab, Uber, whatever. But she chose to stay out with them. And make no mistake, the 3 of them are talking about that situation. And they are potentially telling other women about it. They could be saying crap like: "he was acting so weird that we didn't know what he would do. So we made him think we left, then came back on foot to check on her to make sure she was safe." "All she did was go running with us and then we hung out later. Then he gets all pissed off like he owns her or something and he can tell her what she can and can't do. No man will treat me that way, we need to talk to her and tell her that he can't treat her that way". Blah blah blah...
You know it. You almost can't say anything. "Honey have you ever considered hanging with MARRIED friends or don't your friends have men of their own, why don't you invite them over the house? I know too boring.

Hopefully the wife is strong enough to value her marriage and to not let these women influence her too much.
They almost never are. They view strength as siding with their friends outside the marriage and steamrolling the husband.

However, I've seen cases where the friends convince the wife that the husband is "controlling" or that he's a Neanderthal, that she's not "safe" with a man that gets angry, raises his voice and tells her what he thinks she should do as a wife. They might even tell her she's being "emotionally abused".
You know it, this is common. They will literally reprogram her into a "single" the husband gets to take care of, all while getting no help and even many cases not even any sex out of her.
 

BetterCallSaul

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I took offense to them sneaking back up to the house because, for all the years we have known each other, I took it as an insult that they think I'd mistreat my wife. My wife and I have been married longer than she's known one of the two...so does she think her opinion somehow carries more weight with my wife? Does the other friend? That was one of the factors I considered when i decided to just make her sleep on the couch was that if she went somewhere, those 2 will come along and fill her head with who knows what.

My wife and I have talked about this before that we as a couple should make more of an effort to spend more time with other married couples. I'm going to reopen that dialog again soon but with the added stipulation that her days of hanging out with these two late at night are over.
 

Bible_Belt

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I could never win this argument when I was in a LTR, the "it's me or them" stance versus her friends. Even if she pretends to comply, she will just hate you for it, and see them anyway, without telling you about it. I have seen more than one marriage end this way.

Going out drinking and being in a relationship come from opposite worlds. It would not be any different if the genders were reversed. The only couples I know who can reconcile those two things will go out together. Otherwise, the relationship is headed for trouble.
 
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